"Dear Cat:"

Dear Cat, I once read where you have been writing these infantile forays since 2001. Because, Shirley, you get a new reader every now and then, could you share a blast from your past. I am like you, in that I have a disdain for the new slang. I have never used the word, closue, and like you never will. "Bedtime Story" is one of my favorites. Could we see it again?

Signed: You Are What You Eat

Dear Reader: Here's the story per your request. Reprinted November, 2004. Time flies when yer havin' fun. Thanks for the query.


You've got to be in the mood to do this stuff. Sometimes it's like magic. You can rattle it off faster than a bevy of bullets from a machine gun. And sometimes ye old writer's block gets in the way.

Well, the latter applies tonite. The G.P. intro disappeared again, and I can't find the file-don't know where it is-which killed the creative spirit. Kaput, fini.'

So we'll have to go to the archives. We'll be write back when we find one of substance. Please, hold on.

Sorry it took so long but here's one from back in the day. It was/is entitled "Bedtime Story." Written 5-28-03. It is submitted for your approval and perusal:

Ten years from now I'm sure I'll have some grandkids. And as we all know, you have to read/tell them a bed time story. Since ten years can go quickly, it's time to get into practice. So here goes. Bed time story 2013, sometime in the not too distant future....

"Granddad, tell us a story, please?"

"Sure, kids. Huddle around."

"Tell us about Piccadilly, again, granddad. Can it include ronnie? Those are our favorite stories."

"Sure, kids. Well, we had just bought Morrison's and we had a mission. One team, one mission. And we had an astronaut at our big gala event. He told us about Apollo 13. And how three men and a team of engineers overcame big obstacles in space, and averted a catastrophe by working together. One team, one mission. Get it."

"We get it, granddad."

"The big meeting was all glitz and glamour. And we heard testimonials from some of the managers. And PIC had gone big time. We were the largest cafeteria chain in the universe. And we were gonna kick some serious butt.

But, soon, it turned sour. Like javelin, I went to a conversion. And when we left, like javelin, they went back to doing things the Morrison's way. And we spent a lot of money. And we changed the name to Piccadilly. And the customers balked, cos they liked getting hoki on a child's plate, and turkey and dressing, and a quarter of a chicken. And jello. And bread. And a drink. And we couldn't understand why the customers < that's what we called them, back then > didn't like our child's plate. Half a piece of cod and two veggies. But they did."

"Granddad, what about ronnie? What happened next? Did he have a plan?"

"Well, kids. Ronnie fired all the district engineers. And then he fired guys who had helped build Piccadilly. Men with many years of service. And he fired our general manager and replaced him with azam."

"What's an azam, granddad?"

"Well, azam became the new coo. It was well chronicled how he had rescued Chi Chi's, a well known mexican restaurant, from the grim reaper. He cut and snipped at Chi Chi's and was hailed as the new messiah of restaurant revitilization. And ronnie hired him. And they sent out an inspirational tape, and they talked about the team, the piccadilly team. And his plan worked for awhile. The stock went from $1.00 and topped out at a little over $3.00.

And we had a big meeting. And the marketing boys were giddy about their suckcess, and they were referring to azam using Superman cliches. 'Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, he's changing clothes in a phone booth, here's our own Clark Kent, azam.'

And he was going to teach us how to celebrate. And increase communication. And how he, er, we were turning things around. And he kept all the pit bull guys, but things turned sour again."

"What happened, grandpa? Did PIC raise the price on a dilly? On drinks? What happened?"

"The marketing boys came up with smokeyard bbq. And we had to have it on our counters for 3 months."

"What's a smokeyard bbq, granddad?"

"BBQ chicken, sliced pork, and corn fritters. And it helped drive the guests away. Then they followed that up with italian cuisine. Chicken thighs, skirt steak, terrormisu cakes, and rice pilaf in a box."

"Granddad, do you miss Piccadilly?"

"Well, I miss the nice people I used to work with. And the guests who weren't rowdy. And the people from the message bored. Clif, bbq, hoots, bongo, a2fay, ditchus, javelin, leftbehindbabs, the card, johnnyc, poopshooter, didacticdaddy, rawchopbeef, pictruandtru, hope I'm not leaving anybody off."

"Granddad, wasn't bbq4u2 the man who wrote the investigative piece that won him a pulitzer? And landed him a job with the Washington Post?"

"Yes, his expose on the horrible conditions of that chinese restaurant won him world reknown. And he quickly became a legend in his own mind. He stays in touch, but you know the press."

"And what happened to ronnie, granddad? Tell us again, please."

"You kids know that ronnie resigned. And that his last statement on the record was 'embrace change.'"

"And, granddad. Tell us again what you said."

"You kids. I said he could embrace my 12 inch pianist."

"What's a 12 inch pianist, granddad?"

"You'll understand when you get older. Now it's time to go to sleep. Good night you rowdy grandkids."

"v.c.'s Musings"

It's the day after the storm, and the denizenry reveled in the chaos and the sight of white snow falling from the skies. We in the South have seen snow falls, blizzards, and black ice. Not lately, tho'. Why? Global warming! You dolts!

Yesterday was an event and got everybody excited. People who have lived elsewhere, like on the frozen tundras of Green Bay, the mountainous slopes of Colorado, or Alaskan igloos dwellers pooh-poohed our pathetic reactions of awe.

I heard a lot of:

"Where I come from [ Indiana ] this t'warnt nothing. You ain't seen snow til you seen snow in Indiana."

"I couldn't believe it when I saw snow plows going down the road. In Minneapolis, now that's some snow....for you."

Each comment was followed by a snicker. A mischievous smile. A "I can't believe they ate the whole thing."

I defended the region's honor. Yeah, we've had snow. And I tell 'em about the blizzards of '81 and '93 or was it '94. These events occurred before global warming, so most of the denizenry think you're telling tall tales or just plain hallucinating.

Back then you never knew it was coming. Until it was toooooooooo late. In '81 the blizzard shut down the city. Unfortunately, the work force was dutifully on the job. It took 'em hours to get home. I tried to be a good Samaritan by taking some of my charges, who were stranded, home when the snows started a'fallin'. It took me all night to get home. If I had escaped at first, I could have been home roasting in front of an open fire, allah chestnuts.

I would have no regrets doing a good deed, but the people I helped didn't seem to appreciate my sacrifice. Like they were entitled. Or something. Be it as it may, I did it. Risking life and limb. But it was an adventure, and I'll leave it at that.

But now the technology has improved to the point where there's little or no surprise.

I do remember waking up one April morning in 1985 and seeing a winter wonderland before my eyes. I was scheduled for surgery-ahem, in the groin area, and it's too much information, I know. Was this a sign to cease and desist the upcoming surgery?
The snow was beautiful; the roads weren't bad-remember it was April. I had the surgery, and the foot of snow had melted by noon. Along with yours truly. Ouch!

Sometimes, I think it would be better if we didn't know the bad weather was right around the bend. Takes all the mystery out of it. And then there's the precautions we can now take, and all of the raids on the supermarkets.

Musing 2: My foray from last night had a definite theme. "Revolver" in the picture. Songs from the Fab 4-my favs-included "Happiness is a Warm Gun"; and watching the classic sequel "Death Wish 3."

Btw, there is a "Death Wish 4" with the enigmatic Charles Bronson. How do I know. Was there a google search involved? Nah. I'm watching it now via AMC, the home of bleeped curse words and multi-layered commercials. I remember when it was commercial free. Not any more. See TCM for an alternative. Which is showing "From Here to Eternity." A dark, brooding tale of life in the South Pacific, pre-Pearl Harbor, December 7. 19 and 41. Too dark and brooding for me tonight. I'd rather watch Death Wish.

It is now time to end tonite's slugfest, as the revelry of the snow has subsided. The denizenry has bid adieu to the foul weather. The upside? Supposed to be an Arctic blast this weekend. And we shall replay it all over again.

Snow....snow....snow. v.c.

P.S. The weather outside ( yesterday ) was frightful.
But inside, it was so delightful

P.S.S. Musings concludes.

"Dear Cat:"

Advice to and for the lovelorn:

Dear Cat: You have gotten back on your Fab 4 kick. I love them, too, but what about the films, man? You are the resident genius when it comes to old movies, particularly those horror flicks from the late 50's. What gives? And what are some of your favorite movies?

Signed: They're Gonna Put Me In The Movies

Dear Movies: Some of my favorites-and thanks for the query-are:

1) Casablanca: The ultimate chick flick with Rick and Ilsa.

2) Vertigo: Another chick flick. And the music! Hitchcock's best.

3) The 7th Voyage of Sinbad: The best sci-fi movie I've ever seen.

