Friday Nite Youtube.com video brought to this web page by yours truly.
From whence it came?
Where else? From back in the day.
Circa 1969!
We sailors wept, v.c.
P.S. Our tears were tears of joy!
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
"All Hands On Deck; We've Run Afloat"
Friday Nite Youtube.com video brought to this web page by yours truly.
From whence it came?
Where else? From back in the day.
Circa 1969!
We sailors wept, v.c.
P.S. Our tears were tears of joy!
Friday, October 06, 2006
"Latest Victim of E Coli Bacteria"
Strong to the finish, until he ate his spinach.
Bluto was the best villian, imho. Et tu, Brutus? v.c.
P.S. A tip of the cap to Slippery for sending in tonite's foray.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
"Tireed and Sleepy Is The Proprietor, Yers Truly, After A Long Arduous Day In The Food Biz." or "Where Else Can You Stand On Yer Feet All Day, While..
waiting on the general public, a lot of whom are bitchy, contrite, and just downright rude, for hours on end. And always working short of staff because the staff ________.
The above blank is provided for your response. Don't fret* about your reply; there are no wrong answers.
It's all food biz, v.c.
P.S. Because the proprietor is tired and sleepy, the postscript will have to be supplied by the reader.
P.S.S. The asterik[ ed ] verb is not about where you put yer fingers on the guitar.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
"Redo"
Tonight I rewrote my post from yesteryear, er, yesterday. A few stilted sentences if you will.
I learned about stilted sentences back in the early years of the 70's, when I attended "Truck U." University. I had creative writing courses, cos me major was Journalism. And in one class, the Prof read my foray into the infantile to the class.
However, as chronicled in earlier forays, my English Lit teacher, who loved to hear himself talk, said there were no Hemmingway's in his class. What an inspirational forker he was. And he was no John F. Kennedy, er, Benny Hinn.
Perhaps I could have gotten a job in my "field." And wrote forays for a living. But, alas, it wasn't in the { tarot ] cards. My destiny, it seems, was to "wallow," er, prosper in the exciting world of food bizdom. Where every day is an exercise in passive aggressive containment.
In addition to stilted sentences, I learned about split infinitives; the who, what, when, where, why of grabbing the big story; & how to pronounce words like salmon, longevity, and quandary. And for two bits [ circa 1925 ] you can get a haircut.
In closing, here's to stilted sentences and split infinitives, v.c. To boldly go where no other....
P.S. Kitty, now an avid reader of the Pond, told me this week that my writings on said URL have been diminishing as of late. She is right per usual, and perhaps she has inspired me to once again find my mojo. Apologies to Manfred Mann, they of the "Got My Mojo Working, But It Don't Work On You" fame, and Austin Powers.
P.S.S. "Mojo" from Manfred circa 1964. And for a congratulatory song to Amber and Bone, here's tonite's youtube special. Per usual, click here, s'il vous plait.
I learned about stilted sentences back in the early years of the 70's, when I attended "Truck U." University. I had creative writing courses, cos me major was Journalism. And in one class, the Prof read my foray into the infantile to the class.
However, as chronicled in earlier forays, my English Lit teacher, who loved to hear himself talk, said there were no Hemmingway's in his class. What an inspirational forker he was. And he was no John F. Kennedy, er, Benny Hinn.
Perhaps I could have gotten a job in my "field." And wrote forays for a living. But, alas, it wasn't in the { tarot ] cards. My destiny, it seems, was to "wallow," er, prosper in the exciting world of food bizdom. Where every day is an exercise in passive aggressive containment.
In addition to stilted sentences, I learned about split infinitives; the who, what, when, where, why of grabbing the big story; & how to pronounce words like salmon, longevity, and quandary. And for two bits [ circa 1925 ] you can get a haircut.
In closing, here's to stilted sentences and split infinitives, v.c. To boldly go where no other....
P.S. Kitty, now an avid reader of the Pond, told me this week that my writings on said URL have been diminishing as of late. She is right per usual, and perhaps she has inspired me to once again find my mojo. Apologies to Manfred Mann, they of the "Got My Mojo Working, But It Don't Work On You" fame, and Austin Powers.
P.S.S. "Mojo" from Manfred circa 1964. And for a congratulatory song to Amber and Bone, here's tonite's youtube special. Per usual, click here, s'il vous plait.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
"Congratulations Are In Order For My Niece, the Enigmatic Amberoonie"
My niece, Amber, had her baby today. Congratulations are in order. And to "Bone," her enigmatic hubby, as well.
