While the titular 'Jungle' locale is Los Angeles, the line "You're in the jungle baby/You're gonna die" was actually yelled at Axl by a motorist while he was hitchhiking through New York City.
Funny how the origin of a song is born. And funny how yours truly digs this band and its appetite for destruction. Incongrous, eh?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
"Dear Ngudu" or "Sweet Child Of Mine":
The following foray into the infantile was written during the bleak days of summer, circa 2003. My company was in deep shit which caused yours truly to be in deep shit as well. I had just viewed "About Schmidt," a Jack Nicholson vehicle and stole the idea or premise for "Dear Ngudu." If you click here, Guns 'N Roses will serenade as you read.
Dear Ngudu
by: vietnamcatfish (39/M/golden pond) 06/21/03 11:28 pm
Msg: 5177 of 7579
Dear Ngudu, I am your new foster parent. My name is Charlie Catfish, but my friends call me v.c. I live here on golden pond with kitty, my wife, and my two kids, Charlie Jr. and Katlin.
I currently toil for a medium-sized corporate entity that goes by the name of Pic******* Cafeteria. I'm sure there are no cafeterias in your native land of Tanzania. Do you have a McDonalds there? Or a Golden Corral?
McDonalds, once called the happy place, is now the sad place because it just reported losses for the first time in its long, but brief history. Once a giant and innovator in the restaurant business, with one on every street corner of the U.S.A., they have fallen victim to burn out by its customers, competition, pricing, slow, inept service, etc. Ray Kroc, the founder, has certainly turned over in his grave a few times lately, much like our beloved founder, THH.
Times are tough in the corporate world;the boon of the 90's is over, Ngudu. And my company, Pic******, is struggling as well. We had a major upheaval recently, when our ceo resigned after 20 years with the company. His last words were "embrace change." I'm not sure if you have a computer, or one readily available, but if you can e mail Mr. Archive, aka hootsbuddie, he will direct you to my Yahoo Post entitled "Bedtime Story 2013." And you'll know how I feel about embracing change.
Speaking of the Yahoo, Ngudu, tonight I will celebrate my 2nd year anniversary writing for the bored. There will be no fanfare and some people could care less. I won't get into my lack of remuneration;it's a long, tired story. And you and no one else is interested in Charlie the Basa. Ngudu, you may not be familiar with the term basa. How far is Tanzania from Vietnam?
I have enjoyed the bored. It's a way to vent after a long, grueling day. It's also a creative outlet. And many others use it the same way. We just had an interesting post from Chef Etouffee, who recently reentered the fray, after a long absence, but his posts are too infrequent, much like Red, the venerable seniorpicmgr. We are all hoping that the chef will become more engaged and share some more stories from back in the day. The word engaged is a fairly new buzz word in the corporate lingo. Do they use the term in your country? I always thought it meant you were getting married. But times and words change. Much like music. We all survived the disco era, the punk rockers, the big-haired bands < although their coiffs were well groomed >, grunge, and I'm not sure what the style is now. Alternative, maybe? Bob Marley is big these days. Maybe you've heard of him? He shot the sheriff but he didn't shoot the deputy.
To get in the mood to write this letter, Ngudu, I am being inspired by that old classic from Gun 'N Roses aptly entitled "Welcome To The Jungle." VH-1 is weathering a storm created by its top 100 songs of the last 25 years. Jungle didn't make it, but "Sweet Child of Mine" came in at number 3. No Billy Joel or Elton John. Unbelievable. #1 was, of course, "Smells Like Green Bean, er, Teen Spirit."
Well, Ngudu, it's late and tomorrow is Sunday and I have to work. Write soon or e mail Hoots for any archive needs. Farewell and adieu, v.c., your new foster dad.
P.S. Since you are 6 years old, maybe one day you can attend a Rowdy Kids Nite at H.W.
P.S.S. If you have an interesting synchronicity vibe you'd like to share, would love to hear those, too. May the force be with you. imho
Epilogue: Those forkin' fuckers fired me in February 2003. Fork 'em. Alliteration sponsored by ....
Dear Ngudu
by: vietnamcatfish (39/M/golden pond) 06/21/03 11:28 pm
Msg: 5177 of 7579
Dear Ngudu, I am your new foster parent. My name is Charlie Catfish, but my friends call me v.c. I live here on golden pond with kitty, my wife, and my two kids, Charlie Jr. and Katlin.
I currently toil for a medium-sized corporate entity that goes by the name of Pic******* Cafeteria. I'm sure there are no cafeterias in your native land of Tanzania. Do you have a McDonalds there? Or a Golden Corral?