If, I were writing this column to the loveloin, I might have to include any movie with Johnny Weismuller and Maureen O'Sullivan, ( Mia farrow's mom ) as tarzan and Jane, respectively.

Another movie I like is currently playing on AMC. Bummer, because they delete those choice slang words ( for unlawful carnal knowledge, per example ) and have way too many commercials. It happens to be aptly entitled: "Death Wish 3." Why this sleeper you may ask? Because I've had 3 death wishes since starting this deranged foray.

Anyway, thanks for the query?



Dear Cat: This theory of thought may be a bit over your head, but I thought I would ask anyway. Do you believe in muses? And do you think one could inspire you to write something other than these infantile emissions of yours?

The Muse has inspired English poetry since Chaucer invoked her in 1374. Muse comes from Latin Mūsa, from Greek Mousa. ( from Dictionary.com-where else? )

Signed: Bemused and Amused.

Dear Beamused: I have no for. unlawful. carnal. knowledge-ing clue of which you speak. I will deign to write them the way I see them. But perhaps there is something to being inspired by a muse. It's a nice thought. And one to which I will give some considerable thought. Yes, I think I would like to begin a short story, a novel, a narrative if you will. What have I got to lose?

P.S. Was there a "Death Wish 4?" And "Baby, I'm Amused, er, Amazed" ( This is an incredible video. While watching, I got chill bumps. The lead guitar work and the drumming, plus Paul's voice and mastery of the piano are not to be missed. He wrote this song in '70 or therabouts, and played all the instruments. Including every song on the album. The guy is f'n incredible )



Dear Cat: I read the first two letters of your colums, and you haven't mentioned the Fab 4 not once. I know you're itching to. Because you include a you-tube in every foray. Am I right? And if so, list a few of your favorite songs from them.

Signed: From Me To You

Dear From Me To You. Correctomondo. You got me. Guilty as charged. Here are some of my favoites:

1) Happiness Is A Warm Gun ( Bang Bang Shoot Shoot )

2) Help

3) Piggies

4) Helter Skelter

5) Maxwell's Silver Hammer

6) Run For Your Life

7) Tell Me What You See

8) There's A Place

9) Because

10) ( Love ) It's A Bitch-Now how did a Rolling Stones song make the survey?

All the above songs were inspired from Death Wish 3: Now playing on AMC.



Thanks for the queries: Another "Dear Cat" copyright pending?

"Mrs. Olson"

Written this past Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on which way the wind blows. But never published for whatever reason.

It is 1:40 in the a,m, and yours truly is attempting to while away the time. I'm also listening to "Handel on the Law" via the radio ( WSB ) and the computer. Denizens of this world call in with their questions. Most of the time they want to sue somebody. Evidently the host is a famous lawyer, who claims on his broadcast that he "gives marginal legal advice."

A rather feminine male voice is asking if he can sue because of some predicament he suffered while being under the auspices of a rehab center. Funny interplay.

The next caller: "My wife just got ticketed for a dui....yadi yadi yadi. This caller cuts across the grain. An aberration in that she's not planning on using the "S" word. Sue for the uninitiated.

So, I'm biding my time. Trying to stay up until 3 a.m. I was resting on the sofa-bad move when you want to keep the eyelids open-but had a jolt when wondering where I had lain my prozac, er, xanax. Yes, I know anyone who reads my forays could never imagine my need for any medicines, esecially those that dull the senses.

It's 2:05 so the time is going by and my mission is possible.

Handel is taking a break, and the hourly news break is in session. Hillary says the country needs new direction; the Falcons are close to signing a new g.m., and the usual mayhem is happening all over the city and world.

I will now take a respite from toiling on the computer to grab a cup of Folgers. And whatever happened to Mrs. Olson? Mountain grown and all that.

Here's a good one. Judge Judy is being sued. Race discrimination. From some of her former team members. One litigant ( a former black team member producer ) claims Judge Judy doesn't want blacks on the show. Gotta be blonde and good-looking. Hmmmmmmm!

Supposed to get down to 38 degrees tonight. It has been pretty warm here lately after a cold snap a week or so ago. 70 plus degrees in January brings out the global warming crowd. I could enjoy a good snow. Shut down the whole city. 5 foot drifts would be nice. Raids on the supermarket. Wild hysteria from the townfolk. Plus we need the water. Yes, I would feel sorry for the homeless. And the animals. And any of those people who are forced to attend work no matter what.

I remember an old boss saying we HAD to report to work regardless of the situation. Wintry precipitation notwithstanding. He even fired out a memo after a few of us didn't open their stores.

He even recommended the hiring of a dogsled if that's what it took.

Hmmmm. Dog sled rentals in Golden Pond? Nah. But it was funny. Memorable line. And who said bosses have no sense of humor?

It's 2:26 but I'm getting sleepy....so sleepy. I do need to urinate-I know, too much information-so....hold on a minute.

Relief! We could switch gears, but we could end this deranged foray.

It's 2:41. Time to go. It's been an hour. And Handel is still answering questions.

Selah, v.c.

P.S. Due to the length of tonite's ramblings, there are no official postscripts. Only this one.

Update: Seems G.P. is in for a wintry blast tomorrow night. The denizenry has started raiding the supermarkets.

"Here I Go Again With Another...."

Inspired by the church-born soul of Aretha Franklin, an anxious Paul McCartney started writing "Let It Be" in 1968, during the contentious sessions for the White Album. His opening lines -- "When I find myself in times of trouble/Mother Mary comes to me" -- came from a dream in which his own late mother, Mary, offered solace, telling him that everything would turn out fine. "I'm not sure if she used the words 'Let it be,' " McCartney recalled, "but that was the gist of her advice." McCartney unveiled a skeletal version of "Let It Be" to the other Beatles at an even worse time: during the initial, disastrous Let It Be rehearsals in January 1969. John Lennon, the group's resident heretic, was brutally dismissive, mistaking McCartney's secular humanism for self-righteous piety. Yet the Beatles put special labor into the song, getting the consummate take on January 31st -- the day after their last live concert, on the roof of their Apple offices in London.

"Another 'Dear Cat'"

Dear Cat, I enjoy reading your advice to/for the lovelorn, but English and conjugating verbs ain't my bag. How 'bout a few more topical issues. Like who are you voting for in the '08 election? Is Obama your man? Or is Mike Huckabee your man? Or is Hillary, your, er, man? Get down to the nitty-gritty. This is an important election. So who are you voting for? Ahem! For whom are you voting?

Signed: Hillary Dickory Dock

Dear Hillary's Dickory: Sorry about your lack of interest in conjugating verbs. It's a drudgery, and it is telling when listening to the adult population. My favorite misuse of grammar is this one: ( and I hear it all the time ) I should have went to.... Because this isn't your cup of tea, we will switch gears and delve into your query, which is appreciated by the way.

Because of my recent travails, I am not up-to-speed on the candidates. I do know that Mike Huckabee seemingly appeared out of nowhere to grab the lead role on the Republican side last week in the Iowa Caucus. Tonite it seems to be McCain. And I do know that Obama is the front-runner so far on the dems side. And Hillary is not far behind. But it's early in the contest. Anything can happen and....will. See Howard Dean in '04 for example. There seems to be concern about Obama's religion. See Hootsbuddy's Place, where the semi-retired ex-hippie resides, to get the scoop. And I've seen e-mails showing Obama's disdain for the American Flag. See Snoops.com for that scoop. So ask me again in a few months. And, please, remember when entertaining friends or associates say "I should have "gone" instead of the former. There are people like me who are listening. Thanks for the query!

We interrupt tonite's "Dear Cat" for an important video: "Obama Should Know!" or "Yo Mama Should Know!"



Dear Cat: I normally have a low-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte with 6 splendas, when I stop at Starbucks. In the a.m. I like my coffee heavy on the caffeine. At night I go for the decaf. I recently learned that the famous chain is named after a character in "Moby Dick." Do you know of any other chains that are named after literary figures or works?

Signed: Pequod Skipper and his Little Buddy

Dear Captain: Thanks for the query. I loved the strawberry frappaccino, but my waist line didn't, plus I got fired from my job, so I just go for the regular coffee now. Black.

There have been a few chains named via literature, but most have gone out of business. Maybe you've heard of them.

10) Portnoy's Complaint: A cafeteria chain that never got off the ground. The name, oxymoron as it were, was ill-fitting in today's market.

9) The Deerslayer: Known for its venison steaks and pictures adorning the walls of hunters making the kills. PETA would have no part of it, and its demise was soon imminent.

