The setting is at a well known cafeteria chain located somewhere in the naked city. There are millions of stories happening there; this is one of them.
"Killer, a guest just complained to me. Said her turnip greens were too salty."
"Boss, you know my greens are always right. I measured the combination seasoning [ salt and white peppa ] like I always do."
"Sorry, Killer. She's sworn out a complaint. Police are on the way. You may be looking at time."
"Boss, this is the stupidest thing I ever heard of. Is this a joke?"
"Sorry, Killer. I wish it were true, but this is a serious matter. The guest said we can't be oversalting the food. Billy, [ asst. mgr. ] get Loss Prevention on the line, pronto."
The police arrive. The participants huddle in the private dining room. They include Killer, accused of oversalting the greens; the G.M., the guest and two burly police officers. Both cops are drinking coffee, heavy on the caffeine.
"You say your greens were too salty, m'am?"
"Yes, officer. I ate the whole bowl and then retreated to the bathroom and threw up."
"Sure you didn't have anything else to eat today, m'am?"
"No, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch?"
"Is this the alleged perpetrator of the crime? Your name Killer?"
"Yessir."
"Why do they call you Killer, Killer? Have you been in the big house before? Don't lie to me-these kind of things are easily checked."
"It's just a name we use in the hood. Killer, playa, bling, it's all good."
"All right, Killer. Why did you over salt the greens?"
"I made 'em by the recipe, officer."
"Look, Killer. This is a serious offense. Just come clean and we'll go easy on you."
[ turns to partner in private ] "We may have to use the good cop, bad cop philosophy!"
[ winks ] "Right!"
"M'am, we want to know what you want to do. Press charges or what?"
"Well, I, uh...."
"Look, m'am, I don't want you to think I'm outta line here, but this guy, Killer, is a menace to society. If you don't press charges, I'm runnin' him in anyway."
"Yes, I want him to fry. And I want to sue him and this company!"
"Have you heard from Loss Prevention, Billy!"
"I haven't heard from them. Just voice mail, ya'know."
"Read 'em his rights! Mirandize this character. We don't want him going free on a technicality."
"Killer, you have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney...."
"Boss, call my wife and tell her what happened."
"You piece of scum. Oh, the humanity."
"Hello, I'd like to file a lawsuit and...."
"We just made America a safer place to live."
"I'm kinda disappoined we didn't get to use our good cop-bad cop ploy."
"Save it. I heard O.J.'s back in town."
"Right!"
"Billy, any word from Loss Prevention?"
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