Friday, January 27, 2012

"Happy Birthday Bob"

Today is Bogus Bob's birthday. Coined by him.


My Aunt Mad saved him from drowning when he was 5 and I was 4. 

We had fun playing on a tree at Mundy's Lake.

We used to have fights as kids, but then we would make up and become best friends again. He was good at throwing rocks, while I used my brawn.


We used to have fights as teens, but then we would make up and become best friends again.

He joined the Navy.

He came home.

We had tumultuous card games. Poker, acey deucey and guts.

We drank at the card games. We used to have fights at the card game, but then we would make up and become best friends again.

He is now 61. I am 60. We don't fight any more. Maybe we grew up a bit. Or maybe we both quit drinking.

Happy Birthday, Bob, my childhood chum. Coined by him!



















Thursday, January 26, 2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

"Olive Garden Seeks to Boost Sagging Sales With Company Makeover"

Another restaurant having problems. I love the comments from the readers.

Olive Garden has a lock on the “affordable Italian food” market. Or does it? Despite its popularity and 750 restaurants across the country, the chain has lost much of its metaphorical spice in recent years.

A buzzy article from the Chicago Tribune goes into the details. There are several problems the chain is struggling to address. The chain has posted disappointing sales figures for five quarters in a row.


The readers respond:

1) cause i figured out i can make shrimp alfredo at home for 4 people for the same price as one plate at OG.


2) how about food that doesn't start off pre packaged in a walk in freezer? call me crazy, but i like fresh ingredients, not hamburger helper a la italia.

3) lower your prices

4) Nobody wants to eat frozen, microwaved food at restaurants anymore?

5) Stop serving soup from 5 gallon buckets and salty sauce from frozen bags!! Get some wine that is at least drinkable and stop charging $15 dollars for 50 cents worth of bland pasta that could be found better at the local mall! It's a start!

6) I once went to my local OG and had short ribs. It was so good that for my birthday I went back with my family and ordered the same dish. It was burnt and the chef came out and told me that is how it supposed to be. What he didn't know is that I graduated from one of the best chef schools in the country. I never went back and will never go back.

Yep!

P.S. I like this one but don't know how she got involved:

First Lady Michelle Obama praised Darden in September for the restaurant's planned changes to its children’s menu. Obama said, “I believe the changes that Darden will make could impact the health and well-being of an entire generation of young people.”  

"Buffets Restaurants seeks bankruptcy protection"

What goes around comes around, eh? Who would have thunk it? 

EAGEN, Del. (AP) Buffets Restaurants Holdings Inc. has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection for a second time and plans to shut 81 underperforming restaurants as it tries to cope with its debt.
The company, based in Eagan, Minn., operates 494 restaurants in 38 states under names such as Old Country Buffet, HomeTown Buffet, Ryan's and Tahoe Joe's Famous Steakhouse restaurant.

I remember Old Country putting the squeeze on my old employer, which will go unnamed. There is karma in this world. Ask Blockbuster who put all of the mom and pop places out of business. A friend lamented to me the other day that she missed going to Blockbuster. It was fun; it was an event; it was a ritual. You picked out your movies, and you could buy candy and popcorn and drinks, just like at the movies."Make it a Blockbuster Night!"

It makes sense to me now. I was at an Old Country Buffet last week. I got my iced tea and paid the tab and took my tray to the dining room. I stood and waited for the server to bring me my plates, normally 2 or 3 as is the usual custom.

No server came and finally I flagged one down. Can I get my plates?

She showed me where they were, a mountainous display in the middle of the dining room. "You haven't been here in a while, have you?" she asked.

"Nope."

We changed the setup 9 months ago. It was Corporate's idea!" Not sure if she smirked or rolled her eyes, but it makes sense now. When it's broke, they try to fix it. And because I can get unlimited plates myself without waiting on the server, I will now flock to the nearest OCB at every opportunity. Even go out of my way and make it a destination point.