8) Love Story ( Oliver and Jennys ) Aimed towards two different clienteles. Rich yuppies and Jewish girls who made it to Radcliffe. A boutique which went south after a few short months.

7) Canterbury Tales: A hamburger joint which had good burgers, but because most patrons thought of Chaucer as writing "nasty" stories, many reviewers used the same word to describe the faire. It was over before it began.

6) Dante's Inferno: This was a cute bistro that mixed food with religion. It was doomed from the git-go.

5) The Eeliad and the Odyssey: Play on words in the title, but most "guests" could never fathom the taste of raw sushi, including eels and octopi. Most repeat "guests" noticed a lowering of their cholesterol, however. So the owners have went, er, gone into the making of omega supplementary dietary pills.

4) You Can't Go Home Again: This firm specialized in divorce counseling. Needless to say, the name may have had something to do with its demise.

3) The Long Hot Summer: This food chain had great momentum when it opened, but the employees soon formed a union, which caused the owners emotional duress, and a "For Sale" sign was soon dispatched on the front lawn.

2) Love Me Tender: A steak house specializing in kobe beef. But most guests balked at paying $40 for a 20 oz. hamburger, when they could go to McDonalds and get a double cheeseburger for a dollar.

1) Silence of the Lambs: Another full-scale uptown restaurant. One of its specialties was fava beans over white rice and rare lamb liver. Rumours have it that the guests would rather have had chicken livers-cooked well done-and the beans, 'tho popular, couldn't offset the overhead.

These are just a few of the restaurants that have met the grim reaper. So to those budding entrepreneurs, the name is so important. Thanks for the query.

Well, that's a wrap. Another installment of "Dear Cat."

P.S. It is what it is!

"Dear Cat"

Another installment of "Dear Cat." For the lovelorn.

Dear Cat: I have noticed lately that perhaps you have lost your spirit. No longer do you pound the keys as fervently as you once did. What's up? Has your disdain for the modern world made you a cynic? Do you have agoraphobia, afraid to meet the challenges of the day. Have you gotten older, a little slower. Where's the edginess? What happened to the irreverency? Have you lost your freakin' mind? I am a loyal reader who wants you to get it back.

Signed: I Got My Mojo Working, But It Just Don't Work On You. ( apologies to Manfred Mann. )

Dear Mojo, Thanks for the query. The Catfish will rise again, allah the Phoenix. Or perhaps he will sink farther than the Titanic. Yes, my ying hast lost its yang. Will I retrieve my spunk, my fire? Only time will tell. But as Scarlett O'Hara once mused: "Tomorrow's another day."

Dear Cat: I am struggling in English. My teacher is a real beatch. She expects us to do our homework. Participate in class, and can you believe this? She demands we sit upright in our seats. No slouching allowed. Did you ever have to put up with such abuse while attending your alma mater, Truck U.?

P.S. We are currently conjugating verbs, and I am having the hardest time knowing how to properly use all the forms of "lie." Any pointers?

P.S.S. I have noticed ( like the earlier entry ) that you've lost your verve. Lucy, what happened?

Signed: Lie, Lay, Lain!

Dear Conjugator: Sorry your teacher is a beatch. I had a few who didn't understand me. I always stemmed the tide, however. You must use guile and bribery. It may sound corny, but brighten her day and lay a shiny apple on her desk.

Addressing your query. Yes, conjugating verbs=tough gig. Nobody really cares in the business world if you speak correctly. I have worked with too many people, who are testaments. And if anyone catches you saying "I have lain in the snow before," then you will be looked upon as an outcast. You may be fired from your job or sent to a mental institution. Refrain from using the word "lain" in a sentence. It just ain't done. If perhaps you have an interview at Harvard, then it may be allowable to say "lain." Otherwise, lay down the Ipod and don't lie slightly askew in your seat, and try studying.

P.S. Please be aware that you split an infinitive in your query. And never refer to your teacher as a beatch. Teachers are people, too, with feelings.

Dear Cat: What's wrong with phrases like "closure;" "spot on;" "moving/going forward;" "it is what it is;" etc. Why the disdain?

P.S. I, too, have noticed your decline in spirit?

Signed: I Like "It Is What It Is" and Wonder Why You Don't!

Dear "What It Is!" That one I liked. "What it is." I also liked "it's all good." And "heavy," "farout," and "dude." But I'll be damned if "spot on" ever resonates from my lips. It's utterly amazing, however, how these phrases gain acceptance, and how the mass population picks up on them. I have never used the word "closure." And never will. Closure, smozure. Thanks for the query?

To my readers: Methinks I have rekindled a little spark. And thanks for all of the queries. Remember, G.P. accepts all queries. If your question/s haven't been printed, feel free to query the Catfish. At any time.

In summary: It is what it is!

"He's Back!"

Shades of the past, "the legend of war" returns.

Too bad Don Knotts is deceased. Perhaps, he could have reprised his role as Barney Fife.

"Global Warming"

It's colder than a witches body part here on the Pond. Brrrrrr! Below 30. A lot of rhetoric has been "going down" about global warming, championed by the ex v.p. Al Gore.

Is there global warming? Depends on who you talk to. My opinion. I'm no scientist and have no data, so I have no opinion. It does seem to be warmer these days, but the weather is cyclical. A friend of mine told me recently that he remembers going Christmas shopping in shorts and a t shirt 30 or more years ago. "It was hard for me to get into the Christmas spirit," he said.

According to something I heard on the radio before the holidays: Nasa corrected its position ( due to faulty arithmetic ) and said the warmest year in recorded history was 1931.

Who knows! I sure don't.
Your roving reporter, v.c.

"With A Moment To Rest"

Blurb...of a song from Emitt Rhodes. Huh?

"Happy New Year"

( Disclaimer: Tonite's Title Contains A Slang Cuss Word-Viewer has been warned ).... "Shut the Fuck Up!"

Here's hoping everyone is waiting with baited breath for the next installment of G.P., er, here's hoping everyone had a Merry Christmas. I noticed the venerable Chick-Fil-A wasn't afraid to advertise the greeting on their outdoor message boards. Good for them! I wonder how many people were offended. Who cares! I don't.

I have a hard enough time listening to drivel from my co-horts at work and at play. Sometimes you want to tell people to "shut the fuck up, will ya?" How's that for Christmas candor?

I know of one person who talks incessantly, only ceasing to inhale breaths of air.

On a dissimilar vein I have been listening to an "oldies" station based in Griffin, Ga. 88.9 FM. Songs from the 60's and 70's. Some I haven't heard in many moons. Presented tonight for your listening pleasure is this one. Dig the 60'sish sound of the organ.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. I love you! People!

"Christmas-Only One More Shopping Day, eh?"

The next-to-the-last Christmas song of the season features the delightful Olivia Newton-John.



Speaking of the aforementioned:

"Christmas Song" or "3 Days Left"

I liked this song as a kid. Seems this trio is making a comeback. ALVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More Cowbell

"

I haven't heard this song in a minute. But it embodies the 60's and is a forgotten tune from the era. The band was originally called Chicago Transit Authority but Mayor Daly and his staff deemed the name to be ill-fitting and, thus, they were required to change the name. They dropped Transit Authority and settled on "Chicago."

And the Christmas song:

"Those SOB's Will Never Embarrass Me Again"

While putting together the montage from Texas circa 1963 I ran across this.

The night before the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Baines Johnson met with Dallas tycoons, FBI moguls and organized crime kingpins - emerging from the conference to tell his mistress Madeleine Duncan Brown that "those SOB's" would never embarrass him again. It's a jaw-dropping deposition and it's the biggest JFK smoking gun there is - despite the fact that it has received little media attention.

Before her death on June 22 2002, prolific author and lecturer Robert Gaylon Ross had the opportunity to conduct an 80 minute sit-down interview with Madeleine Duncan Brown and from that lengthy discussion the truth about exactly who was behind the assassination of JFK was exposed....

"It was a political crime for political power," said Brown as she highlighted how people who were set to testify against Johnson for indictment proceedings, related to illegal kickbacks Johnson was receiving from agriculture programs before the assassination, were mysteriously set-up in homosexual scandals or found dead having allegedly shot themselves five times in the head.

"Had the assassination not happened the day that it did, Lyndon Johnson would have probably gone to prison - they would have gotten rid of him - he was so involved with some of this," said Brown.

Having had her own (and LBJ's illegitimate) son and nanny disappeared by Johnson's hitmen after the assassination, and upon hearing of the strange deaths of many other people connected to the events in Dealy Plaza, Brown felt that she was safer out in the light and decided to let the world hear her story....

Part of the interview with Ms. Duncan is on the link.

