"Ringo"

The interviewer claimed the fills on "She Said;She Said" and "Tomorrow Never Knows" were the best ever by a drummer. Let's add "A Day in the Life."

The following song was inspired by a comment from Peter Fonda. "I know what it's like to be dead!"



P.S. She Said and Tomorrow are from Revolver.

End of an Era as Vegas Casino Closes"

Las Vegas marks the end of an era this week as one of the US gambling mecca's last original "Rat Pack" casino-hotels, the Sahara, finally closes its doors.

Opened in 1952, the Sahara hosted everyone from Elvis Presley and Jerry Lewis to Frank Sinatra and the Beatles in the 1950s and 60s, and their photos still decorate the walls above the reception.

But in recent decades Vegas saw an explosion of mega-sized casino resorts which left the "small" Sahara struggling to fill its 1,700 rooms at the end of the famous Strip.

The death knell was sounded in March, when its owners since 2007, SBE Entertainment, announced that the casino-hotel complex with its more than 1,050 staff was no longer a viable business....

"But you know, I've been in this business for 50 years, time's up," he said, recounting anecdotes about Elvis and Clint Eastwood -- who made "The Gauntlet" here in 1977.

He also doesn't mince his words about the Sahara's latest owners.

"These are the worst we've ever had. They came in here from California and they are very arrogant. It took them about three and half years to take this hotel right down to the ground," he said.

"These people should be ashamed to themselves," he added....

"Jerry Lewis Retiring From Telethon"

Say it ain't so. But I guess it's time.

Jerry Lewis was my favorite comedian when I was a youngster. I remember making the trek via the bus line to see his movies at the Fox Theater.

I never saw the Lewis-Martin movies until after they split up. Viewing them on Saturday Night at the Movies on the tube in the 60's. Back when there were only 3 channels. NBC, CBS, and ABC. In Charleston there were only 2. It's hard to imagine that today, because there are literally hundreds on cable and satellite.

My great Aunt Mad never liked Jerry-said he was too silly. That's funny because she was silly. "Pull my finger" she would say as we were riding down the highway in her 57 Chevy Bel-Air.

So Jerry is gone even tho he will sing "You'll Never Walk Along" on this year's telethon. I will miss him.

P.S. And goodbye to Harmon Killebrew. Whose battle with cancer is over. Hammering Harmon hit over 500 homers in his career. Say hello to the Babe, Lou Gehrig, and Roberto Clemente for me. And Dizzy, Pee Wee, Jolting Joe, and Johnny Weismuller.

"World's Best Pizza"

What is it about pizza that makes us love it so much? Is it the savory cheeses, the pliable crust or the aromatic sauce? Perhaps it's the customizable nature of the treat. Each pizza is different; across the country -- the world, even -- foodies get to compliment their pies with the toppings they most love. You can call it an Italian creation, an American staple or even a Brazilian standby, but one thing's for sure: we all crave pizza. But where should you expect to taste the best slice?

#6 Rome, Italy

#5 Chicago

#4 Osaka and Hiroshima-this one is a surprise.

#3 Sao Paulo, Brazil

#2 New York

#1 Naples

There was no mention of Dominos, Little Caesars, Papa Johns, Pizza Hut, California Pizza Kitchen, or Jet.

"What's New"

It's been a week since I posted anything. The world is in a state of flux-as usual. I just read an article where two former bus drivers lost their savings in a Ponzi scheme and are having a hard time just paying the mortgage.

"I've been looking for jobs but I'm too old, nobody wants to hire you at this age so it makes it rough -- I drove a bus for 35 years, so what am I supposed to do now?"

Frances Wills, 67 years old and also a former bus operator, has 75 cents to her name and can't pay rent after losing her $156,000 retirement fund.

"I can barely pay for my home or even the utilities bill -- and I live in a mobile home."

Sad.

And the housing market is still the same. One of the network news shows claimed a four bedroom two story house in Atlanta and in a nice neighborhood costs a meager $50,000. Three years ago the house would have commanded $240,000.

Damn.

And the sports world? The L.A. Dodgers are now being managed by ML Baseball allah the NBA and the N'awlins Hornets. Couldn't believe the empty seats in Chavez Ravine the other night(s) when the Braves paid a visit. They are experiencing a record low attendance this year. And, yet last night, the San Francisco Giants had a full house while hosting the Bravos from Hotlanta. How quickly things change, eh?

Strange.

Enough depressing news. Happy Easter.

Damn.

"Blondes Have More Fun" or "Miss Clairol"

 

Does she or doesn't she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure. This is a picture of my liberal sister who hails from San Francisco by way of Atlanta Ga.

"Another Food Biz Article" When the Customer is Wrong

It's one of the oldest adages of the retail world: "The customer is always right."

Of course, very often the customer is wrong. Every day customers behave in ways that make the lives of waiters, cashiers, customer service reps and other retail workers miserable. And in many cases, these customers don't even realize how annoying they're being.

To rectify this, we've decided to talk to the people on the other side of the cash register to find out what sort of customer behavior gets on their nerves. To kick things off, we got some veterans of the restaurant industry to dish on their secret pet peeves and give some advice to diners.

Great Expectations:

Think about the last time you cooked dinner. How long did it take? Forty-five minutes? An hour? More?

Trust the Chef:

"Everybody has a degree in something or other, but when they get to a restaurant, everyone thinks they have a doctorate in cooking," he says.

Don't Snap at the Waiters:

Everyone knows it can be frustrating to try to get your waiter's attention during a busy dinner shift, but there's a right way and a wrong way to flag down your server.

"Raise your hand or make eye contact; don't snap [your fingers] and don't wave," says Dublanica. And don't even think about physically grabbing a waiter as they walk by, especially if they're carrying something.

Closing Time:

"Don't come in five minutes before closing," pleads Dublanica. "The guys in the back have been there for 12 hours."

Likewise, Trombly singles out patrons who "stay really late when they're clearly the last people there."

And, of course, there are comments from this article:

I've been in this business for 30 plus years, and have seen all the good and bad in humanity. Yes, there is good in all of us! But, I have to say in all this time the worst most abusive customers are people of color. Sure, you have 1 or 2 once a year that break the trend, but for the most part its the same story. I hate to say this, because I am not a racist, but it is what it is.

Just because you get offended by hearing this fact doesn't mean its not true, and that real people (the majority of us) should not be able to voice our opinion. I really wish this were not the case. FYI I'm NOT white either; I'm Asian.

"When I'm 64"

The following is from one of my subscriptions on youtube:

This video is the first rehearsal of some of the younger nedding09s. They are hoping to enter for the Mathew St Festival which takes place in Liverpool in August. Everything has been recorded on just one microphone so some of the instruments are not as balanced as they could be as through a mixing desk. I'm in there somewhere keeping a low profile.

"What's That Your Doing?"

With Stevie Wonder!

Players chip in to save coach’s life after Clippers decline medical coverage

Seven years ago, former Los Angeles Clippers head coach Kim Hughes was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and the ensuing aftermath will change the way you feel about several NBA types significantly....

NBA players Corey Maggette(notes), Marko Jaric(notes), Chris Kaman(notes) and Elton Brand(notes) all chipped in to pay for expensive life-saving surgery for Hughes, after the Clippers organization (read: Donald Sterling, noted worst person in the world) declined to cover the costs....

Declined to cover the cost of a surgery that would save their employee's life. While playing rent-free in an often sold-out arena in America's second-biggest television market. Unyieldingly evil....

"Those guys saved my life," Hughes said. "They paid the whole medical bill. It was like $70,000 or more. It wasn't cheap...."

"It showed you what classy people they are. They didn't want me talking about it; they didn't want the recognition because they simply felt it was the right thing to do."

"Kent State"

Kent State plays St. Mary's tonight in the NIT. That's National Invitational Tournament. Which concludes in New York's Madison Square Garden after opening round tournament games across the country. Does anyone remember Kent State? 4 dead in Ohio.

"Prissy" Tyra Banks is shelling out $31,000 a year to spend just three weeks on campus for three years.

Tyra Banks has been attending Harvard Business School since last year.

Enrolled in the Harvard Owner/President Management Program, the model-turned-mogul, 37, is intent on building her business savvy. "It's pretty exclusive," she told CBS News.

Pricey too. Banks is shelling out $31,000 a year to spend just three weeks on campus for three years.