The pregnancy was her second, but this one was difficult, as Amber was on "bedrest" a few moons ago. Due to a miracle, her placenta moved, so she had her l'il one just a coppola weeks shy of the due date.
My sister, the enigmatic Olga, went to Mount Shasta to pray for her daughter's safety. Shortly afterwards, her prayers were answered.
The new arrival is a girl. Daddy Bone badly wanted wanted a boy, but, alas, it wasn't in the [ tarot ] cards. Her name has been determined-as of this writing-and she will be known as "Summer Sky." An old saying comes to mind from back in the day. "Far out!"
What happened to the traditional names like Linda, Charlene, Debbie, Shirley, and Sally? Seems Bone and Amber bypassed the newer hip names like Brittney, Caitlin, Demi, and well, er, uh, Olga by thinking "outside the box." If I had been aware of their wishes for an oddball, er, unusual name, I could have helped out. My suggestions: [ as if anybody asked? ]
1) Winter Solstice
2) Spring Forward
3) Fall Back
4) Autumn Leaves
5) Global Warming
6) Red Sky in Morning Sailors Take Warning
7) Blue Sky at Night Sailors Delight
8) Moon River
9) Summer Solstice
10) International Dateline
11) v.c.
Congrats, v.c.
P.S. And whatever happened to naming yer kids with initials?
a) L.B.
b) J.D.
c) I.C.B.M
d) J.R.
e) O.J.
f) v.c.
g) E.T.C.
"And Yet Another 'They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To.'"
Props to TCM!
P.S. The little forker driving the car is none other than Robert Blake, he of the recent murder trial, where he was exonerrated, allah O.J.
Monday, October 02, 2006
"Old Timers Disease"
As time trudges onward and my hair has been redirected from the top of my head to my ears, it dawns on me that yours truly is getting older. And older. And older. Lucy, what happened?
It's so bad that I am finding senior citizen jokes amusing. Ergo:
Hard of Hearing
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."
Ergo II:
Hard of Hearing
An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.
"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal onversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
"Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?".
No response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"For the fifth time, CHICKEN!"
Ergo III:
The Long-Lived Golfer
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old-timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old-timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive ... he's a golfer."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
The old-timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old-timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"
Lastly:
Oh, the pity of old age.
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
He said, "I can't remember where I live!"
When I'm 64, v.c.
It's so bad that I am finding senior citizen jokes amusing. Ergo:
Hard of Hearing
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."
Ergo II:
Hard of Hearing
An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.
"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal onversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
"Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?".
No response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"For the fifth time, CHICKEN!"
Ergo III:
The Long-Lived Golfer
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old-timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old-timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive ... he's a golfer."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
The old-timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old-timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"
Lastly:
Oh, the pity of old age.
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
He said, "I can't remember where I live!"
When I'm 64, v.c.
Friday, September 29, 2006
"Bedroom Golf"
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
"Gimme Some Truth!"
WALLACE: Mr. President, welcome to "FOX News Sunday."
BILL CLINTON: Thanks.
WALLACE: In a recent issue of the New Yorker you say, quote, "I'm 60 years old and I damn near died, and I'm worried about how many lives I can save before I do die...."
WALLACE: When we announced that you were going to be on "Fox News Sunday," I got a lot of e-mail from viewers. And I've got to say, I was surprised. Most of them wanted me to ask you this question: Why didn't you do more to put bin Laden and Al Qaeda out of business when you were president?
There's a new book out, I suspect you've already read, called "The Looming Tower." And it talks about how the fact that when you pulled troops out of Somalia in 1993, bin Laden said, "I have seen the frailty and the weakness and the cowardice of U.S. troops." Then there was the bombing of the embassies in Africa and the attack on the Cole.
CLINTON: OK, let's just go through that.
WALLACE: Let me — let me — may I just finish the question, sir?
And after the attack, the book says that bin Laden separated his leaders, spread them around, because he expected an attack, and there was no response.
I understand that hindsight is always 20/20. ...
CLINTON: No, let's talk about it.
WALLACE: ... but the question is, why didn't you do more, connect the dots and put them out of business?
CLINTON: OK, let's talk about it. Now, I will answer all those things on the merits, but first I want to talk about the context in which this arises.
I'm being asked this on the FOX network. ABC just had a right- wing conservative run in their little "Pathway to 9/11," falsely claiming it was based on the 9/11 Commission report, with three things asserted against me directly contradicted by the 9/11 Commission report.
