Most columnists have some kind of recurring foray aptly entitled "random thoughts,"
where they babble away and list their well, er, uh, er, random thoughts.
So yours truly decided to have a whirl at it so here goes, my random thoughts: [ presumably the world holds its collective breath ]
1) I still have no job but sent out 14 inquiries today. These employers don't know what they are missing out on, eh?
2) On a somber note, I resent what the food biz has done to my life. This is no new revelation, but the family and recreational time lost and can't be retrieved was never worth it.
3) Because I am home more often [ not working 60-70 hour work weeks ) I must admit to tiring of watching "Matlock" and the same movies that are repeated weekly. Even tho' it was almost 50 years ago, "The Andy Griffith Show," particularly with Don Knotts, never loses its appeal. "Citizen's arrest!"
4) Kitty bought me some Archway cookies tonight. The ones with a tiny dab of fruit on top. What a sweet gesture. And those cookies are older than the hills.
5) My niece, Katherine who hails from San Fran, was given the link to Golden Pond. Her mom's computer crashed and burned. Probably while downloading some propaganda from John Kerry, Shrillary Clinton, Jane Fonda, et al. Apologies to anyone who is offended.
6) My son, Jesse, moved out of the house yesterday. He is excited about moving out on his own. He has always been a good son and very responsible. It was especially a sad day for Kitty, who cried and cried but was happy for him, too.
7) I am having a problem penning my new column, "random thoughts." Evidently, I don't have many.
8) I have even watched "American Idol" for the first time ever.
9) Not sure who will win the Super Bowl. But it looks like Indy will bring home the bacon. "That's why they play the game" is a cliche that's valid here. Ask Mike Tyson after sparring with Buster Douglas.
10) In ten years I'll be able to draw a pension from Piccadilly. If I take it now, it will be cut in half. What to do? Eh? Hoots?
11) "Random thoughts" is now kaput, fini' for tonight. Au revoir, v.c.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
"I Saw her Standing There-Woooooo"
Hoots, you are just too damn far ahead of everyone else. How does it feel to be a trendsetter? Since you first imbeded youtube onto "Hootsbuddy's Place," the world has followed suit. Bravo; hip hip hooray; and kudos. You are da man.
Golden Pond has refrained from using the youtube link lately, but it is about to appear again. While perusing various videos, I came upon this one. It was written by Paul McCartney back in the latter days of 1963. It has to be one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever. And Paul always uses it at the end of his concerts.
This version is sung and played by an unlikely collage of musicians: George Harrison, who does the obligatory Beatles "woo"; Bob Dylan; Bruce, the "Boss," Springsteen; Ringo Starr; Paul "Letterman" Schafer; Billy "Piano Man" Joel; and Mick Jagger among others.
Here it tis: Wooooooooooo
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Golden Pond has refrained from using the youtube link lately, but it is about to appear again. While perusing various videos, I came upon this one. It was written by Paul McCartney back in the latter days of 1963. It has to be one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever. And Paul always uses it at the end of his concerts.
This version is sung and played by an unlikely collage of musicians: George Harrison, who does the obligatory Beatles "woo"; Bob Dylan; Bruce, the "Boss," Springsteen; Ringo Starr; Paul "Letterman" Schafer; Billy "Piano Man" Joel; and Mick Jagger among others.
Here it tis: Wooooooooooo
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
"Thanks To All My Loyal Readership"
Thanks to everyone who has made "Golden Pond" a huge suckcess in bloggerdom. I'm sorry; it should read as success. Each and every day my loyal readership wakes in the morning, struggles out of bed, pours theirselves, er, themselves a steaming cup of hot java-heavy on the caffeine-and turns on his/her computer in anticipation of reading their favorite column. No, it's not "Hootsbuddy's Place" you tune into every day, but, yours truly's blog: the ubiquitous "Golden Pond, penned by one vietnamcatfish.
Let me reiterate my feelings. Thank you for making G.P. number one. Extended middle fingers is not the jist here, but your sincere love of my somewhat daily excursions into the infantile.
Yes, one day I dream of selling G.P. to Google, allah youtube.com. I will not sell for less than youtube banked, but I will sell for one dollar more. So we're awaiting a bid for G.P. for the princely sum of 1.5 billion plus one George Washington.
Will it change my lifestyle? Will I remain humble as always? Damn tootin' on the former. Hell no on the latter.