As chronicled before by yours truly, I saw LBJ a few months later. He was riding in a bullet-proof limo down Peachtree Street. He had the door open and was waving to the crowd. I vividly recall the moment. A part of history. The closest I ever came to the President of the U.S. Ten feet away at the max.

Was he involved in the death of JFK? Or is this just another conspiracy theory?

It's almost Christmas. This song from the crooner
extraordinaire.

"Don't Tase Me, Bro' one of the 'Top Ten Quotes of 2007'"

"Don't Tase Me, Bro," a phrase that swept the nation after a U.S. college student used it seeking to stop campus police from throwing him out of a speech by Sen. John Kerry, was named on Wednesday as the most memorable quote of 2007.

Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations, said the plea made by University of Florida student Andrew Meyer on September 17, accompanied by Meyer's screams as he was tased, beat out the racial slur that cost shock jock Don Imus his job and the Iranian president's declaration that his country does not have homosexuals.

#2 was from Miss Teen South Carolina such as....

Third was Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's October comment at Columbia University in New York, "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country."

Shock jock Don Imus comments about the Rutgers University women's basketball team: "That's some nappy-headed hos there," was fourth.

8. "(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom." -- Idaho Republican Sen. Larry Craig's explanation of why his foot touched that of an undercover policeman in a men's room.

The rest of the list is here:

P.S. To think John Kerry could have been the President is skerry. He stood by and did nothing while the student was being tasered. And why was the young kid being escorted out for asking questions? Free speech, eh? Yeah, right.

P.S.S. This is a funny video someone did on youtube. Hammertime? Hammer was so-nicknamed because of a resemblance to....Hammerin' Hank Aaron....one of the players coined the name when Hammer was a batboy for the Oakland A's.

P.S.S. Almost forgot the Christmas tune.

"Christmas Time"

It's almost Christmas. So Golden Pond would like to do its part in supplying the spirit. Each day until the merry holiday on the 25th, the proprietor of these parts will include a Christmas song.

Tonite's first one will be a tune from back in the day. Must have been early sixties because the Catfish family had this one and it spun around the turntable at 45 rpm's. I do remember the 78 rpms. Brittle as grandma's peanut concoctions. Once as a young whiskersnapper, I accidentally stepped on "Robin Hood" riding through the glen by Nelson Riddle and his band. When listening after that, there was a distinct click every revolution. Pissed me off it did.

Speaking of tonite's singer, his movie "Roustabout" and one of my favorites is on the telly. So it's time to wrap ( pun ) this up.

And whatever happened to the "Jordanaires. Or is it Jordannaires?

P.S. Dear Bobby Petrino. Good luck at Arkansas. Offensive genius? Huh?

P.S.S. Rock, what happened to the Cowboys? The media was blaming Jessica Simpson for Romo's culpability in the loss? What's the scoop? Were you happy to see "The Tuna" leave Dallas? And do you every visit the grassy knoll? Or the depository? Conspiracy? And what about the Warren Report, eh?

"Burger Queen?"

Interesting advertising ploy. Freak out? Le Chic?



P.S. These customers are pathetic. Give me back my Whopper! More evidence the world has gone mad.

"Flaming Pie"

The title Flaming Pie (also given to one of the album's songs) is a reference to a humourous story John Lennon told journalists in 1961 on the origin of The Beatles' name when they became newly famous: "I had a vision that a man came unto us on a flaming pie, and he said, 'You are Beatles with an A.' And so we were." The album itself has a definitively Beatles flare to it; "The Song We Were Singing" was written about the Lennon/McCartney writing team

 

"Don't Quit....Unless You're Bobby Petrino"

I've had some real asswholes as bosses. Briggs at Piccadilly comes to mind, and he definitely reminds me of Bobby Petrino, ex-Falcons coach who snuck away to Arkansas and then joined in on a "Wooo Sooie Pig" chant to engage the faithful.
How did the Falcons players feel about their ex fearless leader:

FLOWERY BRANCH, Ga. -- Falcons players returned to practice Wednesday, the day after Bobby Petrino announced his resignation as head coach. Below is a sampling of the reaction to Petrino's sudden departure from the players he coached for 13 games this season.


CB DEANGELO HALL

"He was new to this [head coaching in the NFL], and I think he was just built to be a college coach."

"The key to success on this level is that guys want to have to play for you... He's coming in thinking that he needed to put the fear of God into someone, but that's not the case at this level. Maybe in college, but not at this level."


QB JOEY HARRINGTON

"We stood up there and took the arrows for him. He preached team, and he preached family; and then he quit on us. That's not what a man does."

"He lied to us. After the Monday night game [against the Saints], he said we all need to go home and take a look in the mirror, and see what we can do to make this team better. And then he left."


S LAWYER MILLOY

"It's kind of messed up. If he doesn't want to put the hard work into it, then I don't want him being my coach."

"To see him with the big Razorback behind him, smiling; to see his wife accepting flowers, like it was the Kentucky Derby, I got mad."

"He allowed us to be embarrassed on national television, while he's cutting a deal [with Arkansas]... We didn't realize we had a cancer on our team in the form of a head coach."


CB CHRIS HOUSTON

"While he was here, I didn't know too much about Petrino. He wasn't a player's type coach. [Former Arkansas Head Coach] Nutt was the type of coach you can call on a day-to-day basis. You look to him as a father-figure. I didn't feel that way with Coach Petrino."


WR JOE HORN

"I hurt for our owner, who definitely expressed how hurt he was."

"When you stress to other men how you should act and what a man should do, when you put it up on the bulletin boards and hang it up on the wall, and then you don't live by it, it makes it look bad for you."


RB WARRICK DUNN

"I got a letter from him. To me, that shows no sign of respect. That's no class...to lie to Mr. Blank the way he did, and the next day after the game the way he did. He short-changed us.

"I feel for our fans, because those are the people who suffer."

"I don't have anything to say to him [Petrino]. What do I need to say to him? Coach Petrino is the past, and Coach Thomas is the present."


WR RODDY WHITE

"I've never seen anything so selfish like that ever in my life.

"When I got [Petrino's] letter this morning, I just threw it off my seat onto the ground and walked away. I wasn't going to read about what he says and how selfish he is."

"If you're going to preach being a team player, you have to BE a team player."

"For him just to quit on us like this - after him preaching 'don't ever quit' to us - it just doesn't make sense to me."

P.S. I never liked the asswhole. Reminded me too much of Briggs.

 

"Bobby Petrino Leaves Falcons"

It's been a bad year for the Falcons; and now it gets worse-the coach bolts and accepts the head coaching job at Arkansas. And after Arthur Blank told the Monday Night Football viewing audience that next year would be different. He had a committed coach and "moving forward" and yadi yadi yadi. Seems Arthur has been stood up at the prom again.


Personally, I think that Bobby Petrino found out that Atlanta is a different bird. [ pun unintended ] We, who toiled for years in this market, know it ain't nothing like Louisville....or Arkansas. Here are some comments from the comcast message bored:

That is a straight B!tch move. 3 more game in the season and you up and quit. ZERO class. he could have still taken the ARK job and finished off the season. He is a spinless B!tch.

This really should not come as a surprise to anyone. Bobby Petrino is a weasel that does not have any loyalty to anyone but himself. He meets with Auburn boosters when they are not happy with Tommy Tuberville. He leaves a Louisville team that he had built to go to the Falcons when Louisville looks like they were national championship contenders. He betrayed all of the Louisville players he had made promises to.

He tells the Falcons owner Arthur Blank that he is in it for the long haul but quits even though he has given his word that he will be back in 2008. I say good riddance and if I was an Arkansas fan, I would not make any long term plans with him as he will be gone when the next job come open.

YES I can blame him. He went on week after week trying to get the most out of his players. Trying to get them to buy into his system and give 100% effort. Then he leaves in the middle of the season!!! This guy is a classless jerk bullsh!tter, who quit on his team, and quit on the owner, who gave him one of the most coveted jobs in all of sports.

He deserves every bit of bad pub he gets on this one.

Petrino = Loser!!!!!


Bobby Petrino is a scumbag and I am glad he will not be smelling up the city of Atlanta.

P.S. The Rankin Smith family owned the club for many moons. Since the team's inception and until it was sold to Mr. Blank in 2003. Through those futile years of ineptitude personified, the Smiths were affectionately known as "The Clampetts." Conjures up images of: Yee doggies, double-naught spies and the cement pond. Wonder what delicacy Granny's a'conjuring up today? Eh?

"What Is Barack Obamas Religion?"

My friend and ex-co-worker at a well known cafeteria chain-in the southeast, anyway-has an interesting article on Barack Obama on his web site, Hootsbuddy's Place.