And I think it's very interesting that all the conservative Republicans, who now say I didn't do enough, claimed that I was too obsessed with bin Laden. All of President Bush's neo-cons thought I was too obsessed with bin Laden. They had no meetings on bin Laden for nine months after I left office. All the right-wingers who now say I didn't do enough said I did too much — same people.
They were all trying to get me to withdraw from Somalia in 1993 the next day after we were involved in "Black Hawk down," and I refused to do it and stayed six months and had an orderly transfer to the United Nations.
OK, now let's look at all the criticisms: Black Hawk down, Somalia. There is not a living soul in the world who thought that Usama bin Laden had anything to do with Black Hawk down or was paying any attention to it or even knew Al Qaeda was a growing concern in October of '93.
WALLACE: I understand, and I ...
CLINTON: No, wait. No, wait. Don't tell me this — you asked me why didn't I do more to bin Laden. There was not a living soul. All the people who now criticize me wanted to leave the next day.
You brought this up, so you'll get an answer, but you can't ...
WALLACE: I'm perfectly happy to.
CLINTON: All right, secondly ...
WALLACE: Bin Laden says ...
CLINTON: Bin Laden may have said ...
WALLACE: ... bin Laden says that it showed the weakness of the United States.... [To get the complete transcript click here! ]
Gimme some truth, v.c.
P.S. Today most people on an aol poll believe Bill Clinton is more credible than Condi Rice, who disputed most of the former president's contentions that he went after osama bin laden like a man posessed. Or like stink on ship.
P.S.S. Just gimme some truth, eh?
Im sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocritics
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
Ive had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of hope
Money for dope
Money for rope
No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap
Money for dope
Money for rope
Im sick to death of seeing things
From tight-lipped, condescending, mamas little chauvinists
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth now
Ive had enough of watching scenes
Of schizophrenic, ego-centric, paranoiac, prima-donnas
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth
No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap
Its money for dope
Money for rope
Ah, Im sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocrites
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now
Ive had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
Sunday, September 24, 2006
"Post for Kitty"
Kitty is the love of my life. For those that don't know, she is my wife. We have been married for many moons. Speaking of which, Kitty loves to look at the stars, planets, and celestial bodies.
I have been in love with her since the first day I saw her many harvest moons ago. Spaeaking of which, we both dug Neil Young back in the day, and we have seen him in concert at least twice. Once at the Fabulous Fox and once at the Omni, which is no longer there, replaced by Phillips Arena.
Me and Kitty saw Paul Mccartney at the Omni circa 1991 and 1995, the former once chronicled in an earlier foray where we tripped the light fantastic on row 5 or 6; and the latter time was viewed from the nose bleed seats.
We have seen Paulie twice at Phillips, and each time it was marvelous. Apologies to Fernando, he of the hideaway.
But Kitty's fav recording artist is Bobby Dylan, he of the nasal sounding voice. We've seen him in concert, and once Kitty travelled to Gainesville to see him per her lonesome.
Today our younger son-grammatically correct but sounds like he's a member of the James Gang, er, Jesse James Gang. He turned 19 today. Instead of spending time with the family, he hopped in his car and headed northeast. He had a gig in South Carolina of all places with his band, he of the drums.
It wasn't like yesteryear when we had a cake, sang happy birthday, opened presents, and headed to grandma's house so he could get his card which contained a crisp dead president.
So me and Kitty celebrated in our own way, we of the advancing age syndrome. Well, me anyway. Kitty is 39 and holding. How we celebrated is our little secret. But the old Charlie Rich song comes to mind, he of the "Behind Closed Doors" recording.
So here's to the advancing empty nest syndrome, and life with my only love. My wife, Kitty.
We're not getting older; we're getting better, v.c.
P.S. Apologies to the cliche old timers like to use.
P.S.S. Happy birthday, son. And tonite's song is dedicated to Kitty
I have been in love with her since the first day I saw her many harvest moons ago. Spaeaking of which, we both dug Neil Young back in the day, and we have seen him in concert at least twice. Once at the Fabulous Fox and once at the Omni, which is no longer there, replaced by Phillips Arena.
Me and Kitty saw Paul Mccartney at the Omni circa 1991 and 1995, the former once chronicled in an earlier foray where we tripped the light fantastic on row 5 or 6; and the latter time was viewed from the nose bleed seats.