In summary, thanks again for your loyal support. May all of you one day have a blog as golden as, one, "Golden Pond." v.c., your irreverent host.
P.S. I am enclosing for your perusal my daily hit counter. For a two week period. Impressive!!!!!!!!!!!
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Let me reiterate my feelings. Thank you for making G.P. number one. Extended middle fingers is not the jist here, but your sincere love of my somewhat daily excursions into the infantile.
Yes, one day I dream of selling G.P. to Google, allah youtube.com. I will not sell for less than youtube banked, but I will sell for one dollar more. So we're awaiting a bid for G.P. for the princely sum of 1.5 billion plus one George Washington.
Will it change my lifestyle? Will I remain humble as always? Damn tootin' on the former. Hell no on the latter.
In summary, thanks again for your loyal support. May all of you one day have a blog as golden as, one, "Golden Pond." v.c., your irreverent host.
P.S. I am enclosing for your perusal my daily hit counter. For a two week period. Impressive!!!!!!!!!!!
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Monday, January 22, 2007
"About Me"
It's time for a new "about me." But I want to save this one so....
Forays into the infantile are my specialty. I was born in the 50's so that means I am not getting older-but better. Yeah, right.
My hair is thinning; there are more hairs in my ears than fruit flies on a ripe plantain; my libido is like the old gray mare-"it ain't what it used to be;" and I would have loved to retire when age 65 beckons, but it looks as though I'll continue to work until I drop.
I love the movies. Some of my personal favorites are: "Casablanca" [ here's looking at you, Kid ]; "The Thing," which starred James Arness as an angry alien carrot from Outer Space; "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" with special effects by Ray Harryhausen; and "From Prussia, er, Russia With Love!"
And I love the music. My favorite band is a group that hailed from Liverpool, which makes them Liverpudians. Unfortunately, two of the members are deceased. One was assassinated by a crazed, maniacal killer and the other is now singing Hare Krishna in Heaven.
Politically? Well you'll have to read "The Pond" to find out. Welcome to Golden Pond, home to yours truly, Kitty, Catlain, Charlie Jr. and two mischievous pets named Penny and Neil. Welcome!
Forays into the infantile are my specialty. I was born in the 50's so that means I am not getting older-but better. Yeah, right.
My hair is thinning; there are more hairs in my ears than fruit flies on a ripe plantain; my libido is like the old gray mare-"it ain't what it used to be;" and I would have loved to retire when age 65 beckons, but it looks as though I'll continue to work until I drop.
I love the movies. Some of my personal favorites are: "Casablanca" [ here's looking at you, Kid ]; "The Thing," which starred James Arness as an angry alien carrot from Outer Space; "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" with special effects by Ray Harryhausen; and "From Prussia, er, Russia With Love!"
And I love the music. My favorite band is a group that hailed from Liverpool, which makes them Liverpudians. Unfortunately, two of the members are deceased. One was assassinated by a crazed, maniacal killer and the other is now singing Hare Krishna in Heaven.
Politically? Well you'll have to read "The Pond" to find out. Welcome to Golden Pond, home to yours truly, Kitty, Catlain, Charlie Jr. and two mischievous pets named Penny and Neil. Welcome!
"Super Bowl"
Well, the Bears and the Colts won. Most people predicted that N'awlins would win-"the feel good story of the year"-but, alas, it wasn't meant to be. The Saints had to play in the elements, i.e. snow and sub-freezing temps, instead of playing in the cozy Super Dome. All week the team said it didn't matter where they played, that Chicago would have to play in the same conditions.
After a 39-14 licking seems the Saints will have to wait until next year, allah the Atlanta Falcons, who recently fired their coach of three years. And whose quarterback was recently detained by airport security, when he allegedly ( ? ) attempted to smuggle a small amount of marijuna via a jury-rigged water bottle.
He signed a contract a few years ago for 130 million for ten years, so it must have been some good stuff.
Peyton Manning, another quarterback, who has been dogged-out because "he can't win the big one," must win the Super Bowl to remove the label forever. Down 21-6 at halftime, it didn't look good for the multi-millionaire who hawks everything from credit cards to cellphones, but the Colts came back and, unbelievably, won the game. The biggest comeback-ever-in postseason history.
And Rex Chapman, by way of Spurrier U., outshone Drew Brees in the snowy windy city in today's game. And all year he had been hounded [ dogged-out ] by ALL the media.
Every dog had his day, eh?
Speaking of q.b.'s this Monday-morning one is still unemployed, but I have an interview for Wednesday. Hopefully, all will go well.
Gimme shelter, v.c.
P.S. Lamar Hunt, the owner of the K.C. Chiefs named the "Super Bowl," when he saw his grandson playing with a "super ball." I had one as a kid, and, to say the least, they were far out.
After a 39-14 licking seems the Saints will have to wait until next year, allah the Atlanta Falcons, who recently fired their coach of three years. And whose quarterback was recently detained by airport security, when he allegedly ( ? ) attempted to smuggle a small amount of marijuna via a jury-rigged water bottle.
He signed a contract a few years ago for 130 million for ten years, so it must have been some good stuff.
Peyton Manning, another quarterback, who has been dogged-out because "he can't win the big one," must win the Super Bowl to remove the label forever. Down 21-6 at halftime, it didn't look good for the multi-millionaire who hawks everything from credit cards to cellphones, but the Colts came back and, unbelievably, won the game. The biggest comeback-ever-in postseason history.
And Rex Chapman, by way of Spurrier U., outshone Drew Brees in the snowy windy city in today's game. And all year he had been hounded [ dogged-out ] by ALL the media.
Every dog had his day, eh?
Speaking of q.b.'s this Monday-morning one is still unemployed, but I have an interview for Wednesday. Hopefully, all will go well.
Gimme shelter, v.c.
P.S. Lamar Hunt, the owner of the K.C. Chiefs named the "Super Bowl," when he saw his grandson playing with a "super ball." I had one as a kid, and, to say the least, they were far out.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
"Money for Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tonight I bought two lottery tickets.
"Any lottery games tonight," I asked the clerk.
"Well, there's the "win money for life game," she said.
Another clerk corected her by saying,"you get $50,000 a year for twenty years."
Because I'm now somehat of a senior citizen, I said, "I've probably only got 20 more years to live, so it's fine with me-I'll take it."
While perusing the numbers tonite-alas the "win money for life" game-had not, as of yet, been posted. But a little box was on the screen where you could punch in your "cash 3" number to see if it had ever won. This includes the straight, straight-box, and all the other ways you can win. So, I punched in 9-2-3, the number me and Kitty had won with in 1994. A cool five hundred dollars. Unfortunately, we never won again.
What was interesting-to me, anyway-was that the lottery people get slammed when 3 of a kind come through:
Exhibit A: 000, the 1st column. 2nd column: number of winners. 3rd: Total payout.
Date Numbers Winners Total Payout
10/10/2006 Midday 000-16,649-$5,900,000
9/6/2005 Midday 000 9,130 $3,100,000
7/8/2005 Midday 000 9,488 $3,183,500
3/28/2005 Midday 000 11,198 $3,802,500
8/9/2004 Midday 000 14,572 $5,195,750
5/14/2004 Midday 000 10,958 $3,934,750
2/3/2003 Midday 000 16,087 $5,517,500
11/9/2002 Evening 000 19,897 $6,829,500
3/7/2001 Midday 000 10,429 $3,564,750
7/15/2000 Midday 000 20,941 $7,025,500
11/25/1999 Midday 000 30,355 $10,613,000
2/5/1999 Evening 000 17,174 $6,279,500
Ergo, take 539 for example:
1/17/2007 Evening 539 0 $177,600