I had the pleasure of talking with him today while he was at work. I thank him now for taking time from his busy day to "conversate" with me.

P.S. Michael Vick got his sentence today, a 23 months stay in prison. Terence Moore, a controversial sports writer for the Atlanta Journal Constitution, just made this comment on ESPN:

Question: Will Michael Vick ever play for the Atlanta Falcons again?

His answer: "The chance of Michael Vick returning to the Falcons is as likely as Atlanta changing the name of Peachtree Street."

Selah

"The Day The Music Died"

 

"In My Life" and "In His Own Write"

Once again I forgot the importance of a date. December 8th, 1980. It's the day the music died....for me.

"She Came In Through The Bathroom Window"

This song from Abbey Road reminds me of trudging to Smelling Hall [ an eatery on campus ( Truck U. ) ] and devouring all the goodies at my disposal. It was my first time away from home, so I was free from the authoritarian rule of my mother.

I could eat anything I wanted. Even got to put my choice of salad dressing on my salad. Mom liked french; I hated it. And to this day-no french for me.

Give me roquefort, er, bleu cheese or ranch. Sometimes thousand islands but never french. Arghhhhhhhh!

Life is a banquet, eh? v.c.

P.S. The Dawgs got screwed in the BCS. Hawaii? Truck U.

"Git R Done!"

My e mail is on the fritz. Can't access it. Seems I received too many. Comcast had alerted me that I was living on the edge and to delete them. I ixsnade some of them but not enough. Evidently.

I was getting like 30-40 a day. Mostly spam ones. Need $1500.00? [ who doesn't ] And buy prescription drugs online. Etc.

Jeff Foxworthy was on Danny Deutsch's show tonight. How he quit his job at IBM and decided to become a comedian fulltime. While following-up on this intriguing story, I ran across this bit from Larry, the Cable Guy. Pretty funny.

"Song"

"Liner Notes"

First published on Golden Pond November 28, 2004.

Remember the liner notes on l.p.'s. A little bonus for buying the record. My company's recipes have liner notes at the bottom which help sort out the complexities and nuances. A helping hand, if you will. Some of my favorite notes are republished here from July 2003. Submitted for your approval and perusal. Entitled re: Recipes/Hooterville. And here it is:

As for recipes, my favorite notes:

1) Au Jus: Should be the same color as coffee. ( Is this before or after a treatment of urn cleaner? )

2) Soft Rolls: If one falls on the floor, discreetly retrieve. Look for grit, hair, or any other foreign matter. [ includes critters ] Brush off against clothing or blow hard to remove. May be used for bread pudding if the above fails to remedy.

3) Roast Beef: Cook to an internal temperature of 130 degrees. Blood should ooze when slicing on the serving line.

4) Yellow Cake: Do not insert a toothpick in the middle of the cake to see if it's done. Only at home does this method work. And you are not at home. So whatever you do, don't use a toothpick. They are reserved for our paymasters leaving the establishment. ( a toothpick is a good sign. It means the paymaster enjoyed the food. )

5) Raspberry Argentine: When running this delectable gelatin with the fancy name, be prepared for guests, er, paymasters using your bathroom facilities a bit more during the course of the meal. Contains prunes, the organic laxative. Pink Floyd's 'just another brick in the stalls" would constitute a synchronistic occurrence. )

6) Fried Green Tomatoes: Should be 1/4 ripe. ( Who can determine 1/4 ripeness with a green tomato? )

7) Stewed Tomatoes: Buy day old bread from the Piggly Wiggly. Best value. Serve stewed tomatoes when your cook is feeling lethargic and not on top of his game. And you've run out of creative solutions to empty pans. WARNING: May become habit-forming.

8) Chop Beef Sardinia: Invented by Sandy Fajitas ( a legendary character ) back in the day. Mr. Food Cost. Also peruse the fresh kale recipe and leftover garnishes. Cooked and served after garnish pre-requisites have been met. Waste not; want not.

9) Milk: some guests, er....may be lactose intolerant. ( made that up: no one was lactose intolerant, back in the day ) And no one had acid reflux as well.

10) Diamonds and rust: You know what memories can bring; they bring diamonds and rust. Apologies to Joan Baez. Submitted for the bored's perusal. Back on the night train. Ready to crash and burn-I never learn.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. The postscripts from the above post have been removed by request of me, the author.

"Slap Shot"

 

There's never been a film like "Slapshot!"

"Slapshot" Tastefully Vulgar?

Some consider this movie to be the best sports movie ever. Move over "Brian's Song;" "The Longest Yard;" and Ronald Reagan as the "Gipper."

According to the clip "Slapshot" was made for $6 million in 1977 and barely broke even. I saw it back then and laughed me arse off.

It does have salty language. But the Hanson Brothers and Strother Martin as the stingy G.M. along with Paul Newman make for a special treat.

The movie focuses on a fictitious "Federal League" team called the Charlestown Chiefs. The team, a perennial loser and in financial trouble due to mill closings in the town, is due to be folded at season's end.

Through the course of regular business, the team picks up the Hanson Brothers, violent goons with child-like mentalities. Reggie Dunlop, the veteran player-coach (played by Newman), perceiving them to be eccentric and unreliable, initially chooses not to play them. Finally, in a moment of desperation and passiveness, he brings the trio of thugs into the game to see what they can do. Their big open-ice hits and overly aggressive - bordering on homicidal - style of play is greatly praised by the fans in desperate need of something for which to cheer.

"Child of the 60's"

It's good to see the Hootster back at work. I know the old boy was in deep withdrawal not being able to write his infanous "H.P." He is a child of the 60's you know. He is also a bit "longer in the tooth" than me as the old saying goes.

I remember the 60's. I remember being in the dorm lobby at Pain, er, Payne Hall while at Truck U. and seeing a California transplant rummaging in the ashtray urn looking for smokable butts. Pimply and red-headed he was a free spirit and a child of the decade.

I remember a compadre I met there whose name was John Davis, but who we called "Skuzzy." I remember his wiping his butt on the washing machine at Payne and encouraging any of us to smell his production. Thanks, but no thanks.

I remember David from Sparta who was a match for me in baseball trivia.

I remember our dorm resident assistant shaking his head as Trent went sliding by his room after we had had a water fight.

I remember Steve Woodford who was seriously contemplating burning down the military building [ ROTC ] on campus.

I remember "Bear" who was a big joker with a beard. We were all envious because we couldn't grow one. He liked playing volleyball allah yours truly.

I remember my second roommate Rick, who turned me onto hashish, and whose old lady whose name was Margaret.

There were a lot of interesting people in the dorms. And there was music. At one time I hated "Take Another Little Piece of my Heart" by Janis Joplin, because some guy left the single on the turntable and it played at least one hundred times.

I remember going to see "Steppenwolf," "Chicago," and others while matriculating at Truck U.

I was sort of a child of the 60's. And as John Lennon once remarked after recording "Double Fantasy:" "the seventies were a drag."

Child of the 60's, v.c.

P.S. Tonite's tune is by a band who has never been on Golden Pond. They are still revered today.

P.S.S. Welcome baker Kotter, er, Hootster.

P.S.S.S. Later, The Doors appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show, a popular Sunday night variety series that had introduced The Beatles and a young, wriggling Elvis Presley to the nation. Ed Sullivan requested two songs from The Doors for the show, People are Strange, and Light My Fire. The censors insisted that they change the lyrics of "Light My Fire" from "Girl we couldn't get much higher" to "Girl we couldn't get much better." This was reportedly due to what could be perceived as a reference to drugs in the original lyric. During the rehearsal, Jim changed the lyrics to be in compliance with host Ed Sullivan. Morrison then proceeded to sing the song with the original lyrics on live TV. He later said that he had simply forgotten to make the change, which Manzarek corroborates to the present day. This infuriated Sullivan so much that he refused to shake their hands after their performance. They were never invited back.[7]The producer of the show reportedly screamed at the monitors as Morrison sung the lyric, that The Doors would never do the Ed Sullivan show ever again. Jim came back to that comment by stating "Hey, we just did the Ed Sullivan show."

"Remembering"

Dear Rock, I forgot to mention that I, T.H.E. Cat, recalled the show which starred Robert Loggia. I didn't watch the show, however. Must have been scheduled against "Leave It To Beaver'; "Get Smart;" or "Man From Uncle." Or maybe it was up against "The Girl From Uncle;" "Candid Camera;" or "Saturday Night at the Movies."

Or maybe it was matched against "The Lawrence Welk Show with the Lennon Sisters;" "Laugh-In;" or "Bonanza."

My cousin, David, dug it. He and his friends dressed in black to hide in the shadows and to mimic their idol.

