"House on Haunted Hill"

I forgot about this one. John Skerry, er, Kerry lost the election. He of the "Purple Hearts" recipient fame via Nam. As petrol hedges up to $4 per gallon, the end of George Bush's regime is coming to a close. Where would we be today if Al Gore had won in 2000? Or Scairy in 2004? As me mom has always philosophized: "it wasn't meant to be." And we will never know.

Here's a repeat from yesteryear. Via Golden Pond and yers truly. Sunday, October 31, 2004

House on Haunted Hill

My sister, Ali, is out stumping the vote in dreary, cold San Francisco, while I am sitting on my big arse watching the tube. There's all kind of good offerings tonite. It's Halloween! There's Scream, Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Scary Movie, and the one I'm watching, "House on Haunted Hill."

House stars the delightful Vincent Price who hailed from St. Louis. And it has a star-studded cast? There's Richard Long, late of the Big Valley. And whatever happened to Barbara Stanwyck, eh? The plot centers on a group of folks who must stay the nite in the house for a cool $50,000. They have just met their benefactor [ Mr. Price ] and he is showing them a vat filled with acid.

The flick, shot in black and white, was directed by William Castle, sort of the Wes Craven of the 60's. Another of his forays, "Homicidal," scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid. And another, "The Night Walker," where Barbara Stanwyck ( now that name sounds familiar ) was terrorized by her husband into believing she was sleep walking. Robert Taylor, who played the hubby, wanted to drive his wife crazy or something like that.

And then there's the "7th Voyage of Sinbad," one of me all time favourites and listed on my profiles chart. You can always tell the more smug, er, serious bloggers who fail to fill out their favorite movies, books, hobbies, etc. Unless the book is on the order of "Combining Brain Surgery and Nuclear Physics" by Albert Van Doren or "The Medium IS the Message" by Alexander Putninsky-Van Clydesdale. Books the ordinary layman has never heard of.

"From the land beyond beyond.
From the land past hope and fear.
I bid you, genie, now appear."

To engage the genie, the holder of the magic lamp had to say the three phrases to summon him. Of course, the genie could only use his powers for good. The movie's special effects were created by Ray Harryhausen. Included were one-eyed cyclops, a fire-breathing dragon, giant birds, and skeleton warriors. Ray also did the sp. effects for "20 Million Miles To Earth" and "Clash of the Titans," which starred Harry Hamlin, late of L.A. Law.

Other movies frightened me as a kid. The Leech Woman, The Alligator People, and one of the scariest: "Strait Jacket" with Joan Crawford ( before she became the CEO of Pepsi ( please see "Mommie Dearest" )) and Diane Baker. On Joan's return home from a stay in the looney bin, the townsfolk in her sleepy hamlet begin losing their heads, allah her character who beheads her cheating husband at the first of the film.

Well, the House on Haunted Hill just concluded. Vincent Price got his come-uppance. And his scheming wife....ditto. They were in cahoots. ( pun unintended ) Next is "The Haunting." Damn, that also scared the bejeezus out of me back in the day. Not the computer-animated remake of a few years ago. The latter [ computer-animated ] hold no candle to the classics from yesteryear. The new ones: sKerry, smerry. Which brings us back to Ali, my ultra left-wing sister.

She is waiting with baited breath as to the outcome of Tuesday's election. I feel for her safety if her man doesn't win. Myself? I'll be content to watch another macabre journey to the center of the mind, the mind, the mind.... ( apologies to the Amboy Dukes featuring Ted Nugent )

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. Because the Packers beat the Redskins ( not Morisson's potatoes ) we'll have 6 more weeks of winter, er, legal ramifications out the kazoo. And disenfranchised voters, and.....


Posted by vietnamcatfish at 8:46 PM 2 comments Links to this post

"Farewell and Adieu"

There were a couple of times this week when I considered concluding "Golden Pond," my blog of almost 4 years. I just didn't have it in me anymore. Too much of a hassle. Yadi yadi yadi.

But then I resurrected an old post from yesteryear, "Sloganless." Of course, I read it. And thought it was "somewhat" clever. Even tho' written many moons ago. And when I added the Jackson Browne song, "Somebody's Dilly," er, "Baby" to the end of the foray, it gave me the jolt I needed to keep a'pressin' on.

Not sure why but I dig the song, which was featured on the "Fast Times at Rowdy, er, Ridgemont High" soundtrack. And which starred a young Sean Penn, Judge Reinhold, the gorgeous Phoebe Cates, Nicolas Cage ( small part ), et al. A cult classic.

So I was reenergized. And even the Hootster, my friend of many moons, deigned to leave a comment.