10/18/2006 Evening 539 2,146 $228,950
5/9/2006 Midday 539 1,750 $178,780
4/11/2006 Evening 953 2,739 $324,492
11/20/2004 Midday 395 2,439 $235,410
8/23/2004 Midday 359 1,434 $153,820
8/3/2004 Midday 395 2,015 $195,990
2/13/2004 Midday 395 2,285 $231,710
10/24/2003 Midday 935 2,000 $168,710
9/17/2003 Midday 935 1,437 $118,220
9/9/2003 Midday 539 1,936 $164,900
6/13/2003 Midday 395 2,669 $254,790
12/23/2002 Evening 395 2,504 $222,250
11/6/2002 Midday 395 2,360 $235,650
2/4/2002 Midday 395 2,217 $183,810
11/26/2001 Midday 539 3,445 $289,460
9/26/2001 Midday 935 2,760 $258,930
7/25/2001 Midday 395 1,406 $116,410
7/14/2001 Evening 953 3,101 $266,030
5/11/2001 Midday 593 2,491 $226,040
3/10/2001 Evening 359 3,429 $415,330
11/15/2000 Midday 953 2,116 $199,130
7/14/2000 Evening 539 2,631 $293,040
7/12/2000 Midday 395 2,374 $236,570
3/1/2000 Evening 359 3,715 $460,430
12/7/1999 Evening 593 2,944 $273,070
10/24/1999 Evening 593 2,484 $229,490
10/20/1999 Evening 395 3,905 $362,730
5/3/1999 Evening 395 3,842 $324,980
11/13/1998 Midday 395 1,977 $180,980
10/31/1998 Midday 593 2,850 $231,160
6/23/1998 Midday 395 1,710 $149,440
2/25/1998 Midday 539 2,322 $231,510
11/24/1997 Evening 593 4,444 $375,100
7/9/1997 Evening 359 4,851 $642,160
3/31/1997 Evening 539 6,529 $604,910
1/22/1997 Evening 593 7,318 $617,820
7/27/1996 Evening 359 5,630 $744,000
11/22/1995 Evening 539 5,963 $594,900
10/9/1995 Evening 359 5,271 $606,960
6/20/1995 Evening 593 4,490 $397,310
2/23/1995 Evening 359 5,348 $702,460
2/3/1995 Evening 593 6,838 $632,180
8/18/1994 Evening 539 4,976 $479,970
3/2/1994 Evening 539 5,417 $522,870
I don't think yours truly would ever play this number, but the sign of the beast is a big winner, too, when it falls:
9/21/2004 Midday 666 6,554 $2,294,500
4/18/2004 Evening 666 6,605 $2,319,000
4/3/2004 Evening 666 16,628 $5,854,250
8/5/2003 Evening 666 12,351 $4,243,750
7/4/2003 Midday 666 24,092 $8,280,500
5/17/2002 Evening 666 19,473 $7,423,250
4/30/1999 Evening 666 27,923 $10,041,000
3/6/1999 Evening 666 20,423 $7,403,000
12/12/1998 Evening 666 22,062 $8,117,750
9/15/1994 Evening 666 11,994 $4,393,750
7/16/1994 Evening 666 11,277 $4,135,250
9/18/1993 Evening 666 1,139 $445,500
To plug in your lucky? number, here's the link: http://galottery.com/serv/do/winningNumberMatch
P.S. I hardly indulge in the lottery. Just every now and then. Odds to win the big game are something like 87 million to 1.
"Any lottery games tonight," I asked the clerk.
"Well, there's the "win money for life game," she said.
Another clerk corected her by saying,"you get $50,000 a year for twenty years."
Because I'm now somehat of a senior citizen, I said, "I've probably only got 20 more years to live, so it's fine with me-I'll take it."
While perusing the numbers tonite-alas the "win money for life" game-had not, as of yet, been posted. But a little box was on the screen where you could punch in your "cash 3" number to see if it had ever won. This includes the straight, straight-box, and all the other ways you can win. So, I punched in 9-2-3, the number me and Kitty had won with in 1994. A cool five hundred dollars. Unfortunately, we never won again.
What was interesting-to me, anyway-was that the lottery people get slammed when 3 of a kind come through:
Exhibit A: 000, the 1st column. 2nd column: number of winners. 3rd: Total payout.
