Tuesday, February 13, 2007

"Consumer Guru" or "China Girl"

They have a consumer guru here on "Golden Pond" named Clark Howard, who is a consumer guru extraordinaire. He can save you-the consumer-thousands, hundreds, dollars, etc. I've even called him on the radio a couple of times:

"Hello, Clark. This is v.c. I have a lot of credit card debt. What should I do?"

"Hello, v.c. How much debt do you have?"

"**&%$# dollars worth, Clark!"

"Are you shit*** me, v.c.?"

"No, I'm not, Clark!"

"Nothing I can help you with, v.c. Your case is hopeless. Thanks for your call. Next we have Billy Bob from Smellville on the line. Good luck, v.c."

Clark is such a consumer guru he has figured out that if you buy two single Wendy's hamburgers, you can make your own double by taking the meat off one single and adding it to the other. And it's cheaper than buying the double. Pretty good investigative reporting, eh?

Today on aol, they listed a few stories sent in by aol subscribers with similar stories as the above. Here are some of them:

We have family friends that have two toilets. One is for #1 and the second is for #2. The number one toilet is only flushed once, and that's at the end of the day. The second toilet is flushed for waste removal only, and all TP is put into a plastic bag to prevent additional flushing.


I went on a date once with a person who invited me to dinner and a concert. Dinner was a free promotional dinner at a local hotel. We left at the pitch. The concert was standing listening outside a hedge at a university amphitheatre! Last date with this person.


Many years ago, I was invited to go for coffee with my friend and his father. We had three cups of coffee. When the waitress came, my friend's father asked for three separate checks. Why? Because coffee was 10 cents a cup back then and there was no tax from 0 to 10 cents. One check would have been for 30 cents with 2 cents tax. The guy saved 2 cents asking for three checks!
Next: Dinner and a Movie?

My wife: "Can't we just once go out to dinner and movie without stopping at the blood bank first?"

My dad used to cut the elastic waistband off of old underwear and tie them to his forehead to use as "sweatbands". Heaven only knows where he got the idea for that.


One of my husband's co-workers is so cheap, after he accidentally swallowed a tooth cap and didn't want to pay a few hundred dollars to have a new one made, he actually fished it out of the toilet after it worked its way through his system and had the dentist re-use it.


I got a guy at work that showers with the tub stopper in to keep the water from going down the drain to try to reclaim the heat and will not drain the water till it chills. It probably does give some heat, but is it worth standing in dirty water. We run a waste to energy facility (burn garbage) so the water is somewhat dirty.

These have to be potential consumer gurus. Gimme shelter, v.c.

P.S. So that people will not believe that all I listen to is the Fab 4 I am presenting a song from David Bowie. "Oh, baby. Just you shut your mouth."


No comments: