You Are Getting Sleepy

Another archived post from back in the day. Seems me and my peers were having our monthly and obligatory manager's meeting. This particular meeting would be conducted by Briggs, our regional manager, and we would have a special guest speaker, Mr. Deft Itsallgood.

Our company was struggling at the time and a new regime was taking over. With different ideologies, a good bit of the team was balking and having a difficult time embracing the transition. And as a result, our meeting would include a blurb or two about "change."

Written in January 2003, here's "You Are Getting Sleepy." :


The gold medallion was swaying back and forth, back and forth. Our eyes were mesmerized, watching its every move. The room was still except for a melodic voice telling us that we were getting sleepy, very sleepy. We were encouraged to let it go. Unwind. Relax. To imagine we were on a desolate, deserted tropical island, whose female citizenry frollicked topless in their tiny thong bikinis. ( My dream, anyway ) The medallion continued its journey from side to side. Yes, we were getting sleepy. So sleepy. Our eyelids seemed weighted. We were powerless to keep them open. Sleepy, so sleepy....

It was time for another monthly manager's meeting with our fearless leader, Briggs, who called the meeting to order.

"All right, good to see everyone. Let's get started. Hey! You two dinosaurs in the back! If you don't mind, the meeting has begun."

I could overhear the two dinosaurs whispering to each other as they made their way to their seats.

"I hope I won't have to comparmentalize any creativity in the 'change meeting.'" said one.

"Stay brave," said the other. I had never seen him before. Probably a new recruit. He was 40 ish, maybe 50 ish with a portly build and receding hairline. ( I learned later he had been in the political arena. )

"Let's get down to business. You all know why we're here. Gonna be some changes. But, first, you got to change. Change is healthy, inevitable, and necessary. Gotta change your m.o. Questions? Terry? Go ahead!"

Terry was Terry Dacktle, a longtime mgr. team member, who retired from the company but couldn't pay his mortgage and had to make a hasty return.

"By m.o., do you mean modus operandi?"

"Terry, do you want to join Bronto Saurus on the unemployment line again? [ Bronto was an ex LSU QB who turned pro. Unfortunately, he couldn't beat out Billy Joke Tolliver and the Saints cut him. Then he was hired by my company- on the fast track- but ultimately couldn't adapt there either and they cut him ]

Briggs continued: "It's time to get down to brass tacks, fellas. Without further adieu, it's my great pleasure to introduce to you the master of ceremonies. Mr. Deft Itsallgood. He will be conducting the 'change meeting workshop.' Let's give it up for Deft!"

"Thank you, r.m. Briggs for that wonderful introduction." Deft told us his life history and then rambled on about the "C" word. We immediately discovered that people don't like change.

"Damn, this is good," I thought. "I never knew that!"

Deft encouraged us to be engaged, and right off the bat, Mr. Garrison, longtime dinosaur g.m. raised his hand to speak.

Deft: "Yes sir!"

Mr Garrison: "Change is bad. Change is bad...."

Poor fella lost it before we had a chance to get into the meat and potatoes of change. Briggs mercifully escorted him from the room. We found out later that he is recovering nicely at the sanitarium. And that the thorazine has been effective and that he will soon be allowed visitors. But his recovery will be a painstaking affair. We, the mgrs., made a pledge to visit him collectively, time permitting.

After the fracas with Mr. Garrison, we trudged onward. We learned that in human behavior 20% of us accept change readily; that 50% of us are "on the fence" with a wait and see attitude; and that 30% will never buy into any changes.I looked around the room. About 20 or so of us. According to Deft's theory, 4 of us would go with the program. 10 of us were on the fence, and 6 of us would oppose any and all attempts at change. I wondered who was who.

Deft said it was break time. Giving us time to let this new theory sink in. "Take 30 minutes for lunch, boys, and when we get back we'll watch 'Toy Story' from Disney." As we were milling about, the two dinosaurs that Briggs had admonished earlier were whispering:

"Thank goodness, I didn't have to compartmentalize."

"We're not out of the woods yet, mi amigo. Stay brave."

"Thanks. A man's got to know his limitations."

"Let's eat. I'm starving."

"Me, too."

"Think we can find a computer? I want to access my blog."

"Huh?"

"Let's eat. It's a long story."