Inner Voice

Me and my inner voice had a brief conversation tonite. It told me to leave the wonderful food biz world. And look for a new job. I didn't want to listen but it was persistent.

It continues to leave subtle hints in my psyche as I'm cutting roast beef, walking the stairmaster, drinking a cup of folger's coffee ( heavy on the caffeine ) with Ms. Olson, playing golf, wind surfing, para-sailing, or writing infantile forays.

The following is a transcript of our conversation. Inner voice vs. yours truly:

"You should quit your job!"

I know, I know. Yes, I'm burnt out!

"You have had your fill of passive-aggressive guests and team members!"

You are so right. Yes, yes!"

"Why not request a tryout with the Golden Corral?"

No, no. Working in the food biz is a worse cruelty than chinese water torture or bamboos under the fingernails.

"You will never receive a purple heart, allah John Kerry, for all of your years of service, even tho you deserve one. No one gives a shit about you!"

Yes, yes. Like a pawn in chess. Tell me more oh inner voice.

"Your buddy, hoots, [ Hootsbuddy's Place ] made the right decision years ago. He left the rat race, the uncertainty, the mental abuse, the squeezing of the turnip, allah Didactic Daddy and others. Get out while the getting's good."

But I'm getting old. My hair is falling out, long nose hairs now seem chic and fashionable, my ear hairs are multiplying faster than a fruit fly colony on a ripe plantain, and my increasing girth is off the chain. Who would hire me? My best years are over.

"Quit, v.c. Quit, v.c. Quit, v.c. And return to a simpler, less stressful lifestyle."

But who will order the produce? Who will unclog the drains? Who will call Quad A repair? Who will taste and cook the food? Who will wash the dishes? Who will wash the pots? Who will supervise garbage detail? Who will write the infantile forays?

"Quit v.c. Quit v.c. And vote for John Kerry in the upcoming presidential election. And go to bed and watch 'Kissin' Cousins' or 'Follow that Dream' with the King ( not Slim Whitman )"

I will try, inner voice. I will try.

"Listen to me, v.c. For your own good. And while you are at it, let the readers know this is the end of tonite's foray. And sign-off with your tag line and write a few postscripts."

I will try, inner voice. I will try.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. I am v.c. but my inner voice has approved tonite's foray.

P.S.S. The above foray was written in August 2004. Tweaked to make sense to anyone who reads it and some of the names were changed to protect the innocent, allah Dragnet.