Another archived foray written a coppola years ago. It is reprinted here with the permission of the author, v.c. Who is currently in burned-out phase, nervous breakdown 19 plus.
Some proposed and rejected names for the new situation comedy currently being written by yours truly, v.c. on golden pond.
1) The vietnamcatfish Show. Starts out on the pond. v.c., the title character has his fishing pole. His son, Opus, is walking with him. Opus is throwing rocks. Background music. Melodic whistler. Doo doo doot doo de doot doot doo de doot doot.... Engaging characters abound in Raybradbury, N.C. Opus the drunk. ( no relation to Opus, v.c.'s son ) ; Aunt Pee, who has urinary problems. ( "Depends" had yet to be invented ) ; and Barney Rife, who has a single bullet and body odor. Situations abound in this madcap premise.
2) Cleverly Wilbury's: Title character Red is shooting at some food, when up through the ground come a bubbling crude. His nephew, Deathrow Bovine, proudly plays a 3rd grade graduate, in trouble with the law. Mr. Clydesdale plays the banker. Music by Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, and Bob Dylan.Title song: "Last G.M." Produced by Lynne.
3) Father Knows Guests. Situational comedy at a cafeteria/restaurant. G.M. knows the cravings of his guests. Balks when told by the savvy marketing team to run smokeyard bbq, "terrormisu" cakes, and Italian cuisine.
Alternate titles: Father Knows Crest. Title character is a dentist, who loves to do root canals;
Father Knows Ness. Takes place in prohibition days. Background voice-Walter Mitty;
Father Knows Vests: G.Q. G.M. who dresses sharp. Never gets dirty. And wears a white glove to check for dust and grime;
Father Knows West: Title character moves to California to open a new dining experience;
and Father Knows Rest(aurant biz )
All of the above have potent situational possibilities.
4) Billabong's Island: Hijinks on the Hi-C's. A 3 hour tour. Billabong, the skipper, too, the millionaire with his golden parachute, the professor and Mary Ann are here on Billabong's Isle.
5) I Dream of Weinees: Astronaut goes into space, finds a magic lamp, and when he returns, opens a restaurant serving Oscar Meyer weiners. Patterned after "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." To summon the weinee, the master of the lamp must say:
From the land beyond beyond
From the world past hope and fear
I bid you weinees appear in my beer!
Special effects by Ray Harryhausen.
6) Leave It To Bereaver: When G.M.'s long time friends keep leaving the team, the situational comedy team, the Bereaver quits the biz and becomes a freelance writer.
*Rejected at press time: Too depressing.
7) Last Mango in Paris ( Texas, that is. Home to George "Dubya" ) Another food service theme. To star Marlon Brando in a reprisal role from the movie of the same name. Pilot Episode. Marlon buys too much oleomargarine. Doesn't know what to do with it. But then he has a brilliant idea. ( there is no mention of "Dubya" or mangos in the initial episode )
8) Eight Is Enough: To gain a niche in the food service industry, a restaurant offers eight salads, eight meats, eight veggies, eight breads, eight desserts, eight types of butter, 8 types of crackers, etc. Motto: Eight Is Enough!
9) Saturday Night Wive: G.M. sees wife only on Saturday. She works days; he works days and nights.
* Rejected at press time. Once again, too depressing.
10) Catfish: Stars Abe Vigoda in the title role, provided he's still alive.
The above are submitted for your approval and perusal.
Farewell and adieu, v.c.
P.S. The furor over "Private Ryan" is a bit much. Most of the opposition to the movie concerns the use of the "F" word, the violence being secondary. The opening "D-Day Invasion" shots are the most intense I've ever seen in any movie.
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