"Go Dawgs!"

The Dawgs play Bama tomorrow afternoon in the Ga. Dome. Here's hoping the Dawgs kick the Tide's butts. 

In a fit of synchronicity, I ran across an old email from years ago.

The following questions are on the Alabama High School exit exam:

1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
2. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
5. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
25. Douche is the French word for “twelve.” True or False

  Go DAWGS. I really dislike Lou Saban btw.

"Leave it to Cat"

"Leave It To...." ( ? )

I once worked for a company that catered Thanksgiving dinners. We had it all. Our main feature was a package deal which included " a 10-12 lb. turkey, 2 quarts of cornbread dressing, a quart of turkey gravy, and a pint of cranberry sauce. The turkeys are cooked now, the dressing comes in frozen, the cranberry sauce-ditto, and the giblet gravy-yea it too. Thick as a brick.

I participated in many Thanksgivings-too many looking back in hindsight-at my old digs. This year I have determined that I will not work Thanksgiving this year. I will wake up like most of North America, enjoy a hearty breakfast, watch the Lions-Packers football game, take a few naps, and then stuff myself like the poor old turkey lying on the kitchen table.

And this year I refuse to utter these words: "A 10-12 lb. turkey, 2 quarts of dressing, a quart of gravy, and a pint of cranberry sauce.

And I refuse to answer the phone. During Thanksgiving at H.W., the aforementioned used to ring off the hook.

And who said you can't teach old cats new tricks.

Gimme shelter, v.c.

P.S. I once wrote this foray for Thanksgiving circa 2001. It is reprinted here with the permission of yours truly. The subject matter was a parody of an old sit-com and my old company, which was introducing a new product that year called "universal dressing." And it was truly out of this world.Here it is: Submitted for your approval and perusal:

Leave It To Beaver
by: vietnamcatfish (39/M/Golden Pond) 11/26/01 10:58 pm
Msg: 3127 of 7432


And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.

The setting is the Cleaver's house at Thanksgiving. Wally has invited his two friends, Lumpy Rutherford and Eddie Haskell, over for dinner.

Beaver had invited his friends Whitey, Gilbert, and Larry Mondello, but they had made prior plans. They were invited to Miss Rayburn's ( their principal ) house for T.G.

Scene 1: The participants are seated around the kitchen table. Ward is carving the turkey.

Ward: "Dig in, everyone."

Eddie: "Mrs. Cleaver, this dressing is delicious. You must have slaved all day in the kitchen to cook such a magnificent feast."

June: "You'll never believe this. But all these goodies came from Piccadilly. More giblet gravy, Ward."

Ward: "No thanks, June. Piccadilly, eh? But pass the potato souffle."

Wally: "It's carrot souffle, Dad, and I made it. Mom bought 3 quarts, put it in the oven, and voila. There it is."

Ward: "Now, Wally. There's no such thing as carrot souffle."

Wally: "But, Dad?"

June: "No, it's true, Ward. Wally is the new prep cook at Piccadilly, and he made pots and pots full for T.G."

Ward: "What are you going to do with the money you earn, Wallace?"

Wally: "Buy that roadster I've had my eye on. Get it rolled and pleated. Take Mary Ellen Rogers to the drive-in. And put the rest in the bank for my college education."

Ward: "I'm proud of you, son."

Eddie: "This dressing is so delicious. Another helping, please."

June: "It's called universal dressing, Eddie. And have as much as you want. I bought extra side packs."

Eddie: "It's out of this world, all right. Pass the cranberry sauce, please!"

June: "I'm afraid it hasn't thawed. It was frozen when I picked it up."

All: Laugh nervously.

Lumpy: "Huh. I've never heard of frozen cranberry sauce."

Wally: "Knock it off, Lumpy."

June: "Who's ready for peach cobbler?"

End of scene 1 Scene 2: Wally, Beav, Eddie, and Lumpy retire to the kid's room.

Eddie: Man, that dressing was the pits. And the giblet gravy was lumpier than Lumpy."

Wally: "Knock it off, Eddie."

Beaver: "Yeah, Eddie."

Eddie: "Pipe down, squirt."

Wally suddenly remembers he has to be at Miss Lander's house. She wants the recipe for carrot souffle. She found out that he was the new prep cook at Piccadilly.

Wally leaves his friends. Eddie and Lumpy rush out of the house. They almost knock over June and Ward, who are standing near the bottom of the stairs.

June: "Beaver, where did Wally go?"

Beaver: "Miss Landers house."

June: "Beaver, what about Eddie and Lumpy?"

Beaver: "Eddie and Lumpy are going to Piccadilly. To apply for a job, or something. They want to show Miss Landers how to make universal dressing."

Ward and June sigh. End of scene 2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo of 'single mom' receipt goes viral

A photo of a receipt from a restaurant posted on a blogger site has spread across the Internet on Thursday after a "single mom" didn't leave a tip on her $138 tab, the Huffington Post reports.

The receipt shows a charge for $138.35 and instead of leaving a tip, the note reads "single mom sorry," possibly implying the person didn't have enough money for a tip. The picture was originally posted to Reddit.

Redskins Rule Bodes Well For Mitt Romney But World Series Result Favors Barack Obama

The Carolina Panthers beat the Redskins in Washington on Sunday, which should translate into a win for Mitt Romney on Election Day, if history is any indication.

How do we figure? It's the remarkably accurate Redskins Rule that forecasts the result of presidential elections.

Here's what the Redskins Rule means: If the Redskins win their last home game before the presidential election, then the incumbent party retains the White House. If the Redskins lose, then the incumbent party is voted out.

The Redskins Rule has been correct 17 of 18 times.

The Panthers, who entered Sunday with a five-game losing streak, won 21-13 at FedEx Field thanks in part to four sacks of Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III.

The rule traces all the way back to 1940, the first presidential election year in which the Redskins were playing in Washington. But it wasn't discovered until 2000 when Steve Hirdt of the Elias Sports Bureau was doing research in advance of the Monday Night Football game between the Redskins and Titans in Washington a week before the election.

The only exception has been 2004 when the Redskins lost to the Packers. According to the rule, that meant incumbent president George W. Bush should've lost the election to John Kerry. But after Bush won, Hirdt fine-tuned the language of the rule to account for this blip.
But even without the revision, a 94.4 percent success rate is difficult to ignore.

"Quit Stealing our Letters"

"New Me?"

 This pic was taken last Septmber 2011. 35 less lbs. later deserves a before and after. I must find the time to showcase the new me. My alter ego-the catfish-is perhaps waiting with baited breath.

P.S. A new "Dear  Cat" may be in order.

Pascual Perez killed during robbery in Dominican

Pascual Perez has died in the Dominican Republic. Due to an apparent robbery. And a knife wound to the heart. Just as a segue, a friend of mine calls the region the Dom-i-nican Republic.

Anyway, Pascual gained notoriety as an Atlanta Brave, when on a scheduled start he missed the Fulton County exit and traveled the length of  I-285 which circles Hotlanta. Some 66 miles.

He even changed his jersey name to I-285, allah Chad Ochocinco. 30 years ago.

Pascual played for the Braves during the Joe Torre regime. He was a good pitcher but never realized much success.

This story is just a sideline due to the disaster in New York but still a tragedy.