Yep. Karma.




 






Tuesday, January 24, 2012

"Harold and Maude"


Harold and Maude was an example of the new wave cinema taking hold in the late 60's and zooming into the 70's. Haven't seen it in years. Strange tale. With a macabre ending. I was accustomed to films like "Kisses for My President" in glorious black and white growing up as a youngster. When movies such as "Mash"; "The Last Picture Show"; "Joe"; and "Easy Rider" hit the big screen, I knew I wasn't in Kansas any more.
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Monday, January 23, 2012

"Dear Ngudu"

Dear Ngudu, Hope your doing well since our last communique. Have you gotten a cell phone? Smart phones are big over here. I have a dumb phone. It harkens back to the medieval days, and, frankly, I'm afraid to pull mine out in public. Embarrassed. lol. That means laugh out loud. Remember that for later.


I see people texting and playing games and pulling up emails on their smartphones, and my phone is a relic soon to be displayed at the Smithsonian Institute. I don't really need a fancy phone. I just turned sixty so there's no need. Cheese and crackers! Seems like only yesterday I was a young lad of six like yourself. Doing fun things like young boys do.

Smoking cigarettes in the plum orchard with my boyhood chum, Bobby Craig. who was 10 and I was 9. What were we thinking? Our smoke of choice was Viceroy which we bought at Harold's Barbecue, a landmark in Atlanta. Not sure they sell barbecue in Tanzania, but one of my favorite dishes is brunswick stew. It's hard to find a good one these days-the best I ever had was from Old Hickory. But when they served me some brown cole slaw on one visit, I probably knew their days were numbered. And they were.

Sorry I got sidetracked, Nguda. Me and Bobby began our smoking careers pinching Chesterfield Kings from his dad. We were just beginners, so we gravitated from the non filters to the Viceroys, a filter cigarette.We were similar to our former President Bill Clinton; we smoked but did not inhale.

It wasn't until Bobby's sister, Charlene, who was sent on a reconnaissance mission to out us that our smoking dissipated just as our smoke rings did. Into thin air. I received a switching for my misdeeds, while Bobby was forced to smoke a pack of cigarettes in one short sitting. It was a few years before I smoked another. 

What do you do for fun, Ngudu? Perhaps an eventful day for you is scaling Kilimanjaro or riding zebras on the plains or tagging along on a safari.Or perhaps you and your friends have set traps or greased vines in order to catch Tarzan, King of the Apes. He's a wily fellow so approach him with extreme caution. And be wary of Cheetah, his chimpanzee sidekick.

Speaking of animals, Ngudu,  "Keep Newt in the row" is an old southern expression that I've heard for years. It must have been important to keep the mule in the row whilst farming. There is a famous Newt in our country  who is running for President. ( I mentioned him in my letter last week ). Some folks in our country probably don't want to keep this Newt in the row. In fact they want him to veer far into the ditch....and stay there.


Give Sister of Mercy a hug for me; keep Newt in the road; lay off the smoking; and have fun! I can almost see you galloping with gazelles.

Your foster dad, Cat. Umgawa!


 













Saturday, January 21, 2012

"Potpurri"

Seems the Jeopardy on-line testing has hit a dead end. No hits today from people wanting to know the answers.


Here's a few in case anyone's interested:


1)  It was Red Skelton who closed his weekly variety show with "And may God bless." I remember some students at Rowdy High, where I matriculated magna cum rowdy, pronounced his name Red Skeleton.


2) And it was Slim Whiman who yodeled himself to fame on TBS Channel 17 back in the day. Side note which was not on the test: Andy Mesersmith was one of two baseball's first free agents. His number: 17. And the contract was inked thanks to Ted "Montana Grill" Turner, long before his soiree with Jane.


P.S. Ravens over the Pats. And San Fran over da Giants.