"But I feel like it is so, so worth it," she said. "In order for my company to grow and be the best, and to reach these women, and to serve them, I needed the best. So I went to the best." < $31, 000 has got to be chump change for her >

The ex Victoria's Secret stunner has been interested in going back to school since dropping out of Loyola Marymount University to purse modeling at age 17. "The day I put college on hold because I got discovered....was one of the most difficult decisions of my entire life," she said. < We are so proud of you for going back to school. >

So how do classmates react to the model-student? "I get mixed reactions," she said. "There are little facial expressions....The chin goes back, like, 'Really?'...it's like why is a model going to Harvard? But that's actually a good thing, because when people have low expectations, you're just constantly going, 'Ta-da!' And they're like 'Wow.' It doesn't take a lot to wow them." < Say hello to Professor Kingsfield for me. And, hopefully, when you get your grade, you will have earned it >

"Aflac"

Disability insurer Aflac Inc fired comedian Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of its iconic duck on Monday after a series of Twitter jokes about the earthquake in Japan, Aflac's most important market....

Aflac said it would start a nationwide casting call to find a new voice -- and noted that it was already using a different voice in the Japanese market, where it is the No. 1 foreign insurer.

Meltdown threat rises at Japanese nuclear plant

There are people who believe God is mad at the Japanese; God was mad in New Orleans; God was mad at the Haitians; etc. What are your thoughts?

McLobster rumor? Nah! McDonalds should add these five items.

McLobster rumor: The sandwich, which appears seasonally at some New England and eastern Canadian McDonalds, was supposed to go nationwide. The chain has tweeted that the rumors are false. But that's all right, there are more McDelicacies to be made. Here are the Top 5 items that we'd like to see added to the McDonalds menu.

"Jennifer Anniston Gets a Virus!"

Because nobody-and I mean nobody-reads my blog these days except for rockhead-go lubys-hoots and sometimes slippery, I've got to try anything to get more traffic, hence the title.

The following is a Jen Anniston commercial gone viral. Funny stuff! And don't you wish your significant other was hot like her?

"Professor honored at halftime tossed from game for heckling"

You gotta love this one:

The part-time professor was ejected from the game for verbally confronting a ref from his courtside seat after a foul call. Minutes earlier, Kasmir and his family had been honored at halftime for donating between $10,000 and $24,999 to the university.

"Basically, I told the ref he was the worst ref I'd ever seen and he wasn't worth the $1,600 dollars they were paying him and that was it," Kasmir said. "And then he ejected me from the game."

Senior Vice Provost Robert Chernark defended Kasmir in remarks to the school newspaper, The Hatchet. "He did get a bigger ovation when he was thrown out than when he was on the court for his donation," Chernak said. "Actually we started to play better afterwards, so maybe we need to make it a fan a game or something."

"Win It For Wes!"

Days after star basketball player and beloved student Wes Leonard died of a heart attack immediately following a high school game, Fennville returned to the court to play its first 2010 playoff game against Lawrence, a team which had passed on its own home court advantage to move the game to a larger, neutral site closer to Fennville.

"If 6 Were 9" and "Hypnotherapy" and "The Hypnotic Eye!"

I have been engaged here lately. On Golden Pond, that is. Don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm 59 and doing a lot of reflecting. What's it all about, Alfie, and all that?

I remember when 69 was my favorite number, but as I get closer, I'm not so sure anymore.

My sis, Raven Shams, ( not made up ) completed her hypnotherapy class, 101, last night. 200 hours worth. And she looks forward to pursuing it further. Good for you, sis.

My high school, Rowdy High, is having its annual reunion this Saturday. I haven't been in 3 years or so, and since I last attended, the group has broken off into two factions. The concerned alumni vs. the unconcerned alumni. Not sure what it's all about, and not sure if I'll be attending. But I would like to see Slippery, Bob, Paul, Steve, et al.

Facebook is now alive and streaming through our consciousness. Whatever that means. Maybe this foray of mine would be more suited for the social network. Haven't seen the movie but want to.

An old alumni of Rowdy High passed away the other day, and it made me examine how life is fragile and all of the other cliches. And I see older people confined to hoverounds, walkers, and canes. Makes me wonder what's the point? Those people living in pain and sadness, who remember when they could do it all.

So engaged I am. The seventh voyage of the catfish is right around the bend, eh? As I look for more adventures. Gimme shelter!

"Chris Farley Interviews Paul McCartney-he of Fab 4 Fame"

Funny stuff. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

"Heart Attack Grill"

....Well, consider the Heart Attack Grill, a Phoenix restaurant that specializes in high-calorie, high-fat food. The restaurant, which advertises that people over 350 pounds can eat for free, employed Blair River, a nearly 600-pound man as their spokesman....That changed on Tuesday, when River died at age 29.

The official cause of River's death is not yet known, but his friends have reported that he died of pneumonia after contracting the flu. My bet is the restaurant owners will argue the food they served didn't actually lead to his death. He died from the flu, after all. I won't buy it. Healthy, 29-year-old men don't die from the flu. I'd be willing to bet River died because his body was already so compromised from being morbidly obese....

To view the full story from Yahoo click the beginning link.

Cos working too hard can give you a heart attack!

"Elvira's Movie Macabre"

Last night's feature was the classic (?) "Teenagers from Outer Space." A low budget film from 1959.

Quick plot line: A team of spacemen arrive on Earth in a space ship. They have been searching the galaxy for a planet suitable to raise their herd of "gargons", a lobster-like (but air-breathing) creature which is a food staple on their homeworld.

The film failed to perform at the box office, placing further stress on an already-burdened Graeff,[ who wrote, directed,edited and produced ] and in the fall of 1959, he suffered a breakdown, proclaimed himself the second coming of Christ.[4] After a number of public appearances followed by a subsequent arrest for disrupting a church service, Graeff disappeared from Hollywood until 1964 and later committed suicide in 1970.

Cost-effective measures

According to Bryan Pearson, the crew employed many guerrilla tactics in order to cut costs. Director Tom Graeff secured the location for Betty Morgan's house for free by posing as a UCLA student (while Graeff had attended the school, he had graduated 5 years earlier). The older woman who owned the house even let the crew use her electricity to power equipment.[2]

Graeff shot in many nearby locations — mostly in the vicinity of Sunset Boulevard and Highland Avenue — to double as more important city landmarks. Graeff's steady hand and framing kept most of the real locations under-wraps, creating a great low-budget illusion of a small town.

Other cost-cutting ideas didn't pay off as well: the space costumes were simple flight suits clearly decorated with masking tape, dress shoes covered in socks, and surplus Air Force helmets. The use of stock footage in lieu of special effects and Spielbergian "looking" shots replacing actual visuals of the invading enemy spaceships seriously undercut the urgency of the ending. Props included a single bolted-joint skeleton re-used for every dead body, a multichannel mixer that the producers made no attempt to camouflage (even clearly bearing the label "Multichannel Mixer MCM-2") as a piece of alien equipment, and the infamous dime-store Hubley's "Atomic Disintegrator" as the aliens' focusing disintegrator ray.

"Chicago Transit Authority" Apologies to Mayor Daly!

Never heard this version. It's live and I'm digging it!



Of course, I like the lyrics after the break:

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

Wonder where that came from?? Eh?

P.S. This is good too. Damn, youtube is the best!!



P.S. I like this version better!

"Troy Donahue and Me"

After the release of My Blood Runs Cold (1965), Donahue's contract with Warner Bros. ended. He later struggled to find new roles and had problems with drug addiction and alcoholism. He was married again in 1966, to actress Valerie Allen, but they divorced in 1968. In 1970 he appeared in the daytime drama The Secret Storm. In 1974 he was cast in his most high profile role, in The Godfather Part II as the new fiancé of Connie Corleone. His character was called Merle Johnson, Donahue's real name.

Tonite's foray into the infantile is a conversation between yours truly and Troy Donahue, who now resides among the stars.

v.c.: What was it like working with Sandra Dee? Were you two intimate?

Troy: There wasn't anything to it. She was hot for Bobby Darin; I couldn't get to second base with her tho' I tried. Great l'il actress.

v.c.: You two were the perfect 50's lovesick couple. I loved the theme song, "A Summer Place."

Troy: Why'd you mention that song, man. It still chokes me up.

v.c.: Sorry! Did you really live under a bridge after your flame fleeted like a ....

Troy: Candle in the wind. Yeah! That song gets me all misty-eyed, too. It's true. I had me a cardboard box-had it set up kinda neat, really. But when it rained-those southern California rain showers can be like monsoons.

v.c.: Did you know Marilyn-hang out with her?

Troy: She was too enamored with JFK to give me a look twice. She's been magnanimous here, but nothing during my brief time on the planet, vee.

v.c.: Speaking of which, what really happened on the grassy noll.

Troy: J. Edgar Hoover's up here and he could make things tough for me-I already owe him two cartons of cigarettes. He said Dallas would be 4-0 to start the season. "Cowboys? Tony Romo? No way," I said.

But I can tell you this. Oswald wasn't alone. It would blow your mind, if I told you who was in on it. "The Warren Report" was a freakin' joke-I kid you not.

v.c.: Do you ever get to see John and George?

Troy: They never hung out with me in the beginning. They thought I was too much of an apple pie and chevrolet kind of guy, but when John found out my last address was an underpass and I had all these addictions, well, he kinda warmed up to me.

v.c.: Is Jimmy Hoffa buried in "Giants Stadium?" In the end zone?