Date Numbers Winners Total Payout
10/10/2006 Midday 000-16,649-$5,900,000
9/6/2005 Midday 000 9,130 $3,100,000
7/8/2005 Midday 000 9,488 $3,183,500
3/28/2005 Midday 000 11,198 $3,802,500
8/9/2004 Midday 000 14,572 $5,195,750
5/14/2004 Midday 000 10,958 $3,934,750
2/3/2003 Midday 000 16,087 $5,517,500
11/9/2002 Evening 000 19,897 $6,829,500
3/7/2001 Midday 000 10,429 $3,564,750
7/15/2000 Midday 000 20,941 $7,025,500
11/25/1999 Midday 000 30,355 $10,613,000
2/5/1999 Evening 000 17,174 $6,279,500
Ergo, take 539 for example:
1/17/2007 Evening 539 0 $177,600
10/18/2006 Evening 539 2,146 $228,950
5/9/2006 Midday 539 1,750 $178,780
4/11/2006 Evening 953 2,739 $324,492
11/20/2004 Midday 395 2,439 $235,410
8/23/2004 Midday 359 1,434 $153,820
8/3/2004 Midday 395 2,015 $195,990
2/13/2004 Midday 395 2,285 $231,710
10/24/2003 Midday 935 2,000 $168,710
9/17/2003 Midday 935 1,437 $118,220
9/9/2003 Midday 539 1,936 $164,900
6/13/2003 Midday 395 2,669 $254,790
12/23/2002 Evening 395 2,504 $222,250
11/6/2002 Midday 395 2,360 $235,650
2/4/2002 Midday 395 2,217 $183,810
11/26/2001 Midday 539 3,445 $289,460
9/26/2001 Midday 935 2,760 $258,930
7/25/2001 Midday 395 1,406 $116,410
7/14/2001 Evening 953 3,101 $266,030
5/11/2001 Midday 593 2,491 $226,040
3/10/2001 Evening 359 3,429 $415,330
11/15/2000 Midday 953 2,116 $199,130
7/14/2000 Evening 539 2,631 $293,040
7/12/2000 Midday 395 2,374 $236,570
3/1/2000 Evening 359 3,715 $460,430
12/7/1999 Evening 593 2,944 $273,070
10/24/1999 Evening 593 2,484 $229,490
10/20/1999 Evening 395 3,905 $362,730
5/3/1999 Evening 395 3,842 $324,980
11/13/1998 Midday 395 1,977 $180,980
10/31/1998 Midday 593 2,850 $231,160
6/23/1998 Midday 395 1,710 $149,440
2/25/1998 Midday 539 2,322 $231,510
11/24/1997 Evening 593 4,444 $375,100
7/9/1997 Evening 359 4,851 $642,160
3/31/1997 Evening 539 6,529 $604,910
1/22/1997 Evening 593 7,318 $617,820
7/27/1996 Evening 359 5,630 $744,000
11/22/1995 Evening 539 5,963 $594,900
10/9/1995 Evening 359 5,271 $606,960
6/20/1995 Evening 593 4,490 $397,310
2/23/1995 Evening 359 5,348 $702,460
2/3/1995 Evening 593 6,838 $632,180
8/18/1994 Evening 539 4,976 $479,970
3/2/1994 Evening 539 5,417 $522,870
I don't think yours truly would ever play this number, but the sign of the beast is a big winner, too, when it falls:
9/21/2004 Midday 666 6,554 $2,294,500
4/18/2004 Evening 666 6,605 $2,319,000
4/3/2004 Evening 666 16,628 $5,854,250
8/5/2003 Evening 666 12,351 $4,243,750
7/4/2003 Midday 666 24,092 $8,280,500
5/17/2002 Evening 666 19,473 $7,423,250
4/30/1999 Evening 666 27,923 $10,041,000
3/6/1999 Evening 666 20,423 $7,403,000
12/12/1998 Evening 666 22,062 $8,117,750
9/15/1994 Evening 666 11,994 $4,393,750
7/16/1994 Evening 666 11,277 $4,135,250
9/18/1993 Evening 666 1,139 $445,500
To plug in your lucky? number, here's the link: http://galottery.com/serv/do/winningNumberMatch
P.S. I hardly indulge in the lottery. Just every now and then. Odds to win the big game are something like 87 million to 1.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
"Butch and Captain Koons"
This is a clip from the masterpiece, "Pulp Fiction," one of my all time favorite flicks. In this scene, Butch finds out about the lineage of his great grandfather's watch. The perfect actor for this part: the enigmatic Christopher Walken.
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Saturday, January 13, 2007
"The Brain That Wouldn't Die"
Only a person who has a passion for the old b/w movies would be watching this in the a.m. on TCM. And to find it on youtube? I must not be the only one, eh?
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P.S. Great dialogue:
"I don't know if I can keep covering for you, son. Taking limbs and organs from people," says Dad, the surgeon.
"Sure, I've made mistakes, dad...."
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P.S. Great dialogue:
"I don't know if I can keep covering for you, son. Taking limbs and organs from people," says Dad, the surgeon.
"Sure, I've made mistakes, dad...."