Peace and love






Friday, January 20, 2012

"Dear Ngudu Returns"

Dear Ngudu, Your foster dad here. Or should I say ex foster dad, because I haven't sent my monthly installments to you in quite a long time. Hope your doing well. Sorry for the spelling of you're as your. Hope you understand. It's the text message phenomena that's taken over since my last correspondence. Yer is okay too, but I have an old fashioned cell phone, and it doesn't recognize slang words. Your Uncle Hoots is perhaps the only man in this country who doesn't own one.


When you get your own phone and begin texting you can save time by using anagrams. Maybe that's too big of a word for you, so I will give examples that will help. "OMG" is short for oh, my god. You use this when yer surprised by what the other person texts you. Like when my friend sent me one today and said Rick Perry had dropped out of the presidential race, I shot back with "OMG!" 

It's not polite or proper etiquette to use all capital letters, but I couldn't help it today when I received another text informing me that Newt Gingrich's ex wife is saying some horrible things about him. He wanted an open marriage.

"OMG!" ( notice the cap letters and exclamation point! ) was my reply.

Another good text abbreviation is TMI. When my mother, your foster grandmother, fills me in with her daily regimen: a teaspoon of  Miralax in her coffee in the morning; three prunes at bedtime, and a stool softener suppository where the sun don't shine in order to maintain regularity, my immediate response is TMI. ( Too Much Information! If I were a woman it is also trendy to utter EWWW!! as well.  


Well, the crap is hitting the fan, Ngudu. We're in a presidential election year over here in the U.S. It's a long way from Tanzania, I know, but surely you've read about it in the Tanzania Gazette or Journal. The Republican hopefuls are having debates in order to win primaries.They want to become the commander-in-chief. One in particular is a man that goes by the name of Herman Cain. He, however,  is now yesterday's news.  He was the CEO ( not a text anagram ) of Godfather's Pizza back in the day. Some female co-workers came out of the closet and accused Herman of hanky panky. Because your young we'll leave it at that. TMI!


Hopefully you will visit me one day on the Pond, Ngudu. Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you. If we meet up in San Francisco, I will not be able to purchase a McDonald's Happy Meal for you. Entree, fries, drink and a TOY! From Vietnam. Or China. Your neck of the woods. Even if you substitute the fries with sliced apples and replace the coke with fruit juice, it is against the law for the Happy Place to sell a Happy Meal to you.I would hate to see the two of us handcuffed and carted off to jail, just because you want to savor Americana in its finest form.The law makers decided that the Happy Meal made kids obese ( a polite way of saying  your fat ), and that it reeked of cholesterol.

In a similar vein, OMG! a woman today in Georgia ( not the Russian one your familiar with ) was arrested  for allowing her 10 year old son to get a tattoo. The tats parlor is in trouble too. No one under 18 can get a tattoo even with their parents' consent


Well, Ngudu. I've bounced from subject to subject. Hope I didn't bore you. Here's hoping you have a phone-or will get one soon-so we can text each other. It's hard work composing these letters, and a text is quite easier. OMG or TMI and voila there's an instant communique.

Give Sister of Mercy a big hug, your foster dad Cat. 











Thursday, January 19, 2012

"Jeopardy On-Line Test"

I have gotten many hits from folks wanting to know the answers to the online Jeopardy test that yours truly took Tuesday night.


Because I like the hits-more guests-I have decided to give out more answers.

1) Sky King's daughter's name was Penny.

2) It was Strother Martin  who was the murderer in last night's Perry Mason. He did not say: "what we have here is a failure to communicate." He simply fessed up when Perry applied the screws.


3) It wasn't Col. Mustard in the observatory, but Raven Shams, my sister from the city by the bay.


4) Andy Williams, not Andy Rooney, was a huckleberry friend.


5) Peter Pan is Larry Hagman's mother.


6) "Fury" starred Fury and Peter Graves and Bobby Diamond as the horse. Make that Fury was the horse. Bobby Diamond played his caregiver. Pete was the crusty old timer.