So-for now-Golden Pond will continue. Plus, I use it as a chronicle of my excursions. Or as we used to say in the 60's, to see where "my head is ( was ) at."

Heavy, v.c.

"Buttermilk....Anyone?"

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Publish or Perish Revisited
The Pond has been in hiatus for the last two days. There always seems to be a positive in a negative, so with that in mind, here's tonite's foray.

1) Before proceeding, I must correct the Hootster concerning the making of buttermilk from scratch. Sorry! Maybe it's old-timers rearing its ugly head, again. But my friend, cajun balls au vin, correctly recalled that 8 gallons of water and 8 lbs. of powdered milk is required. And one quart of store-bought buttermilk. Not the 5 & 5 erroneously reported by you know who.

From yours truly: One key to its success lies in the water temperature.....70-72 degrees are the magic numbers. And a spanking-clean container, as well.

Back in the day the brass firmly disallowed its use in fried chicken. But imho, the b.m. could have been used as a batter, provided the above procedures were followed. The brass had little or no faith in the b.m. makers. And rightfully so.

But in 2004, it's really quite irrelevent. However, if one's interst is piqued, I suggest the following disclaimer: Caution: "Don't try this at home." [ unless your plans include inviting Betty Crocker over for brunch or on feeding a battalion or brigade. ]

2) Each Christmas, "It's A Wonderful Life," the movie, returns to television. There are different versions. The restored original black and white; the grainy one with all the snow and blips; and the colorized one.
Even though I've watched it through the years, I got more out of it last year. Getting older, perhaps? And relating to the central theme: how one's life makes an impact in the grand scheme of things, and how different things would be if not for one's existence.

3) There is no three. Sleepy....so sleepy.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. The "Family Man" with Nicolas Cage is another great Christmas movie foray!

Posted by vietnamcatfish at 10:20 PM 3 comments Links to this post


Epilogue: It was an easy recipe. But the crew ALWAYS screwed it up. Either the milk separated or it came out-literally-in sheets.

"Sloganless Re-Revisited"

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Sloganless Revisited

Back in my incubating period as a fledgling writer on the Yahoo, I submitted these ideas to the brass for their approval and perusal. They were jingles for my company. Slogans, if you will.

They never saw the light of day. Evidently, the brass decided to go outside the company and hired a "Marketing Director." His ideas didn't pan out, and they hired another "M.D." and another ad agency. Still mired in the proverbial quagmire, what might have occurred had the savvy ad types enlisted my aid.

Perhaps my company would still be listed on the N.Y. Stock Exchange. Maybe we would not have endured the heartbreak of bankruptcy and ye old musical chairs syndrome, evident today. And perhaps the Hootster would still be calling the shots at his old venue, H.W. [ Heaven Whole ] Who knows? But it wasn't meant to be. Que sera sera.

Maybe a savvy ad type will peruse the following and decide to use one of them in his/her next ad campaign. The following exercise in futility was written in late 2001. And here it is:


New theme songs and slogans for Piccadilly; Submitted for your approval.

1) Hey Dude.
Don't make it bad.
Take a sack home and you'll feel better.

( sung to the Beatles "Hey Jude" )

2) To All The Dillys.
Weve served before.
We're glad you came along.
We dedicate this song.
To all the dillys we've served before.

( sung to "All The Girls" by Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias )

3) Dilly Love Songs.

You'd think that people would have had enough of dilly love songs.
I look around me and I see it isn't so.
Some people want to fill the world with dilly love songs.
And what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know.
Cos here we go.
Again.

( sung to Wings' "Silly Love Songs" )

4)SuperDilly Dreamin'.

I'd be safe and warm.
If I was in La. [ Louisiana ]
Superdilly dreamin'.
On such a winter's day.

( sung to the Mamas and Papas "California Dreamin'" )

5) I Get A Pound.

I'm getting bugged driving up and down the same old strip.
I gotta find a new place where the food is hip.
I get a pound.
Plenty of times.
When they cut my corned beef.
Or when they cut my roast beef.
I get a pound.

( sung to the Beachboys' "I Get Around" )

6) Love PIC Madly.

Don't you want a dilly?
Might see Milli Vanilli.
Don't you love PIC as you're walking out the door.
Like you've done one hundred times before.

( sung to "Love Her Madly" by the Doors )

7) Oh, Lord.
Won't you buy me a signature meal?
My friends all buy dillys.
I must make amends.

( sung to "Mercedes Benz" by Janis Joplin )

8) Looking For Food.
In all the wrong places.
Looking for food in all the wrong faces.
Looking for food.

