"Gross! Houston Astros vendor fired after bringing snow cone tray into toilet stall"

Talk about getting caught with your pants down....literally. Sno panting in the stall, eh?

When history looks back on the Reid Ryan era as president of the Houston Astros, no doubt it will fondly recall the first public action Nolan Ryan's son took as head honcho:

Ryan had a snow cone vendor fired — he was an employee of Aramark — for bringing the product into a toilet stall at Minute Maid Park during an Astros game earlier this week.

The vendor was caught with his pants down around his ankles — literally — by a good Samaritan who also happened to be using the bathroom at the time. The whistleblower switched on his cell phone to record the shocking moment, and alerted another ballpark employee (who was walking into the men's room) to the vendor's behavior. The fan also demanded to see a supervisor, adding, in an unintentionally hilarious moment:

"Light My Fire"

Rock Legend Ray Manzarek, Keyboardist For The Doors, Dies At 74

 Another one bites the dust, eh? Would never have guessed Ray was 74. As Kansas once sang, "all we are is dust in the wind."  

Ain't it the truth? 

"Happy Mother's Day"

Tomorrow will be the first Mother's Day without my mom. It will be different, of course. I always got her a Hallmark card for the big day, and she always fawned over them. "You always get me the most special cards." I will miss her saying that. And I miss her dearly. It just isn't the same.

The following is a post from yesteryear. I think she liked this one and would like it today. So Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Hope things are going well in Heaven. Say hello to the gang and tell them all I will meet up with them one day.


When we first arrive in this crazy world, most moms are there to nurture us. To scold us when we do bad and to praise us when we do good. My mom was no different. The following is an IM conversation we had earlier today. Because she lives many nautical miles from the pond, me and kitty and the family weren't able to make the voyage to visit. And here's hoping she won't mind me sharing this with the world, er, PIC world.

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom."

"Alan. Is that you? So good to hear from you! How are things in N'awlins?"



"Everybody's fine, mom. We've got a big pot of jambalaya simmering on the stove. Kitty's making crawfish pie and filet gumbo as we speak."



"How is Briggs? And how are things at H.W.?"



"Briggs sends his regards and H.W. is H.W. How are you?"



"I'm fine, son. How are the little whiskersnappers, Katlin and Charlie Jr.?"



"Katlin is at the mall spending money, as usual. Charlie is perusing the streets on his Harley. He just got a new tattoo.



"Fritz, your brother, called a few minutes ago. And sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers. He couldn't talk long-he was on his way to hear Michael Moore speak at the Haight. And then he was off to order Dennis Kucinich's audio tapes at Barnes/Noble."



"Still the ultra left winger, eh, Mom."



"I'm afraid so, Alan. Poor, Fritz. He hasn't been the same since he fell out of the window onto his head in our old garage apartment back in the day. Yes, those were simpler times. I see you're still trying to engage the identity of pictruandtru. Any luck?"



"Well, I've narrowed it down to Dale Brown or Clyde the Glide Malmberg."



"I always thought he was Stromile Swift. You have become a bit redundant. Didn't you use that one once before?"



"Mom, I can't keep up with all the challenges. Since Hoots has vacated the title of Mr. Archive, it makes my job a lot harder."



"I've noticed a lot of spelling and grammatical errors in your posts, lately. And, son, it's eminent domain, not imminent domain."



"Mom, you know I'm just a cafeteria manager who worked his way up from prep cook to manager at the enigmatic H.H and H.W."



"But me and your dad had such hi-hopes for you.

Communal living wasn't a fit for you. I'm sorry."



"Don't be sorry, Mom. Even tho apologies are the "in" thing these days. Everything's fine cos we're jammin' at the Potpurri. But here's wishing you the happiest of Mother's Days. I love you!"



"I love you, son. And would you please reconsider a wardrobe change. I, er, the world can see your private, er, family jewels."



"It's all show biz, Mom. Happy Mother's Day. Farewell and adieu, your son, v.c.

"Dear Cat"

It's time for a new "Dear Cat." So here we go.'

Dear Cat: I have been perusing your column for years but have noticed a paucity of posts lately. What have you been up to? Have you lost your passion for Golden Pond? In other words wherefore art thou? Signed "To be or not to be?"''

Dear   R n J: I had to look up paucity on dic.com before I could answer, so ,yes, you are right kemo sabe.  What have I been up to? Selling seafood down by the seashore or to be more specific, selling seafood down at the local grocer.

Instead of would you like to make that a super dilly, or would you like fries with your can't see your toes burger, I now utter would you like any shrimp with your order? Or crab legs, or surimi, or crawfish, or scallops-well, you get the drift.

I like working there, because I can do my shtick with the customers. I sometimes tell them I've been on a seafood diet all my life, or I see food differently allah a certain restaurant chain. I even get to sit down for 30 minutes for lunch without having to answer the phone or fielding queries from the staff or rowdy guests. At Hell Whole, my employment venue of 30 years, passive aggressive was a way of life.  So, life is good. Perhaps my little niche in this imperfect world has been found.

Thanks for reading my column and for improving my vocabulary-one word at a time, and thanks for the query.

Dear Cat: Sorry to hear your mom passed away. How are you coping? Signed: Mother's Day is this Sunday.

Dear Mom, Mom had a good life of 87 years, but her ticker just gave out. There are many things I miss:

Her telling me when to get a haircut. And when to color my hair. "You look 10 years younger when you cut your hair and color it."

Looking for those weird items in the grocery store that took forever to find. "Can you tell me where the saffron honey cluster clusters are? And the root of cloister?"

Getting giddy when her cumodin ( sp and too lazy to look it up ) level was between 2 n 3.

Eating at the Café Pig which had really good Brunswick stew-excellent brisket and homemade banana pudding.

Missing her period, cos we were joined at the hip. What more can I say?

And thanks for the query.

Dear Cat: I have often thought that life's a ball if only you know it. and it's all just waiting for you. Do you agree? Signed C. Birdie.

Dear Conrad: Not so sure these days. As John Ono Lennon once sang: "Why in the world ( r ) we here; Shirley not to live in pain and fear?" What more can I say? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqP3wT5lpa4

Thanks for the query.

P.S. It's farewell and adieu time. methinks we need a bigger boat. Gimme shelter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry03vdJCe60