"Dear Ngudu Returns"

Dear Ngudu, Your foster dad here. Or should I say ex foster dad, because I haven't sent my monthly installments to you in quite a long time. Hope your doing well. Sorry for the spelling of you're as your. Hope you understand. It's the text message phenomena that's taken over since my last correspondence. Yer is okay too, but I have an old fashioned cell phone, and it doesn't recognize slang words. Your Uncle Hoots is perhaps the only man in this country who doesn't own one.


When you get your own phone and begin texting you can save time by using anagrams. Maybe that's too big of a word for you, so I will give examples that will help. "OMG" is short for oh, my god. You use this when yer surprised by what the other person texts you. Like when my friend sent me one today and said Rick Perry had dropped out of the presidential race, I shot back with "OMG!" 

It's not polite or proper etiquette to use all capital letters, but I couldn't help it today when I received another text informing me that Newt Gingrich's ex wife is saying some horrible things about him. He wanted an open marriage.

"OMG!" ( notice the cap letters and exclamation point! ) was my reply.

Another good text abbreviation is TMI. When my mother, your foster grandmother, fills me in with her daily regimen: a teaspoon of  Miralax in her coffee in the morning; three prunes at bedtime, and a stool softener suppository where the sun don't shine in order to maintain regularity, my immediate response is TMI. ( Too Much Information! If I were a woman it is also trendy to utter EWWW!! as well.  


Well, the crap is hitting the fan, Ngudu. We're in a presidential election year over here in the U.S. It's a long way from Tanzania, I know, but surely you've read about it in the Tanzania Gazette or Journal. The Republican hopefuls are having debates in order to win primaries.They want to become the commander-in-chief. One in particular is a man that goes by the name of Herman Cain. He, however,  is now yesterday's news.  He was the CEO ( not a text anagram ) of Godfather's Pizza back in the day. Some female co-workers came out of the closet and accused Herman of hanky panky. Because your young we'll leave it at that. TMI!


Hopefully you will visit me one day on the Pond, Ngudu. Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you. If we meet up in San Francisco, I will not be able to purchase a McDonald's Happy Meal for you. Entree, fries, drink and a TOY! From Vietnam. Or China. Your neck of the woods. Even if you substitute the fries with sliced apples and replace the coke with fruit juice, it is against the law for the Happy Place to sell a Happy Meal to you.I would hate to see the two of us handcuffed and carted off to jail, just because you want to savor Americana in its finest form.The law makers decided that the Happy Meal made kids obese ( a polite way of saying  your fat ), and that it reeked of cholesterol.

In a similar vein, OMG! a woman today in Georgia ( not the Russian one your familiar with ) was arrested  for allowing her 10 year old son to get a tattoo. The tats parlor is in trouble too. No one under 18 can get a tattoo even with their parents' consent


Well, Ngudu. I've bounced from subject to subject. Hope I didn't bore you. Here's hoping you have a phone-or will get one soon-so we can text each other. It's hard work composing these letters, and a text is quite easier. OMG or TMI and voila there's an instant communique.

Give Sister of Mercy a big hug, your foster dad Cat.