I must admit not knowing what T.H.E. stood for. My guess would have been Teddy Harry
Euranus.

On a dissimilar note, what's up with the NFL? One of the biggest games of the year [ Cowboys and Packers ] and it ain't on national television. I don't have the NFL channel on my cable system. The bright side is not listening to the droning-on of one, Bryant Gumbel.

Gotta go with the Packers in this one. Even tho' they're 7 point underdogs. I haven't liked the Cowboys since the overthrow of the Landry regime. Even tho' it has been chronicled as to how the former ownership was tight with the money.

Take care and "Go Pack!" v.c.

P.S. I do have HBO and there's a good special on the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry. From Woody Hayes to Bo Schembeckler. One of the jokes from a Michigan alumni:

"How do you get an Ohio State graduate off your front porch?"

Answer: "Pay him for the pizza!"

"In the Belly of the Beast"

Otis Nixon was a fan favorite here in Atlanta during the 90's when he roamed centerfield [ apologies to John Fogerty once of CCR. ] He had some personal demons allah T.H.E. cat.

He once made "the catch" as it's referred to. One of the best this humble reporter has ever witnessed.

Here's the article dealing with his addictions and his new-found career as a preacher.




P.S. Rock, One of your boys got canned today at Ga. Tech. Chan Gailey. Seems he couldn't beat....the Dawgs. 0-7. And the fans quit coming, and they were a'grumbling. Don't feel sorry for him. Ga. Tech has to pay him the balance of his contract. $4 million over the next 4 years. And you don't want to see the Favre show? Schedule a counseling session for yourself....pronto.

Do you recall he was signed by the Falcons and traded to Green Bay after his rookie season? Now how smart was that?????????????????????

"Dear Rock,"

So you and the family were at the game on Thanksgiving. Romomania, eh?

The Steelers and Dolphins are mired in a 0-0 slugfest early 3rd quarter tonight with Jaws, Mike Turico, and the nerdy newspaper reporter on MNF. And whatever happened to Howard Cosell and Dandy Don. Frank Gifford-does anyone remember that O.J. once manned the telecasts?

I really liked Dandy Don, an SMU graduate. He was always in Tom Landry's doghouse [ see above photo of the team ranked number 5 in the BCS sweepstakes. Go Dawgs ]

I'm glad that Al and the old football coach, Dandy John Madden, don't do MNF anymore. But I was surprised ESPN canned Joe Theissman.

The Falcons hung in there against the Colts but to no avail. A personal foul call when we ran into the Indy punter sealed our fate. And the new coach, Bobby Petrino, is lost in a time warp.

WHo's gonna win this week. Cowboys or Packers? Are you going to the game?

Sincerely, Dear Cat

"Speeder Gets Tasered"

Here's the actual video of a speeder [ ahem, alleged ] getting tasered as he walks back to his car. His wife, who is 6 months pregnant, is riding, er, shotgun.

When pulling up the youtube video, there is another one of a man who dies at the Vancouver Airport. How? Tasered to death. Plus it didn't help that one of the security persons had his knee on the man's throat.

"Yesterday"

I was looking at some of my Yahoo legacy and ran across this one. Even tho' I wrote it, I was envious of the writing style and creativity. I don't think I could write one like this again. It starts off with the old grease board we utilized for specials; and then it concentrates on unmasking the identity of one fellow poster, the enigmatic pictruandtru. Anyhoo, as Red used to say, here's a blast from the [ not-so-distant ] past:


Back in the day of grease boards and daily specials H.W. [ Acronym for Hell-Whole, my emploment venue ] would feature on Wednesdays, the "Mexican Special. Most of the time the enchiladas, cheese and beef, would sit patiently in its niche, awaiting a sale. And awaiting they did. Cos we didn't sell many. Plus, they would normally appear from the kitchen stuck together. It was easier to play a game of tiddlywinks than to pry an enchilada from the pile.

Tostados? Jay Leno would be proud. Our picante was the mysterious pico de gallo, which is mexican for "red rooster." Today the Pic contingent might want to put melted cheese on its tostados perhaps causing the merchandaise to fly off the "line."

I digress. My main focus for writing: Another "Who is Pictruandtru?

a) Lt. Ray Calletano

b) Che Guevara

c) General Antonio López de Santa Claus, er, Anna

d) Pepino- Mexican farmhand on the "Real McCoys"

e) Karl Rove

f) Bernie Ebbers

g) Is introducing a new pico de gallo to "Pace." Patent pending. Copyright infringements and contracts still in discussion with the think-tank of lawyers. To be marketed as "Red Rooster" Picante Sauce

h) Freddie Prinze's brother, Rafael Prinze

i) Pedro Foxworthy

j) A frequent guest at LUB, who notices line speed, smiling faces, the absense of a tea cart ( lady ), and the aromas of chicken fried steak and burritos served on LuAnn plates.

k) Hootsbuddie in disguise. Have you ever noticed hoots and pictru are the only members of our fraternal order who just happen to post with the LUB bored. Coincidence? I think not!

l) Hal Wallis the producer of most of the King's movies. [ not Slim Whitman of yodeling fame ] "Fun in Acapulco" is one. [ see hurling on the boats as the cascading waves provoke mucho seasickness, circa 1991 was it?

m) Owner of Chihuahua's Inc. and has sold many to the Bennett clan

n) Former district manager for Taco Bell.

o) Teleplay writer who came up with the line "Eez not my job!" for the old sitcom, "Chico and Da Man."

p) Invented Chop Beef Sombrero for PIC when it needed a new dish to compete with the avalanche of Mexican restaurants that were popping up like Eggos. [ "let go of my eggo" may have been his handiwork as well ]

q) Assistant director to John Wayne on the set of the "Alamo." May have coined the word "pilgrim" for the duke. An urban legend that has heen bandied about. No confirmation as of this writing.

r) A descendant of Ponce de Leon, Christopher Columbus, Magellan, and Vasco de Gama.

s) A U.S. Customs Team Member who patrols the Mexican/U.S. borders. Known to the illegal aliens ( apologies in advance for using the offensive term, here ) as "Slip me Fitty Pictru" and you may proceed unabated.

t) Loves his coronas with lime and eats the worm in the tequila bottle. Can you say Jose Cuervo?

u) As a manager at PIC, he would sing "La Cucaracha" to Eco-Lab when reporting pest sightings at his unit. Addendum: They didn't think it was funny. Source: Karl Rove! Or was it "Deep Throat?" Apologies to Linda Lovelace.

v) Was instrumental in procuring chili pods ( see "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" ) for the texas chili. Even wrote a detailed instruction booklet on how to soak the suckers. Sans seeds.

w) Robert Listen's right hand man back in the day who authorized the use of frozen carrot chips for the popular carrot souffle.

x) Malcolm X disciple

y) Y because we like you. Apologies to the Mickey Mouse club.

z) Z for xenophobia. Look that one up in your Funk and Waggnolls.

aa) A fellow drunk and alum who graduated from that higher institute of learning known as Truck U.

bb) Bats

and farewell and adieu, v.c.

"Thankful"

I am thankful for:

1) My old Buick Park Avenue which has 152,000 miles and is showing signs of wear and tear.

2) I am thankful for Golden Pond, my escape from the real world.

3) I am thankful for TCM, which shows classic films from yesterday. With no commercials.

4) I am thankful for the Hootster, who introduced me to blogspot.

5) I am thankful for my friend in southern Florida who goes by the moniker of ibbq4you2.

6) I am thankful for Rockhead and pictruandtru, two members from the Yahoo bored.

7) I am thankful for NFL football and Major League baseball.

8) I am thankful for the memories afforded to me by the Boston Celtics of the 80's. With Larry Bird, the Chief, D.J., Kevin McHale et al.

9) I am thankful for Bobby Cox and the Atlanta Braves who went from wrst to first in '91 and have been winning titles ever since. The last 2 years-well, nobody's perfect.

10) I am thankful for my computer, because I can google to find articles of interest; view youtube classics; and write a column with an alias known as v.c.

11) I am thankful for Steverino and Slippery and to anyone who sends me an email.

12) I am thankful for my 2 kids and Kitty. And everyone in the family, including my liberal sister, Olga.

13) And lastly, I am thankful I can write this "Thanksgiving" message.

"Bored, Tubby, and Mild"

"I like smoking lightning; heavy metal thunder."

The above quotation is from Steppenwolf, and the line which coined a music genre: Heavy Metal. See Led Zep for more details.

My buddy, Steverino, sent me this funny link about baby boomers. I laughed, cos ain't it the truth? You won't know until you peruse the link.

P.S. I smoked a lot of pot; popped a lot of pills....

