"Yesterday"

I was looking at some of my Yahoo legacy and ran across this one. Even tho' I wrote it, I was envious of the writing style and creativity. I don't think I could write one like this again. It starts off with the old grease board we utilized for specials; and then it concentrates on unmasking the identity of one fellow poster, the enigmatic pictruandtru. Anyhoo, as Red used to say, here's a blast from the [ not-so-distant ] past:


Back in the day of grease boards and daily specials H.W. [ Acronym for Hell-Whole, my emploment venue ] would feature on Wednesdays, the "Mexican Special. Most of the time the enchiladas, cheese and beef, would sit patiently in its niche, awaiting a sale. And awaiting they did. Cos we didn't sell many. Plus, they would normally appear from the kitchen stuck together. It was easier to play a game of tiddlywinks than to pry an enchilada from the pile.

Tostados? Jay Leno would be proud. Our picante was the mysterious pico de gallo, which is mexican for "red rooster." Today the Pic contingent might want to put melted cheese on its tostados perhaps causing the merchandaise to fly off the "line."

I digress. My main focus for writing: Another "Who is Pictruandtru?

a) Lt. Ray Calletano

b) Che Guevara

c) General Antonio López de Santa Claus, er, Anna

d) Pepino- Mexican farmhand on the "Real McCoys"

e) Karl Rove

f) Bernie Ebbers

g) Is introducing a new pico de gallo to "Pace." Patent pending. Copyright infringements and contracts still in discussion with the think-tank of lawyers. To be marketed as "Red Rooster" Picante Sauce

h) Freddie Prinze's brother, Rafael Prinze

i) Pedro Foxworthy

j) A frequent guest at LUB, who notices line speed, smiling faces, the absense of a tea cart ( lady ), and the aromas of chicken fried steak and burritos served on LuAnn plates.

k) Hootsbuddie in disguise. Have you ever noticed hoots and pictru are the only members of our fraternal order who just happen to post with the LUB bored. Coincidence? I think not!

l) Hal Wallis the producer of most of the King's movies. [ not Slim Whitman of yodeling fame ] "Fun in Acapulco" is one. [ see hurling on the boats as the cascading waves provoke mucho seasickness, circa 1991 was it?

m) Owner of Chihuahua's Inc. and has sold many to the Bennett clan

n) Former district manager for Taco Bell.

o) Teleplay writer who came up with the line "Eez not my job!" for the old sitcom, "Chico and Da Man."

p) Invented Chop Beef Sombrero for PIC when it needed a new dish to compete with the avalanche of Mexican restaurants that were popping up like Eggos. [ "let go of my eggo" may have been his handiwork as well ]

q) Assistant director to John Wayne on the set of the "Alamo." May have coined the word "pilgrim" for the duke. An urban legend that has heen bandied about. No confirmation as of this writing.

r) A descendant of Ponce de Leon, Christopher Columbus, Magellan, and Vasco de Gama.

s) A U.S. Customs Team Member who patrols the Mexican/U.S. borders. Known to the illegal aliens ( apologies in advance for using the offensive term, here ) as "Slip me Fitty Pictru" and you may proceed unabated.

t) Loves his coronas with lime and eats the worm in the tequila bottle. Can you say Jose Cuervo?

u) As a manager at PIC, he would sing "La Cucaracha" to Eco-Lab when reporting pest sightings at his unit. Addendum: They didn't think it was funny. Source: Karl Rove! Or was it "Deep Throat?" Apologies to Linda Lovelace.

v) Was instrumental in procuring chili pods ( see "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" ) for the texas chili. Even wrote a detailed instruction booklet on how to soak the suckers. Sans seeds.

w) Robert Listen's right hand man back in the day who authorized the use of frozen carrot chips for the popular carrot souffle.

x) Malcolm X disciple

y) Y because we like you. Apologies to the Mickey Mouse club.

z) Z for xenophobia. Look that one up in your Funk and Waggnolls.

aa) A fellow drunk and alum who graduated from that higher institute of learning known as Truck U.

bb) Bats

and farewell and adieu, v.c.