"Omitted Movies"

 


I just wrote this foray into the infantile on another web site. So as not to waste it and try to think up something new for tonite's edition of "The Pond," I'm a gonna use it. These just happen to be movies now playing at your local Bijou, and they all have food service themes. Submitted for your approval and perusal:

1) "Fun With { A } Prick and Wayne":

Autobiographical story allah Hunter Thompson from a fledgling writer named vee for short. Who tackles the food service biz with a flair. Vee is always in trouble with the brass, because he sometimes speaks his mind to his superiors. Rated "R" for "Rancorous."

2) "End of the Spear":

A moving documentary about workers who toil in broccoli fields. Their livelihood is threatened when restaurant customers across the globe begin desiring the "buds" only. "What to do with the spear?" is the movies tagline. Directed by Che Guevera!

3) "Narnia: The Line, The Bitch and The Wardrobe":

Former Zulu warrior becomes CEO of a chain of eating establishments. The "line" is where the action takes place; the bitch is Queen Safia, wife to Theofour, the Magnificent; and the wardrobe is Aficanesque tribal gear worn by the team members. Edith Head comes out of retirement to design the costumes. Sure Oscar winner for Ms. Head.

4) "Underworld Evolution":

Zombies take over all the jobs in the food biz due to pods that are released from Saturn's moons. They descend to Earth due to global warming and holes in the Ozone. Sort of a remake of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," except that only food service workers are affected.
Little do guests know the team members are aliens from another planet. Service improves and comment cards and recipe cards become extinct.
All bades well until the Pods form a union led by their leader, Uranus. Exihilirating ending. Rated R for "relentless."

5) "New World": Infantile writer of forays is tired and sleepy and tired of trying to think up more ideas for "omitted movies." So he decides to retire his keybored and seek other forms of amusement. Rated "X" for Xtinct.