Paws On Damnity Island ( The Movie )

OVER BLACK
1) Sounds of the innerspaces rushing forward.

Then a splinter of blue light in the center of the picture. It breaks wide, showing the top and bottom a silhouetted curtain of razor sharp teeth suggesting that we are inside of a tremendous gullet, looking out at the onrushing sounds of a restaurant. You can hear a symphony of underwater sounds: landslide, metabolic sounds, the rare and secret noises that certain predator species share with each other.

CUT TO 2) Interior Cafeteria - NIGHT The old girl had seen better days. The lights are dimmed-there is nothing stirring not even a ....

EXT. DAMNITY MAINSTREET - NIGHT

3) The quaint little resort town is quiet in the middle of the night. A ground fog rounds a corner and begins spreading toward us. It fills over sidewalks and streets like some Biblical plague. The fog that has reached Damnity proper is seen only as a low-hanging cloud.

4 Martin Grodie at forty-two, stands rigid, lifting himself from the sink counter-top with both hands. Satisfied, he turns toward the mirror, squinting in the light, measuring himself up and down. Advancing waistline, receding hairline. Gray around the ears. Martin Grodie makes another silent promise to get his act together -- tomorrow. He is the the General Manager of a cafeteria.

These are just the first few scenes from " Paws on Damnity Island." Due to copyright laws, we are unable to reprint the entire text, but here is some of the dialogue from the movie and some vintage scenes:

Mayor Jerry Springer-Vaughn: Martin, I don't think you understand people's gut-reaction to something like this. You say someone found a roach or hair in their food and they'll say "Huh? What?" But you say "varmit" and you've got a panic on your hands on Thanksgiving Day.

And:

Martin Grodie: Hey, Squint, ( old Salty Dog and Regional Manager) let Scooper ( called in to help-he's an expert from the Varmit Institute in the big city ) take a turn dipping some of this shit. ( turnip greens )

Squint: Scooper drives the truck back to the supplier, Chief. ( Martin Grodie )

And then when they see the varmit for the first time:

Scooper: One Footer!

Squint: Two!

And:

Grodie: We need a bigger bowl!!

And the ominous ad in the Damnity Gazette ( newspaper ):

"ALL OR A FRACTION OF $3000 BOUNTY TO THE MAN OR MEN WHO CATCH AND SLAUGHTER THE VARMIT THAT SAVAGED THE TURNIP GREENS IN THE TOWN OF DAMNITY."

And:

Mrs. Kintner is draped in black mourning, and never utters a sound. She lifts her veil, walks two paces forward and spits down at the pot of turnip greens, takes two paces back and replaces the veil, recovering her poise:

( To G.M. Grodie ) You knew those greens weren't safe. And yet you let them stay on the serving line. And now my boy's dread-ing the day he ate them. My boy's dreading the day he ever ate them!

Mayor Jerry Springer-Vaughn: She's wrong, Grodie!

Grodie: No, she isn't.

And when Scooper sees a big hole in the wall of the storeroom:

Scooper warily turns a full circle with his flashlight. At first we see nothing out of place about the hole except that it is huge . But as Scooper travels the bottom looking for damage, he comes across another jagged hole two-thirds of the way forward. The hole is about the size of a basketball, and the wood around it has been bashed and splintered. Scooper explores the hole with his hands, then takes the knife from its sheath and begins to dig at something. Whatever it is comes free in his hand. As he studies his find, his light wanders upward, pointing directly into the dark hole. Scooper looks up....

Ben Gardner's dead face stares out through the hole, eyes and mouth gaping in frozen horror, his skin pinched like a prune.

And:

Beyond them a few feet away, stand Grodie and Scooper, watching Mayor Springer-Vaughn pacing back and forth, sucking on a Havana. He has a newspaper in his right hand. Scooper is sketching on a sketch pad.

Springer-Vaughn: It says here IT IS CAUGHT! Period!

Grodie holds out the two-inch tooth.

Grodie: Mr. Scooper figured its size from this -- it's over a pound. It's also over ---

Springer- Vaughn Put that rotten thing -- (he pushes it away, it slices) Yee-ow!

And:

Squint: You know what I found in that pot of turnip greens? Twenty feet of cable, half an army cot, four brass buttons, a cocker spaniel, license plate, ( Louisiana ) a drip- dry shirt, and a six-pack of diet Pepsi....

And:

Grodie: (nursing forehead, gesturing at china cap and ladle) I don't understand though...How you expect to ---

Squint: This tricks him to the surface, got that? Then I can jab him, under-stand? (goes to potroom, muttering) Think I'm gonna haul it in like a vietnamcatfish?

Grodie begins to apply cream to his sunburned nose.

And the climactic finish when Grodie says:

Smile, you son of a bitch.

Coming soon to a theatre near you.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. Not to be confused with "Paws" the 1997 thriller!