( sung to "Looking For Love"by Johnny Lee from the "Urban Cowboy" soundtrack )

9) Somebody's Dilly.

It must be somebody's dilly.
It's got to be somebody's dilly.
It's so fine.

I try to shut my eyes.
But I can't get it outta my sight.
It's gotta be somebody's dilly.

( sung to Jackson Browne's "Somebody's Baby" )

10) Imagine.

Imagine there's no combos.
I wonder if you can.
No best value.
A brotherhood of pans.

Imagine all the rowdy customers.
Living life in peace.
You may say I'm a dreamer.
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday we'll serve you.
And the dilly will be as one.

( sung to "Imagine" by John Lennon )


Well that be it. No signature farewell and adieu at the time. And approval but no perusal. Evolution, eh?

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. Due to the late hour, no postscripts tonite.

Posted by vietnamcatfish at 10:08 PM 1 comments Links to this post

"Global Warming"

Thursday, June 15, 2006

"So You Like To Write? Eh????????"

You think it's easy writing these forays into the infantile? Well, let me assure you-it ain't. You have to be inspired plus you have to think of something clever to say! I ain't the most clever person in the world, in fact my elevator don't stop on every floor, so you can see why it's a tough gig.

There are plenty of subjects that are out there, just prime for the pickings. The war in Iraq is one. I just read where John Kerry recently stated that he had made a mistake in endorsing the middle east slugfest a few years back. Well ain't that big of him? What a total jerk-off! Where would we have been with that numb nut as the president?

And then Al Gore is parading his goofy ass around extolling the possibilities of global warming, and how the last days of Earth-as we know it-are just about kaput, fini.' Segue! I'm wondering if Gillette can bring back those aerosol deodorant sprays? The smell from those cannisters was akin to Nirvana. Ah, memories!

And for the sports fans out there-if any-Shaq and Dirk are heating things up in the NBA Finals. Everyone knows Shaq, but how many know of the 7 footer from Germany.

"Yah, I'm glad to be playing basketball in the United States. And I'd like to thank Mr. Al Gore for inventing the internet, and kudos to Mr Skerry who earned????? many purple hearts for bravery in the wilds of Vietnam. Yah!"

And then there's the Atlanta Braves who are experiencing one of their worst slides ( pun intended??? ) since 1990. After 15 years of winning their division, which is unprecedented in modern professional sports-it appears the bloom is off the rose.

Not sure how Brittney Spears is making out ( pun unintended ) nor do I know the perils that Jennifer Anniston may be enduring in this continuum of time and space, nor do I know if Siegfried-or was it Leroy, er, Roy-has made a full recovery from his vicious tiger attack, so we can't "go there." ( urban slang )

So this is what a writer, like myself?????, goes through when attempting to write-in my case-forays into the infantile. It ain't all it's cracked up ( another pun??????? ) to be. Back to the egg, eh?

You have just read another imbecilic foray by none other than v.c. Patent pending????

Posted by vietnamcatfish at 11:49 PM 0 comments Links to this post



Sunday, January 29, 2006

"Link to 'I Was a Teenage.....'"

I saw this movie as a youngster. Top ten grossing film of '57. What was my mother thinking?

P.S. Starred Michael Landon in the title role. He of "Bonanza"; "Little House on the Prarie"; "Stairway, er, Highway to Heaven" fame.

"Cole Slaw Revisited"

Monday, December 26, 2005
"Cole Slaw"
Another foray from back in the day. Cholesterol, smesterol. Our story tonite was written before anyone knew about cholesterol. Now a 4 letter word. Submitted for....

Everyone loves cole slaw? It happens to be one of my favorite foods. It goes good with most meals. Barbecue in particular; fish and french fries where you can dip your hushpuppies in its juice. Cole slaw and hamburger; it makes a great topping along with mustard or ketchup. Slaw dogs- I grew up eating those at the local Dairy Queen. Most people would prefer a chili dog but not me. Make mine smothered in cole slaw. Alternate bites with thick crusty onion rings. OOh la la.

Cole slaw with chicken, even roast beef. The list goes on and on. Cole slaw is relatively easy to make. Start with a head of cabbage. Finely shredded or coarse, either was is fine with me. Add gobs of mayonaise and a tiny smooch of vinegar and you are in buisness. Some folks, although it takes some doing, can mess up this delicacy. Even though my mom is the greatest cook this side of Julia Child, cole slaw has escaped her expertise. Growing up with her slaw was painful.

She would deter from the basic ingredients already mentioned. Hers wasn’t a mayonnaisy slaw; it was a vinegary slaw with little black dots mixed liberally throughout. I assumed this was some sort of spice that was in there to make it taste better. Assumed is the key word.