We have seen Paulie twice at Phillips, and each time it was marvelous. Apologies to Fernando, he of the hideaway.
But Kitty's fav recording artist is Bobby Dylan, he of the nasal sounding voice. We've seen him in concert, and once Kitty travelled to Gainesville to see him per her lonesome.
Today our younger son-grammatically correct but sounds like he's a member of the James Gang, er, Jesse James Gang. He turned 19 today. Instead of spending time with the family, he hopped in his car and headed northeast. He had a gig in South Carolina of all places with his band, he of the drums.
It wasn't like yesteryear when we had a cake, sang happy birthday, opened presents, and headed to grandma's house so he could get his card which contained a crisp dead president.
So me and Kitty celebrated in our own way, we of the advancing age syndrome. Well, me anyway. Kitty is 39 and holding. How we celebrated is our little secret. But the old Charlie Rich song comes to mind, he of the "Behind Closed Doors" recording.
So here's to the advancing empty nest syndrome, and life with my only love. My wife, Kitty.
We're not getting older; we're getting better, v.c.
P.S. Apologies to the cliche old timers like to use.
P.S.S. Happy birthday, son. And tonite's song is dedicated to Kitty
Friday, September 22, 2006
"Farewell and Adieu Revisited"
So long sweet potato souffle.
Likewise the wonderfully gooey creamed spinach and the tangy lime Jell-O with shredded carrots inside.
Yes, Golden Pond said goodbye to all that Monday with the abrupt closing of the 27-year-old Davis Sisters Cafeteria on Bon Jovi Lane.
"God have mercy," said a stunned May Wynn, raising one hand to her chest as if she were about to faint upon seeing an announcement on the eatery's door.
The retiree summarized the sentiments of a steady stream of would-be customers who showed up during the noon hour. Many pulled on the door in disbelief before slowly turning back to the parking lot and considering where their next meal would come from.
"Open the forkin' door," one man exclaimed in horror. "I want my beef liver and onions!"
"I really don't know where we'll go now. We've been coming here, sometimes several times a week, ever since we got married 16 years ago," said Francis Queeg, holding hands with his wife, Sandra.
"Sandra don't cook too good," Francis continued. "She can't even boil water."
There's a dependable drill at the cafeteria, where diners were oh-so-used to picking up those turquoise trays, still warm from a vigorous washing, and sliding them along past simmering pans full of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. "Gravy? Serve you?" the servers would ask. "Butter? Hey don't put 'em in your pocket. We quit chargin' y'all years ago!" A gentle pressure for decisionmaking pushed the customer line along at a steady pace. Twinkling desserts -- from Key lime pie to strawberry shortcake -- beckoned from within easy reach.
The cafeteria had many loyal diners, but not enough, said Willy Loman IV, a vice president of Davis and Daughters, based in Catfish Hollow. "It takes 6,000 to 7,000 regular customers a week to support a cafeteria. That's because we feed people for $3 or $4 apiece. It's not like Pandora's Box or some other places that can charge $15 per check. And we have only been getting about 4,500 customers a week the last few years. And most of them were old fogies with 'old timers' disease."
The cafeteria closed without notice, said Sam Loomis, property manager for Pon Jovi Cos., the Myers-based owner of Haddonfield. "It was a surprise. Hair today, gone tomorrow," he said.
Loman, who bristled at the nickname bestowed upon him by the angry guests [ "Loman-on-the-Totem-Pole" ) said that the cafeteria's 40 employees would be offered other jobs in the company "if they want to move. But we aren't payin' movin' expenses. Let 'em catch a Greyhound or hitch hike or grab the Kontiki." The Sisters have 12 remaining restaurants in Prague, Tijuana, and Maine. The closest one is in Kittybunkport, he said. "All our other locations are strong and doing fine."
Besides restaurants, Davis and Sisters, which is privately owned, also has operations that supply food to nursing homes and hospitals.
But it's the venerable cafeterias that have the highest profile with Golden Ponders, especially retirees.
The Sisters isn't the only cafeteria chain to pull back in recent years. Louisiana-based Piccadilly Cafeteria has closed more than two dozen locations since 2001. After purchasing another cafeteria chain known for its egg custard, broiled liver, and poor sanitation. And Luby's of San Antonio shuttered at least 25 outlets in the Southwest.
None of that was any consolation for Golden Ponders on Monday. "It's just sad," said Laurie Strode, a fan of the broiled fish. I once asked 'em what kind of fish it was, and one of the servers said it was 'fish surprise.'" She was among those dismayed by the cafeteria chain's assertion that business was weak. "There was always a steady line of wheelchairs and walkers, especially on the weekends."