Troy: Man, you don't let up. Nah, he ain't buried there, but he swims with the fishes allah Lucca Brazzi. It wasn't the Union. Somebody said Danny de Vito was involved. Just rumors. They have 'em here, too.

v.c.: Did George W. know ahead of time that the Twin Towers were going down?

Troy: They don't talk about it much. Too sensitive a subject....for Heaven. We like to chill, mellow-out up here-it's not like on Earth, where it's am I gonna get this part? Am I no longer a teenage heartthrob? Where's my next meal gonna come from? Is the cardboard gonna hold out this winter? It's different. But we're waiting on Karl Rove to get here. To find out the skinny, if you know what I mean?

v.c.: How's the "King?" You know, Elvis?

Troy: He's a cool cat, vee. Last night he sang "In the Ghetto" with Ray Charles and Louie Armstrong. Satchmo can still bring it, but I can't understand a thing he says.

v.c.: Why are we hear? Shirley not to live in pain and fear?

Troy: John sang that one with Duane Allman a fortnight ago. Don't start getting philosophical on me, v.c.? Have you found a job, btw?

v.c.: News travels fast, eh?

Troy: At least you aren't living under a collosal cement block. I see things are gonna start looking-up for you. You've been througha lot of shit, dude!

v.c.: Thanks, Troy.

Before I could say my goodbyes I woke up! Was it a dream? Only the Shadow knows!

"The Dilly is Back!" ??

I wrote a lot of stuff years ago. And put a lot of it on floppy discs. Don't remember where I put 'em. I thought the following foray was quite good-even got a chuckle out of it myself, but then I wrote the durn thing. Not sure I could write like this today.

The Dilly Is Back 26-Aug-04 12:43 am
A few years ago the Brass made a startling move and did away with the dilly, a staple for roughly 20 years. And the dilly went away. We didn't mention it or weren't supposed to utter its name. It was okay if the guests said "give me a dilly," cos we were supposed to wink at each other and feign its existense. Every so often some of us would slip and say the word "dilly," or tell the guests we no longer had the "dilly," which confused the hell out of the guests and then we would have to explain the semantics.

"Yes, we no longer have the dilly, but you can still purchase the ex-"dilly" items at the same price as the "dilly"-we just don't call it that anymore."

"Huh," would come the normal reply.

What a move by the Brass. What brilliance! What savoir faire! What utter stupidity!

After mass confusion set in, the Brass decided to "bring back the dilly." Streamers and banners were made harkening its return.

Once again. What brilliance! What savoir faire! What utter stupidity!

The guests never quit saying dilly and yet we did away with it and then brought it back even tho it never really left in the first place. Confused? So were we!

Other companies, networks, and even individuals have used "bring back the" in an attempt to resurrect its/his/her's dwindling market share. Some have stolen our script, in order to "red herring" the public, allah "bring back the dilly." The following are submitted for your a & p in case you missed 'em:

1) Bring back The Billy: Attempting to market himself after retiring from PIC, Bronco Billy fashioned himself after Donald Trump and became known as "The Billy."

2) Bring back the Gilley: Pumpin' piano cousin to Jerry Lee. Efforts were made to bring back Gilley, Cissy, Bud, and the mechanical bulls, but John Q. Public had had enough.

3) Bring back the Hillary: If Kerry gets torpedoed be4 the election, Hillary is waiting in the wings with this slogan.

4) Bring back the Milli: Lloyd Thaxton's newest venture into lip-synching, stolen from the ex-dynamic duo.

5) Bring back the Nilli: Failed campaign by Nabisco. Nilli Vanilli wafers were outdone by the Oreos.

6) Bring back the Silly: Paul McCartney is foiled, circa 2004, when his sequel to "silly love songs" becomes a mega flop. Considered too 70's and Paul's bass line from the first song can never be duplicated.

7) Bring back the Philly: Pic tried this one, as well, but pulled the ads when it realized it didn't serve Philly Cheese steaks.

8) Bring back the Filly: Fox network misjudges the publics' fascination with westerns < 50's > and the nostalgia craze and bombs when its pilots "Grandson of Fury" and "Universal Velvet" are lambasted by the critics. < see universal dressing product if you work/worked for PIC Timeline: early 2000's. Also see frozen cranberry sauce >

9) Bring back the Willy: Reality tv show about a few whales that get beached on Fort Lauderdale's shoreline. Jury still out on this one.

10) Bring back the dilly: see the intro of tonite's post. It worked once, maybe it will work again.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. Hoots, if you are reading, we now know you served during the v.n. era in Korea, but can you tell us of your exploits in the Great War, allah pictruandtru.

"True Grit"

I remember traveling to Panama City one summer circa 1969 with two of my best friends. We were taking Bob's Gran Torino. 4 in the floor and all that. We were headed to the beach in search of rest and relaxation. We had just graduated from Rowdy High, and, of course, we were full of ourselves.

We stopped at a hole in the wall restaurant one morning for breakfast. I wasn't much of a breakfast person, but my two buds were. When the server, er, waitress asked for our order Bob said eggs, bacon, and grits. I said grit is what John Wayne had in his last movie.

She failed to see the humor and branded me a smartass.

On TCM the other nite, the aforementioned movie was playing during "Oscar Month." Not surprisingly, John won his only oscar. The cast included Dennis Hopper and Robert Duvall.

"BYU Davies Suspended For Pre-Marital Sex"

Brandon Davies was suspended from BYU's basketball team for the remainder of the season because he violated the part of the school's honor code provision that prohibits premarital sex, according to a report in The Salt Lake Tribune.

"Another Dear Cat" ( This One Circa 2005 )

Dear Cat: I enjoyed your last lovelorn column. I work for a cafeteria chain-not Luby's or Furr's-who revoked my 3rd week vacation a coppola years ago. I recieve 2 weeks now even tho I've worked for my cafeteria chain for 15 years. New recruits-mgrs. from Hardees and Burger King-who sign on get two weeks from the get-go or jump street. ( antiquated urban slang )Do you think I should be pissed and demand my employer reinstate my 3rd week. I am getting tired and burnt out. Signed: Eagerly awaiting your reply to my query.

Dear Query: First of all, you misspelled receive. Helpful hint: i before e except after c. Now addressing your query. An analogy comes to mind. A snowball in hell whole is more likely to occur than you retrieving your vacation. Sorry, it's life in the big city and another example of the demise of the worker's benefits in corporate America. But remember this: Shirley, they care about your well-being and appreciate your loyalty and dedication during these difficult times.

Dear Cat: Lately, I have been working my ass off ( pardon my french ) for my employer. Working long days and nites. Working 6 days a week. Do you think the company is taking advantage of me, or should I suck it up knowing that one day my hard work will pay off. And perhaps I will climb the letter to success. Signed: As tears go by.

Dear Tears: Hard work gets you nowhere these days. I would suggest smooching your boss's derriere whenever he calls or confronts you with a situation. Tell him "you are the best boss I've worked with." "Your presentation at our last mgr.'s meeting inspired me to greater heights." Then smooch his heiney-literally. You will suckceed by using this approach. And I'm nit-picking here, but you misspelled success in your query. Remember it's k after c whenever the word suckcess is engaged in a sentence or spoken via word-of-mouth. P.S. Thanks for the Stones reference. And remember: you can't always get what you want; but if you try sometime you get what you need.

Dear Cat: I need your help. I am one of the lovelorn. My wife wants a divorce. Says I am absorbed in my job. And work too many hours. I missed my son's birthday the other day, and at Thanksgiving I couldn't enjoy the holiday cos I was worn out from making dressing in the bain marie. My G.M. said he hated universal dressing and we'd have to make it from scratch. What should I do? Quit my job and find another? Go to marriage counseling? Or divorce the nag and get on with my life and career. Signed: Lost in space.

Dear space: Tell your wife to stifle herself ( apologies to Archie and Edith Bunker ) and keep working those long hours and missing all of those family endeavors. One day it will pay off. Especially if you work for a savvy progressive company. You may even become a partner. And own a piece of the rock. And remember: there's more than one fish in the sea.

Dear readers: This concludes "Dear Cat" for tonite. Submitted for your perusal and approval,

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. The nite train is disembarking. Allah bored!

"1990 Cell Phone"

"Ronald Reagan"

One son says that his dad showed signs of Alzheimers during the end of his presidency' Another son refutes the implication. I enjoyed the Reagan presidency, especially after the Carter administration. Our country got back its swagger. With all that said, here's a great quote from the aforementioned ex movie star turned president:

The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. ' - Ronald Reagan

P.S. And who can forget this one from "Back to the Future!"

"Tell me future boy. Who's the president in 1985?"

"Ronald Reagan!"