McDonalds, once called the happy place, is now the sad place because it just reported losses for the first time in its long, but brief history. Once a giant and innovator in the restaurant business, with one on every street corner of the U.S.A., they have fallen victim to burn out by its customers, competition, pricing, slow, inept service, etc. Ray Kroc, the founder, has certainly turned over in his grave a few times lately, much like our beloved founder, THH.
Times are tough in the corporate world;the boon of the 90's is over, Ngudu. And my company, Pic******, is struggling as well. We had a major upheaval recently, when our ceo resigned after 20 years with the company. His last words were "embrace change." I'm not sure if you have a computer, or one readily available, but if you can e mail Mr. Archive, aka hootsbuddie, he will direct you to my Yahoo Post entitled "Bedtime Story 2013." And you'll know how I feel about embracing change.
Speaking of the Yahoo, Ngudu, tonight I will celebrate my 2nd year anniversary writing for the bored. There will be no fanfare and some people could care less. I won't get into my lack of remuneration;it's a long, tired story. And you and no one else is interested in Charlie the Basa. Ngudu, you may not be familiar with the term basa. How far is Tanzania from Vietnam?
I have enjoyed the bored. It's a way to vent after a long, grueling day. It's also a creative outlet. And many others use it the same way. We just had an interesting post from Chef Etouffee, who recently reentered the fray, after a long absence, but his posts are too infrequent, much like Red, the venerable seniorpicmgr. We are all hoping that the chef will become more engaged and share some more stories from back in the day. The word engaged is a fairly new buzz word in the corporate lingo. Do they use the term in your country? I always thought it meant you were getting married. But times and words change. Much like music. We all survived the disco era, the punk rockers, the big-haired bands < although their coiffs were well groomed >, grunge, and I'm not sure what the style is now. Alternative, maybe? Bob Marley is big these days. Maybe you've heard of him? He shot the sheriff but he didn't shoot the deputy.
To get in the mood to write this letter, Ngudu, I am being inspired by that old classic from Gun 'N Roses aptly entitled "Welcome To The Jungle." VH-1 is weathering a storm created by its top 100 songs of the last 25 years. Jungle didn't make it, but "Sweet Child of Mine" came in at number 3. No Billy Joel or Elton John. Unbelievable. #1 was, of course, "Smells Like Green Bean, er, Teen Spirit."
Well, Ngudu, it's late and tomorrow is Sunday and I have to work. Write soon or e mail Hoots for any archive needs. Farewell and adieu, v.c., your new foster dad.
P.S. Since you are 6 years old, maybe one day you can attend a Rowdy Kids Nite at H.W.
P.S.S. If you have an interesting synchronicity vibe you'd like to share, would love to hear those, too. May the force be with you. imho
Epilogue: Those forkin' fuckers fired me in February 2003. Fork 'em. Alliteration sponsored by ....
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
"From the Archives"
I was perusing some of my old stuff on the Yahoo tonite , while watching the basketball game [ Suns/Clippers ] and ran across this ditty, which is submitted for your approval and perusal. Written 8-15-04 at the ungodly hour of 2:04 a.m.:
Dammit, Hoots, 6:30 in the a.m. Goodness! Quiche Louise! What time did you begin writing this grand opus? But what a fine opus it was.
I, too, had a good teacher. No, it wasn't Bronco Billy. By the time I came under his tutelage, his brain cells had diminished to the point of no return.
My mentor prepared me in the same way. To field the many queries by being prepared. And stream line my answers so as not to disrupt the proceedings. With a happy ending for all. Yes, it was my old scout master, Mr. Baloce.
A sampling of how his words of wisdom made me painfully aware of the thin line between having a happy guest or an unhappy camper.
1) Guest: "Truck you!"
Response: "Sir. My old alma mater. Are you an alum?"
2) Guest: "There's a cherry pit in my cobbler. I broke a tooth."
Response: "Sir, the cherry pit is indigenous to the cherry. Sorry!"
3) Guest: "It's too cold in here. Turn off the a/c now!"
Response: "We certainly appreciate your patronage and we hope you will continue to dine here, but thru my many years experience-and by being married to Kitty-most women fall into two groups. The ones that are always too cold/the ones that are always too hot. The latter seems to be more prevalent. I suggest, madam, that you consult your doctor for any hormonal imbalances."
4) Guest: "Hey, you lying piece of horse shit, I want the fresh fried chicken!"
Response: "Sir/Madam, please refrain from cursing. Or you may be escorted from the premises. And btw, we are in need of a cashier. Do you have any relatives interested in the position?"
