"Customer Service"

 

The following rant was dredged up by yours truly while surfing the web. The author writes about the usual cliches. Advertising to get 'em in; never coming back; shouting from the highest trees, etc. Here's the link to Mr. Cliche's guide to customer service.
Where he rambles on and on and on:


Remember me? I'm the person who goes into a restaurant, sits down patiently and waits while the servers do everything but take my order. I'm the person who goes into a department store and stands quietly while the salespeople finish their little chitchat.

I'm the person who goes into a reception area on time for a business appointment and stands by the desk while the receptionist finishes her personal phone call.

You might say I'm a patient person. But do you know who else I am?
I'm the person who never comes back!

It amuses me to see you spending money on advertising to try to get me to visit your establishment again, especially when I was there in the first place and all you had to do was show me a little courtesy.

Over the years, I've written, I've spoken and I've even shouted hundreds of times from the tallest tree about customer service. Plenty of others have done the same. So why does it continue to be such an issue?

Why is there poor customer service? Imho:

1) The poor people who work in restaurants don't make enough dough!

2) Food service team members are more interested in getting laid; talking and text messaging on their cell phones; and fantasizing about their next hairdo.

3) Most managers they work under are dickheads.

4) Most customers are dickheads.

5) Burger King spoiled everybody with "Have it your way!" editor's note: Having worked at a Burger King recently where the situation was utter chaos-no staff to speak of and very busy-and some dickhead wants a whopper without a pickle. Gimme a break!

6) The service people have to listen to:

a) "Your prices are too high." "I can buy a six pack for the cost of one beer here." Well, nobody's stopping you. You're paying for the ambiance, the convenience, the service, the overhead, the taxes, the toilet paper-need I go on.

b) "I had to wait too long." If you hadn't ordered your Big Mac without a tiny dollop of mustard, we could have had your merry ass down the road by now.

c ) "What are the ingredients in your lobster bisque? I'm allergic to clams. Any in the bisque?" So it takes you 10 minutes to read the ingredients on the package, starting with all the preservatives and seasonings to find that the only denizen of the sea in the product is lobster.

d) "If [ disgruntled employee ] he/she doesn't want to be here, then he/sheit should go home." I'm wondering if they learned this concept in one of their many business classes. Brilliance!

7) The company they work for treats 'em like shit and will fire 'em in a heartbeat. Especially if they are old and make too much money.

8) The company they work for does not reward excellence. If you are a dickhead of an employee or if you're an excellent employee, and you both have the same job title, then you will make the same amount of pay.

9) The company gives you a raise every year. And it's piddling to say the least. What's 2% of $7.00 an hour. "You mean I'll be receiving a whopper, er, whopping additional $.14 an hour. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santy Claus!"

10) And the main reason food service employees don't give good customer service is: they're just plain forkin' tired. Kaput! Fini'!

The food biz, v.c.

P.S. Led Zeppelin summed it all up in a song they wrote back in the day. >Click here for the tune!

P.S.S. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. All we ask is that you let us have it your way!"