"Ronald Reagan??? Who's the vice president? Jerry Lewis?"

Indiana Eatery Pulls Billboards with Cult References

Because I spent most of my life in the food biz, any food biz newsworthy items interest me. To see the offensive billboard just hit the link!

The billboards included the statement, "We're like a cult with better Kool-Aid," over a glass containing a mixed drink, as well as the phrase "To die for!"

n November 1978, more than 900 members of Jim Jones' People's Temple drank cyanide-laced, grape-flavored punch in a mass murder and suicide in the group's compound in Guyana.

P.S. On another note, the two most popular entries on Golden Pond are at the top of my most current post; ergo, "Phi Zappa Krappa" and "77 Sunset Strip."

"Stallion Semen!"

New Zealanders will be serving up glasses of horse semen at the famed Hokitika Wildfoods festival next month, a "delicacy" that racehorse owner Lindsay Kerslake says will have extreme foodies "raring to go"....

"Horses are pure testosterone, you know. They have hardly any cholesterol, so the idea is you knock it back and feel like a stallion yourself," said Mr Kerslake, of Christchurch.

"You'll have as much zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards."

The NZ$10 shots won't be for the faint-hearted.

P.S. The keenest will be able to drink it au naturel, but the shots will also be available in cherry, licorice and banoffee pie flavours.

"7th Voyage of Sinbad"

One of my all time favorite movies. Right up there with "Casablanca"-here's looking at you, kid; "Gone With the Wind"-I don't know nothin' bout birthin' babies; "Jaws"-my husband was telling me your into sharks and we need a bigger boat; and "A Few Good Men"-you want the truth?

I'll leave "Citizen Kane" and the Fellini movies to someone else. My Aunt Mad humored me a lot as a kid and would haul me to the Twin Starlight Drive-In, so I could watch this Ray Harryhausen spectacular. Music by Bernard Herrmann.

"Facebook"

Facebook is something else. I just hooked up with an old friend of mine, who I hadn't talked to in over 30 years. Our last conversation via the telephone went like this.

"Harry, how would you like to be sipping a vodka martini, shaken not stirred, on a deserted island hideaway that you own?"

"Well, uh, yes!" I said. "What do I need to do. Sign me up!" Having a deed to an island seemed like a good deal.

"Would you like to retire, Harry, at an early age and sit around making sand castles without a care in the world?"

"Well, uh, yes. Sign me up. What do I have to do?" I always had a penchant for the ocean-the waves cascading, the seagulls mulling, the nice bikini clad women strolling, and I could always make a mean castle complete with moats sans drawbridge. Pun unintended. "Tell me more!"

"You'll have servants. Preparing your meals, maintaining your tropical island venue, and catering to your every desire(s)."

"Well, uh, yeah." I loved James Bond and could see myself as the next Sean Connery. Playing baccarat in the casino-hope it's close to my island paradise, but then if I'm rich who cares.

"Dix-neuf for zee dealer, moi, vingt for monsieur. You win again."

"So. sign me up. I'm game, old friend. What do I have to do?"

"Amway. Yes, Amway, brother! You sign up. Start selling the product. Get others excited. Have them sign up. Before you know it, it's a domino effect. You'll make thousands, dare I say it, millions. What do you say?"

I said no. And that's the last I heard from my friend, until a coppola weeks ago when I typed in his name on Facebook. A picture of him from the 70's appeared, and I knew I hit paydirt.

"The Heatles"

I'm liking Lebron James more and more each day. He's now calling his team, "The Heatles!" Because they sell out every venue they play.

"This One Bears Repeating?" ( Dear Cat )

Dear Cat: How is your new job? Seems I recall your last emplyer fired your ass. Didn't you work for those forkers a long time? Didn't you introduce a recipe-was it carrot souffle???-to the masses and received zero remuneration for your efforts? What the fork is wrong with that picture? Signed: Makes you want to join the ACLU, eh?

Dear ACLU: A lot of queries so let's begin with numero uno.

1) My new job is great. I love the new work, the new atmosphere, and most of my new team members, who have slowly adjusted to my eccentric sense-of-humour. Well, some of them, anyway. I don't have to taste the food all day like at the old digs. No more slurping turnip greens and blackeye peas every coppola hours while adding #'s to the old cholesterol count. No more concerns on whether Billy put the right amount of flour in the carrot souffle, [ segue, eh? ] or if Excellious weighed the sugar before adding it to the tea. Most of the stuff we use is heat and serve; or open a bag and voila!

2) Yes, I toiled and slaved for more years than I care to remember. I worked at H.W. [ acronym for Hell Whole ] which had a sterling reputation as the baddest of the bad. Rowdy guests out the kazoo who never quit gliding down the [ serving ] line from the moment we opened, til the millivanillisecond we terminated our day's work.

3) Yes, I received nada, zip, nil when it came to the fluffy product who some pronounced as carrot shooflay. [ not intended as a bigot slur as caucasians sometimes used the same vernacular. Also see his'n for more details. ]

4) There's a lot wrong with that picture, but in the long run [ apologies to the "Eagles" ] it was for the best. Thanks for the query, v.c.

Dear Cat: I read your column every chance I get. One of your recent forays-don't you refer to them as "forays into the infantile?"-revealed your boss to be a dickhead. I'm sorry to hear that, but, Shirley, the situation will become a reservoir of material. Have you thought of penning a book entitled "You may be a dickhead if...?" Along the lines of Jeff Foxworthy, eh? Signed: No Penis Envy Here

Dear Penis Envy: The book would write itself. But will change the title to: "You are a dickhead if:"

10) You drive 55 mph or less in the left hand lane of any highway, bi-way, or interstate.

9) You have to scrounge in your purse or pocket for a penny or correct change when purchasing an item(s) while others are waiting patiently behind your dickheadness.

8) You proudly exclaim while in the midst of others: I don't eat pork; I hate 2nd hand smoke; I'm a vegan; or my child is an honor student at Dickhead Elementary!

7) You stop on a dime on a busy, crowded concourse at any metropolitan airport.

6) You work for a company for 30 years or more and are terminated. "I'll be back." Apologies to Arnold!

5) You work for Nextell information, ergo 411, and you can't give me the correct phone number I' calling you for in the first place. Do you get paid by the call? Or what?

4) If you believe I can talk to 3-4 people at one time about 3-4 different subjects.

3) If you ever ordered fries without salt at any fast food joint. Same goes for ordering a burger sans pickle.

2) If you ever told the cafeteria attendant to put more food on your plate. And vice-versa. If you are a food service technician who proudly exclaims: "That's a serving!"

1) If you are yours truly's boss, and you don't treat him with dignity and respect.

Thanks for the query! v.c.

Well, this concludes tonite's edition of "Dear Cat!"

Until next time, v.c.

P.S. There will be no videos tonite. None of the 111 wussiest tunes of all time. Nada, zip, nil.

"A Little Late but...."

One of my favorite Christmas tunes.

"Merry Christmas"

It's Christmas time again, and it's snowing. The weather zealots nailed it predicting the white stuff a coppola days ago. You've got to hand it to the new technology. Years ago the blizzards would sneak up on the citizenry causing all kinds of havoc.

And this is my first white Christmas. It took a while, but some things are worth waiting for.

Perhaps Bing Crosby, the most popular singer of the Irving Berlin classic, is in a cow pasture somewhere singing "Lotta Doo Doo" and "White Christmas" first heard in the movie, "Holiday Inn."

Merry Christmas

"The World Misses You, John"

It was 30 years ago today that John Lennon died. I was watching the Monday Night Football game when Howard Cossell broke the news.

I miss him and the music he would have made.

I don't think the Fab 4 would have ever gotten back together.

"Happy Birthday, Keith....and Victor...and Auntie!"

Aunt Charlene was borned ( as they used to say back in my era aka back in the day ) November 25. She now lives in wintry Bulgaria. Belatedly, I sent her a warm happy birthday message. Via email.

Everyone likes to feel special on his/her birthday. My reason-unlike others-is not because I made it another year-whoopie da doo-but because most people are nice to you, more so than on the other 364 1/4 days. ( the one quarter being in observance of leap year ).

My aunt's birthday also made me recall that Keith, my old high school friend, and my cousin, Victor, who is a year and a month older than me, were both borned on November 30. 59 and 60 years old, repectively.

I hadn't talked to Keith in a long time; the last being when he called to inform me that Felton Bruce had passed away. Felton was a long time friend from high school, as well. And gifted because he could get drunk after having only one beer. He didn't have to bother downing a 6 pack to achieve the desired effect-one was a'plenty, and he didn't have to chose between great taste or less filling.

Me and Keith were best friends in high school and through our first two tumultuous years of college. But his dad got sick, and he had to drop out. And then he got married, and we all know how that changes things.

