Apologies to Sandra Bullock, who after winning the ultimate prize in Hollywood, met the agony of defeat when she learned her husband, Jesse James, had been cheating on her. At least she wasn't married to Tiger Woods.
Here's a foray from years ago where the author of G.P. put his spin on the best movie Oscar nominees. Not sure whence it came but it was on my desktop. So without further delay here it is:
1) "The Squid and the Whale": New CEO of a cafeteria chain decides to shake-up the menu by introducing sushi. Zany hijinks ensue as rowdy guests balk at the new fare. "We want the old favorites," says the President of the AARP Snobird Organization. Another classic line from the film: "Don't count the black eyed peas," muttered by one of the independent factions.
2) "Derailed" : Spellbinding! Exhilirating! Riveting! Another Big Business moviedom romp, based loosely on "Brave New World, " "The Jungle," and "Animal Farm." Mayhem and chaos on "The runaway nite train. Ready to crash and burn. It never learns" is the movie's hook and tag line.
3) "Prime" : A documentary from the Dilly Brothers as they romp across 13 states in search of the perfect dining experience. Bill Dilly gets pissed at one stop where most of the food items are empty, cold, and tasteless. "At least one of the servers smiled," Will Dilly remarks to his brother is a memorable line that will stay with you forever.
4) "Get Rich or Die Trying:" "At the end of the day what will you hang onto?" Leroy "50 Cent" Piece decides to hang it up after 40 plus years of cooking fried chicken. After many foiled attempts at franchising his popular fowl cuisine, "50 Cent" Leroy becomes a serial killer. "A psychological thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seats," says "The New York Times." Cameo by Miss Bessie, who is Leroy's first victim. "I always hated that bitch," '50 Cent' mutters rhetorically in one of the more distressing scenes.
5) "Chicken Little:" "Hilarious" says Bob Wire of People Magazine. Reviewer Cal Esthenics of "The Washington Post" reports, "I 'bout fell out of my seat when the guest told the manager, ' you oughta be ashamed of taking them baby chicks away from their mother.'"
6) "I Walk The Line:" A new recruit in the wonderful world of show biz walks up and down the serving line. Day in and day out. He gets weary of saying, "Change this pan. How long on fried chicken? Whaddaya mean you've got to go home?" so he decides to write a song. Instant suckcess follows, and he becomes a country-western legend. His name: Johnny Cash! "Spellbinding" claims Siskel/Ebert.
7) "Harry Potter and The Giblet of Fire:" Based loosely on "Animal House," this zany comedy takes place on the campus of "Truck U.," during the Thanksgiving holidays. When a blizzard engulfs the campus and the students aren't allowed to leave, Harry conjures up a 'giblet of fire' and saves the day by making cornbread dressing in bain maries.
8)"Jarhead:" A marine heads to Northern California to debunk the theory that "rice au roni" is actually "the San Francisco Treat."
9) "The Legend of Azzwhole:" The swashbuckling hero returns after a rousing suckcess in the fast food and cafeteria bizness. "All hail, Caesar" is a recurring line spoken by the plebians.
10) "Capote:" This foray into the infantile is capote. Fini.' You may now disembark the night train....
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
"Waxing Nostalgic"
New From K TEL Records: Piccadilly 5-Aug-01 01:07 am
Managers sing the hits.
You loved their earlier collection. You waxed nostalgic as they sang "Can We Serve You." And other timeless classics.
Piccadilly Managers sing the hits from K TEL sold more copies than Slim Whitman ever imagined selling.
More chart toppers than the Oak Ridge Boys.
And here they are again by popular demand.
You'll hear them sing: The Eagles'
Welcome to the "Cafeteria Piccadilly." Such a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely place....
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
You'll salivate at their remake of Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge over Troubled Waters."
Your taste buds will flare as they sing Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll."
It's been a long time since we made some honest-to-god rolls,
It's been a long time since we had some good bowls.
