"Another 'Dear Cat'"

Dear Cat, I enjoy reading your advice to/for the lovelorn, but English and conjugating verbs ain't my bag. How 'bout a few more topical issues. Like who are you voting for in the '08 election? Is Obama your man? Or is Mike Huckabee your man? Or is Hillary, your, er, man? Get down to the nitty-gritty. This is an important election. So who are you voting for? Ahem! For whom are you voting?

Signed: Hillary Dickory Dock

Dear Hillary's Dickory: Sorry about your lack of interest in conjugating verbs. It's a drudgery, and it is telling when listening to the adult population. My favorite misuse of grammar is this one: ( and I hear it all the time ) I should have went to.... Because this isn't your cup of tea, we will switch gears and delve into your query, which is appreciated by the way.

Because of my recent travails, I am not up-to-speed on the candidates. I do know that Mike Huckabee seemingly appeared out of nowhere to grab the lead role on the Republican side last week in the Iowa Caucus. Tonite it seems to be McCain. And I do know that Obama is the front-runner so far on the dems side. And Hillary is not far behind. But it's early in the contest. Anything can happen and....will. See Howard Dean in '04 for example. There seems to be concern about Obama's religion. See Hootsbuddy's Place, where the semi-retired ex-hippie resides, to get the scoop. And I've seen e-mails showing Obama's disdain for the American Flag. See Snoops.com for that scoop. So ask me again in a few months. And, please, remember when entertaining friends or associates say "I should have "gone" instead of the former. There are people like me who are listening. Thanks for the query!

We interrupt tonite's "Dear Cat" for an important video: "Obama Should Know!" or "Yo Mama Should Know!"



Dear Cat: I normally have a low-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte with 6 splendas, when I stop at Starbucks. In the a.m. I like my coffee heavy on the caffeine. At night I go for the decaf. I recently learned that the famous chain is named after a character in "Moby Dick." Do you know of any other chains that are named after literary figures or works?

Signed: Pequod Skipper and his Little Buddy

Dear Captain: Thanks for the query. I loved the strawberry frappaccino, but my waist line didn't, plus I got fired from my job, so I just go for the regular coffee now. Black.

There have been a few chains named via literature, but most have gone out of business. Maybe you've heard of them.

10) Portnoy's Complaint: A cafeteria chain that never got off the ground. The name, oxymoron as it were, was ill-fitting in today's market.

9) The Deerslayer: Known for its venison steaks and pictures adorning the walls of hunters making the kills. PETA would have no part of it, and its demise was soon imminent.

8) Love Story ( Oliver and Jennys ) Aimed towards two different clienteles. Rich yuppies and Jewish girls who made it to Radcliffe. A boutique which went south after a few short months.

7) Canterbury Tales: A hamburger joint which had good burgers, but because most patrons thought of Chaucer as writing "nasty" stories, many reviewers used the same word to describe the faire. It was over before it began.

6) Dante's Inferno: This was a cute bistro that mixed food with religion. It was doomed from the git-go.

5) The Eeliad and the Odyssey: Play on words in the title, but most "guests" could never fathom the taste of raw sushi, including eels and octopi. Most repeat "guests" noticed a lowering of their cholesterol, however. So the owners have went, er, gone into the making of omega supplementary dietary pills.

4) You Can't Go Home Again: This firm specialized in divorce counseling. Needless to say, the name may have had something to do with its demise.

3) The Long Hot Summer: This food chain had great momentum when it opened, but the employees soon formed a union, which caused the owners emotional duress, and a "For Sale" sign was soon dispatched on the front lawn.

2) Love Me Tender: A steak house specializing in kobe beef. But most guests balked at paying $40 for a 20 oz. hamburger, when they could go to McDonalds and get a double cheeseburger for a dollar.

1) Silence of the Lambs: Another full-scale uptown restaurant. One of its specialties was fava beans over white rice and rare lamb liver. Rumours have it that the guests would rather have had chicken livers-cooked well done-and the beans, 'tho popular, couldn't offset the overhead.

These are just a few of the restaurants that have met the grim reaper. So to those budding entrepreneurs, the name is so important. Thanks for the query.

Well, that's a wrap. Another installment of "Dear Cat."

P.S. It is what it is!