"Don't step on her veil, Harry," were the words Kitty, my future wife-to-be and the bridesmaid, uttered to me as I walked into the church for Keith and Becky's wedding. My gaffe was due to being smitten by Kitty's dark tan,lithe figure and beautiful face. I hadn't seen her in a while, so I was mesmerized. And the fact that I wore size 14 shoes* was the cause for alarm. No one wants a giant's shoe indelibly etched in one's wedding apparel.

Yeah, we were best of buds. Keith introduced me to many things: smoking Winstons; schooling me about cars requiring oil to survive( his Ford Fairline was always in need of a quart or two); drinking beers** and cherry vodka; and going to the Central Theatre in downtown Atlanta, which showed soft porn movies.

We were 16 years old, but patrons were supposed to be 18 or 21 to gain admittance. We were titillated to say the least, as our hormones-they were a'raging. I looked like I was 13-14 at the most. With pimples on my cheeks and forehead, and braces on my teeth, I had that fresh-scrubbed look of a very young teen.

"Can I help you?" asked the Central's cashier.

In my most masculine voice: "Yes, one ticket for 'A Muff in the Rough!'"

"How old are you?" she asked.

"I'm 21! Why, is there a problem?" I said trying to sound like Sean Connery.

It didn't help too that I wore glasses, the nerdy black ones that were fashionable during the mini-skirt and short-pegged trousers days. Wire-rimmed spectacles were on the horizon.

"No problem," she said."'Muff in the Rough' is almost over, but you're just in time for the second feature: 'Buffy and Muffy Get Scruffy.'"

I could never eat the popcorn at the Central-it just seemed too sleazy a place. And I never checked their health score; I was always too busy looking at the coming attraction posters.

Sometimes Bogus Bob, another lifelong friend, would go with me and Keith, but he didn't like the Central much. I always theorized that he was already getting some action up close and personal, the real McCoy. But he would eat the popcorn.

So happy birthday Aunt Charlene-don't eat any yellow snow. And happy birthday my boyhood chum, Keith. And happy birthday, Vic. All of whom were borned in November.

The end

* Size 15 now but age and weight has added an extra size. Oh my!

** Felton required only one beer.



* .

"Lavender-Ooh La La"

As mentioned in an earlier foray, going to the store for someone else is always a challenge. Especially when it's your mother, and especially if she's "old and decrepit" ( her words not mine ) and 85 years young.

Thanksgiving is this week, so another trip to the grocery store was in order. Mom wanted to make some cranberry sauce and had found the recipe via the Food Network and the Barefoot Contessa. The main ingredients called for fresh cranberries, walnuts, and an orange.

"I want a navel orange, but whatever you do, it can't be from Florida. It must be from California," she said to me as I perused her list, which was laced with very specific instructions according to brand names, sizes, and aisle placements.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because Florida navel oranges aren't as juicy and have less zest."

"Sounds reasonable," I said.

The next item on her list was carrots with green bunches emanating from the ends. As opposed to carrots, wilted, with brown stems attached. There was no mention of their geographic location-just that they could be found somewhere in the produce section- which was a good sign.

Next on the list was "Secret" the deodorant; which had to be a clear gel and the "ooh la-la lavender fragrance."

"It has to be ooh la la," I asked?

"Yes, do not get:

'au revoir to you too, chrysanthemum fragrance!';

'it is what it is, chartreuse scented!';

'eww de Toilette, with a hint of aquamarine!'

'you are what you smell, with a dash of boudoir aroma!'

None of those will do! It has to be lavender ooh la la!"

"Gotcha," I said making a mental note.

Continuing along with the list. Walnuts: must be in a can and not in a package. A discerning palate no doubt, buoyed from many years of savoir faire.

7 fresh sweet potatoes. Go to Kroger and not to Publix or Piggly Wiggly, because Kroger has the best and freshest. "There will be rows and rows of them as you walk into the store. Those are the ones I want!" Nothing like crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's.

Continuing: Hellmann's mayonnaise. Hellmann's is the best. Kraft, sorry-no can do. "Please don't get the squeeze bottle ( like you did last time ) because I'm old and decrepit."

6 yogurt. 2 blueberry mountaintop; 2 apricot rainforest; and 2 Caribbean banana plantation. Highlighted and in exclamation were these instructions: "Whatever you do, don't get cherry yogurt. You may like cherry-I don't like cherry." Nuff said-no more cherry.

Then there were the raisins: Sunmaid, of course, but golden and not the black ones.

And, last but not least a 2.6 lb. whole fryer with a + or - factor of 2 ozs.

That was the list. I was prepared. More than prepared. I felt like I could part the Allatoona; bend steel with my bare hands; and catch a fly with chopsticks. Nothing like going to the store for someone else. But it's my pleasure when it's your mom, even if she thinks she's old and decrepit.

"Ambulating Towards the 'No Service Customer Service'"

Lately, I have had these moments of creative spontaneity. Well, maybe it's just gas, but that's a whole 'nother subject.

Today's foray into the infantile concerns my going to the grocery store FOR SOMEONE ELSE! A challenging proposition. Because the person you're buying for has a set agenda and requirements/specifications, and you ain't gonna win, no matter how hard you try. When you shop for yourself it's easy, but when you're shopping for someone else it's caveat emptor time. In this particular case, the person in question is my mother. Legendary, she is, in her quest for the perfect edibles.

So I was armed with my list, er, specs and I'm looking for Colavita olive oil. I see Pompeian, and Bertoli and even Crisco. It's like anything else; there's all different flavors. Just like with Cheerios and Coke. Now there's chocolate, yogurt, apple cinnamon, honey nut, fruity, and berry burst cheerios. Coke now comes in vanilla, cherry, one calorie, with lime, with lemon, zero, raspberry et al.

And olive oil. There's original, garlic-flavored, banana, fruity, ripe fruity, etc.-too many to list. Almost forgot the one endorsed by Mussolini-olive oil vintage World War II which has been aging for over 65 years.

So for $14.00 American money-not sure how many euros or pesos that is-I can buy a quart-sized jar-the Colavita brand. Because it's not for me-no problem. Even tho' the person it's for needs a smaller bottle due to age and arthritis. Problem is I couldn't find but one size, which is easy to handle if you're possessed with vim and vigor, but not so if you're 85 years old. Maybe there was a smaller bottle, but because it was nestled in between the truffle lemon, pepper, garlic, basil & the Benito brands of olive oil, I may have overlooked it.

Next on my shopping excursion was an attempt at finding the cherry peppers. My instructions were to buy the mild-not hot-ones, and that they MIGHT be located on the olives, pickles, condiment aisle. Well, I searched the bottles and, of course, couldn't find them, so I headed to customer service.

The lady in charge was nice and asked me "what could I do her for?" Or something like that.

"M'am, I can't find the cherry peppers. I did find the cherry Cheerios and the cherry Coke, and the cherry olive oil, but I can't find the cherry peppers. Can you help me?"

"Cherry peppers? And they come in a jar. Never heard of 'em!"

Because this is the age of computers and everybody does business this way these days, I asked her if she could look them up on the computer.

"Hold on," she said. And picked up the phone to bring in the calvary.

Now we're getting somewhere, I thought.

Instead of the cherry pepper manager, a young man opened the door to my right-her left-and peeked out and the customer service woman asked: "Do we have cherry peppers in a jar, Benito?"

"Cherry peppers? Never heard of 'em. And they come in a jar? Never heard of 'em."

I tried one last time. "Don't you have a computer where you can look it up?" I said.

"I've worked here a long time and have never seen cherry peppers," he said.

Maybe their computer was off line or perhaps it had been diseased by a virus or maybe they still do business the old fashioned way-they earn it-with a pencil, pad and guesswork, but they were not gonna look up cherry peppers on a computer.

So I did what anyone else would do. I said &^%$# it. And realized that what what we had here was a failure to communicate, and another example of "Customer No Service from the supposed Customer Service."

Undeterred I was now on a mission. One last stroll down the aisle of condiments. And there they were. 3 bottles of cherry peppers. Only one kind-sweet. No mint, kumquat, liquorish, herbal, hot...just sweet.

So I placed them in my grocery basket along with the cheese ( ginger sling with a pineapple tart flavored ), and the elberta peach nuanced savoy truffles. And the rice-au-roni hagen daz cheerios and vanilla bean espresso coke.

I was tempted to ambulate back to the customer service area to show them my discovery, but I was exhausted from finding them. So I said %$^& it and headed to the checkout.

The cashier asked if I found everything okay, and if the cherry peppers were tasty.

I told her, yes, I had a little trouble, and, yes, they were quite good but hard to find.

"Never heard of 'em," she said.

I chose plastic and got out of there with a quickness. To live and fight another day, until next time. Maybe if my condition is indeed gas. perhaps some pomegranate
flavored Gas-X is the ticket.

"Hottest Brands for 2010"

Ford is hot. Conan is hot! Groupon.com is hot. The Miami Heat and puffed-up chips called Popchips are hot.

