Will our hero get up before the count of ten? The jury is still out. Perhaps I can get O.J."s jury. And they will exonerate me. I didn't kill anyone. I don't wear Bruno Magli shoes, and even if I did, they wouldn't be soaked with blood. Last time I looked, I wasn't African-American.
It's tough being my age and trying to find a good job. Prospective employers look at me as a liability, one who carries a lot of baggage. There's got to be something out there for me. What will it be? In Al-Anon and these church services I have been privy to via television, the solution seems to be to allow God ( higher power ) to take care of things. ( sorry, hoots for the "t" word )
Because of my sponge-like brain for the trivial things, ( oops ) I will cringe when using said word and will have to find an alternative.
When I was in the 7th grade, Ms. Spence, whose husband looked like Joey Bishop, raved over a paper from Pam Griffin on "The Panama Canal." Seems the rest of the class used sentences like: "Yeah, the government went in and cleaned it up, cos it was dirty, dontchaknow. And people died cos of the dirty conditions. But we, the U.S.of A., being the good guys and all, got "things" rolling and soon you could cut across the middle of the world, if you were lucky to have a boat. Yeah, U.S.A. The End! P.S. Most people said it couldn't be done, but we showed 'em."
Ms. Spence was obese and Joey, her husband, was skinny. Seemed he liked a lot of meat on the bones. Ms. Spence always got the usual comment: "If she lost about 100 lbs. she'd look darn good, cos she's got a pretty face."
Anyway, the aforementioned Pam Griffin wrote a masterpiece for the 7th grade. Hers went like this:
Yes, the United States Government arrived at the site for the Panama Canal. Ravaged by disease and unsanitary conditions, the U.S. worked towards constructing the canal! With due diligence and years in the making, the canal was finished. And a link joining the Atlantic and the Pacific was available to seafaring vessels. The U.S.A. had completed what many experts had deemed impossible. The following story is now kaput. Fini.' Signed, Ms. Pam Griffin, writer extraordinaire for the 7th grade class. "
That story always stuck with yours truly. Cos I was one of the minions who didn't know how to use sophisticated words to write my tale.
Wonder what Pam is doing now? She was a redhead, and I went bonkers over her. Ms. Spence is still around from what I've heard. But Joey, her hubby, died a few years back, when Ms. Spence rolled over in the bed and squashed the poor fella, killing him in his sleep. I heard she has since remarried to another thin-framed man who resembles Peter Lawford.
In summary, 1) don't get fired by your employers-try the art of "ass-kissing" for your state of mind; 2) For seventh graders only. When composing forays, avoid words like "dontchaknow" and "cleaned-up;" 3) Be afraid-be very afraid, if your wife outweighs you by one hundred pounds, and you sleep together;" and 4) Don't ever work in the food business. ( I just threw that in for the "halibut." )
5) Farewell and adieu, v.c.
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