Thursday, January 11, 2007
"One Sweet Dream"
You never give me your money
You only give me your funny paper
and in the middle of negotiations
you break down
I never give you my number
I only give you my situation
and in the middle of investigation
I break down
Out of college, money spent
See no future, pay no rent
All the money's gone, nowhere to go
Any jobber got the sack
Monday morning, turning back
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go
But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
Oh, that magic feeling
Nowhere to go
One sweet dream
Pick up the bags and get in the limousine
Soon we'll be away from here
Step on the gas and wipe that tear away
One sweet dream came true today
Came true today
Came true today (yes it did)
One two three four five six seven,
All good children go to Heaven
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P.S. My feelings exactly!
You only give me your funny paper
and in the middle of negotiations
you break down
I never give you my number
I only give you my situation
and in the middle of investigation
I break down
Out of college, money spent
See no future, pay no rent
All the money's gone, nowhere to go
Any jobber got the sack
Monday morning, turning back
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go
But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
Oh, that magic feeling
Nowhere to go
One sweet dream
Pick up the bags and get in the limousine
Soon we'll be away from here
Step on the gas and wipe that tear away
One sweet dream came true today
Came true today
Came true today (yes it did)
One two three four five six seven,
All good children go to Heaven
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P.S. My feelings exactly!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
"Eighth Wonder Of The World"
If you read "about me" to the right of the screen, you will notice my favorite sci-fi movie is a ditty by the name of "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad." I still watch it from time to time. Music by Bernard Herrman of "Psycho" fame via Alfred Hitchcock. The following blurb is submitted for your approval....and perusal.
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Saturday, January 06, 2007
"Just Put A Bandaid On It; And Stop The Bleeding Now!"
This version is not the one that was on "Double Fantasy." Of course, I like both versions. Tonight's entry is the faster one, [ grammar courtesy of 20 years of schooling ] and is by John Lennon and Cheap Trick. Fantastic lead guitar solo.
P.S. I would give my right testicle to be able to play like that.
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P.S. I would give my right testicle to be able to play like that.
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Monday, January 01, 2007
....Bedtime Story 2012....continued
"Finish the story, grandpa," squealed l'il Olga jr.
"Story....story....story," shouted Charlie-Vee jr. at the top of his lungs.
"O.K." I said At the same time wondering why Ruby Vonnie the III, the last of my grandkids, hadn't spoken up as well.
I soon noticed why. Charlie-Vee jr. had his paws directly on Ruby's mouth.
"Well, where was I? Let's see. I remember. It was bleak on The Pond, and we were facing dire consequences. We were gonna have to sell the house we had known intimately for 15 years. Your grandpa, as chronicled earlier, had been fired by a big tub of goo named Schwim."
"What's kwanicled, grandpa?" l'il Olga jr. cooed.
"That's when you repeat yourself over and over. And when you're my age it happens a lot. Because you keep telling the same stories to the same people like it's for the first time. Sometimes the recipient is polite and listens as if they've never heard it before, but some are mean and let you know it's the one-hundreth time you've repeated it."
"A sign of seniorshitizenshitdumb, huh, grandpa?" said l'il Olga jr. beaming with pride.
"Right, you are. Schwim had fired me, and I couldn't find a job. The market place had changed since I was a young whiskersnapper. Older people in their fifties-and remember I had just turned 55-weren't viewed by Corporate America as being a good fit for their company. Because we were set in our ways; we were health risks; but- and most importantly-we made too much money. Companies wanted to hire younger folks so they could pay them less."
"Greedy bastards," Ruby Vonnie III spoke up, only after wrestling back control of her mouth.
"Right, you are, l'il Ruby. Loyalty to a company went the way of drive-in movies, vinyl records, VHS, Culture Club, and Mom's apple pie."
( Chorus of confused looks from the kids ) Charlie-Vee jr. started to ask his grandpa to explain all the things he had just mentioned, but, because he didn't want him to go into a rant-and realizing they must all be something that were once mainstream at some point during his grandpa's life- he decided to let it pass. Plus, he wanted to find out what happened to The Pond.
However, l'il Olga jr., had to ask: "What's a Culture Club, grandpa?"
Dismayed at this question and not quite ready for a reply, I stammered out with:
"A Culture Club is where you dress-up like on Halloween. Yea, Halloween. And you wear your hair long. And the members of the club are well, er, uh....androgynous."
"What's...."
Grandma Kitty walks into the room interrupting the kids' question to the relief of yours truly.
"Vee, you just got a call from your sister, Olga. I tried to get you to the phone, but Olga said she was late for her 'Save the Sardines' lecture at Berkely. I told her you would call her later."