I will never buy a Ford. Henry Ford was an anti-semite and also received a medal from Adolph Hitler. I saw it on PBS last week. He also published a newspaper railing against the Jewish people for years until he was forced to close the newspaper. Never will I give one cent to his company or ride in one of his automobiles. If any one wants to challenge me on this, go ahead. It is a public record of his views of the Jewish people.

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 23:06:48 GMT | Biff386ie

conan is the worst. Who is putting all the money behins this push. When he repkaced Leno his rating's were poor, what does it take to realize that he stinks, badly

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 23:20:22 GMT | donone

Henry Ford died about 70 years ago! If you black list a brand for it's origin your not gonna be driving anything. Don't even think about a Volkswagon or an Italian or Japanese car for that matter! They were all on the same side during the Holocaust!! Better not buy any gas; you know how them Arabs feel about the Jews! Come on stop being so silly.

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 23:24:13 GMT | derb

For more here's the link. http://www.comcast.net/finance/forwhatitsworth/6494271/thehottestbrandsof2010/

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 23:24:13 GMT | derb

"Prissy"

My foray into the infantile last night smacked of prissy. And, normally, when you think of prissy, you think of women. But when you stop and think about it, there's a lot of guys who are prissy, regardless of their gender leanings.

No, prissy can be an equal opportunity offender. And, last night, the catfish was indeed prissy. Don't overuse the word "I" in writing, which was my argument, but it was me being prissy. And acting as if my ship didn't sink.

We've all heard the phrase "his ship don't sink." Or something to that effect. "I put my pants on one leg at a time just like he does."

Today is Veteran's Day as we change gears here on the Pond. So a shout out to all those men and women who have served in the armed forces. Today most service people are revered and are thanked for their efforts, but that wasn't always the case, especially for those returning from duty in Vietnam.

My dad served in the navy during World War II. And met my mom while he was stationed in Charleston, South Carolina. Or so the story goes. And as a result of that union, Olga and yours truly were born. And life as we know it will never be the same.

So I was being prissy last night. Whatever, eh? And a hearty thanks to all on Veteran's Day!

P.S. Tonight's video which coincidentally goes with tonight's foray is ent5itled "Prissy Miss Lizzy," er, "Dizzy Miss Prissy," er, "Prissy Miss Prissy," er, whatever!

"I, Me, Mine"

Believe it or not, the proprietor of this blog fancies himself as somewhat of a writer, who can get on a roll and churn 'em out faster than a fruit fly laying eggs on a banana or plantain. So when perusing other people's stuff the aforementioned wants to offer some advice ( constructive criticism ) to those who write in the blogosphere: too many I's spoil the broth or too many cooks in the kitchen....ditto. So please refrain from using "I."

An example:

I woke up this morning, and I had a cup of coffee, heavy on the caffeine. I looked out the window, and I noticed the world was still there. I realized that the bacon was a'sizzlin' in the frying pan, and I smelled the distinct odor that was being exuded.

After I exhaled the exuded odor and I munched on said breakfast item, I quickly buttered my toast. I use unsalted butter these days cos I have high blood pressure, and I read somewhere where unsalted butter is better than regular butter, and I'm not sure if margarine is quite up to par.

Because I'm a single mom and/or dad, I had to get l'il Suzy ready for school. I don't know why but I believe all school buses are yellow. So I got her ready-l'il Suzy, that is-and I reminded her to bring her homework with her. "Don't use that 'my dog ate my homework' excuse, cos I will not tolerate it."

Exhibit B: I love myself. I love fried green tomatoes. I like morning runs. I like snow covered mountains. I like Dove soap. I like all types of music-well, maybe I don't like rap. I like to snuggle cos I'm a woman. I like to be by myself cos I'm a man. I like Schlitz and Old Milwaukee. I love champagne and strawberries dipped in chocolate. I love to take pictures, and did I ever tell you, I love myself. Oh, yeah, first sentence in this paragraph.

So when writing if you don't want to turn me off from the git-go, please refrain from the I's. And remember to cross all your t's. And i before e except after c.

So the ayes have it?

"Blue Monday" ( A rehash from yesteryear )

The pinto was in full stride zooming down the countryside ( on my way to work ) when the news blurb mentioned that January 21 is the most depressing day of the year. I swilled a sip of my Folgers coffee, heavy on the caffeine, and attempted to digest this bit of news.

Why Monday, January 21? The 'experts" or whoever it was who had too much time on his hands, decided to wit: 1) number of days since Christmas; 2) credit card bills are pouring in from overspending via the holidays; 3) it's cold as hell unless you live in or subscribe to a land of global warming; 4) failed New Year's resolutions; 5) and just plain old low motivation.

I had another sip of the mountain-grown stuff as visions of Mrs. Olson quickly and thankfully subsided. Because a malaise pervades my inner spirit, the days are all the same to me anyway. But as I sit here peckin' away, I now realize that this was a particularly shitty day. ( pardon my french, s'il vous plait ) Later on towards midnite it got better, but there was no pep in my step for the most part.

New Year's Resolutions? Sorry, I didn't make any and never have. But if I were to dabble in shaping my inevitable future, perhaps my goals and resolutions would/should be:

1) To save the world....from itself.

2) Develop a new fuel source. Luckily, most of youse don't buy petrol known as diesel. Just saw it at the pump for $3.57 purr, er, per gallon. Ouch!

3) Produce a new sequel of "Jaws" the movie. One which would rival the original. "Jaws 2" is curently on the boob tube directed by Jeannot Szwarc. ( sp ) Don't know how that useless fact got lodged in the brain cells, but it's there. For better or for worse. Just like in marriage, eh?

4) Write a novel which sets the N.Y. Times Best Seller list on FIRE. "Great piece of work from this 50ish new author, who had been relegating his dubious talents in the wonderful world of food bizdom. You can give this book to any and all of your friends/family any day of the year ( January 21, notwithstanding ) ," says Bennett Cerf of Random House.

"I am impressed with this erstwhile food bizdom guy. I picked up his new book, 'Forays into the Infantile' and couldn't put it down. I am eagerly a'waiting to ketchup ( food pun....ha ha ) on all his earlier G.P. tales via blogspot," says Rex Reed of the L.A. Times.

5) Eradicate the landscape of all fast food restaurants. Nuff said.

6) Develop a strategy in which customers who stand in line to buy something-anything-must not take precious time away from the poor slobs behind them. Women: no looting in your vast wasteland of a pocketbook to find your last penny. Men: keep your hands outta your pants, unless you need to maneuver a discreet shift. Take the damn change and GO. "I gotta penny....somewhere-hold on"-should be outlawed. And that person should immediately proceed to jail, allah Monopoly. And fine 'em $200.00 for starters.

7) While we're on the subject, never order your food at any fast food joint by saying, "I needa burger, I needa fries; and I needa ketchup." Let's pretend Anita [ INeeda ] quit the job so order by saying, "I would like" or "gimme." Or any facsimile, thereof.

8) Write Slippery, Rockhead, bbq, pictruandtru, to see if they've fallen off the map.

9) Design a game plan for the N.Y. Giants in their quest to win the Super Bowl Thus, ending New England's dream of a perfect season: 19 and 0!

10) And maybe....start working-out; quit smoking; and limit the amount of times my hands are discreetly in me pockets.

Yeah, January 21 was a dreary kind of day. Yes, I was a victim. The good part? It's now January 22nd here on G.P. and I'm feeling much better.

Farewell and adieu time, v.c.

"Go Braves"

The Braves are in the playoffs-the first time since 2005. We are limping in, but perhaps the 3 day rest will do us some good.

My prediction: Braves will win this playoff series. And move on to the next round.

I would love to go to Game 3 on Sunday. Perhaps I'll see you there.

Other predictions: Texas over Tampa Bay.

Minnesota over New York Yankees-to hell with Mariano Rivera.

And Philadelphia over Cincinnati.

"Same Time Next Year"

It may not be "Casablanca," "Citizen Kane," or"Gone With the Wind" but it's one of my favorite movies. Maybe because there is a Casablanca type sequence and perhaps because they show a clip of Perry Mason, my favorite tv show of all time.

P.S. Methinks I saw it at the drive-in circa 1979 on a double bill as the second feature. What a treat because for the most part the second feature was always a bomb.

"John Lennon"

It's hard to believe that John Lennon would be 70 years old in October. Where did the time go?

Recently I saw where Mark David Chapman,the maniacal madman who killed John, had also targeted Johnny Carson and Elizabeth Taylor. But John was more accessible.

In observance of his birthday a new 11 box cd is out. Here are the details:

The John Lennon Signature Box

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The John Lennon Signature Box is a deluxe 11CD and digital collection of John's eight remastered albums, a disc of rare and previously unreleased recordings, and an EP of Lennon's non-album singles.