5) Guest: "Your cafeteria is in need of a remodel. I demand that you have one next week."
Response: "Sir/Madam, what synchronicity. I just made a call to Zakaspace a few minutes ago. Have a nice day."
6) Guest: "I found a feather on my chicken wing, you moron. What's wrong with this place?"
Response: "Sir/Madam, I apollo-gize. Consider using the feather as a toothpick. Especially in the rear recesses of the mouth."
7) Guest: "I went into the bathroom and it smelled of poo."
Response: "Sir/Madam, I apologize, but it's just another brick in the stall. Apollo-g's to Pink Floyd, again."
8) Guest: "Hey, you! Come here! I came here to unwind after a hard day at work. And these kids are swinging on the chandeliers, swimming in the fountain, crying, and running amok. Can't you do something?"
Response: "Sir/Madam, I would suggest in the future that you please not attend our establishment on rowdy kid's nite."
9) Guest: "I broke my tooth while nibbling on my fried chicken. What are you going to do about it. I demand restitution."
Response: Sir/Madam, as a part-time lawyer, it pains me to tell you that your teeth fall into the gray area of depreciation. Although your teeth were once new 80 years ago, when we factor in the depreciation of time and space, they ain't worth a plug nickel today. Sorry!"
10) Guest: "You have the best eating establishment in the state. No, the country. No, the world. No, the universe."
Response: "Thanks! And you made my day. Glad you liked my 'lost in the archives post,' too.
It was submitted for your approval/perusal just like this one. Have you heard from Fritz, lately?
Farewell and adieu, v.c.
P.S. Once I got started, I couldn't stop. Quiche Louise, another sleepless in seattle, er, N'awlins foray into the infantile.
Dammit, Hoots, 6:30 in the a.m. Goodness! Quiche Louise! What time did you begin writing this grand opus? But what a fine opus it was.
I, too, had a good teacher. No, it wasn't Bronco Billy. By the time I came under his tutelage, his brain cells had diminished to the point of no return.
My mentor prepared me in the same way. To field the many queries by being prepared. And stream line my answers so as not to disrupt the proceedings. With a happy ending for all. Yes, it was my old scout master, Mr. Baloce.
A sampling of how his words of wisdom made me painfully aware of the thin line between having a happy guest or an unhappy camper.
1) Guest: "Truck you!"
Response: "Sir. My old alma mater. Are you an alum?"
2) Guest: "There's a cherry pit in my cobbler. I broke a tooth."
Response: "Sir, the cherry pit is indigenous to the cherry. Sorry!"
3) Guest: "It's too cold in here. Turn off the a/c now!"
Response: "We certainly appreciate your patronage and we hope you will continue to dine here, but thru my many years experience-and by being married to Kitty-most women fall into two groups. The ones that are always too cold/the ones that are always too hot. The latter seems to be more prevalent. I suggest, madam, that you consult your doctor for any hormonal imbalances."
4) Guest: "Hey, you lying piece of horse shit, I want the fresh fried chicken!"
Response: "Sir/Madam, please refrain from cursing. Or you may be escorted from the premises. And btw, we are in need of a cashier. Do you have any relatives interested in the position?"
5) Guest: "Your cafeteria is in need of a remodel. I demand that you have one next week."
Response: "Sir/Madam, what synchronicity. I just made a call to Zakaspace a few minutes ago. Have a nice day."
6) Guest: "I found a feather on my chicken wing, you moron. What's wrong with this place?"
Response: "Sir/Madam, I apollo-gize. Consider using the feather as a toothpick. Especially in the rear recesses of the mouth."
7) Guest: "I went into the bathroom and it smelled of poo."
Response: "Sir/Madam, I apologize, but it's just another brick in the stall. Apollo-g's to Pink Floyd, again."
8) Guest: "Hey, you! Come here! I came here to unwind after a hard day at work. And these kids are swinging on the chandeliers, swimming in the fountain, crying, and running amok. Can't you do something?"
Response: "Sir/Madam, I would suggest in the future that you please not attend our establishment on rowdy kid's nite."
9) Guest: "I broke my tooth while nibbling on my fried chicken. What are you going to do about it. I demand restitution."
Response: Sir/Madam, as a part-time lawyer, it pains me to tell you that your teeth fall into the gray area of depreciation. Although your teeth were once new 80 years ago, when we factor in the depreciation of time and space, they ain't worth a plug nickel today. Sorry!"
10) Guest: "You have the best eating establishment in the state. No, the country. No, the world. No, the universe."