"Thanks, Kitty," I said.
Kitty continued: "Are you kids enjoying your Grandpa's story?"
( chorus of smiling faces ) "Yes, m'am. We looove them."
"You'll have to wrap it up soon, Grandpa Vee, unless, of course, you want to miss "The Monster That Devoured Cleveland" on TMC. It starts at 10:00."
"Save the Sardines? Last week it was her 'Ban Scallions Forever' Crusade. You got to love your Aunt Olga's spunk."
"I admire her spunk, too, Vee. But last week, it was 'Dolphins and Whales Are Humans, Too!' Her green onion foray was right before Thanksgiving. Remember you said the T.G. prayer and asked God to eradicate them from the face of the world?" said Kitty.
"Yes, I remember like it was yesterday: 'God, Scallions are bad; e coli is bad. Bless the food business industries, especially the Taco Bells. Amen.'
And bless my sister. She's always got a cause. Remember that flat pyramid she gave me in the 70's. Used to keep it in my wallet. Supposed to give you energy and all that. Seems the Egyptians knew about the power of the pyramids. Way ahead of their time. Just like Olga," I said as Kitty left the room.
"Finish the story, Grandpa," l'il Olga purred, while thinking of her namesake. Ruby Vonnie III and Charlie-Vee jr. nodded their heads in approval.
"Well, like I chronicled earlier, it was bleak on The Pond. No money coming in except for my social security check and Grandma Kitty's paycheck, and some generous contributions from the family. So it looked like we'd have to sell the house. But we would need a place to stay. First I called Uncle Hoots, but he politely declined. Declaring he had had to put out ye olde 'No Vacancy' sign when his daughter and her dog came back to the nest.
Uncle BBQ, who lives in Florida, couldn't guarantee our safety from hurricanes, tsunamis, and the eventual loss of the 'Sunshine State' altogether, so he had to decline politely as well.
Uncle Slippery had just changed jobs, adjusting to his passive-aggressive boss, so I didn't even bother to ask him. So...."
Grandma Kitty reenters the room panting and somewhat hysterical: "Vee, Olga's got into it with a Sardine lobbyist. She and 100 of her friends have been arrested and packed into a Paddy Wagon. It's all over the news. Even FOX is covering it. Even a quote from Rupert Murdock."
"This is awful! Kids, I may have to fly out to San Francisco and rescue your great auntie," I said, a tear or two in my eyes.
"But Grandpa, the story....,"
"I'll continue it when I return."
"I'll help you pack," Kitty volunteers.
"Thanks. Now where is my 'Global Warming, Shmobal Warming' jacket," I mumbled, still in a fog from the news.
"You can't wear that jacket to San Francisco. Here, wear this one. Last year's Christmas gift from Olga," Kitty replied....
I arrived at the airport and headed to the ticket counter.
"One ticket to San Francisco. Round trip. Have a good flight, sir. What an unusual, er, uh, jacket."
"Thanks," I muttered something under my breath.
"I Love Whales, Dolphins, and Sardines, But I Haight Scallions and George Bush," were the words on my jacket. It would make me the subject of ridicule, until I reached the city by the bay....
"Story....story....story," shouted Charlie-Vee jr. at the top of his lungs.
"O.K." I said At the same time wondering why Ruby Vonnie the III, the last of my grandkids, hadn't spoken up as well.
I soon noticed why. Charlie-Vee jr. had his paws directly on Ruby's mouth.
"Well, where was I? Let's see. I remember. It was bleak on The Pond, and we were facing dire consequences. We were gonna have to sell the house we had known intimately for 15 years. Your grandpa, as chronicled earlier, had been fired by a big tub of goo named Schwim."
"What's kwanicled, grandpa?" l'il Olga jr. cooed.
"That's when you repeat yourself over and over. And when you're my age it happens a lot. Because you keep telling the same stories to the same people like it's for the first time. Sometimes the recipient is polite and listens as if they've never heard it before, but some are mean and let you know it's the one-hundreth time you've repeated it."
"A sign of seniorshitizenshitdumb, huh, grandpa?" said l'il Olga jr. beaming with pride.
"Right, you are. Schwim had fired me, and I couldn't find a job. The market place had changed since I was a young whiskersnapper. Older people in their fifties-and remember I had just turned 55-weren't viewed by Corporate America as being a good fit for their company. Because we were set in our ways; we were health risks; but- and most importantly-we made too much money. Companies wanted to hire younger folks so they could pay them less."