7) "I'm a coming, Wild Bill" was uttered by Andy Devine in the opening credits to "Wild Bill Hickock," tv series from the 50's.

8) It was Richard "Jaws" Kiel who played the alien from another planet in the infamous "To Serve Man" Twilight Zone episode. Bonus: To serve man was a cookbook, and to think the silly earthlings thought the aliens came in peace.


9) "Gawldangit Pepino" was uttered by Grandpappy Amos ( Walter Brennan ) in the "Real McCoys to Pepino, the hispanic handyman. A forerunner to the Bev Hillbillies. And now you know where the term "vast wasteland" originated. ( cue canned laughter )


10) And it was Irene Ryan as Granny who said "Winstons taste good like a cigarette had oughta," while she was hawking the tobacco product via the prime time airways.


11) And it was v.c. who penned this episode into the infantile. Please tune in for more Jeopardy questions and answers tomorrow and the next day....

P.S. The real questions and answers were discussed in another post a couple of days ago. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIufLRpJYnI





"Signs the Apocalypse is Near"







Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"Gingivitis-Eww!"

I posted this in 2006. Encore presentation, eh? I was looking for a cornbread recipe for my sis, and it pulled this one out. Pun not intended.

I was attempting to respond to a Doc Searls foray in which the poor man as a child had to endure dentistry sans novacaine. OUCH! No wonder we're all loonier than loons.
Here is my comment:


I've already written this once but didn't save it-too much porn viewing, I guess, but here goes again.

Dr. Hardnut used to drill on my teeth, circa 1960. Each cavity cost $5.00 each as in "five" golden rings.

My Aunt Mad was deathly afraid of dentists. Perhaps she had close encounters of the third kind allah Doc Searls.

Her teeth were ravaged by gingivitis- each one loose and in the last stages of decay.
However, it never stopped her from indulging in chicken and dumplings-her favorite meal-or cornbread submerged in buttermilk.

Today a cavity costs $600.00 which doesn't include the cleaning and repartee from the tooth cleaner. Talk about inflation, eh?

My new dentist sings along to the Muzac while he's examining every nook and cranny in the recesses of yer mouth. I call him the singing dentist. And he knows the words to every pop recording ever made.

Moral of the story: Floss and brush your teeth every day. Have regular cleanings ( 6 months recommended ) and if you are tempted to go go "back to the future" have all your dental work up to date ( pun intention? ) before proceeding.



Tuesday, January 17, 2012

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"Jeopardy On-Line test"

I took the test tonight, so I can become the next Ken Jennings. Who won a couple of million dollars and became somewhat of a household name.

There were 50 questions. And you had 15 seconds for each answer.

They were tough.


I did know some. Yes, I did.


I knew Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and Jimmy Page were Led Zepplin, who reunited in 2007.

I knew Pearl Harbor Day is celebrated on December 7th.

I knew Jimmy Stewart played a wheelchair-bound photographer in Hitchcock's "Rear Window."


But my Shakespere is lousy. I don't even know how to spell his name. Shakespeare. There! Thank you spellcheck.


I didn't know the capital of Turkey. Gibletssansibar  is probably incorrect.


And my knowledge of current tv shows is null and void. Ask me about "Father Knows Best;" "Gilligan's Island;" or "Sky King," and I'd be good to go. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Or "Fury" with Bobby Diamond.

I just want to say it one time. "Let's make it a true daily double, Alex!"


























Friday, January 13, 2012

"Friday the 13th"

Today is Friday the 13th. I didn't know it was coming this month, but Comcast did. They have the Jason Voorhees series 1-8 on their free movies. I have watched III, IV, V, and VI.


Betsy Palmer played Mrs. Voorhees in I and II. And Kevin Bacon starred in numero uno. I knew of Betsy from "To Tell the Truth." Is it bigger than a breadbox, the, uh, thing you do?









Restaurant owner getting international attention after blasting woman after bad Yelp review

An Atlanta restaurant has become internationally famous for the owner's bad taste when a customer wrote a bad review.