In recent years, Davis and Sisters had tried to attract more families. They had started sponsoring kids' night every Thursday, bringing in magicians and a crowd favorite, Trevrep the Clown. It also had begun to offer a 99-cent meal for children on weekdays and all day on weekends. None of that did anything for profit margins though-in fact, they lost their ass, er, shirts; it was merely an attempt to boost total customer counts closer to that magic range of 6,000 to 7,000.
The exit of the old girl still leaves Golden Pond with at least one cafeteria chain: P&U. P&U has six locations. Holden Caulfield, district manager for those P&U outlets, said the one at Salinger Mall in Sleepy Hollow gets the most business of all of them. The typical crowd there ranges in age from 55 to 105, also most of the clientele for Davis and Sisters.
Some such customers squinted long and hard at the sign on the locked front door Monday, seeming unable to comprehend the note of finality posted in the name of Mustapha Mond, senior vice president of operations and administration: "We do this with regrets and sad hearts." He bid all the faithful "an affectionate farewell and adieu!"
Written by Natty Bumppo for the Golden Pond Gazette. All rights reserved. Copywright September 20, 2006; Fennimore Cooper Inc.
P.S. In keeping with tonite's theme, the youtube song for yer listening pleasure is:
Likewise the wonderfully gooey creamed spinach and the tangy lime Jell-O with shredded carrots inside.
Yes, Golden Pond said goodbye to all that Monday with the abrupt closing of the 27-year-old Davis Sisters Cafeteria on Bon Jovi Lane.
"God have mercy," said a stunned May Wynn, raising one hand to her chest as if she were about to faint upon seeing an announcement on the eatery's door.
The retiree summarized the sentiments of a steady stream of would-be customers who showed up during the noon hour. Many pulled on the door in disbelief before slowly turning back to the parking lot and considering where their next meal would come from.
"Open the forkin' door," one man exclaimed in horror. "I want my beef liver and onions!"
"I really don't know where we'll go now. We've been coming here, sometimes several times a week, ever since we got married 16 years ago," said Francis Queeg, holding hands with his wife, Sandra.
"Sandra don't cook too good," Francis continued. "She can't even boil water."
There's a dependable drill at the cafeteria, where diners were oh-so-used to picking up those turquoise trays, still warm from a vigorous washing, and sliding them along past simmering pans full of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. "Gravy? Serve you?" the servers would ask. "Butter? Hey don't put 'em in your pocket. We quit chargin' y'all years ago!" A gentle pressure for decisionmaking pushed the customer line along at a steady pace. Twinkling desserts -- from Key lime pie to strawberry shortcake -- beckoned from within easy reach.
The cafeteria had many loyal diners, but not enough, said Willy Loman IV, a vice president of Davis and Daughters, based in Catfish Hollow. "It takes 6,000 to 7,000 regular customers a week to support a cafeteria. That's because we feed people for $3 or $4 apiece. It's not like Pandora's Box or some other places that can charge $15 per check. And we have only been getting about 4,500 customers a week the last few years. And most of them were old fogies with 'old timers' disease."
The cafeteria closed without notice, said Sam Loomis, property manager for Pon Jovi Cos., the Myers-based owner of Haddonfield. "It was a surprise. Hair today, gone tomorrow," he said.
Loman, who bristled at the nickname bestowed upon him by the angry guests [ "Loman-on-the-Totem-Pole" ) said that the cafeteria's 40 employees would be offered other jobs in the company "if they want to move. But we aren't payin' movin' expenses. Let 'em catch a Greyhound or hitch hike or grab the Kontiki." The Sisters have 12 remaining restaurants in Prague, Tijuana, and Maine. The closest one is in Kittybunkport, he said. "All our other locations are strong and doing fine."
Besides restaurants, Davis and Sisters, which is privately owned, also has operations that supply food to nursing homes and hospitals.
But it's the venerable cafeterias that have the highest profile with Golden Ponders, especially retirees.
The Sisters isn't the only cafeteria chain to pull back in recent years. Louisiana-based Piccadilly Cafeteria has closed more than two dozen locations since 2001. After purchasing another cafeteria chain known for its egg custard, broiled liver, and poor sanitation. And Luby's of San Antonio shuttered at least 25 outlets in the Southwest.