"Greedy bastards," Ruby Vonnie III spoke up, only after wrestling back control of her mouth.
"Right, you are, l'il Ruby. Loyalty to a company went the way of drive-in movies, vinyl records, VHS, Culture Club, and Mom's apple pie."
( Chorus of confused looks from the kids ) Charlie-Vee jr. started to ask his grandpa to explain all the things he had just mentioned, but, because he didn't want him to go into a rant-and realizing they must all be something that were once mainstream at some point during his grandpa's life- he decided to let it pass. Plus, he wanted to find out what happened to The Pond.
However, l'il Olga jr., had to ask: "What's a Culture Club, grandpa?"
Dismayed at this question and not quite ready for a reply, I stammered out with:
"A Culture Club is where you dress-up like on Halloween. Yea, Halloween. And you wear your hair long. And the members of the club are well, er, uh....androgynous."
"What's...."
Grandma Kitty walks into the room interrupting the kids' question to the relief of yours truly.
"Vee, you just got a call from your sister, Olga. I tried to get you to the phone, but Olga said she was late for her 'Save the Sardines' lecture at Berkely. I told her you would call her later."
"Thanks, Kitty," I said.
Kitty continued: "Are you kids enjoying your Grandpa's story?"
( chorus of smiling faces ) "Yes, m'am. We looove them."
"You'll have to wrap it up soon, Grandpa Vee, unless, of course, you want to miss "The Monster That Devoured Cleveland" on TMC. It starts at 10:00."
"Save the Sardines? Last week it was her 'Ban Scallions Forever' Crusade. You got to love your Aunt Olga's spunk."
"I admire her spunk, too, Vee. But last week, it was 'Dolphins and Whales Are Humans, Too!' Her green onion foray was right before Thanksgiving. Remember you said the T.G. prayer and asked God to eradicate them from the face of the world?" said Kitty.
"Yes, I remember like it was yesterday: 'God, Scallions are bad; e coli is bad. Bless the food business industries, especially the Taco Bells. Amen.'
And bless my sister. She's always got a cause. Remember that flat pyramid she gave me in the 70's. Used to keep it in my wallet. Supposed to give you energy and all that. Seems the Egyptians knew about the power of the pyramids. Way ahead of their time. Just like Olga," I said as Kitty left the room.
"Finish the story, Grandpa," l'il Olga purred, while thinking of her namesake. Ruby Vonnie III and Charlie-Vee jr. nodded their heads in approval.
"Well, like I chronicled earlier, it was bleak on The Pond. No money coming in except for my social security check and Grandma Kitty's paycheck, and some generous contributions from the family. So it looked like we'd have to sell the house. But we would need a place to stay. First I called Uncle Hoots, but he politely declined. Declaring he had had to put out ye olde 'No Vacancy' sign when his daughter and her dog came back to the nest.
Uncle BBQ, who lives in Florida, couldn't guarantee our safety from hurricanes, tsunamis, and the eventual loss of the 'Sunshine State' altogether, so he had to decline politely as well.
Uncle Slippery had just changed jobs, adjusting to his passive-aggressive boss, so I didn't even bother to ask him. So...."
Grandma Kitty reenters the room panting and somewhat hysterical: "Vee, Olga's got into it with a Sardine lobbyist. She and 100 of her friends have been arrested and packed into a Paddy Wagon. It's all over the news. Even FOX is covering it. Even a quote from Rupert Murdock."
"This is awful! Kids, I may have to fly out to San Francisco and rescue your great auntie," I said, a tear or two in my eyes.
"But Grandpa, the story....,"
"I'll continue it when I return."
"I'll help you pack," Kitty volunteers.
"Thanks. Now where is my 'Global Warming, Shmobal Warming' jacket," I mumbled, still in a fog from the news.
"You can't wear that jacket to San Francisco. Here, wear this one. Last year's Christmas gift from Olga," Kitty replied....
I arrived at the airport and headed to the ticket counter.
"One ticket to San Francisco. Round trip. Have a good flight, sir. What an unusual, er, uh, jacket."
"Thanks," I muttered something under my breath.
"I Love Whales, Dolphins, and Sardines, But I Haight Scallions and George Bush," were the words on my jacket. It would make me the subject of ridicule, until I reached the city by the bay....
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