The CDs will be housed in digisleeves within a deluxe box including a collectible limited edition John Lennon 70th birthday art print, personal essays from Yoko Ono, Sean Lennon and Julian Lennon written especially for the collection, plus a 60 page hardbound book featuring rare photos, artwork, collages, poetry, and new liner notes by respected American music journalist and author Anthony DeCurtis.

Fans buying the Signature Box will also have access to premium interactive content in the immersive John Lennon 'Universe'. Further details to follow.

"VH-1's Top 100 Artists of all Time"

I watched some of the 4 hour show which featured the top 100 artists of all time. They were voted on by 200 artists which included Ozzy Osbourne ( no relation ); Alicia Keyes; and others I can't remember as of this writing.

I was more interested in seeing who would be number 1. Of course, I knew it would be between Michael Jackson, whose recent death would give him a big boost, and the Fab 4 from Liverpool. If you have ever read my column, then you know who I was pulling for.

The Beatles burst onto the scene in the USA in 1964. Life as we knew it-and particularly mine-would never be the same.

Who won the contest? The winner is shown below in a video from youtube.

"For the Love of the Game"

I have always loved baseball. Loved playing and loved watching.

In high school we played home run derby on the tennis court at Fulton High School, my old alma mater. You only needed 4 players-2 on each side. A pitcher and a fielder.

What games we had, some memorable. A ball that hit the fence on the ground was a single; a ball that was misplayed by the fielder was an error; and a ball that hit the fence was a home run; but a ball hit over the fence was an out. And slowed up the game because we had to look for the ball. If there was water on the court, our rubber ball could be a potentially deadly missile when it was stroked.

And I played home run derby with my friend Steve W. whose front yard yielded many enjoyable games, some marked with tension and drama. Our game was played with plastic balls and bats, both full of tape to add weight. A ball hit halfway across the street was a single, and a ball hit into the neighbor's yard across the street was a home run. Me and Steve, even well into our teens, loved playing our little game.

And I have enjoyed watching professional baseball on tv and in person. Once in L.A. when my sister, mother and me were on a 3 day vacation, circa 1962, we went to Knotts Berry Farm and Disneyland among other places, but a quick glance at the local newspaper heralded the arrival of the N.Y. Yankees for a weekend series with the L.A. Angels. Roger Maris, Whitey Ford, Yogi Berra, and the Mick were gonna be in town. How I would have loved to see the men in pinstripes, but, alas, it wasn't meant to be. And whatever happened to Elston Howard, Gil McDougal and Bill Skowron?

And I will never forget seeing Willie Mays patrolling center field in 1966 in Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium; and Sandy Koufax and the Dodgers being beaten in that same year on a home run by Eddie Mathews in the bottom of the ninth. 50,000 delirious fans, of which some left because of the one hour rain delay, went bananas. Sandy didn't lose many games that year, but he lost 2-1 on this night. Sadly, 1966 was his last year.

I've watched the Braves since '66. When they resided in the outhouse, and when they ascended to the penthouse ( 1991 ). From Rico Carty to Hank Aaron to Biff Poccaroba to John Smoltz, Tom Glavine and Chipper Jones to Troy Glaus, Rick Ankiel, and Omar Infante I've been there.

Yep, I'm a baseball fan. Have always loved to play the game and to watch.

"Woman Goes into a Rage over McNuggets"

This is good stuff. Another great story from the food biz.

"Ten Creepy Ads from Yesterday"

This site is cool. Many things to choose from.

 

 

"You Can't Beat the Axis If You Get V.D."

 

"Limbaugh on Steinbrenner"

"That cracker made a lot of African-American millionaires," the radio commentator said Tuesday on his show after the New York Yankees owner died at age 80. "He fired a bunch of white guys as managers left and right."



Needless to say a lot of people are upset. Duh, what was he thinking?

"Mr. Trivia"

Just call me Mr. trivia. I know J.C. Flippen, Andrew Duggan, Ward Bond, and that Vitto Scotti was in a Rock Hudson movie entitled "Blindfold."

With that being said I went to "Big Daddy's," a local suds and brew here on golden pond, for adult trivia night.

I knew the first three answers:

17 is the age that most girls lose their virginity. ( simply a guess on my part-I think I was 25-or was it 30-for me ).

Opium was the reason for a war between China and some other country in the 1800's.

Can't remember the 3rd question but I aced it.

You also got bonus points if you knew the song ( actually the artist ) that was being played with each question.

That was the rub....for me. No Beatles, Stones, Lloyd Price, Spooky Tooth, Vanilla Fudge, Cream-not even Mott the Hoople.

I did know two of the songs. Kiss and Guns N Roses. 2 outta twenty is pathetic for Mr. Trivia.

Maybe next time Vitto Scotti will be the answer, or perhaps I should try being blindfolded!

P.S. No Byrds either!

Hall and Oates

 

"Al Gore Invented the Internet....and Groped A Massage Therapist....Allegedly"

A close friend of a Portland massage therapist who accused former Vice President Al Gore of groping her says the therapist told her soon after the 2006 encounter that she'd been violated and assaulted by "someone in the higher ups."

Poor Al seems to be joining the list of men who have cheated on their wives. Welcome to the club: Jesse James; Tiger Woods; Bill Clinton; et al.

P.S. Did anyone notice the long introductions to Hall and Oates' songs.

Florida If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.

I’m Under Arrest for What? Fifty Bizarre U.S. Laws

llinois
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago).

Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.

Indiana
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415.

Iowa
One-armed piano players must perform for free.

The list goes on and on....

"Ketchup"

The Atlanta Braves are in first place. Shades of yesteryear. From 91 to 2005 the Bravos won 14 straight division titles. Only one World Championship, so Bobby Cox, our manager, catches all kinds of flack from the fan base. Bobby is retiring at the end of the year, so it would be great to see him go out a winner via the World Series.

John Wooden passed away yesterday at the ripe old age of 99. And whatever happened to Bill Walton?

Tipper and Al Gore have decided to separate after 40 years of wedded bliss. No affairs have been chronicled ( as of yet ) but Tipper has been depressed. The official decree is they just drifted apart.

The oil spill in the gulf can't be stopped. And "drill, baby. drill" has probably been tabled for a long time. The ecosystem has taken a hit as well as the cities on the coast and its citizens.

Daniel Craig, the latest James Bond, was seen allegedly making out with his male friend outside a gay club in California. Shades of Rock Hudson, a heartthrob of the 50's, 60's, and 70's. The Craig rumor was reported by the National Enquirer so....

President Obama is catching hell. Especially from the citizens of Louisiana. And from the right wing factions of our country. But he still finds time to entertain Paul McCartney ( my boyhood idol ); and to encourage Lebron James to come to Chicago [ Bulls ].

Armando Galarraga pitched a perfect no hitter, but Jim Joyce, the 1st base umpire blew the last out of the game by calling the batter/runner safe at 1st base, and all hell broke loose. Calls for more instant replay became blogger fodder, along with every sports commentator in the world. Not sure if President Obama weighed in on this one or not.

I wrote "Going to my Grandma's" and somehow erased it. At the last second before posting. The writer has not been inspired to recreate it at the present time.

The Beach Boys ( or what's left of the original band ) played at the Ted after the Braves game on Memorial Day. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to go with me. The appeal of the "all you can eat" tickets were especially appealing. Even tho you have only until the 7th inning to gorge yourself on hot dogs, nachos, hamburgers, sodas, and the like.

I'm still unemployed but have been enjoying staying at home with no deadlines and no passive aggressive types to deal with. "You can't take it with you" is my motto.

Ketchup. And buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks; I don't care if I never go back.

"Going to my Grandma's"

"No More Happy Meals"

I personally think this is a joke. 1 out of 4 kids in this sleepy hamlet are overweight, so the government steps in and outlaws toys at restaurants aka fast food emporiums.

I also think that fast food is crappola. But for the government to step in is ridiculous.

Vatican finally over Beatles' 'Bigger than Jesus' claim

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Vatican has finally made peace with the Beatles, saying their drug use, "dissolute" lives and even the claim that the band was bigger than Jesus are all in the past — while their music lives on.

"Academy Awards Revisited" and "Sandra Bullock"

Apologies to Sandra Bullock, who after winning the ultimate prize in Hollywood, met the agony of defeat when she learned her husband, Jesse James, had been cheating on her. At least she wasn't married to Tiger Woods.

Here's a foray from years ago where the author of G.P. put his spin on the best movie Oscar nominees. Not sure whence it came but it was on my desktop. So without further delay here it is:

1) "The Squid and the Whale": New CEO of a cafeteria chain decides to shake-up the menu by introducing sushi. Zany hijinks ensue as rowdy guests balk at the new fare. "We want the old favorites," says the President of the AARP Snobird Organization. Another classic line from the film: "Don't count the black eyed peas," muttered by one of the independent factions.