None of that was any consolation for Golden Ponders on Monday. "It's just sad," said Laurie Strode, a fan of the broiled fish. I once asked 'em what kind of fish it was, and one of the servers said it was 'fish surprise.'" She was among those dismayed by the cafeteria chain's assertion that business was weak. "There was always a steady line of wheelchairs and walkers, especially on the weekends."
In recent years, Davis and Sisters had tried to attract more families. They had started sponsoring kids' night every Thursday, bringing in magicians and a crowd favorite, Trevrep the Clown. It also had begun to offer a 99-cent meal for children on weekdays and all day on weekends. None of that did anything for profit margins though-in fact, they lost their ass, er, shirts; it was merely an attempt to boost total customer counts closer to that magic range of 6,000 to 7,000.
The exit of the old girl still leaves Golden Pond with at least one cafeteria chain: P&U. P&U has six locations. Holden Caulfield, district manager for those P&U outlets, said the one at Salinger Mall in Sleepy Hollow gets the most business of all of them. The typical crowd there ranges in age from 55 to 105, also most of the clientele for Davis and Sisters.
Some such customers squinted long and hard at the sign on the locked front door Monday, seeming unable to comprehend the note of finality posted in the name of Mustapha Mond, senior vice president of operations and administration: "We do this with regrets and sad hearts." He bid all the faithful "an affectionate farewell and adieu!"
Written by Natty Bumppo for the Golden Pond Gazette. All rights reserved. Copywright September 20, 2006; Fennimore Cooper Inc.
P.S. In keeping with tonite's theme, the youtube song for yer listening pleasure is:
Thursday, September 21, 2006
"Hoots, Dialogue, and Lester"
Me and my buddy, hoots, of hootsbuddy's place have been having a dialogue allah the Democrats on his blog, the aforementioned. Because I spent an exhaustive 30 minutes writing a reply to the hootster, the rest of my time that I had reserved for Golden Pond is kaput, fini.' So the proprietor of this page is including our discourse in case you missed it for a fun-filled foray into dialoguedom:
You Tube notes
The president on Global Warming. (Thanks, Cat!)
Also, Peter's Telling it all, Part 20 is up.
posted by Hoots @ 8:11 AM
3 Comments:
After doing a google search looking "for sample and hold," an old song by Neil Young, he of "Let's Impeach the President" fame. Google listed youtube. The video was awesome, but when returning to view it again, it had been removed. Because I [ evidently ] had violated the terms and agreements of youtube.
It's my favorite new toy. I noticed afterwards that you have it listed on H.P. Watching the Supremes on the "Ed Sullivan Shew;" watching vintage clips of the Fab 4; Elvis; Vanilla Fudge; etc.
Btw, Lester Maddox once ate with me at Hell Whole one Sunday afternoon.. He was Mr. Personality. Ebullient for lack of a better word. I was afraid to be too gracious, because of his past transgressions. He of the Pickrick restaurant and ax handles fame.
However, as Guvner seems he appointed many blacks to positions which was unprecedented at the time. Or so the spin goes from back in the day. Bush appoints Condi Rice as Secretary of State, but she's an uncle tom. You don't see much of a diversity with democrats, ergo John Kerry and the like. Their staff appear to be lily-white, er, caucasion.
And as Neal Boortz likes to say: "Jimmy Carter never met a dictator he didn't like."
Because H.P. is somewhat of a liberal forum, perhaps my comments will be misconstrued.
c'est la vie, v.c.
By vietnamcatfish, at 7:23 PM
Don't worry about it, Cat. This is more a soapbox than a forum anyway. A forum requires participation by a group, and this blog seems to be a place where I pontificate and others just roll their eyes and keep moving. Very few comments.
As for Gov. Maddox, he and Ms. Virginia were among my regulars for several years. I could tell you lots of stories, but this is not the best place for that. I can say two things about Lester Maddox. First, he was absolutely crippled by grief when Virginia died. He came alone to eat and sometimes would cry just remembering their times together. Second, until the end he always dressed and behaved as though he were running for office. He couldn't help it. If he was in the building longer than five minutes everyone knew he was there, and a good many mistakenly thought he was the owner.
You're right about the appointment of blacks during his administration. One of the little-known pieces of American trivia. Some Georgians may also remember that he and a former black employee from the Governor's Mansion got together briefly for an entertainment act called The Governor and the Dishwasher. I think one of them played a harmonica or something.
