The proprietor of the Pond was perusing old posts from back in the day ( 2001 to be exact) on my ex company's message board via Yahoo. Me and others had a ball extolling our opinions. We became engaged-a popular word during the heyday. Here's one of my earlier forays into the infantile. Submitted for your approval.
And thanks to one of the engaged who recently asked me if I had archived my endeavors. I did but don't know into which black hole they have absconded. And without further adieu, here it is. [ damn, has it been almost 9 years ago? ]
Bring back the old tried and true recipes for
success. They worked quite well in the past.
Number one: Charge for butter. Strip search customer if necessary.
Number two: Charge for crackers. Strip search customer......
Number three: Continue child's policy. No bread. Kids don't like bread, especially rolls.
Number four: Do away with tip wage. People don't like to tip in cafeterias. Floor staff can hide more, like they did in the good old days.
Number five: Draw a line in the sand when it comes to customers returning food.Just because they ate all the food doesn't mean they enjoyed it.
Number six: Bring back those scales that never worked. For the counter. That way we can weigh everyone's order. Especially roast beef, ham,
and chicken tenders.
Number seven: Charge for tartar sauce. Why should some have to subsidize others. Tartar sauce has too much fat, clogs arteries, which makes health premiums skyrocket.
Number eight: Don't discount anything. If we charge less for a large ( jumbo ) chop steak and you sell one hundred a day times 230 cafeterias times 365 days a yaer we'll lose x amount of dollars. We can't have that.So let's keep the price high.
Number nine: Have all the staff say, "Can I serve you?" to the customers.Managers, too, when handling complaints. Customers will love it.
Number ten: Use catchy jargon for the products.
Typical scenario. "Can I serve you?" "Uhmm, what kind of fish is that?" Server: "That's our delicious, farm raised catfish, farmed on the banks of Saigon. It's our TET offensive special of the day." Customer: "You sold me.And I'll have tartar sauce."
Number eleven: Go back to two scoops for vegetable servings. A 12 scoop for regular, a la carte orders, and a 16 scoop for best value or combo.After saying, "Can I serve you," server differentiates-quickly- what scoop to use. Must use your best servers here.
Number twelve: Bring back small glasses for tea. Rack tea like we did in the old days.Be sure and keep hoses cleaned, however. Bleach works great.
These worked in the past. And they will work today.
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