Audrey and Alan. He's looking for $250,000 worth of heroin and is not a nice person. Poor Audrey is blind and knows nothing about the stash. Alan doen't believe her and begins terrorizing her. 

"World Gone Mad" Volume II

'Ozzy' pet parrot killer jailed

A man who admitted ripping the head off his pet parrot after a night out has been jailed for five and a half months.
Paul Bryan Pugh, from Low Hill, Wolverhampton, also received a life ban from keeping any animal.
The 39-year-old's sentencing was postponed for several hours on Monday after he turned up drunk at court. Pugh said he could not remember attacking the bird
 

"Homo Light"

Norwegian homosexuals are set to launch their own soda brand, "Homo light", at an upcoming gastronomic festival, in the hope that it will help promote tolerance, one of the authors of the project said yesterday.
"The goal is not for us to make money but to make us more visible and accepted," Oeystein Mauritzen told AFP.
Pear-flavored and pink, "Homo Light" will go on sale as a one-time offer at a stand at a gastronomic festival in the southwestern town of Stavanger between July 27 and 30.
 

"Heart Attack" Apologies to Billy Joel

ENUMCLAW � Authorities are reviewing hundreds of hours of videotapes seized from a rural Enumclaw-area farm that police say is frequented by men who engage in sex acts with animals.
The videotapes police have viewed thus far depict men having sex with horses, including one that shows a Seattle man shortly before he died July 2, said Enumclaw police Cmdr. Eric Sortland. Police are reviewing the tapes to make sure no laws have been broken 

"Fugly [ Less Than Handsome ] Rock Stars" and "Pugsly, the Pit Bull"

Read on!

Pit Bull, eh? 

Ouch! 

Porcupine 1; Dog 0! 

Numero Uno. Keith Richards. Who helped write the Stones arsenal of hits along with Mick Jagger. Gimme shelter, v.c. 

All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray. I've been on a walk. On a winter's day. Altho Mama Cass sang on a great song from the 60's, she was fugly. Unrequited love when it came to having a serious crush on Denny of the Papas.  

I asked the clan who they thought were less than handsome rock stars. Katlin mentioned Bob Dylan, but Kitty rejected that idea. Kitty recommended Jerry Lee, and tho yours truly disagrees somewhat, he is included here for diversity's sake. 

"Pearl" 

Van Morrison. Wonder why he's wearing a hat? 

You don't need "a little help from your friends," unless they are plastic surgeons. 

Fugly! Sorry. Even tho Kitty disagrees.  

"Do you really want to hurt me?" No, but you are less than handsome. 

When readership is down go back to the tried-and-true formula for success. SEX! This is a picture of Norma Jean back in the day. For those of you who don't know N.J., she is also known as .........Marilyn Monroe, eh? 

Crush Proof Box!

Tonite's foray centers around smoking and the enigmatic nicotine. From badadvertising.com.

Nuff said. Makes you want to quit smoking. For ten minutes. 

Experience it, eh? 

I've experienced it! 

If you want to appear as Macho, smoke "Camels!" 

Do they still make filterless Camels? 

New Kool Box! 

Come up to Kool and the Gang! Apologies to "Pulp Fiction." 

Marlboro Country! 

Nuff said.