I think her cole slaw was sweet, too. Like maybe she put a lot of sugar in it. Cole slaw ain’t supposed to be sweet; it’s supposed to be SOUR. Mom, you are the bomb and you are the best cook, but you need pointers on cole slaw.

At the cafeteria where I am* employed, we have different kinds of slaw. Cole slaw with cream and cream slaw are my favorites. I must admit the cream slaw is a tad sweet, but there are exceptions to every rule. We also have an Italian slaw, pickled cabbage ( similar to you-know-who ), and a spanish slaw. The former slaws are our biggest sellers. Most bypass the pickled cabbage. There is a message here.

As the years pass by, my affinity for cole slaw increases. I can indulge on said item at least three or four times a week, cos there is never a chance of burn-out. In closing I will divulge my secret recipe. Great with hamburgers, barbecue, chicken, you name it. Bon appetit.

v.c.'s Cole Slaw OFFICIAL RECIPE

One Quarter Head Cabbage
Gobs of Mayonnaise
Smooch of Vinegar ( Must be White, never Wine )

Directions: Finely shred or coarsely shred cabbage. Put in big mixing bowl. Add the gobs of mayonnaise. Next add a smooch of vinegar. Mix all the ingredients until you can barely see the cabbage for the mayonnaise. Taste. Enjoy. Selah.

P.S. I think it was my Aunt Madeline who turned me on to this delighful concoction. No one made it better. And could she cook a mean burger, loaded with onions! And iced tea in a tall glass. Break out some cabbage; my mouth’s a'watering.

P.S.S. I gotta go with the coarse-cut.

Epilogue: Not sure when I wrote this. Late 80's. Early 90's perhaps. And penned on my Apple2c computer. They don't 'em like they used to. In this case, thank gawd.

"April Fools Day" or "Omnipotent, Omniscious, and Omnipresent"

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The catfish, aka yours truly, went the whole day without anyone playing an "A.F.J." on me. Damn, I must be loved.

It was a hellacious day, per usual, in the exciting world of food bizdom. God, in his infinite wisdom, must have a weird sense of humor. Because he deemed me-and other poor Joes-a life of servitude in well, uh, foodbizdom.

As Ethel Merman once bellowed: "There's no bizdom like food bizdom. And, alas, there will be no youtube video to substantiate the claim.

There are other shitty jobs, I know. Driving a rig through hazardous terrain such as the interstates; selling insurance to friends, relatives, and even strangers; teaching rowdy kids in grades 1-12; and fighting in wars via the military. All jobs have their downside. And if you have a boss, it's much worse.

And if you are the boss, you have all these hysterical minions wanting and demanding this and that.

Per example:

I need a raise!

I told you I can't work on Sundays.

I told you I can't work on Saturdays.

I don't want to wear a patch-what do you mean I can't smoke on these hallowed grounds known as my job site.

I told you I can't work at night.

My grandmother died, thus, I invoke the "family rights act" privilege, er, right.

I will sic the ACLU on your sorry ass.

I will sic the NAACP on your sorry demented ass.

What do you mean I have to work on Yom Kippur?

Where's the Holy Water? We don't have none?

Nobody told me it was "Daylite Savings Time?"

I sprung backward-not forward-sorry.

What do you mean I can't ogle her ass?

I must leave early in order to retrieve my Viagra prescription.

Why can't they pump Ethel Merman through the muzak?

You're fired.

Another April Fools Day" has come and gone. Fall backward and spring forward, v.c.

P.S. Not a single "A.F.D." joke played on yours truly today. Where's the love? Wassup?

P.S.S. Come as you are? Eh?

 

"Pet Sounds"

Good song from 66. Not Route 66 but in the year of our lord, 1966. A.D. Anno domini. Methinks. Time flies when yer having fun, as it's been 42 years ago if the math be right. And because yours truly is good with figures, and because I counted on my fingers, the amount of time that has passed is correctomondo.

From the album [ l.p. ] "Pet Sounds."
Pet Sounds is a 1966 album recorded by American pop group The Beach Boys. It has been widely ranked as one of the most influential record albums ever released. Mojo Magazine ranked it greatest album of all time. The album has been ranked at number #1 in several music magazines' lists of greatest albums of all time, including New Musical Express, The Times and Pure Pop's lists. It was number #2 in Rolling Stone Magazine's list. According to Acclaimedmusic.net, Pet Sounds is the most acclaimed pop album of all time by music

Be it as it may, I believe "Rolling Stone Magazine" had it right by proclaiming "Revolver" as the numero uno best album of all time. And we all know who recorded it. Well, some of us, anyway.