"Dear Cat" "Advice to the Lovelorn

Dear Cat: Me and my old lady split after being together for many moons. I am now on my own-alone again, naturally ( apologies to Gilbert O'Sullivan. ) I am lost in this new world. When I was single "Jaws" was numero uno at the box office; John Travolta and the leisure suit craze had yet to make the scene. Gerald Ford was President and gasoline was 50 cents a gallon. Today, there's a computer-animated horror thriller at the top of the charts-apologies to Dick Clark and/or Casey Kasem; John Travolta is starring as a woman in drag, allah "Hairspray;" George Bush is leaving soon and the likely person to replace him is a woman or a man whose religious beliefs are in doubt; and gas is $3.00 per gallon. In summary, Lucy, What happened?

Signed: I Don't Want To Fade Away

Dear Not Fade Away: Thanks for the query. I have nothing to add, but good luck to you. Because....you will need it. The good news is you will survive, as long as you're not starring in NBC's "To Catch a Predator." Also, there's plenty of fish in the sea. So forget your depression and get out there and mingle. Another suggestion in case you're thinking of offing yourself: You could always write an advice to the lovelorn column, allah yours truly. It will take your mind off your troubles, albeit temporary until the meds kick in. Hope this helps.



Dear Cat: I recently saw "Snakes on a Plane" with Samuel L. Jackson. I thought it was a good show. Do you know if there will be a sequel?

Signed: Samuel L. Jackson Fan.

Dear Sam: He is a good actor. I liked him in "Jurassic Park"; "Pulp Fiction"; and "Shaft." A complicated man, but no one understands him but his woman. I am privy to news about a sequel to your aforementioned query. The working title is aptly entitled: "Drakes on a Plane." A mad scientist unleashes a bevy of ducks on a flight to London. His goal is to crash the plane in order to terminate a man who's turning state's evidence against a major Mafioso figure. It will be rated "R" for "Rowdy."



Dear Cat: I live here in Georgia. It's pouring down rain. Do you believe it's raining all over the world?

Signed: Raining All Over the World?

Dear Raining Down: Yes, it's coming down pretty hard in this l'il sleepy hamlet I call home. You know how people like to rain on your parade? I heard a man tonight say "we're still two inches down for the year." In answer to your query, yes, I believe it's raining all over the world. Apologies to Ray "What'd I Say" Charles.