Carry me back, carry me back.
To the place I came from.
The Piccadilly Managers sing disco, too. It may be a dinosaur today, but who can forget those liesure suits and gaudy hair styles.
The Mgrs. get funky as they bellow:
The BeeGees, "Stayin' Alive." And Gloria Gaynor's classic, "I Will Survive."
Some of the mgrs. have left the band since the first record. But who cares. You'll never notice as they continue the disco portion with Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think We're Sexy?"
They'll segue way into the early seventies with Lynard Skynard's "Free Bird."
If I leave here tomorrow?
Will you still remember me?
Cos I'm as free as a bird now.
And this bird you cannot change.
And you'll revel in their rendition of Skynard's, "Ooh That Smell."
PIC Mgrs. do instrumentals, too. You'll pray to your own personal God when they recreate Mike Oldfield's, Theme From The Exorcist." You'll love those tubular bells.
You'll creep closer to 1969 when the mgrs. sing Crosby Stills Nash and Young's classics. "Our House," and "Deja Vu." Have you been here before?
Of course, you have. K TEL's first. Pic Mgrs. sing the hits.
They play to the Yahoo Message Board, too. Love letters to their fans. ibbq4u2, nelore1,
superdilly 2000, A2FAY, and more.
Yahoo. You'll never forget the mgrs. singing Captain and Tenille's "Hoots Will Keep Us Together."
And K.C. and the Sunshine Band's "Shake Your Hootsbuddie."
Ah, Shake Shake Shake
Shake Shake Shake
Shake your hootsbuddie.
They'll close the show with CCR's "Bad Moon Rising," Jimi's "Purple Haze" and Joan Baez's "The Night They Closed Old Piccadilly Down."
Have your credit card ready. Operators standing by. Available on cd or cassette. Dinosaur mentalities, ones who long for the return of drive-ins, discos, and cafeterias, must purchase 8 track only.
You loved them once. You'll love them again.
Call 1-800-DEJA VU. If lines are busy
keep trying. Everyone will want a copy of Piccadilly Mgrs. sing the hits. Volume two.
If lines continue to be busy, dial 1-800-Forgot How To Make A Roll.
Must be 18 to order. Even accept posterior retentive orders.
New From K TEL. Order today.
Managers sing the hits.
You loved their earlier collection. You waxed nostalgic as they sang "Can We Serve You." And other timeless classics.
Piccadilly Managers sing the hits from K TEL sold more copies than Slim Whitman ever imagined selling.
More chart toppers than the Oak Ridge Boys.
And here they are again by popular demand.
You'll hear them sing: The Eagles'
Welcome to the "Cafeteria Piccadilly." Such a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely place....
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
You'll salivate at their remake of Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge over Troubled Waters."
Your taste buds will flare as they sing Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll."
It's been a long time since we made some honest-to-god rolls,
It's been a long time since we had some good bowls.
Carry me back, carry me back.
To the place I came from.
The Piccadilly Managers sing disco, too. It may be a dinosaur today, but who can forget those liesure suits and gaudy hair styles.
The Mgrs. get funky as they bellow:
The BeeGees, "Stayin' Alive." And Gloria Gaynor's classic, "I Will Survive."
Some of the mgrs. have left the band since the first record. But who cares. You'll never notice as they continue the disco portion with Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think We're Sexy?"
They'll segue way into the early seventies with Lynard Skynard's "Free Bird."
If I leave here tomorrow?
Will you still remember me?
Cos I'm as free as a bird now.
And this bird you cannot change.
And you'll revel in their rendition of Skynard's, "Ooh That Smell."
PIC Mgrs. do instrumentals, too. You'll pray to your own personal God when they recreate Mike Oldfield's, Theme From The Exorcist." You'll love those tubular bells.
You'll creep closer to 1969 when the mgrs. sing Crosby Stills Nash and Young's classics. "Our House," and "Deja Vu." Have you been here before?
