"Whiskers" Screenplay

The following exercise in infantility ( not sure if this is a "real word" but who cares since it's not being graded by any of my teachers at Rowdy High ) was written many moons ago. ( aplogies to the American Indians ) I know it was chronicled in one of my recent posts that "apologies" would r.i.p. So call me Mr. Flip-Flop. It is deserved. But this inhabitant of the pond is tired and not engaged to write tonite. And it has been a few days since we hit the old submit button, so, once again, it's publish or perish time.

From the archives. Submitted for your approval and perusal:

"Whiskers" written in the summer of 2001. A few moons before 9-11.


Scene 1: Young adults sitting around a campfire. On a sandy beach. Waves cascading in the background. Drinking beers. Having fun. One young male eyes a young female. She eyes him back. He wants to get naked. She gets naked. He tries to get naked. She wants to go skinny dipping. He wants to do something else. Girl swims out into the water. He's still trying to get naked. Girl is suddenly attacked by something in the water. Young man is looking for his beer and trying to get his pants off.

Scene 2: Sheriff Labroddie awakens at his house on the island. Only an island if you look at it from the sea. Kisses his wife. Scolds the kids. Gets a phone call. From the young male from scene 1. Young male wants to report that Prissy may have drowned. That was her name-he thinks?But he was drunk. Labroddie discounts the story. Makes obligatory sweep. Finds girl washed up on the beach. Looks like she's been attacked by something.

Scene 3: Labroddie wants to close the beaches. Coroner, Mr. Quincy, tells him that a shark attack is the reason for the girl's death. Paints signs. "No Swimming." To be posted all over the island.

Scene 4: Mr. Springer, the mayor, finds out that Labroddie wants to close the beaches. Finds Labroddie on the ferry. With his signs and paint cans.

Springer: "You gonna close the beaches, Rotino? ( Labroddie's first name ) On whose authority?"

Rotino: "On my authority." He didn't know he had to check with anyone. Rotino says there's a big fish in the waters. And boy scouts are doing their mile swim. He's worried. Springer tells him the coroner made a mistake. Wasn't a shark but a boat's propellers. "They've never had that kind of trouble in these waters." Springer tells Rotino the 4th of July is looming. Might be a panic. Labroddie acquiesces.

Scene 5: Every denizen from Damnity Island is at the beach. Swimming and having fun. Kids are splashing in the water. A young man is throwing a stick into the water. His dog is retrieving. Labroddie is pensive as he sits on the beach. He worries about deferring to Mayor Springer. A lttle kid named Jason runs up to his mother, Mrs. Voorhees, who's sunning herself on the beach. He wants to go back in the water. She looks at his prunish hands, but lets him go back in. He jumps on a raft. Splashes about. Having fun. Young man with dog hollers out: "Toto, Toto."Toto has disappeared. ( Show stick floating on the water) Jason disappears, too. Mrs. Voorhees looks around for Jason. Big fish is eating him.

Scene 6) Damnity calls a meeting. Everyone wants to know if they are going to close the beaches. Talking at once. Chaos. Suddenly a terrible sound emanates from the back of the room. A finger on a chalkboard. The finger belongs to an old salty dog and shark fighter, Mr Quick:

"You all know how I make a living. I'll find this bad fish. Shake it and bake it. Get your businesses back on a paying basis, so you won't have to go on welfare this winter."

Quint values his life more than $3000. Mrs. Voorhees reward. Gonna take more. He wants a quart of watermelon jelly every day plus $20,000. Plus expenses. Springer takes plan under advisement.

Scene 7: Labroddie calls in help. Matt Scooper from the Oceanagraphic Institute. Damnity's fishermen throw chum in the water. Throw firecrackers. Everybody wants the reward from Mrs. V. Somebody catches a huge tiger shark. Everybody's happy. Mrs. V shows up in black and slashes Labroddie with a knife. He's o.k. But she delivers a poignant soliloquy. Tells Labroddie that the girl [ Prissy ] from scene 1 had been killed by the big fish and he didn't do anything about it. Labroddie's depressed. Springer tries to cheer him up. Quick drives by in his boat. The "HOKI." Scooper measures bite radius.

Scene 8) Scooper dines with Labroddie and wife. Brings wine. Wants to let it breathe.

End of part 1. Parts 2 and 3 to follow?

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. The above foray is patterned ( stolen is more like it ) after Peter Benchley's novel.

P.S.S. Duh! Really?