"Dear Cat"

Another installment of "Dear Cat." For the lovelorn.

Dear Cat: I have noticed lately that perhaps you have lost your spirit. No longer do you pound the keys as fervently as you once did. What's up? Has your disdain for the modern world made you a cynic? Do you have agoraphobia, afraid to meet the challenges of the day. Have you gotten older, a little slower. Where's the edginess? What happened to the irreverency? Have you lost your freakin' mind? I am a loyal reader who wants you to get it back.

Signed: I Got My Mojo Working, But It Just Don't Work On You. ( apologies to Manfred Mann. )

Dear Mojo, Thanks for the query. The Catfish will rise again, allah the Phoenix. Or perhaps he will sink farther than the Titanic. Yes, my ying hast lost its yang. Will I retrieve my spunk, my fire? Only time will tell. But as Scarlett O'Hara once mused: "Tomorrow's another day."

Dear Cat: I am struggling in English. My teacher is a real beatch. She expects us to do our homework. Participate in class, and can you believe this? She demands we sit upright in our seats. No slouching allowed. Did you ever have to put up with such abuse while attending your alma mater, Truck U.?

P.S. We are currently conjugating verbs, and I am having the hardest time knowing how to properly use all the forms of "lie." Any pointers?

P.S.S. I have noticed ( like the earlier entry ) that you've lost your verve. Lucy, what happened?

Signed: Lie, Lay, Lain!

Dear Conjugator: Sorry your teacher is a beatch. I had a few who didn't understand me. I always stemmed the tide, however. You must use guile and bribery. It may sound corny, but brighten her day and lay a shiny apple on her desk.

Addressing your query. Yes, conjugating verbs=tough gig. Nobody really cares in the business world if you speak correctly. I have worked with too many people, who are testaments. And if anyone catches you saying "I have lain in the snow before," then you will be looked upon as an outcast. You may be fired from your job or sent to a mental institution. Refrain from using the word "lain" in a sentence. It just ain't done. If perhaps you have an interview at Harvard, then it may be allowable to say "lain." Otherwise, lay down the Ipod and don't lie slightly askew in your seat, and try studying.

P.S. Please be aware that you split an infinitive in your query. And never refer to your teacher as a beatch. Teachers are people, too, with feelings.

Dear Cat: What's wrong with phrases like "closure;" "spot on;" "moving/going forward;" "it is what it is;" etc. Why the disdain?

P.S. I, too, have noticed your decline in spirit?

Signed: I Like "It Is What It Is" and Wonder Why You Don't!

Dear "What It Is!" That one I liked. "What it is." I also liked "it's all good." And "heavy," "farout," and "dude." But I'll be damned if "spot on" ever resonates from my lips. It's utterly amazing, however, how these phrases gain acceptance, and how the mass population picks up on them. I have never used the word "closure." And never will. Closure, smozure. Thanks for the query?

To my readers: Methinks I have rekindled a little spark. And thanks for all of the queries. Remember, G.P. accepts all queries. If your question/s haven't been printed, feel free to query the Catfish. At any time.

In summary: It is what it is!