"Another 'Dear Cat'"

 

"The World According to v.c."
Dear Cat: I have read your column for years and have noticed your affinity for believing "the world has gone mad." What evidence purports your claim? And do you believe the only sane people are those housed in asylums?

Signed: Purporting to be one who flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Dear Cuckoo: First let me applaud your choice of words: purport. Not many denizens of this world ( or any other, for that matter ) would use purport in everyday conversation. Especially using it in a query to a lovelorn column, such as this one.
But for evidence that you deem necessary, just click on the link: grills by Paul Wall. I report; you purport. Thanks for the query!

Dear Cat: Will you consider voting for Hillary Clinton as our next President of these United States? If not, would you ever vote for a woman?

Signed: China Girl

Dear China Girl: Just you shut your mouth! Apologies to David Bowie. I would NEVER vote for Hillary. And I would NEVER vote for a woman. Why? Women are either too hot or too cold. They all suffer from inferiority complexes, i.e. does this dress make my butt look too big? ( the only answer is "no, darling." ) Women whine incessantly. And they become mean-spirited and highly opinionated as they get older. My thesis is purportedly politically incorrect. But I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Dear Cat: I see where Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are going to court. To dissolve their marriage. Some say she will receive at least 50 million to untie the knot. Poor Heather has been villified by the press, and not since John began dating Yoko Ono has there been so much hate directed towards one woman, Hillary notwithstanding. Because you are a big fan of the Fab 4, what's your take on this delicate situation?

Signed: Love is a battlefield-apology to Pat Benatar.

Dear Love is all you need. See my answer to China Girl's query. Nuff said.

Dear Cat: What's tonite's video from youtube? I will go out on a limb and predict it to be a tune mentioned in tonite's lovelorn column? Am I right?

Signed: You will have no female readers after your latest foray concerning the opposite sex.

Dear Opposite Sex: Tell 'em what she won, Johnny. And if the prize happens to be a dress, mention nada about what it does for her posterior region. Here's Johnny, er, tonite's youtube video.