By Hoots, at 9:49 PM
Sure enough, someone has written Lester Maddox a very good article in Wikipedia. Check it out. And yes, the dishwasher was named Bobby Lee Sears.
By Hoots, at 9:56 PM
vietnamcatfish said...
Hoots, I was just trying to stir the pot a bit. Get some dialogue going. Allah the dems.
I remember as a kid how Lester Maddox would run for office and get slaughtered. But eeked out a win due to the rules of the legislature. Seems that no longer applies today.
Wasn't Pickrik known for its chicken livers as well as its chicken?
Back in '64 my sub-freshman class [ no middle school back in those dinosaur days of yore ] was the first class of mega integration in the high schools. It was an adjustment time for everyone involved.
We, the caucasions, were proudly boasting to the african americans that Barry Goldwater was gonna clean Lyndon Johnson's clock. It was a sad day after the election, because the clock cleansing was vice-versa. LBJ won in a landslide.
I remember, too, that the slow-drawling president rode down the streets of Atlanta [ circa '64 as well ] in his bullet proof limo waving to the crowd, of which I was a member. Methinks the school system was let out for the day, so we could see Hizzoner.
Your Oprah foray today didn't mention LBJ amongst the woebegone presidents: Nixon, Reagen, Bush 1, Bush 2, Hoover, not sure what he meant by Harry Truman. SOS. Same old [ tired ] shtick.
Old Lyndon had had enough by the end of his first term. What'd he say? " I shall not seek, and I will not accept, the nomination of my party for another term as your President.
It seems to me that fate decides these things. If Nixon had not debated JFK in '60; if Bush 2 had not won the 2000 election; if FDR had lived and Harry Truman had not become president; etc., the world as we know it today would be decidedly different.
Who's scripting this stuff, eh?
In closing, where's the dialogue? Dems get with it! Sincerely, Cat
P.S. That be it. Perhaps we can salvage a real dem's response, but the cat is not holding his breath. Tonight's song from youtube is from Sly and the Family Stone. Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
"The Return of Cajun Balls Au Vin"
Me old buddy, the enigmatic cajun balls au vin, called me tonite. Always good to hear from the boy. He still works for a cafeteria chain, for whom the bell once toiled for me, which will remain nameless.
We talked shop, and I asked him how the troops were doing. Seems two of the stores in the metro area had been hit by the health department. One store scored an 80 on the initial visit, and when they returned for a re-inspection, seems they got a 67 for their efforts. The other store's score was so bad they wouldn't divulge the score to cajunballs.
Damn, I hate that!
C.B. also raved about the Saints being 2-0 and meeting the Atlanta Falcons [ 2-0 ] this upcoming Monday night. The first game played in the Superdome since Katrina.
C.B. also headed to Auburn this past Saturday to see his Tigers play the, er, Tigers. Unfortunately for C.B. the game was a defensive slugfest with LS and U getting the short end of the stick. [ pun unintended ]
Me and cajun balls will always be buddies. We lived and breathed the horrors of Hell Whole for many years together. It was nice hearing from the boy.
Dem cajuns will eat anything, eh? v.c.
P.S. And as Edward Morris would say: "Dem thing's nasty."
P.S.S. Click here for tonite's song!
Monday, September 18, 2006
"Manager of the Damned"
I've got the premise down for my new situation comedy circa 2006. Zany madcap antics abound at the workplace of our anti-hero. His name is v.c. He has the obligation and responsibility of managing 40 or so passive-aggressive team members. v.c.'s boss gives him grief. As well as Human Resources; the landlords; the government beauracracy; the guests/customers; etc. The situations are limitless. But I need a title. Here are some of the proposed ones for my new comedy:
1) Leave It To Micro Manager
2) Bewitched Lard Ass
3) Twilight Moan
4) Saturday Night Five ( Plus Two )
5) I Was A Teenage Lard Ass Micro Manager
6) No One In The Room Makes Minimum Wage
7) Sound of Muzac
8) 900 Minutes [ apologies to 60 Minutes ]
9) Handwriting/Headwringing on the Wall
10) Manager of the Damned
There you have it, v.c. Click here
P.S. Please vote for only one!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Archived: February, 2003
Some proposed and rejected names for the new situation comedy currently being written by yours truly, v.c. on golden pond.
