GOLDEN POND

Chapter 2 Phil Who Bill: Time to rise and shine, Phil. We do have a job, you know. Chattanooga Aquarium. You're a tour guide, and I'm a diver with the greatest show on earth. Does it ring a bell, Sir? Bill called everyone, Sir, when he was annoyed! Which was often. Even the fish disliked him! Phil: You go without me, Bill. I'm calling out sick. I can't take it anymore. Kids asking dumb questions like "where's SpongeBob SquarePants." And adults making corny jokes like "is that Charlie the Tuna!" We'll never find the one-armed man here anyway. Bill: Don't be so sure. I think I saw him yesterday, while I was swimming with the fishes. A burst of bubbles from my tank obscured my view-then an orca swam by and I couldn't see a thing. But I'm sure it's him Phil: I think it's he! Bill: Me too! ....Bill has sauteed eel and a Neptune salad for breakfast and washes it down with black coffee, heavy on the caffeine. Phil: Maybe we're on the right track, but I'm staying home, Bill. I feel like being a couch potato today! I want to watch Price is Right, Justice with Judge Mablean, Divorce Court and Judge Judy.... For breakfast Phil is having beef and cheese enchiladas with green chilies. He's washing it down with Redbull! Bill: Ok. But a buck's a buck. Adios, Phil. ( goodbye in spanish). Meet me for lunch at Long John Silvers if you get tired of watching TV. Perhaps, I will see him again at the aquarium. I told the dolphins to alert me if they see the one-armed tax accountant. They don't call me the fish whisperer for nothing! Later, Phil is watching the contestants spinning the big wheel on the Price is Right, when he notices one in particular having difficulty. Phil does a double take. Phil: Damn, it's the one-armed man! He immediately calls the show! "Price is Right, can I help you?" Phil: This is Phil in Chattanooga. Can I talk to Drew Carey? Stat! "I'm sorry, sir, but he's busy taping shows." Phil: I've got to talk to him. Stat! It's an emergency! "One minute, sir, I'll see what I can do!" Phil awaits anxiously! "Drew Carey here- can I help you?" "Hi Drew. Love your show! Come on down, spayed and neutered, and Rob Roddy; Dian what's her name, who had an affair with Bob Barker, and who can forget Johnny Olson!" "Thank you but my secretary said you had an emergency." It was Dian Parkinson, btw. Phil: Sorry, Drew! My name is Phil O'Soffikle. My buddy, Bill, is looking for a one-armed tax accountant, and I just saw him on your show spinning the big wheel. He prepared Bill's taxes and absconded with a million dollars! Bill was set up. He's going to the big house, if he can't find this guy. He goes by the name, Juan R. Mann! Drew wants to help. "Yes, Juan was on the show two weeks ago. We tape ahead. He won the showcase showdown! Almost won both showcases. Lately, he has been staying with one of our models. She's getting married soon to a prince, but she believes in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Try calling my friend, Judy, as well. She's out of New York and can give you some legal advice! Juan lives in Beverly Hills! 1 Armanni Lane near Rodeo Drive!. Good luck! And don't forget to have your pets spayed and neutered!" Phil thanks Drew and calls Bill with the news. But learns Bill is in the ER. While feeding Willie the whale, Bill was attacked by 2 jellyfish. Both embedded and ensconced on his diver's mask. Frantic, Phil jumps in his car-destination General Hospital in Chattanooga! As the world turns thought Phil, hoping Bill had more than one life to live. What would he tell all his children-he prayed for a guiding light! Meanwhile, Bill is ensconced in intensive care. Along with the jellyfishes. Surgeons want to operate, but a wrong snip could prove fatal. Although in dire straits, Bill dreams of Farmer Carter, the man who shooed him from the peanut patch many years ago. And how Carter made it big in the housing industry. And how founding Hobbits Taught for Humanity propelled him to a presidential bid! And a lucrative book deal! As the morphine kicks in, Bill loses all thought! End of Chapter 2.