"Refund Please?-You Stink"

I was so angry with the game (even before the post-game melee) I am sending you an invoice for my trip to Boise. The product on the field Thursday night is not something I was at all proud of, and I feel as though I’m entitled to my money back for the trip. Please see my invoice attached in this email. I will happily send along receipts if need be.

The Result?

 

"Cole Slaw Revisited"

I wrote this post many years ago. On an Apple2C computer. I guess C stood for computer. It was archaic and now a dinosaur, but I wrote this funny-I lol while reading-foray back in the day. Late 80's, early 90's-I can't remember:

Monday, December 26, 2005
"Cole Slaw"

Another foray from back in the day. Cholesterol, smesterol. Our story tonite was written before anyone knew about cholesterol. Now a 4 letter word. Submitted for....

Everyone loves cole slaw? It happens to be one of my favorite foods. It goes good with most meals. Barbecue in particular; fish and french fries where you can dip your hushpuppies in its juice. Cole slaw and hamburger; it makes a great topping along with mustard or ketchup. Slaw dogs- I grew up eating those at the local Dairy Queen. Most people would prefer a chili dog but not me. Make mine smothered in cole slaw. Alternate bites with thick crusty onion rings. OOh la la.

Cole slaw with chicken, even roast beef. The list goes on and on. Cole slaw is relatively easy to make. Start with a head of cabbage. Finely shredded or coarse, either was is fine with me. Add gobs of mayonaise and a tiny smooch of vinegar and you are in buisness. Some folks, although it takes some doing, can mess up this delicacy. Even though my mom is the greatest cook this side of Julia Child, cole slaw has escaped her expertise. Growing up with her slaw was painful.

She would deter from the basic ingredients already mentioned. Hers wasn’t a mayonnaisy slaw; it was a vinegary slaw with little black dots mixed liberally throughout. I assumed this was some sort of spice that was in there to make it taste better. Assumed is the key word.

I think her cole slaw was sweet, too. Like maybe she put a lot of sugar in it. Cole slaw ain’t supposed to be sweet; it’s supposed to be SOUR. Mom, you are the bomb and you are the best cook, but you need pointers on cole slaw.

At the cafeteria where I am employed, we have different kinds of slaw. Cole slaw with cream and cream slaw are my favorites. I must admit the cream slaw is a tad sweet, but there are exceptions to every rule. We also have an Italian slaw, pickled cabbage ( similar to you-know-who ), and a spanish slaw. The former slaws are our biggest sellers. Most bypass the pickled cabbage. There is a message here.

As the years pass by, my affinity for cole slaw increases. I can indulge on said item at least three or four times a week, cos there is never a chance of burn-out. In closing I will divulge my secret recipe. Great with hamburgers, barbecue, chicken, you name it. Bon appetit.

v.c.'s Cole Slaw OFFICIAL RECIPE

One Quarter Head Cabbage
Gobs of Mayonnaise
Smooch of Vinegar ( Must be White, never Wine )

Directions: Finely shred or coarsely shred cabbage. Put in big mixing bowl. Add the gobs of mayonnaise. Next add a smooch of vinegar. Mix all the ingredients until you can barely see the cabbage for the mayonnaise. Taste. Enjoy. Selah.

P.S. I think it was my Aunt Madeline who turned me on to this delighful concoction. No one made it better. And could she cook a mean burger, loaded with onions! And iced tea in a tall glass. Break out some cabbage; my mouth’s awatering.

P.S.S. I gotta go with the coarse-cut.

Posted by vietnamcatfish at 2:02 AM

2 comments:

Hoots said...

You make me wanna go whip up some hot dogs and slaw for lunch. Mmmmm...
Last year I was surprised to learn that you can get pretty good slaw dressing at the grocery store. Right there with the rest of the salad dressings. Kraft and Marzetti are apparently big sellers. All you do is shred the cabbage, blend and serve! After all those years of making cooked cream dressing from scratch...dang, I coulda had a V-8.
7:34 AM
vietnamcatfish said...

Good quip. Cooked cream dressing was a painstaking affair. They don't make 'em like they used to. One of me favourites was Broccoli Cauliflower over lettuce.
1:12 AM

Stone Cole ( slaw )

"Invisible Tattoo"

We're gonna change things up on G.P. This song is dedicated to an old friend of mine.

"Why I Love the Food Biz: Part 2" or "Cracker Barrel-Incident in Morrow, Ga."

"The man slung open the door pretty hard and fast and I had to push my daughter out of the way. I turned to the man and I just said, 'Excuse me sir, you need to watch yourself you almost hit my daughter in the face.' And from there it just went downhill," said Hill.

Poor old Cracker Barrel just can't catch a break. First the chain discriminated against Chris Rock's mom, and now two adults are fighting in the parking lot. Racial slurs aside, we just can't get along.

P.S. It couldn't happen to a nicer company than Cracker Barrel.



The following song has nothing to do with the above post; I just liked this tune back in the daze.

"Ten Big Companies That Are Veering Near Bankruptcy"

Lucy, what happened? Some of the major players in the world are facing bankruptcy. Who would have ever of thunk it? Some I've never heard of. What do I know anyway? Some who made the list are:

1) Hertz. Whose motto was once "Let Hertz put you in the driver's seat today." And wasn't it a galloping O.J. who dashed through the airport concourses while hawking Hertz commercials? Avis was always number 2. They must have tried harder after all.

2) Macy's. Here in the south a long time ago the chain was known as Davisons. And they had the best eclairs. That is until I found a woman's fingernail in the middle of the bavarian cream. They never were the same after that.

3) CBS. Now this is a shocker. What's gonna happen to David Letterman, 60 Minutes, AFL Football, and Morley Shafer and the gang? And is this the last we'll hear from Andy Rooney? Provided the previous two are still alive.

4) Goodyear. What's gonna happen to the blimp. Shades of the Hindenberg.

5) Las Vegas Sands. When a casino in Las Vegas goes bankrupt you know something's amiss with the economy. What fate will befall Cher, Donny and Marie, Ozzy Osbourne, and Wayne Newton?

It's worse than I thought it was out there in the vast wasteland.

"77% of Oklahoma Students Don't Know George Washington Was the 1st President of the U.S."

I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Far from it. But I do know my presidents. I once could could recite 'em all in order, but now the Millard Fillmores, James Polks, and Rutherford Berchard Hayes have skewered my chronology. So much for me being on Jeopardy with Alex Trebeck.

Here's the link. I am also enclosing the ten questions they were asked.

Oklahoma Students Score Low on Basic Civic Questions.

What is the supreme law of the land?

What do we call the first ten amendments to the Constitution?

What are the two parts of the U.S. Congress?

How many justices are there on the Supreme Court?

Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

What ocean is on the east coast of the United States?

What are the two major political parities in the United States?

We elect a U.S. senator for how many years?

Who was the first President of the United States?

Who is in charge of the executive branch?

"We're Number 37"

A tip of the cap to the Hootster for providing today's intrigue. The world is clamoring for more from my old buddy of umpteen years. When are you gonna get back into the blogging business.

I remember when we first started-thanks to you-most people didn't know a blog from a blurb in a punchbowl. Now everyone writes one. As usual, you were way ahead of your time.

You created a firestorm with your "What is B.O.'s religion?" Today you could have immersed your readers in all of the health care issues. I know you miss that!

The world is quietly awaiting your return. At leas a guy who hails from Texas via Dallas. Aka Rockhead. Go Lubys! And are they still in business? Or has the nation seen the last of the LuAnne specials?

Which reminds me. I sure wish I had me a big Chicken Fried Steak with some sawmill gravy. Ye doggies. And some cream slaw or cole slaw with cream. And while we're at it some good ole carrot shooflay.

Thanks again to the Hootster for providing some comic relief. Laughter is the best medicine. And was it Readers Digest who....

"Rally in San Fran"

 

My ultra-liberal sis, Olga, at a rally in the city by the bay. And who believes the old adage: "blondes have more fun."

"My Sister Olga"

 

"Health Care Reform"

Are they gonna pass this thing or what? Emotions are running high on both fronts. Name calling, race baiting, dirty politics-what else is new?

I on the other hand have had all kinds of health issues recently. To wit:

1) Pimple in my left eye. Swollen membrane and lots of mucous. ( too much info-I know ) Remedy: antibiotic lotion and antibiotics.

2) Wart on right foot. Caused by continually stooping on said foot many times in a day(s). Remedy: soak foot in solution followed by acid medication on culprit ( wart ). Ouch! Yes, it hurts like a mother.

3) Poison ivy: Fingers, arms, legs affected. Especially severe around bird finger on right hand. Wouldn't have gone to Urgent Care except my right eye was inflamed. Thought I might have another pimple but no mucous. Instead, it was poison ivy. Damn. Remedy: steroid shot in left buttocks and 5 days of steroids taken orally.

4) No comment: Daily dose of cialis. Remedy: Hot passionate love making. I know-too much info.

5) High cholesterol: Have had this for years. Runs in the family. Remedy: Crestor and a healthy diet. Yeah, right. My last check-up revealed my levels were pretty good, so there's hope for me yet.

So far no heart attacks, strokes, hemorrhoids, acid reflux, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, lumbago, piles ( another name for sufferers who must use Preparation X for relief ), fainting spells, diabetes, m.s., etc.

As the Health Care Bill battles rage on, I'm thankful that I have insurance. And I thank God for Cobra.

"Orgasm For An Hour"

Continuing the "Sex in the city on Golden Pond:"

The two of us—Vera and Steve—have beens students and teachers of sensuality for a total of more than fifty years. We make sensuality and pleasure the highest priority in our lives, more important than success or anything else. This does not mean we stay in bed all the time, stimulating each other. It does mean that when we reach a fork in the road or have to make a decision, we choose the path that feels the most pleasurable and fun. We have both chosen "orgasm" as our field of specialization—specifically, orgasm in women—although we also study and teach about men's orgasms to both classes and private clients. We cannot think of a more pleasurable subject.