"Perhaps This Movie Played At The Starlight: Back in the Day"

Cinemacom DVD Home Page
1950's Sci-Fi Fun

The Leech Woman DVD-R
with Coleen Gray - Grant Williams - Gloria Talbott
An unusual variant on the 'fountain of youth' formula, with the magic incredient being a fluid that is only obtained by killing a guy. The captures below show Coleen Gray's before and after, and what happens when she doesn't get the juice.

"Perfection In Every Detail"

Trans is an album by Neil Young, released in 1982. Recorded partially and released during his notorious Geffen era in the 1980s, Trans baffled many Neil Young fans. Some suggested that the album could be a satirical message that Young was trying to send about the direction music was headed in the future. A Vocoder features prominently in five of the nine tracks. While the album was poorly received, some critics point out that the melodies are strong and that the album involves Young addressing new musical movements, as he did previously on Rust Never Sleeps and later with the grunge movement.

The story behind its creation is very interesting. Neil Young found that when using a vocoder when communicating to his son (who was born with cerebral palsy), he was able to elicit a better response. The emotional power of this experiment shows in the lyrics, particularly in the track "Transformer Man" with the lines "So many things still yet to do / But we haven't made it yet."

Perfection In Every Detail: "Sample and Hold!"

Enclosed is the link. I don't want 'em to delete it like last time, when I encoded it as a youtube presentation.

"Take A Leak Outside"

The drought has a foot-hold on our little city; and my buddy in Florida says his town is experiencing the same.

My advice is for men-women, too if they're game-to take it outdoors-not to the house-and take a leak outside.

Water conservation techniques never include this simple remedy. We should be able to save billions of flushes per week. Get on the bandwagon; write your congressman or woman.

P.S. Tonite's song is a favorite of my sister, who hails from the blustery city of San Fran.

One hit wonders, btw.

"It May Look Like Him But It's Not"

Some of you tuning in will undoubtedly mistake the picture above as the Hootster. I repeat. It is not the Hootster, world-renowned author of Hootsbuddy's Place.

It's a photo of Uga, world renowned mascot of the Georgia Bulldogs. [ my alma mater aka Truck U. ]

The "Dawgs" [ not "Dawg" Chapman-he of no black lineage ] are facing the dreaded Kentucky Wildcats this Saturday, who are led by Andre Woodson-he of Heisman consideration-and Rich Brooks, the coach.

Should be a jim-dandy and one I'll Shirley miss because I'll be a'working.

Tonite's foray is a quickie. I'm tired and have a wake-up call at 3 a.m. So fluff piece it is.

Life is but a cabaret, ol' chum, v.c.

P.S. Due to the fluff piece, no postscripts.

"Veterans Day"

They coined a phrase about me: "a day late and a dollar short." I didn't even know it was Veteran's Day today, until I heard it on the radio.

I was classified 1-A back in 1974 and had even gone to take my physical. There were rumors circulating that the draft would soon go the way of 8 track tape players. The rumors turned out to be true, so I was never called to serve in the military.

Instead, I began my illustrious career with Piccadilly Cafeteria. As a Manager Trainee while pulling down a whopping $4.00 an hour. I soon became the Associate Manager and was deemed worthy of a $.50 an hour raise. At $4.50 an hour I thought I was in the dough-in more ways than one. [ see Piccadilly Cafeteria made from scratch ]

I found out later the other Associate Managers were grossing $5.25 an hour. But I was young and had my sights set on the Manager's job. Not sure what the g.m. was making back then. Probably $9-10 an hour. And he also qualified for an MBO bonus. [ management by objective ]

I worked hard. We were only supposed to work a 40 hr. week, but because I was the Associate, I worked about 45 hrs. I topped out around $5.50 an hour. Or maybe I made $7.50. Hell, I can't remember-oldtimers you know.

I became the g.m. in '79. And made about 20 grand a year. We soon went to a system where the company gave you 8% of the controllable profit. And not soon afterwards, they moved it up a half per cent to 8.5.

We were a well-paid bunch back in those days-way above the average. I remember making more than the minimum salary of a 1st year Major League ball player. Those days are gone as they now make over $400,000 a year.

But, yes, it was '74. The draft disappeared, and I began-in earnest-a career in the wonderful world of food bizdom.

A day late and a $ short, v.c.

P.S. Oh, I'm on my way-I know I am. Somewhere not so far from here....

"Dawg"

 

"Post #1699" and "Back on the Bandwagon"

Sorry, but I had never heard of "Dawg" Chapman until the media frenzy of this week. Another celebrity bites the dust by exposing himself as one who uses racial epithets. "Dawg," say hello to Kramer, Jimmy the Greek, Al Campanis, and all of the others who went before.

"Dawg" really screwed up and his attempts at swaying the population via Larry King and Hannity and Colmes fell on deaf ears. I feel for him, because he just committed career suicide. And I know all about that.

Anyway, the jist of tonite's foray is not about any other dawgs, but the birds of prey known as The Atlanta Falcons. They went to Charlotte, N.C. today and dismantled the Panthers. 20-13. And add in New Orleans loss and the Falcons are only "one" game behind in the NFC South standings. This is the time where "Who'd a thunk it" is quite appropriate.

The Falcons began the season in turmoil. Everyone knows the Mike Vick story. And then we've got a new head coach from the college ranks-Bobby Petrino. And everyone knows that hot-shot college coaches can't make the transition to the pros. See Seve "the old ball coach" Spurrier for more details. And we signed a young kid to kick field goals and cut Morten Anderson, the greatest field goal kicker of all time.

The kid had more tattoos than field goals in his brief appearance here. He was fired and Morten Anderson was signed....again. And then the veterans started complaining. Most notably Deangelo Hall and Algie Crumpler. [ an Algie Crumpler-btw-is not a mussel that receives Atlanta's drinking water in nearby Florida, but our all-pro tight end. ]

But, lo and behold, the Falcons won today. And are only a game behind in the standings. I have officially jumped on the bandwagon. And if we keep winning, perhaps we can start filling the Dome again.

So best of luck, Dawg-you'll need it. And to my team, the Atlanta Falcons, Super Bowl, here we come.

I was not pressured nor coerced in any way to write this foray from Arthur Blank. See Home Depot for more details, v.c.

P.S. "bites the dust" is attributed to "Queen." I also see a little silhouetto of a man, Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo,galileo....

P.S.S. I offered an invitation to two readers and as of yet have not heard from them? You know who you are.

"Slow On the Pond" & "More Cowbell"

Not much going on, except the "Dawgs" [ my alma mater ] whupped-up on the defenseless Auburn Tigers today in Sanford Stadium. Aka, "between the hedges." And Ohio State lost; and so did Boston College, so "the Dawgs" will move up a notch in the BCS sweepstakes.

On a dissimilar vein, another "Dawg" has had his share of problems this week. This "Dawg" attempted damage control when he found out he wasn't black-after all. He may be black now-toast, that is.

On another dissimilar vein, I say "more cowbell."



P.S. If I were black, I might say: "It's all good."

"Gestapo"

 

"Fugitive Nabbed After 33 Years"

It has well-chronicled in many forays from me that the world has gone mad. This tale is quite intriguing. I read the entire rather lengthy article. Once the case was turned over to the U.S. Marshalls, Ms. Garvin had little chance to remain free. "If the case comes to the Marshal Service, it never goes away," said Supervisory Inspector James Ergas.

Here is another bizarre story from the naked city:

On the run for 33 years, Deborah Gavin knew the day would come when the long arm of the law would catch up to her.

She just didn't expect that day to be Wednesday.

The 53-year-old Gavin, who escaped from a Georgia prison while serving time for armed robbery in Gwinnett County in the early 1970s, said as much to U.S. Marshals as they cuffed her outside her home in Frankston, Texas....

Thirty-three years is a long time," Ergas said. "They didn't want to jump a 53-year-old woman and drive her to the ground if it was the wrong person."

At 2 p.m. Wednesday, the marshals surrounded her house and knocked.

Gavin came to the door with a shotgun, heard them out and surrendered peacefully....

The board will take into consideration several factors in determining whether she will serve out the six years remaining in her sentence. Among them, her age, her health and how she's conducted herself over the years.

Post Script: She worked for about a decade at East Texas Medical Center, about 24 miles from Frankston. There, said her husband, doctors nicknamed her "Gestapo."

Post Script II: Perhaps Tommie Lee Jones can reprise his role as U.S. Marshal Gerard, if the story is made into a movie.

Post Script III: "Gestapo" conjures up a few images, eh?

