GOLDEN POND

Chapter 8 Another Manifesto The blood-curdling yell is heard throughout the trailer park. What the hell was that, the residents thought as one? Lieutenant Gerard has just returned from an important police matter. He settles down in his double wide. He pours a shot of cognac to calm his nerves, when he hears the scream from Hades. A quick gulp. Tired but terrified, he grabs a bottle of tequila ( his only backup ) and exits the door. Had Satan unleashed his minions?- had Armageddon began? He wanted to find out. Gerard had been a lifelong Evangelical. A big Star Wars fan too. He often imitated Darth Vader at parties. More than a few tired of his antics, especially when- in his best James Earl Jones-he would say, "Luke, I am your father," and "May the force be with you!" "Who invited this guy?" Garrard also used his CPAP machine as a prop to make the rendition more believable. The gurgling noises of the water in the machine added the right touch. Some believed it was gauche and inappropriate. Especially to sufferers of sleep apnea. But Gerard didn't care. He began reciting The Lord's Prayer.... Phil and his pliers move menacingly towards Bill- he is terrified.... for his life. Phil advances. Bill retreats. Bill: We can work this out, Phil: Okay, Bill. Listen! Hear My Manifesto. I will decide then if you live or die. Or have a painful tooth extraction. Phil begins to recite the nuts and bolts: Don’t think less of people because some of their beliefs don’t align with yours and don’t lose quality people in your life because you choose hate over love. What should one do? Breathe before you reply First things first. Don’t fire back a response pointing out the logical flaws in your friends post. That will most likely lead to a escalating ping pong game of logical and illogical statements. Breathe. Wait a while. Let the moment pass and if you feel so strongly later, then take the time to pen a thoughtful fact-based and unemotional response. Be prepared for an emotional reply.... Bill listens intently: "if I vote for Michael Bloomberg instead of Bernie, can we still be friends?" Phil ponders the question! For a second or two: "Nah! You've got one life left in a 9 lives cat. Sorry, old buddy. The Jig Is Up!" He advances once again! But doesn't notice the takeout box of nachos grande Bill has ordered and had delivered courtesy of "Uber Delivery," lying at Bill's feet. Phil tumbles and falls and lands on a rat trap, strategically-placed by Bugs Burger ( rhymes with merger and perjure). Yes, the trailer park had rats. Big ones and little ones. Phil's nose is snared. It was he of the blood curdling yell. He has the tiny cheese from the trap stuck in his right nostril. Lt. Garrard arrives five minutes later. Bill's in shock; Phil's in agonizing pain. The lieutenant bursts through the door. He surveys the scene, recalling his police academy training. He begins interrogating the two. Both are mum! Phil: I ain't answering any questions without my lawyer, Matt Locke Sheindlin Esquire. Bill: No worries, Phil ( who's still struggling to free himself from the rat trap ). Barney Fife here illegally entered our trailer. Phil: Right. Pass the guacamole and salsa. Let's have Chinese tomorrow ( rubs his nose after extricating himself from the trap and takes a few opioids for pain ). Garrard mutters a few choice curse words and leaves. He clutches the tequila and takes a big swig. Bill: I'm sorry, Phil. Phil: Love means never having to say you're sorry. Little do the two know Garrard is hot on the trail of Juan R. Mann, the accountant. The same Juan R. Mann, Phil and Bill are in pursuit of. Bill: Pass the nachos, Amigo. Phil: J'taime. Order extra jalapenos next time. Bill: And extra cheese! Both laugh. Phil takes two more opioids. Soon he is feeling no pain. End of Chapter 8. Chapter 9: Juan R. Mann returns.