Response: "Thanks! And you made my day. Glad you liked my 'lost in the archives post,' too.
It was submitted for your approval/perusal just like this one. Have you heard from Fritz, lately?
Farewell and adieu, v.c.
P.S. Once I got started, I couldn't stop. Quiche Louise, another sleepless in seattle, er, N'awlins foray into the infantile.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Re: "Liver and Onions"
Welcome back, Slippery. It's good to have you back. The Pond has been quiet without your input. How you and hoots can put that stuff in your tummies, however, is beyond me.
Rock, I remember slicing liver from a frozen state. Afterwards, the butcher area looked like a scene straight out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Seems as if we cut it into 2 oz. pieces.
And who can forget the Armour man bringing in those huge legs of beef. And veal hinds and chucks. I still can recall Bronco Billy bringing in a halibut [ twenty footer, twenty five ] and cutting it into steaks. You could see the excitement in Billy's face as he meticulously moved the fish to and fro around and through the band saw.
Looks like we're having technical difficulties, so it's "farewell and adieu" time. v.c.
P.S. The ominous message from blogger: Could not connect to Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Test connection now. Contacting Blogger.com...
Rock, I remember slicing liver from a frozen state. Afterwards, the butcher area looked like a scene straight out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Seems as if we cut it into 2 oz. pieces.
And who can forget the Armour man bringing in those huge legs of beef. And veal hinds and chucks. I still can recall Bronco Billy bringing in a halibut [ twenty footer, twenty five ] and cutting it into steaks. You could see the excitement in Billy's face as he meticulously moved the fish to and fro around and through the band saw.
Looks like we're having technical difficulties, so it's "farewell and adieu" time. v.c.
P.S. The ominous message from blogger: Could not connect to Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Test connection now. Contacting Blogger.com...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
"The History of Dance"
While perusing the internet just now, I came across this video from my provider, the ubiquitous and enigmatic aol.com. It's called 'the history of dance' and is quite good. From a comedian never heard of by yers truly.
As hoots would say: "stop what yer doing and watch it now!" [ click for the link ]
As hoots would say: "stop what yer doing and watch it now!" [ click for the link ]
Saturday, May 20, 2006
"Liver and Onions"
This is a picture of me [ on the left ] and my friend Michael on the right, when we were forced to eat liver and onions back in the day.
I can't stomach the stuff but have sold many an order in my food biz career. Chicken livers, too. How anyone can put put this in their tummy is beyond me.
My lovely wife, Kitty, loves this *@#$%! Darling, I love you but give me Park Ave., er, darling, I love you but how can you eat this *@#$%?
A brief respite from the rigors of the world, v.c.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
"And Whatever Happened to Slippery?"
I've decided to put out an APB on Slippery, my boyhood pal from back inna day. Slippery has been awol from the pond-he hasn't written a comment since Hector was a pup- and I'm starting to worry about the boy. I also called Kroger in hopes of putting his mug on a gallon of milk but have yet to hear from them.
If anyone reading this web page has any information concerning Slippery, would you please write to me.
Slippery! Wherefore art thou? [ Apologies to the Bard ]
P.S. And then there's "tighter than Dick's hat band!"
Monday, May 15, 2006
"Drunk As A Skunk"
Open letter to BBQ and Rockhead:
Thanks for the kind words per usual. I wrote "What's it all about, Alfie?" drunk as a skunk. [ see title ]
I had consumed a few-well, maybe more than a few- Coronas and had not heeded their warning "to drink responsibly." I got a good buzz and decided to do what I like to do....and, that is, compose a story into the infantile.
After enduring another week at my new digs, it was time to celebrate. Whoever thought up placing a lime in the bottle should be knighted by Santa Ana or Don Diego della Vega for their creative flair.
But after proofreading my story, I noticed an error caused by the fermentation of my brain cells:
....Point blank. The views and opinions espoused on "Golden Pond" do not reflect the consensus of the general populace....
When first composed, espoused was "expoused," since changed for your reading pleasure. Where's Kitty when you need her?"
Anyway, inspired by you guys, I attempted to write a new foray tonite. But got blogged, er, bogged down and will have to finish the tale some time in the future.
"Drunk as a skunk" will have to suffice. My writer's block is probably due to my "having to make the donuts" at 5 a.m. today, normally a time in the morning I am never privy to.
Because parts of these United States are deeming it necessary to boycott anything Mexican, perhaps I should change brews. So do they still make "Old Milwaukee" or "Shlitz?" v.c.
