"Leave It To...." ( ? )

I once worked for a company that catered Thanksgiving dinners. We had it all. Our main feature was a package deal which included " a 10-12 lb. turkey, 2 quarts of cornbread dressing, a quart of turkey gravy, and a pint of cranberry sauce. The turkeys are cooked now, the dressing comes in frozen, the cranberry sauce-ditto, and the giblet gravy-yea it too. Thick as a brick.

I participated in many Thanksgivings-too many looking back in hindsight-at my old digs. This year I have determined that I will not work Thanksgiving this year. I will wake up like most of North America, enjoy a hearty breakfast, watch the Lions-Packers football game, take a few naps, and then stuff myself like the poor old turkey lying on the kitchen table.

And this year I refuse to utter these words: "A 10-12 lb. turkey, 2 quarts of dressing, a quart of gravy, and a pint of cranberry sauce.

And I refuse to answer the phone. During Thanksgiving at H.W., the aforementioned used to ring off the hook.

And who said you can't teach old cats new tricks.

Gimme shelter, v.c.

P.S. I once wrote this foray for Thanksgiving circa 2001. It is reprinted here with the permission of yours truly. The subject matter was a parody of an old sit-com and my old company, which was introducing a new product that year called "universal dressing." And it was truly out of this world.Here it is: Submitted for your approval and perusal:

Leave It To Beaver
by: vietnamcatfish (39/M/Golden Pond) 11/26/01 10:58 pm
Msg: 3127 of 7432


And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.

The setting is the Cleaver's house at Thanksgiving. Wally has invited his two friends, Lumpy Rutherford and Eddie Haskell, over for dinner.

Beaver had invited his friends Whitey, Gilbert, and Larry Mondello, but they had made prior plans. They were invited to Miss Rayburn's ( their principal ) house for T.G.

Scene 1: The participants are seated around the kitchen table. Ward is carving the turkey.

Ward: "Dig in, everyone."

Eddie: "Mrs. Cleaver, this dressing is delicious. You must have slaved all day in the kitchen to cook such a magnificent feast."

June: "You'll never believe this. But all these goodies came from Piccadilly. More giblet gravy, Ward."

Ward: "No thanks, June. Piccadilly, eh? But pass the potato souffle."

Wally: "It's carrot souffle, Dad, and I made it. Mom bought 3 quarts, put it in the oven, and voila. There it is."

Ward: "Now, Wally. There's no such thing as carrot souffle."

Wally: "But, Dad?"

June: "No, it's true, Ward. Wally is the new prep cook at Piccadilly, and he made pots and pots full for T.G."

Ward: "What are you going to do with the money you earn, Wallace?"

Wally: "Buy that roadster I've had my eye on. Get it rolled and pleated. Take Mary Ellen Rogers to the drive-in. And put the rest in the bank for my college education."

Ward: "I'm proud of you, son."

Eddie: "This dressing is so delicious. Another helping, please."

June: "It's called universal dressing, Eddie. And have as much as you want. I bought extra side packs."

Eddie: "It's out of this world, all right. Pass the cranberry sauce, please!"

June: "I'm afraid it hasn't thawed. It was frozen when I picked it up."

All: Laugh nervously.

Lumpy: "Huh. I've never heard of frozen cranberry sauce."

Wally: "Knock it off, Lumpy."

June: "Who's ready for peach cobbler?"

End of scene 1 Scene 2: Wally, Beav, Eddie, and Lumpy retire to the kid's room.

Eddie: Man, that dressing was the pits. And the giblet gravy was lumpier than Lumpy."

Wally: "Knock it off, Eddie."

Beaver: "Yeah, Eddie."

Eddie: "Pipe down, squirt."

Wally suddenly remembers he has to be at Miss Lander's house. She wants the recipe for carrot souffle. She found out that he was the new prep cook at Piccadilly.

Wally leaves his friends. Eddie and Lumpy rush out of the house. They almost knock over June and Ward, who are standing near the bottom of the stairs.

June: "Beaver, where did Wally go?"

Beaver: "Miss Landers house."

June: "Beaver, what about Eddie and Lumpy?"

Beaver: "Eddie and Lumpy are going to Piccadilly. To apply for a job, or something. They want to show Miss Landers how to make universal dressing."

Ward and June sigh. End of scene 2.