The owner of the barbecue restaurant near Turner Field lashed out with an online response that's bitten back a thousand times.


A little more than a mile away from her house, Stephanie Stuck took her husband to Boners Barbecue.


"Because it's a local business and it's in our neighborhood," Stuck said.


She wasn't thrilled with the place and wrote a review on Yelp!


The owner of Boners lifted her picture and attached it to his response.


"And he went off on me," Stuck said.


"The owner posted a response on social media to other restaurant owners saying "If you see this woman in your restaurant, tell her to go outside and (expletive) herself. Yelp that, (expletive)."


Bloggers and tweeters picked it up and it went viral. Stuck showed Channel 2's Jeff Dore the tweets about it from around the world.


http://bcove.me/396nqxsa


"It's just keeps going and going and it keeps going further than that, just about this," Stuck said showing Dore all the responses she's been getting since posting her review.

It's been on Huffington Post and online lists about the worst use of social media.


"I feel bad for the guy honestly. It's a small business and he's trying really
hard. It's his passion," Stuck said.

Just before news time a spokesman for the owner called us, quoting him as saying he used
bad judgment and if he could take it back he would. He also apologized on Facebook, but Stuck would have to friend him to see it and so far, she has not.

"Facebook, the Social Network"

My old buddy, Hoots, is alive and well and posting on Facebook. He is a big Twitter kind of guy as well.  He posted a video on FB today about a man-just like you and me-and the annoyances he faces in a typical day.

From the kid on a skateboard he almost runs over while backing out of his driveway to waiting in line at a coffee shop and experiencing less than adequate customer service. Just a tip of the iceberg.

Suddenly from out of nowhere, a strange galoot of a man gives him a different set of glasses to peer through. He then realizes that the people annoying him are having their own inner struggles.

One needs a hug; one is co-dependent; one is shy; one fears rejection-well, you get the drift.

Of course, I responded and told Hoots that I needed a hug after viewing, and that I needed a dry handkerchief.

Typical Hoots and typical me. Another of his "I report; you decide."

I like Facebook. And I like how you can reach people you haven't seen in years. And I like playing the games. But FB is mainly for females. 

Examples from women posting there:


1) For dinner we are having country fried steak with cream gravy, blackeye peas, collards, and biscuits. What are you having?


2) My heart is touched today, because the hills are alive with the sound of music. I can almost hear the bells ringing in the dell.

3) It is so hot today. I hate hot weather. I hate cold weather too. I hate all kinds of weather. My favorite weather is 70 degrees. I hate shoveling snow. Brrr. It's so cold. What I wouldn't give to live in Florida. But they have bugs and alligators and crocodiles and hurricanes....

4) I just settled down with a good book and a cup of peppermint aloe tea. I wish my friends could be here to talk. We could squirt perfume on each other. What fun!!

5) Who hasn't flossed their teeth today.? Be sure and eat your fruits and vegetables.


6) Today is over the hump day. I wish it was Friday. Cos Saturday I'm going shopping with the girls. We're gonna squirt perfume, try on dresses, and buy designer handbags. We are giggly with excitement.

7) I'm tired! I worked hard  all day. If Siegfried thinks I'm cooking tonight, he's crazy. It's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches time.Perhaps a drizzle of perfume on my wrist will make me feel better. And a warm bubble bath with a glass of wine.


8) I love me a bubble bath. When the bubbles escape from the water  they remind me of  life. Each bubble has its own shape and trajectory. A different path if you will.

9) I think when the moon is in the Seventh House. And Jupiter aligns with Mars.Then peace will guide the planets. And love will steer the stars. My sign is Aquarius. Aquarians love a good herbal tea and perfume. Woo hoo!

10) I saw a deer in my backyard. The squirrels and chipmunks greeted him. His name is Bambi. That's what I call him anyway. I wanted to invite him in to drink some Kasbah tea, but I couldn't. Deer don't drink herbal tea! XXOO


Facebook for women? I report; you decide!




























