"Not Sleepy"

Maybe I'm depressed. My life has gone into the toilet lately. I went to sleep an hour ago and woke up soon afterwards. I know when it's futile; just lying there tossing and turning and knowing the sandman has come once and won't return for a while. And I had all these thoughts in my head about writing a brilliant foray for G.P., so you see where I capitulated.

I'm used to working 60-70-80 hours a week. And being on my feet. And wrestling with the staff and guests, and, most recently, my fellow management. Even then I would have trouble sleeping with too many thoughts running through my brain. What's left of it anyway, so we'll use the term loosely.

And coming home late at night while the rest of the family was asleep, or off in his/her own world. Eating late and gorging myself with fatty foods, such as potato chips, cheese-nips, and sandwiches. I passed that phase of stuffing my face with a pastry from Entemanns. At one point, I idolized the raspberry danish with the sugary icing.

I've come full circle, and I always saw it, envisioned it happening. As if it were destined; as if I had no control over the events that were slowly manipulating themselves into reality. If Plato or Homer were around today, surely I could make a case for them as being a tragic hero.

Our lives ( me and Kitty ) were hectic and chaotic, but we perservered through it all. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change any of the challenges that faced us, but I would handle them oh so differently. But that's the rub. We arent't privy to hindsight until it's too late.

I'm getting old. I'm getting tired. I don't have the fire anymore. I want to start winding down, not gearing up for more work, work, work. I think I've had enough of that. And as my alter ego likes to say: "Kaput, fini.'"

Will I be happy working a job where I don't have much input? Would I be happy working 40 hours a week? Will I even find a decent job period? Don't know. Only time will tell.

Well, methinks I'm done with the foray. Still not sleepy. But it is what it is. Perhaps a sleeping pill will do the trick.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream, v.c.

P.S. Enclosed is a song [ if I can find it ] which touches quite well on the above!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KRFypEsn_Y8