The pinto was in full stride zooming down the countryside ( on my way to work ) when the news blurb mentioned that January 21 is the most depressing day of the year. I swilled a sip of my Folgers coffee, heavy on the caffeine, and attempted to digest this bit of news.
Why Monday, January 21? The 'experts" or whoever it was who had too much time on his hands, decided to wit: 1) number of days since Christmas; 2) credit card bills are pouring in from overspending via the holidays; 3) it's cold as hell unless you live in or subscribe to a land of global warming; 4) failed New Year's resolutions; 5) and just plain old low motivation.
I had another sip of the mountain-grown stuff as visions of Mrs. Olson quickly and thankfully subsided. Because a malaise pervades my inner spirit, the days are all the same to me anyway. But as I sit here peckin' away, I now realize that this was a particularly shitty day. ( pardon my french, s'il vous plait ) Later on towards midnite it got better, but there was no pep in my step for the most part.
New Year's Resolutions? Sorry, I didn't make any and never have. But if I were to dabble in shaping my inevitable future, perhaps my goals and resolutions would/should be:
1) To save the world....from itself.
2) Develop a new fuel source. Luckily, most of youse don't buy petrol known as diesel. Just saw it at the pump for $3.57 purr, er, per gallon. Ouch!
3) Produce a new sequel of "Jaws" the movie. One which would rival the original. "Jaws 2" is curently on the boob tube directed by Jeannot Szwarc. ( sp ) Don't know how that useless fact got lodged in the brain cells, but it's there. For better or for worse. Just like in marriage, eh?
4) Write a novel which sets the N.Y. Times Best Seller list on FIRE. "Great piece of work from this 50ish new author, who had been relegating his dubious talents in the wonderful world of food bizdom. You can give this book to any and all of your friends/family any day of the year ( January 21, notwithstanding ) ," says Bennett Cerf of Random House.
"I am impressed with this erstwhile food bizdom guy. I picked up his new book, 'Forays into the Infantile' and couldn't put it down. I am eagerly a'waiting to ketchup ( food pun....ha ha ) on all his earlier G.P. tales via blogspot," says Rex Reed of the L.A. Times.
5) Eradicate the landscape of all fast food restaurants. Nuff said.
6) Develop a strategy in which customers who stand in line to buy something-anything-must not take precious time away from the poor slobs behind them. Women: no looting in your vast wasteland of a pocketbook to find your last penny. Men: keep your hands outta your pants, unless you need to maneuver a discreet shift. Take the damn change and GO. "I gotta penny....somewhere-hold on"-should be outlawed. And that person should immediately proceed to jail, allah Monopoly. And fine 'em $200.00 for starters.
7) While we're on the subject, never order your food at any fast food joint by saying, "I needa burger, I needa fries; and I needa ketchup." Let's pretend Anita [ INeeda ] quit the job so order by saying, "I would like" or "gimme." Or any facsimile, thereof.
8) Write Slippery, Rockhead, bbq, pictruandtru, to see if they've fallen off the map.
9) Design a game plan for the N.Y. Giants in their quest to win the Super Bowl Thus, ending New England's dream of a perfect season: 19 and 0!
10) And maybe....start working-out; quit smoking; and limit the amount of times my hands are discreetly in me pockets.
Yeah, January 21 was a dreary kind of day. Yes, I was a victim. The good part? It's now January 22nd here on G.P. and I'm feeling much better.
Farewell and adieu time, v.c.
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