Of course, you have. K TEL's first. Pic Mgrs. sing the hits.
They play to the Yahoo Message Board, too. Love letters to their fans. ibbq4u2, nelore1,
superdilly 2000, A2FAY, and more.
Yahoo. You'll never forget the mgrs. singing Captain and Tenille's "Hoots Will Keep Us Together."
And K.C. and the Sunshine Band's "Shake Your Hootsbuddie."
Ah, Shake Shake Shake
Shake Shake Shake
Shake your hootsbuddie.
They'll close the show with CCR's "Bad Moon Rising," Jimi's "Purple Haze" and Joan Baez's "The Night They Closed Old Piccadilly Down."
Have your credit card ready. Operators standing by. Available on cd or cassette. Dinosaur mentalities, ones who long for the return of drive-ins, discos, and cafeterias, must purchase 8 track only.
You loved them once. You'll love them again.
Call 1-800-DEJA VU. If lines are busy
keep trying. Everyone will want a copy of Piccadilly Mgrs. sing the hits. Volume two.
If lines continue to be busy, dial 1-800-Forgot How To Make A Roll.
Must be 18 to order. Even accept posterior retentive orders.
New From K TEL. Order today.
Monday, March 08, 2010
"Millionaire Made Grave Error"
She bought her clothes at rummage sales, didn't own a car and worked most of her life as a secretary for a pharmaceutical company.
Yet after her death at age 100, Grace Groner left Lake Forest College a gift of $7 million to be used for scholarships. The money came from three shares of stock she bought -- and held on to -- in 1935.
As David Roeder of the Chicago Sun-Times points out: "It is a grave error to put your nest egg behind a single company, and it is worse when the company is your employer. Groner had a winner, but others have done this with Enron, General Motors or Bear Stearns."
The all-in-one basket strategy was, of course, a grave error for employees of Enron and others. And financial advisers love to herald diversification, which didn't turn out so well for many investors during the financial crisis.
P.S. They forgot to add Piccadilly to the list! My pal, Bronco Billy, diversified his stock and came out smelling like a rose. But his boss and my mentor lost his shirt!
P.S.S. This is post 2000. Where do we go from here, eh?
Yet after her death at age 100, Grace Groner left Lake Forest College a gift of $7 million to be used for scholarships. The money came from three shares of stock she bought -- and held on to -- in 1935.
As David Roeder of the Chicago Sun-Times points out: "It is a grave error to put your nest egg behind a single company, and it is worse when the company is your employer. Groner had a winner, but others have done this with Enron, General Motors or Bear Stearns."
The all-in-one basket strategy was, of course, a grave error for employees of Enron and others. And financial advisers love to herald diversification, which didn't turn out so well for many investors during the financial crisis.
P.S. They forgot to add Piccadilly to the list! My pal, Bronco Billy, diversified his stock and came out smelling like a rose. But his boss and my mentor lost his shirt!
P.S.S. This is post 2000. Where do we go from here, eh?
Friday, March 05, 2010
"Ways to Increase Business"
The proprietor of the Pond was perusing old posts from back in the day ( 2001 to be exact) on my ex company's message board via Yahoo. Me and others had a ball extolling our opinions. We became engaged-a popular word during the heyday. Here's one of my earlier forays into the infantile. Submitted for your approval.
And thanks to one of the engaged who recently asked me if I had archived my endeavors. I did but don't know into which black hole they have absconded. And without further adieu, here it is. [ damn, has it been almost 9 years ago? ]
Bring back the old tried and true recipes for
success. They worked quite well in the past.
Number one: Charge for butter. Strip search customer if necessary.
Number two: Charge for crackers. Strip search customer......
Number three: Continue child's policy. No bread. Kids don't like bread, especially rolls.
Number four: Do away with tip wage. People don't like to tip in cafeterias. Floor staff can hide more, like they did in the good old days.