Tuesday, January 10, 2012

"Texas Pop Festival"

Look at the bands that played 1969-08-31 - Lewisville, Texas. Makes Woodstock look like a Franki Valli concert.

Led Zep; Chicago; Ten Years After; BB King; Janis Joplin; Santana; et al. Well, maybe it was Woodstock II. A few days after the historic concert at Yasgur's farm.

Another version of "South California Purples" to follow-my favorite CTA tune. I am you are he as you are me and we are all together. Goo goo ga joob.





P.S. Were you there Rock?


P.S.S. I saw an old Perry Mason the other night-my favorite tv show of All Time-took place in Midland, Texas. Oil country, eh?



"Texas International Pop Festival"

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"Go Tebow"

Tonight's game was a dud. Big yawn. I do know the folks in N'awlins and Baton Rouge ain't too happy. My old associate manager, one cajunballsauvin, is probably having a sleepless night, because LSBooHoo lost the game. I have not talked to him in over a year, but he is crying in his yuengling tonight.

Not sure where they dined before the game, or if perhaps it was the long layoff, but the Tigers were flat. But then maybe the Tide had something to do with it. 


I did like the Bear back in the day. But I do not like Lou Saban. He got his pantiesinnawad late in the game-with victory assured-when Alabama jumped offsides ( their first penalty ).

He began berating his players for the miscue. He was a few minutes away from winning the mythical National Championship, and he was still a hard ass. 


I liked how Brent Musberger backtracked when he said that Saban may make the Tide fans forget the Bear. No chance!

The game was ho-hum. Why is the game played so late in January? Television and money, eh? Give me Tim Tebow winning in overtime any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The NFL is more exciting and unpredictable. Except for the refs factor.


They screwed the Lions Saturday night. On a Drew Brees fumble, which should have given the Lions a 21-7 lead, and the generous first down awarded???? them early in the third quarter while backed up in their own territory If that was a  first down then my name is Jerry Clower or Huey Long or Billy Cannon or Billy Joke Tolliver.

Anyway, I can't wait for this weekend's games. And it's been a long time since I couldn't get excited about the bowl games.LSBoohoo!

P.S. Go Tebow!












Sunday, January 08, 2012

'The Artist' Director Michel Hazanavicius's Five Favorite Hollywood Films

....So, we asked the director what were his five favorite English-language films. He politely and enthusiastically complied -- but told Yahoo! that if asked again, don't be surprised if he also included "The Godfather," "The Big Lebowski," "Citizen Kane," "The Third Man" or "Raging Bull." in the below but wanted to mention them anyway.

His five are:

1) "The Apartment" ( Great b/w movie from Billy Wilder. Co starred Fred MacMurray  as a heel ).


2) "The Night of the Hunter" What a performance from Robert Mitchum. Scared the beejeesus out of me when I was just a kid ).

3) "North by Northwest"  ( One of Hitchcock's best ).


4) "To Be or Not to Be" ( Have never seen this one and me a supposed film buff ).

5) "Rio Bravo" ( Somewhat of a surprise, eh?, but the Duke was in a class by himself ).






"Hello Houston"

Country music was never my bag, but I loved the "Urban Cowboy" soundtrack. Great songs. And a great movie. "Do you two-step?"






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Friday, January 06, 2012

Thursday, January 05, 2012

"Good Whiskey Never Lets You Lose Your Place" or The Restaurant Biz: One Flew Over the Looney Bin"

I ran across this one by accident. An old post of mine.


A few years ago I had a quick stay in the looney bin. Took some vacation time so no one would know. Briggs, my boss, called my first day back. He was on my ass for something already, and I hadn’t been in the door 5 minutes.


He did ask about my vacation.


I told him the fishing was great and that I had resumed surfing, a passion of mine back in the day. “Gotta make that one last ride,” I told him.


