"The Dialectizer"

My friend, hoots, turned me onto this a coppola years ago. Fun stuff, eh? So here's a post from yours truly re-written in jive. Submitted for your approval to all my home boys.

Friday, February 24, 2006
"You's Want Me To Hold De Chicken?"


I watched dis movie last nite on de tube. Saw it back inna day [ 1970 ] and wuz mesmerized by de title character, played by none oda' dan Buckwheat Nicholson. 'S coo', bro. It also starred Sally Struders, who wuz billed as Sally Ann Struders at da damn time. And Toni Basil fum "Yo! Mickey" fame. See early 80's fo' mo'e details. It also starred Papa Walton and Susan Anspach, [ sp ] who wuz some babe.

Included in tonite's fo'ay be de famous restaurant scene. And also some review fum Roga' Ebert. Man! Submitted fo' yo' puh'usal and approval, v. Man!c. Co' got d' beat!

In de most memo'able classic scene in some roadside dina' on his way crib, he be again aggravated and 'esaspuh'ted by meanin'less rules. A live-by-de-rules Plate Chick (Lo'na Dayer) stubbo'nly refuses t'serve him some plain omelette (wid tomatoes instead uh potatoes), some cup uh coffee and some side o'da' of wheat toast, cuz' she dryly 'esplains, dig dis: "No substitushuns":


Dupea, dig dis: I'd likes some plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, some cup uh coffee, and wheat toast. Man!
Plate Chick: (She points t'de menu) No substitushuns.
Dupea, dig dis: Whut do ya' mean? You's duzn't gots any tomatoes?
Plate Chick: Only whut's on de menu. Man! You's kin gots some numba' two - some plain omelette. It comes wid cottage fries and rolls.
Dupea, dig dis: Yeah, ah' know whut it comes wid. But it's not whut ah' wants'.
Plate Chick: Well, I'll mosey on down back when ya' make down yo' mind.
Dupea, dig dis: Wait some minute. ah' have made down mah' mind. I'd likes some plain omelette, no potatoes on de plate, some cup uh coffee, and some side o'da' of wheat toast. Man!
Plate Chick: I'm so'ry, we duzn't gots any side o'ders uh toast. Man!..an English muffin o' some coffee roll.
Dupea, dig dis: Whut do ya' mean ya' duzn't make side o'ders uh toast? You's make sandwiches, duzn't ya'?
Plate Chick: Would ya' likes t'talk t'de manager?
Dupea, dig dis: ...You's've gots bread and some toasta' of some kind?
Plate Chick: ah' duzn't make da damn rules.
Dupea, dig dis: Coo', I'll make it as easy fo' ya' as ah' can. 'S coo', bro. I'd likes an omelette, plain, and some chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And some cup uh coffee.
Plate Chick: A numba' two, chicken sal san, hold da damn butter, de lettuce and da damn mayonnaise. And some cup uh coffee. Nuthin else?
Dupea, dig dis: Yeah. Lop some boogie. Now all ya' gots'ta do be hold da damn chicken, brin' me da damn toast, gimme some check fo' de chicken salad sandwich, and ya' gotsn't bugger'd any rules.
Plate Chick (spitefully): You's wants' me t'hold da damn chicken, huh?
Dupea, dig dis: ah' wants' ya' t'hold it between yo' knees.
Plate Chick (turnin' and tellin' him t'look at da damn sign dat says, "No Substitushuns") Do ya' see dat sign, sir? Yeah man, ya''ll all gots'ta leave. I'm not takin' any mo'e uh yo' smartness and sarcasm. WORD!
Dupea, dig dis: You's see dis sign? (He sweeps all de booze glasses and menus off de table.)

P.S. Any sucka who gots been in de biz, de restaurant biz, gots had some team memba' who gots given de guests de biz. WORD! Btw, it's all show biz. WORD! vee