"Briggs"

I worked with Briggs at Picc***** Cafeterias. He was my regional manager. And he was an asswhole from jump street. I had been slaving my ass off the entire year and had been on vacation during the Christmas holidays. One of the perks for yours truly-having a break during the holidays. He was the new kid on the block, and he had just arrived in town.

His holiness' regime was beginning-he was so full of himself because he had managed the busiest store in the company, and he had ideas out his asswhole. And he must have thought I was some kind of dweeb and useless piece of shit when he introduced himself to me and the troops.

"So this is H.W."[ Hell Whole for the uninitiated ] he proudly exclaimed, as me and my charges basked in his grandiose acknowledgement of our store. We were numero uno in sales, profit, etc.

Like I said, I had just come back from vacation on Friday-richly deserved imho after dealing with all the shit I put up with-and it was a Monday. On Saturday we had had snow and had to close. And Sunday was Sunday-busy as hell [ whole ] so I hadn't had a chance to really check out the place.

Later Briggs pulled me to the side and said:

"Sometimes it's not a good idea for a manager to be in the same store for a long period of time."

After he dropped this implosion on me, I thought for a second and realized he was talking about me. What had I done? He makes this opinion in less than an hour. Damn, he's good.

Instead of saying "fuck you" I did what I normally do and told him I didn't appreciate this wacky shit coming from his mouth. If I had had a cucumber I would have shoved it up his ass.

I know this is hard to believe, but he and I [ how do you like the grammar, eh? ] didn't "hit it off" after that.

So every time he came to my unit, he approached me warily. And I never trusted the sob who wanted me to fail and set me up to fail. They called him the "terminator," because he fired folks, notably managers. He fired two in my region his first few months on the job. But they needed to go, because 1) was a fuckin' thief and had been stealing for years, and the second one didn't give a shit anymore.

So Briggs had a reputation as a bad ass, but I thought he was a punk and a sniveling piece of shit. If he were here at the keyboard right now, I would kick his ass. Good thing he's not here or my foray would have to be continued.

He had all these great ideas about service and how we could take the business to another level. And they were good ideas. But he shoved 'em down your throat. Because he thought he was King, and you [ me ] was a dinosaur and didn't know jack diddley.

Well. the King knew service but he didn't know jack when it came to hiring managers.

Cases in point: he hired a retread from our company who had quit and wanted to come back. The guy was a smartass who could never get along with the guests. Great for business, eh?

2) He hired a "gay" guy who liked to steal food.

"Best manager I've ever seen in customer service," Briggs once said of his prized recruit. Only because the fucker jumped up during his job interview and carried a tray for a guest. And Briggs bought into it. What a dumb fuck!

"How can I satisfy your cravings?" was the gay man's shtick while serving on the cafe***** line. Replete with feminine gestures associated with this behavior.

3) Briggs hired a male who takes his wife's last name. My friend from sunny Florida thought the manager was gay as well. But he did have an appetite for the ladies which eventually led to his demise. [ allegedley, that is ]

4) He hired a drug addict who was a single parent and had a major attitude problem.

5) He transferred an ass whipe to my unit who just happened to be inolved in armed robberies.

6) Oh, there was another who's now serving time for armed robbery.

And these were the good hires!

No wonder the f'n company went to hell whole in a hand basket. I am so glad and relieved that I am no longer part of the insanity.

As for Briggs, I hope one day I will meet up with him. May the synchronstic force be with me. Cos I will tear him a new ass whole. Too bad I can't go back in time to that cold day in hell whole when the two of us collided. It would Shirley be different.

Have a warm night, v.c.

P.S. One day Briggs was at my store, and he seemed distant and displeased.

One of my squirrelly managers [ see above ] asked me what was wrong with Briggs.

I said, "he's got his nose up his ass. Looking for his next promotion."