Number five: Draw a line in the sand when it comes to customers returning food.Just because they ate all the food doesn't mean they enjoyed it.
Number six: Bring back those scales that never worked. For the counter. That way we can weigh everyone's order. Especially roast beef, ham,
and chicken tenders.
Number seven: Charge for tartar sauce. Why should some have to subsidize others. Tartar sauce has too much fat, clogs arteries, which makes health premiums skyrocket.
Number eight: Don't discount anything. If we charge less for a large ( jumbo ) chop steak and you sell one hundred a day times 230 cafeterias times 365 days a yaer we'll lose x amount of dollars. We can't have that.So let's keep the price high.
Number nine: Have all the staff say, "Can I serve you?" to the customers.Managers, too, when handling complaints. Customers will love it.
Number ten: Use catchy jargon for the products.
Typical scenario. "Can I serve you?" "Uhmm, what kind of fish is that?" Server: "That's our delicious, farm raised catfish, farmed on the banks of Saigon. It's our TET offensive special of the day." Customer: "You sold me.And I'll have tartar sauce."
Number eleven: Go back to two scoops for vegetable servings. A 12 scoop for regular, a la carte orders, and a 16 scoop for best value or combo.After saying, "Can I serve you," server differentiates-quickly- what scoop to use. Must use your best servers here.
Number twelve: Bring back small glasses for tea. Rack tea like we did in the old days.Be sure and keep hoses cleaned, however. Bleach works great.
These worked in the past. And they will work today.
And thanks to one of the engaged who recently asked me if I had archived my endeavors. I did but don't know into which black hole they have absconded. And without further adieu, here it is. [ damn, has it been almost 9 years ago? ]
Bring back the old tried and true recipes for
success. They worked quite well in the past.
Number one: Charge for butter. Strip search customer if necessary.
Number two: Charge for crackers. Strip search customer......
Number three: Continue child's policy. No bread. Kids don't like bread, especially rolls.
Number four: Do away with tip wage. People don't like to tip in cafeterias. Floor staff can hide more, like they did in the good old days.
Number five: Draw a line in the sand when it comes to customers returning food.Just because they ate all the food doesn't mean they enjoyed it.
Number six: Bring back those scales that never worked. For the counter. That way we can weigh everyone's order. Especially roast beef, ham,
and chicken tenders.
Number seven: Charge for tartar sauce. Why should some have to subsidize others. Tartar sauce has too much fat, clogs arteries, which makes health premiums skyrocket.
Number eight: Don't discount anything. If we charge less for a large ( jumbo ) chop steak and you sell one hundred a day times 230 cafeterias times 365 days a yaer we'll lose x amount of dollars. We can't have that.So let's keep the price high.
Number nine: Have all the staff say, "Can I serve you?" to the customers.Managers, too, when handling complaints. Customers will love it.
Number ten: Use catchy jargon for the products.
Typical scenario. "Can I serve you?" "Uhmm, what kind of fish is that?" Server: "That's our delicious, farm raised catfish, farmed on the banks of Saigon. It's our TET offensive special of the day." Customer: "You sold me.And I'll have tartar sauce."
Number eleven: Go back to two scoops for vegetable servings. A 12 scoop for regular, a la carte orders, and a 16 scoop for best value or combo.After saying, "Can I serve you," server differentiates-quickly- what scoop to use. Must use your best servers here.
Number twelve: Bring back small glasses for tea. Rack tea like we did in the old days.Be sure and keep hoses cleaned, however. Bleach works great.
These worked in the past. And they will work today.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
"Post 1997"
Getting close to post 2000. Hopefully all will be well when the Pond meets the milestone.
The following video is from an older chap who lives somewhere in England. He does Beatles covers as well as other artists. This one sounds like a tune Ringo would sing.
The following video is from an older chap who lives somewhere in England. He does Beatles covers as well as other artists. This one sounds like a tune Ringo would sing.
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