Briggs said goodbye and I tried to concentrate on my work. But my mind kept drifting back to my stay in the looney bin. Modern technology is great. The guys in my group ( bin ) were nice. Most were ex restaurant mgrs., some fast food and some from the corral. One group member was an Indian, who went by the name of Cherokee Fiddle. In our focus group, he kept singing “good whiskey never lets you lose your place.”


I made a mental note to remember that sage advice on my exit from the bin. If it worked so well, why was he in here?


Anyway, I needed to get moving and take care of business. It was the day after payday. And it’s always rowdy after getting paid. Never know who's gonna show up. Sometimes the team members call, sometimes they don’t. Too bad we don’t close the next day after getting paid. We could get a professional sign made, put ads in the paper and on t.v.


“Due to the lack of participation of our team members after payday, [ our store ] will be closed every Friday.” The guests would miss seafood schizophrenia. And v.c. basa or catfish, depending on your proximity to Louisiana.


Team member Billy did call to say he couldn’t work because the ants in his ant farm had expired. He was seeking grief counseling. He would call back when the psychiatrist released him. I suggested he call Dr. Myeyes. And even gave him the number. And the # to the bin.


Team member Suzy called and said her play 6th cousin was having an unscheduled emergency operation today and couldn’t work. Some kind of ectomy. The play cousin meant a lot to her and Suzy wanted to be there. I gave her Dr. Myeyes # in case there was any grief relief needed. I could relate, having had my own erectomy problems lately. Thank god for the free 6 pack Myeyes gave me.


I don’t know why I continue to recommend Dr. Myeyes. His advice to me on RKN [ Rowdy Kids Nite ] was useless. And his fee is exorbitant.


Things got worse. The fry cook showed up in a foul mood. Myeyes had suggested AA for his predicament. But he stopped at step 2. He plans on returning to the program if he wins the lottery. He keeps getting behind on the fried chicken. I was tempted to retreat to the car where I keep my 44. I had read that somewhere. Maybe it would work.


Then Briggs called again and said I had made the list. While driving to work I had seen a bumper sticker which read, “My son made the principal’s list at Rowdy High.” Another case of the force known as synchronicity. Being on any list would be a good thing.


“Thanks, Briggs,” I said confidently. Earlier he was chewing my ass for some obscure transgression. Now I had made the list.


“You're #1 on my shit list, Charlie.” he said.


“I’m sorry, Briggs. What didn’t I do? Cucumbers cut the wrong size? Mysterious shopper score too low? White pepper not from McCormick? Potatoes from Colorado? Too many unread e- mails?”


“No, Charlie. You’re on the list because I just don’t like you.”


As Briggs was berating away and making me feel bad, I remembered Cherokee’s advice, having brought a bottle from home for this type of emergency. While Briggs was still ranting, I began pouring the first of many shots, chug-a-lugging them as the bottle slowly emptied. The door was closed ( new directive ) and no one could see me.


As Briggs was going on and on and on, I heard a knock at the door. It was Cherokee. He had just left the looney bin. He said leaving Nurse Ratchet was hard but it was time to move on. I returned to the phone and told Briggs that I would work on my shortcomings. ( it was probably the whiskey talking )


It was good to see Cherokee. I felt bad that my bottle was a shot away ( apologies to the Stones,' "Gimme Shelter" ) but old Cherokee had come prepared. He displayed a fifth of whiskey from out of nowhere.


"Good whiskey never lets you lose your place," he said.


End of Part One.


Farewell and adieu, v.c.




"Wal Mart"

Not sure how accurate these figures are. But here they are. I received the e mail from my Uncle. The rest of the e mail suggests Wal Mart run the country, so we can get out of this malaise. Hmmm! Not sure about that one.

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March
17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco +
K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's largest private
employer, and most speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep
in mind they did this in only fifteen years.

8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought

bankruptcy.