2) "Derailed" : Spellbinding! Exhilirating! Riveting! Another Big Business moviedom romp, based loosely on "Brave New World, " "The Jungle," and "Animal Farm." Mayhem and chaos on "The runaway nite train. Ready to crash and burn. It never learns" is the movie's hook and tag line.

3) "Prime" : A documentary from the Dilly Brothers as they romp across 13 states in search of the perfect dining experience. Bill Dilly gets pissed at one stop where most of the food items are empty, cold, and tasteless. "At least one of the servers smiled," Will Dilly remarks to his brother is a memorable line that will stay with you forever.

4) "Get Rich or Die Trying:" "At the end of the day what will you hang onto?" Leroy "50 Cent" Piece decides to hang it up after 40 plus years of cooking fried chicken. After many foiled attempts at franchising his popular fowl cuisine, "50 Cent" Leroy becomes a serial killer. "A psychological thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seats," says "The New York Times." Cameo by Miss Bessie, who is Leroy's first victim. "I always hated that bitch," '50 Cent' mutters rhetorically in one of the more distressing scenes.

5) "Chicken Little:" "Hilarious" says Bob Wire of People Magazine. Reviewer Cal Esthenics of "The Washington Post" reports, "I 'bout fell out of my seat when the guest told the manager, ' you oughta be ashamed of taking them baby chicks away from their mother.'"

6) "I Walk The Line:" A new recruit in the wonderful world of show biz walks up and down the serving line. Day in and day out. He gets weary of saying, "Change this pan. How long on fried chicken? Whaddaya mean you've got to go home?" so he decides to write a song. Instant suckcess follows, and he becomes a country-western legend. His name: Johnny Cash! "Spellbinding" claims Siskel/Ebert.

7) "Harry Potter and The Giblet of Fire:" Based loosely on "Animal House," this zany comedy takes place on the campus of "Truck U.," during the Thanksgiving holidays. When a blizzard engulfs the campus and the students aren't allowed to leave, Harry conjures up a 'giblet of fire' and saves the day by making cornbread dressing in bain maries.

8)"Jarhead:" A marine heads to Northern California to debunk the theory that "rice au roni" is actually "the San Francisco Treat."

9) "The Legend of Azzwhole:" The swashbuckling hero returns after a rousing suckcess in the fast food and cafeteria bizness. "All hail, Caesar" is a recurring line spoken by the plebians.

10) "Capote:" This foray into the infantile is capote. Fini.' You may now disembark the night train....

"Waxing Nostalgic"

New From K TEL Records: Piccadilly 5-Aug-01 01:07 am
Managers sing the hits.

You loved their earlier collection. You waxed nostalgic as they sang "Can We Serve You." And other timeless classics.

Piccadilly Managers sing the hits from K TEL sold more copies than Slim Whitman ever imagined selling.

More chart toppers than the Oak Ridge Boys.

And here they are again by popular demand.

You'll hear them sing: The Eagles'

Welcome to the "Cafeteria Piccadilly." Such a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely place....
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

You'll salivate at their remake of Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge over Troubled Waters."

Your taste buds will flare as they sing Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll."
It's been a long time since we made some honest-to-god rolls,
It's been a long time since we had some good bowls.
Carry me back, carry me back.
To the place I came from.

The Piccadilly Managers sing disco, too. It may be a dinosaur today, but who can forget those liesure suits and gaudy hair styles.

The Mgrs. get funky as they bellow:

The BeeGees, "Stayin' Alive." And Gloria Gaynor's classic, "I Will Survive."

Some of the mgrs. have left the band since the first record. But who cares. You'll never notice as they continue the disco portion with Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think We're Sexy?"

They'll segue way into the early seventies with Lynard Skynard's "Free Bird."
If I leave here tomorrow?
Will you still remember me?
Cos I'm as free as a bird now.
And this bird you cannot change.

And you'll revel in their rendition of Skynard's, "Ooh That Smell."

PIC Mgrs. do instrumentals, too. You'll pray to your own personal God when they recreate Mike Oldfield's, Theme From The Exorcist." You'll love those tubular bells.

You'll creep closer to 1969 when the mgrs. sing Crosby Stills Nash and Young's classics. "Our House," and "Deja Vu." Have you been here before?

Of course, you have. K TEL's first. Pic Mgrs. sing the hits.

They play to the Yahoo Message Board, too. Love letters to their fans. ibbq4u2, nelore1,
superdilly 2000, A2FAY, and more.

Yahoo. You'll never forget the mgrs. singing Captain and Tenille's "Hoots Will Keep Us Together."
And K.C. and the Sunshine Band's "Shake Your Hootsbuddie."
Ah, Shake Shake Shake
Shake Shake Shake
Shake your hootsbuddie.

They'll close the show with CCR's "Bad Moon Rising," Jimi's "Purple Haze" and Joan Baez's "The Night They Closed Old Piccadilly Down."

Have your credit card ready. Operators standing by. Available on cd or cassette. Dinosaur mentalities, ones who long for the return of drive-ins, discos, and cafeterias, must purchase 8 track only.

You loved them once. You'll love them again.
Call 1-800-DEJA VU. If lines are busy
keep trying. Everyone will want a copy of Piccadilly Mgrs. sing the hits. Volume two.

If lines continue to be busy, dial 1-800-Forgot How To Make A Roll.

Must be 18 to order. Even accept posterior retentive orders.

New From K TEL. Order today.

"Millionaire Made Grave Error"

She bought her clothes at rummage sales, didn't own a car and worked most of her life as a secretary for a pharmaceutical company.

Yet after her death at age 100, Grace Groner left Lake Forest College a gift of $7 million to be used for scholarships. The money came from three shares of stock she bought -- and held on to -- in 1935.

As David Roeder of the Chicago Sun-Times points out: "It is a grave error to put your nest egg behind a single company, and it is worse when the company is your employer. Groner had a winner, but others have done this with Enron, General Motors or Bear Stearns."

The all-in-one basket strategy was, of course, a grave error for employees of Enron and others. And financial advisers love to herald diversification, which didn't turn out so well for many investors during the financial crisis.

P.S. They forgot to add Piccadilly to the list! My pal, Bronco Billy, diversified his stock and came out smelling like a rose. But his boss and my mentor lost his shirt!

P.S.S. This is post 2000. Where do we go from here, eh?

"Ways to Increase Business"

The proprietor of the Pond was perusing old posts from back in the day ( 2001 to be exact) on my ex company's message board via Yahoo. Me and others had a ball extolling our opinions. We became engaged-a popular word during the heyday. Here's one of my earlier forays into the infantile. Submitted for your approval.

And thanks to one of the engaged who recently asked me if I had archived my endeavors. I did but don't know into which black hole they have absconded. And without further adieu, here it is. [ damn, has it been almost 9 years ago? ]


Bring back the old tried and true recipes for
success. They worked quite well in the past.

Number one: Charge for butter. Strip search customer if necessary.

Number two: Charge for crackers. Strip search customer......

Number three: Continue child's policy. No bread. Kids don't like bread, especially rolls.

Number four: Do away with tip wage. People don't like to tip in cafeterias. Floor staff can hide more, like they did in the good old days.

Number five: Draw a line in the sand when it comes to customers returning food.Just because they ate all the food doesn't mean they enjoyed it.

Number six: Bring back those scales that never worked. For the counter. That way we can weigh everyone's order. Especially roast beef, ham,
and chicken tenders.

Number seven: Charge for tartar sauce. Why should some have to subsidize others. Tartar sauce has too much fat, clogs arteries, which makes health premiums skyrocket.

Number eight: Don't discount anything. If we charge less for a large ( jumbo ) chop steak and you sell one hundred a day times 230 cafeterias times 365 days a yaer we'll lose x amount of dollars. We can't have that.So let's keep the price high.

Number nine: Have all the staff say, "Can I serve you?" to the customers.Managers, too, when handling complaints. Customers will love it.

Number ten: Use catchy jargon for the products.
Typical scenario. "Can I serve you?" "Uhmm, what kind of fish is that?" Server: "That's our delicious, farm raised catfish, farmed on the banks of Saigon. It's our TET offensive special of the day." Customer: "You sold me.And I'll have tartar sauce."

Number eleven: Go back to two scoops for vegetable servings. A 12 scoop for regular, a la carte orders, and a 16 scoop for best value or combo.After saying, "Can I serve you," server differentiates-quickly- what scoop to use. Must use your best servers here.

Number twelve: Bring back small glasses for tea. Rack tea like we did in the old days.Be sure and keep hoses cleaned, however. Bleach works great.

These worked in the past. And they will work today.

"Post 1997"

Getting close to post 2000. Hopefully all will be well when the Pond meets the milestone.

The following video is from an older chap who lives somewhere in England. He does Beatles covers as well as other artists. This one sounds like a tune Ringo would sing.