"Rooms For Rent 50 Cents" or "Old As Dirt"

I lived in pre-historic times when cigarettes were $.25 a pack; movie theatres charged $.50 to view the flick; cokes were a nickel; and bubble gum was a penny a piece. And gasoline hovered around a quarter. One ex patron of mine used to brag about gasoline wars at the pump-he said his station went as low as $.19 a gallon in order to beat the guy down the street.

When I saw the Fab 4 in 1965 the tickets were $4.50. Hard to believe these days when a latte at Starbucks costs around 5 bucks. And gas is creeping up to $3.00 a gallon.
I could fill up my "bug" for around $2.50. And at 25 miles to the gallon, I could go to L.A. [ lower Alabama ] and back.

As one pundit once exclaimed: "Who'd a thunk it?"

Here's a clip from yesteryear. I watched this comedian's show when I was a youngster. And loved it.



P.S. I'm so old that I remember when bottle cokes went from 5 cents to 6 cents. Didn't last long as they soon went to a dime.

"Gimme Shelter"

A new movie about the Rolling Stones [ a documentary ] will be out soon. Just them singing songs and some repartee behind the scenes. I saw the preview when I went to the movies the other day. I must be getting old, because I can't remember the movie. Oldtimers is seeping in.

The film is by Martin Scorsese. What amazed me was how old all these guys looked, even Mick. So much for cinema magic. Oh well. You can't always get what you want. v.c.

P.S. Cos I've tried. And I've tried. And I've tried. And I've tried. I can't get no....

P.S.S. Sometimes I just want to sing-to myself.

"Vertigo"

 

"You Were Perverted, Too."

Thanks, Rock, or Dear Rock.

Which reminds me. I should write another "Dear Cat" foray into the infantile. Those were a lot of fun. My favorite was: "Dear 'She Blew My Nose and Then She Blew My Mind'" in response to a fabricated illusion invented by yers truly.

Via my column I also introduced the word "eh" to my buddy, Marty, who we all know hails from the "Sunshine State," and who uses the word with regularity. Must be some Canadian blood in the catfish family. And when I ventured out into a "Dear Fratbro" spinoff, he was the only one who seemed to enjoy it. He always liked my offbeat ones anyway.

I have had a spike in readership lately. Not sure why? Maybe the Koreans, Icelandics, Fujis, et al have been tuning in. Or perhaps it's my new template. To me it looks more polished and professional. Btw, I know you guys mentioned the Fab 4 song ( "Golden Slumbers; "Carry That Weight;" and "The End ) but no one mentioned my "Vertigo" heading. Look at it closely and you can hear the ocean, er, see an optical illusion.

The food biz sucks but what you gonna do? If I left I'd be a fish out of water. [ pun intention left to the creativity of the readership. ] I just found out tonite that my grandfather, who died from moonshine poisoning, at age 64 dreamed of selling fish sandwiches in downtown Charleston when he retired.

My grandmother [ dad's side ] was a cook at a public school, and my dad peeled spuds in the Navy, circa 1945. So, alas, it was my destiny, eh?

It's always good hearing from the "Rockhead." I will write you via your electronic mail soon. That will be a hoot, and one I look forward to.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. The title of tonite's foray is intended to spike readership. My most viewed post is the one I did on "Flesh Gordon." So I'm looking for all the perverts from New Guinea, Wales, and Okinawa to hit the "Pond."

"Let's Hear It for the Food Biz"

I worked at my last job during the months of March to June 07. My head was obviously in a bad place, as I peruse these forays from that time period. I had not been an assistant manager for over 30 years, so it took some time getting used to being barked at as opposed to doing the barking. I didn't mind that part as much as I resented the attitude of the mgmt. staff which acted as if I had never been in the biz. Plus, they said I was too laid back. Hell, I was learning a new system, a new menu, etc. I had never done "eggs" before. And we served them by the dozens. Here are some of the excerpts from my brief sojourn as an asst. mgr. with a well-known company, most of which are jest off'n the interstate:

I hate the food business. Maybe that's too harsh. I loathe and despise the food biz. Wait a minute. That's even more harsh. I dislike the food biz.

Every now and then yours truly likes to reflect, if you will. And tonite's the night for refelecting.

I think I've had enough of this freakin' job. I see no future, unless you classify working 60-70 hours a week; every weekend; every holiday; every night; a good gig.
Me? I've had enough of the rat race. I would like to sit back and truly watch the wheels go 'round and 'round.

The food biz sux. And it's for suckers who want to give their lives up. The g.m. at my store is a living, breathing example of such servitude. He gets his willies off by increasing sales and being the big man on campus. And what kind of life has it afforded him? He just worked 3 weeks in a row without a day off. And he was whining and moaning-albeit proudly-how tired he was for his dedication

And strategies for running a business make me want to hurl. A big rock onto someone's noggin. You never have have enough help. Why? Because some bean counters devised a plan that does not work as far as growing your business. But will work for making your labor goals while working the shit out of you and the, er, team members.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Have a great nite!

It was funny today. My new company uses Piggly Wiggly white vinegar for something. Not sure what. Mebbe it's for the guests who want it on their salads or greens. Who knows? But there it was. P.W. white vinegar. My old d.m. would have had a hissy:

"V.C. Mr. Hamilton [ founder of the cafeteria chain ] put a lot of thought and love into our recipes. Don't bastardize what he did, son. Now throw that shit away and get me some Heinz in here with a quickness."

He also told me how he once saved one of the cook's life. One afternoon she fell into the deep fat fryer. Quick-witted, my d.m. pulled her out of harm's way. He ripped off her clothes and threw her into the ice bin until the 911 guys got there.


It was another grueling week in the food biz. Standing on your feet all day and getting dirty from the flour for the biscuits and the dumplins'. Flour all over your shoes and pants. And then there were the usual problems. Billy Bob, the backup cook, was feeling lousy-he had been throwing up all day-and had to make a hasty retreat when yours truly came on borde.

I stepped up to the plate and ran his shift through the Easter breakfast and Easter afternoon. The recipes are easy-much easier than the ones at a semi-well known cafeteria chain. My new company claims it makes its food from scratch, but it ain't really. Let's just say semi-scratch.

My new work environs are laced with managers who all hail from other food biz locations. Applebee's for one; Krystal Hamburgers for another. The latter mgr. is 52 years old, and the other day hollered at me saying "don't worry about the food cost; you can't overserve the okra, fill 'er up!"

I guess I was moving too slow but I was grappling with the okra which was under a heat lamp. A few minutes later he admonished me by saying: "that's too much corn [ in the serving spoon ] shake some off."

I'm not exactly a rookie when it comes to serving the two aforementioned veggies, and I know, without equivocation, I have served more corn and okra to my guests than "Carter has liver pills." And more of the two than Tommy has sold those little squared burgers.

I really resented these intrusions, but because I haven't been too lucky in the employment arena lately, I let it slide. But I didn't like his vocal intonations. I harken back to employees ( team members ) who routinely said of mgrs: "he/she don't know how to talk to people."

P.S. Carry that weight, eh?

"For Yasgur's Farm"

listening to this song again makes me want to climb up that mountain one more time and put the headphones on and turn it up to maximum volume. Not ONE bad song in the bunch. love seein' the lyrics.

I can recognize the legendary FELIX PAPPALARDI's vocals half asleep. And the guitar man is LESLIE WEST, who created the greatest tone and vibrato in rock history. And that includes Clapton and Hendrix. Jack Bruce called West the best vibrato man that ever lived...

remeber this time and music so very well. Even though I was only 9 years old at the time my mother was only 25 years old and she played the woodstack soundtrack album a lot back then. I also went to see the movie when it came out!

What song are they writing about? This one....

"Down on Me"

I second that emotion!

"Food Themes From the Food Man""

Because I'm a food service kind of guy, who remembers broccoli spears-"don't give me the stems"-the following video clip is dedicated.

And the next clip is dedicated to diversity.

"More Cowbell"

 

"I Got A Fevah...And the Only Prescription....Is More Cowbell"

This has got to be one of the funniest bits ever from Saturday Night Live. From any comedy show. Period. Combine Christopher Walken with Will Farrell and the rest of the crew from SNL and you got magic.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=71770844627024590

The sketch is presented as though it is an episode of VH1's Behind the Music. It begins with what is said to be film from the 1976 recording session that produced the band's biggest hit, "(Don't Fear) The Reaper." The producer (Christopher Walken) introduces himself as "the Bruce Dickinson" and tells the band they have "what appears to be a dynamite sound." The band members are impressed at this compliment because of Bruce Dickinson's supposed high standing in the music industry (note that "the" Bruce Dickinson is not Bruce Dickinson, lead singer of Iron Maiden - see below).