Wednesday, October 03, 2007

"Troy and Me" or "The Grassy Knoll!"

Tonite's foray into the infantile is a conversation between yours truly and Troy Donahue, who now resides among the stars.

v.c.: What was it like working with Sandra Dee? Were you two intimate?

Troy: There wasn't anything to it. She was hot for Bobby Darin; I couldn't get to second base with her tho' I tried. Great l'il actress.

v.c.: You two were the perfect 50's lovesick couple. I loved the theme song, "A Summer Place."

Troy: Why'd you mention that song, man. It still chokes me up.

v.c.: Sorry! Did you really live under a bridge after your flame fleeted like a ....

Troy: Candle in the wind. Yeah! That song gets me all misty-eyed, too. It's true. I had me a cardboard box-had it set up kinda neat, really. But when it rained-those southern California rain showers can be like monsoons.

v.c.: Did you know Marilyn-hang out with her?

Troy: She was too enamored with JFK to give me a look twice. She's been magnanimous here, but nothing during my brief time on the planet, vee.

v.c.: Speaking of which, what really happened on the grassy noll.

Troy: J. Edgar Hoover's up here and he could make things tough for me-I already owe him two cartons of cigarettes. He said Dallas would be 4-0 to start the season. "Cowboys? Tony Romo? No way," I said.

But I can tell you this. Oswald wasn't alone. It would blow your mind, if I told you who was in on it. "The Warren Report" was a freakin' joke-I kid you not.

v.c.: Do you ever get to see John and George?

Troy: They never hung out with me in the beginning. They thought I was too much of an apple pie and chevrolet kind of guy, but when John found out my last address was an underpass and I had all these addictions, well, he kinda warmed up to me.

v.c.: Is Jimmy Hoffa buried in "Giants Stadium?" In the end zone?

Troy: Man, you don't let up. Nah, he ain't buried there, but he swims with the fishes allah Lucca Brazzi. It wasn't the Union. Somebody said Danny de Vito was involved. Just rumors. They have 'em here, too.

v.c.: Did George W. know ahead of time that the Twin Towers were going down?

Troy: They don't talk about it much. Too sensitive a subject....for Heaven. We like to chill, mellow-out up here-it's not like on Earth, where it's am I gonna get this part? Am I no longer a teenage heartthrob? Where's my next meal gonna come from? Is the cardboard gonna hold out this winter? It's different. But we're waiting on Karl Rove to get here. To find out the skinny, if you know what I mean?

v.c.: How's the "King?" You know, Elvis?

Troy: He's a cool cat, vee. Last night he sang "In the Ghetto" with Ray Charles and Louie Armstrong. Satchmo can still bring it, but I can't understand a thing he says.

v.c.: Why are we hear? Shirley not to live in pain and fear?

Troy: John sang that one with Duane Allman a fortnight ago. Don't start getting philosophical on me, v.c.? Have you found a job, btw?

v.c.: News travels fast, eh?

Troy: At least you aren't living under a collosal cement block. I see things are gonna start looking-up for you. You've been througha lot of shit, dude!

v.c.: Thanks, Troy.


Before I could say my goodbyes I woke up! Was it a dream? Only the Shadow knows!

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