Thanks for the kind words per usual. I wrote "What's it all about, Alfie?" drunk as a skunk. [ see title ]
I had consumed a few-well, maybe more than a few- Coronas and had not heeded their warning "to drink responsibly." I got a good buzz and decided to do what I like to do....and, that is, compose a story into the infantile.
After enduring another week at my new digs, it was time to celebrate. Whoever thought up placing a lime in the bottle should be knighted by Santa Ana or Don Diego della Vega for their creative flair.
But after proofreading my story, I noticed an error caused by the fermentation of my brain cells:
....Point blank. The views and opinions espoused on "Golden Pond" do not reflect the consensus of the general populace....
When first composed, espoused was "expoused," since changed for your reading pleasure. Where's Kitty when you need her?"
Anyway, inspired by you guys, I attempted to write a new foray tonite. But got blogged, er, bogged down and will have to finish the tale some time in the future.
"Drunk as a skunk" will have to suffice. My writer's block is probably due to my "having to make the donuts" at 5 a.m. today, normally a time in the morning I am never privy to.
Because parts of these United States are deeming it necessary to boycott anything Mexican, perhaps I should change brews. So do they still make "Old Milwaukee" or "Shlitz?" v.c.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
"What's It All About, Alfie?"
The catfish ( yours truly ) has been in a slump, if you will. Hits to the web site have been few and far between. And I can understand why. It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out the reason for the malaise.
Point blank. The views and opinions espoused on "Golden Pond" do not reflect the consensus of the general populace. Most denizens of the world could give a fork if George "Superman" Reeves killed himself or not; it was only 40 some odd years ago. Ancient history. Kaput, fini.' [ to coin a phrase )
And most readers of blogs could give a rat's ass when it comes to listening to a few songs from the fabulous 4. It was almost 40 years ago when the band decided they had had enough and decided to call it quits.
And most folks have no fond recollections when it comes to film noirs from the 50's. 50 years ago and counting. What synchronicity, eh? No one remembers "The Leech Woman" or "Homicidal," which both scared the beezeesus out of me back in the day.
So it stands to reason that "Golden Pond" has limits. But to those who meander this way I owe a debt of gratitude. Thanks for your support and patronage.
Farewell and adieu, v.c.
Point blank. The views and opinions espoused on "Golden Pond" do not reflect the consensus of the general populace. Most denizens of the world could give a fork if George "Superman" Reeves killed himself or not; it was only 40 some odd years ago. Ancient history. Kaput, fini.' [ to coin a phrase )
And most readers of blogs could give a rat's ass when it comes to listening to a few songs from the fabulous 4. It was almost 40 years ago when the band decided they had had enough and decided to call it quits.
And most folks have no fond recollections when it comes to film noirs from the 50's. 50 years ago and counting. What synchronicity, eh? No one remembers "The Leech Woman" or "Homicidal," which both scared the beezeesus out of me back in the day.
So it stands to reason that "Golden Pond" has limits. But to those who meander this way I owe a debt of gratitude. Thanks for your support and patronage.
Farewell and adieu, v.c.
Friday, May 12, 2006
"I Was A Teenage Werewolf"
I remember seeing this movie back in the day as a little kid circa 5 years old. "What the fork?" was my mother thinking allowing me to view this film which starred the enigmatic Michael Landon.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
"Another Episode of 'What the Fork Was She Thinking?'"
The world has Shirley changed since I was a young forker. Seeing Granny here decked out in her tattoos makes one ponder the question: "What the fork was she thinking?"
Props go out to Steverino, an alumnus of Rowdy High, who sent me this intriguing picture of a little ol' lady from Pasadena. Go granny go, eh?
"50's Memorabilia"
I forget who it was who said, "They don't make 'em like they used to!"
P.S. Click on the picture for a larger, more chilling, view.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
"Campy"
GREAT SHOW from back inna day. Intrigue and suspicion surround the death of George "Superman" Reeves. Murder? Suicide?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
"Aye! I Was On The Indianapolis"
Thirty years ago this month, that movie, "Jaws," opened, scaring Americans off the beaches with its menace and music.
Mundus, 79, is widely believed to be the model for Quint, the mean-spirited captain hired to catch the killer shark and save the summer tourist season for the fictional resort of Amity Village.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
"So I'm Back On A Fab 4 Kick" or "I've Got Blisters On My Fingers"
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide;
When I stop and I turn and I go for a ride;
Then I get to the bottom and I see you again.
Helter Skelter!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"Sex Sells" or "When I Get Home"
After a long day at work, the male populace can't wait to get home. Why? Click here for more details.
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