9.. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super
Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at
Wal-Mart stores. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

"My Daddy Was a Pistol; And I'm a Son-of-a-Gun"

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One of my favorite books. I connected with it on many levels, as they say these days.

Lewis was born in 1945 and grew up in Moreland, Ga., which is just 20 or so miles from here. Rural small town Georgia. I grew up in the heart of Atlanta, but the stories he recounts are similar to mine. 

Lewis' dad was an alcoholic and could never "get himself straightened out." My dad was no alcoholic to my knowledge, and left the North Forty when I was young, similar to Lewis' dad. Lewis' dad was a Captain in the army and was a prisoner of war in Korea. He also served in World War II. My dad was in charge of the spuds on a ship of some sort during WWII. Not sure if he graduated above Seaman. Or saw combat.

His parents divorced. Mine divorced. Both remarried. We both resented our stepdads. Lewis' father died at an early age. ( 56 ) My dad lived to be just shy of 80.

I love this book. I appreciate the humor. The wonderful stories of growing up.

Like the first time Lewis "lit up" in front of his dad: "Dad, I smoke." The two of them were en route to the hospital to see Lewis' wife, who was suffering with gastritis. 

"Well, son, if you're old enough to be married, I guess you're old enough to smoke."

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

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"Vanilla Fudge" and "Sheeyet Far!"

My Picasa, which allows me to post pix, is going awry. My  posting mechanism is screwed up too. I just finished writing something for the blog, and it disappeared. Without saving.it.

"Sheeyet Far." Credited to a female character in Lewis Grizzards' "My Daddy was a Pistol, and I'm a Son-of-a-Gun." One of my favorite books but that's another story.

My story that disappeared into the nether regions of space dealt with the Vanilla Fudge, who I saw in concert in the late 60's. ( Guess it should read "whom I saw" but that's a bit prissy, eh? )

Bands in those days had names like the "Strawberry Alarm Clock";  "Canned Heat"; and the "Electric Prunes." 

What a shock to my parents' generation who grew up listening to Sinatra, Lombardo and Bing Crosby. The World War II Generation had songs with intelligible words and love ballads with romantic themes. "How Much is that Doggie in the Window" and "Que Sera Sera" were replaced with "Goddamn the Pusher Man"; "I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night"; and "Eight Miles High."


The Fudge looked like young preppie adults on their first album cover, but by the time I saw them, they had progressed to hippie status full-blown.

"Love and Marriage" had been replaced with "Hey, Joe where you going with that gun in your hand!"





Orca attacks shark in surf zone as beachgoers watch in awe

Orcas, more than sharks, are atop the marine food chain, and that became strikingly apparent this week at Blue Cliffs Beach off New Zealand, where at least one orca mounted a prolonged assaulted on sharks in the surf zone, as witnesses watched in amazement (see video).

Sunday, January 01, 2012

"New Years Resolutions"

It's that time of the year again. New Years Resolutions. It needs no introduction, because we, as denizens of this world, have all made 'em. We have had successes, and, alas, we have had our failures. So without further adieu, here are some I've overheard and some I know of firsthand.


1) Ruby, my mom, wants to continue having good b.m.'s. Bowel movements for the uninformed. Did George Carlin ever weigh in on that universal saying: "take a crap." Take a crap where? Where do you want me to take my crap? Etc.


2) Buddy A little impish dog I know who has vowed not to dig holes in the backyard. And under the fence, so he can make his getaway. It's his  rebellious but adventurous side, but he has come to realize that dangers lurk afoot. Automobiles, golf carts, and wild animals.


3) Cat ( yours truly ), pledges to write more forays into the infantile. Exercise more. And lose weight. Since my trip to San Fran, this writer from Ga. has lost 15-20 lbs. Depending on which way the wind blows and other variables.


Because my publishing deadline is at hand-I'm curious to see if the Tebow train is getting ready for derailment-this foray into the infantile is kaput, fini'.


Happy New Year!!!