1) The vietnamcatfish Show. Starts out on the pond. v.c., the title character has his fishing pole. His son, Opus, is walking with him. Opus is throwing rocks. Background music. Melodic whistler. Doo doo doot doo de doot doot doo de doot doot.... Engaging characters abound in Raybradbury, N.C. Opus the drunk. < no relation to small fry, vc's son >; Aunt Pee, who has urinary problems. < Depends hadn't been invented. Story line 1969 >; Barney Rife, who has a single bullet and body odor. Situations abound in this madcap premise.
2) Cleverly Wilbury's: Title character Red is shooting at some food, when up through the ground come a bubbling crude. His nephew, Deathrow Bovine, proudly plays a 3rd grade graduate, in trouble with the law. Mr. Clydesdale plays the banker. Music by Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, and Bob Dylan.
Title song: Last G.M. Produced by Lynne.
3) Father Knows Guests. Situational comedy at a cafeteria. G.M. knows the cravings of his guests. Balks when told by the savvy marketing team to run smokeyard bbq, terrormisu cakes, and Italian cuisine. Alternate titles: Father Knows Crest. Title character is a dentist, who loves to do root canals; Father Knows Ness. Takes place in prohibition days. Background voice-Walter Mitty; Father Knows Vests: G.Q. G.M. who dresses sharp. Never gets dirty. And wears a white glove to check for dust and grime; Father Knows West: Title character moves to California to open a new dining experience; and Father Knows Rest All of the above have potent situational possibilities.
4) Billabong's Island: Hijinks on the Hi-C's. A 3 hour tour. The hootster and his wife, the millionaire with his golden parachute, the professor and Mary Ann are here on Billabong's Isle.
5) I Dream of Weinees: Astronaut goes into space, finds a magic lamp, and when he returns, opens a restaurant serving Oscar Meyer weiners. Patterned after "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
6) Leave It To Bereaver: When G.M.'s long time friends keep leaving the team, the situational comedy team, the Bereaver < title character > quits the biz and becomes a freelance writer.*
Rejected: Too depressing.
7) Last Mango in Paris < Texas > Another food service theme. To star Marlon Brando in a reprisal role from the movie. Pilot Episode. Marlon buys too much oleomargarine. Doesn't know what to do with it. But then he has a brilliant idea.
8) Eight Is Enough: To gain a niche in the food service industry, a restaurant offers eight salads, eight meats, eight veggies, eight breads, eight desserts, eight types of butter, 8 types of crackers, etc. Motto: Eight Is Enough!
9) Saturday Night Wive: G.M. sees wife only on Saturday. She works days; he works days and nights.* Rejected. Once again, too depressing.
10) Catfish: Stars Abe Vigoda in the title role, provided he's still alive.
1) The vietnamcatfish Show. Starts out on the pond. v.c., the title character has his fishing pole. His son, Opus, is walking with him. Opus is throwing rocks. Background music. Melodic whistler. Doo doo doot doo de doot doot doo de doot doot.... Engaging characters abound in Raybradbury, N.C. Opus the drunk. < no relation to small fry, vc's son >; Aunt Pee, who has urinary problems. < Depends hadn't been invented. Story line 1969 >; Barney Rife, who has a single bullet and body odor. Situations abound in this madcap premise.
2) Cleverly Wilbury's: Title character Red is shooting at some food, when up through the ground come a bubbling crude. His nephew, Deathrow Bovine, proudly plays a 3rd grade graduate, in trouble with the law. Mr. Clydesdale plays the banker. Music by Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, and Bob Dylan.
Title song: Last G.M. Produced by Lynne.
3) Father Knows Guests. Situational comedy at a cafeteria. G.M. knows the cravings of his guests. Balks when told by the savvy marketing team to run smokeyard bbq, terrormisu cakes, and Italian cuisine. Alternate titles: Father Knows Crest. Title character is a dentist, who loves to do root canals; Father Knows Ness. Takes place in prohibition days. Background voice-Walter Mitty; Father Knows Vests: G.Q. G.M. who dresses sharp. Never gets dirty. And wears a white glove to check for dust and grime; Father Knows West: Title character moves to California to open a new dining experience; and Father Knows Rest
4) Billabong's Island: Hijinks on the Hi-C's. A 3 hour tour. The hootster and his wife, the millionaire with his golden parachute, the professor and Mary Ann are here on Billabong's Isle.
5) I Dream of Weinees: Astronaut goes into space, finds a magic lamp, and when he returns, opens a restaurant serving Oscar Meyer weiners. Patterned after "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
6) Leave It To Bereaver: When G.M.'s long time friends keep leaving the team, the situational comedy team, the Bereaver < title character > quits the biz and becomes a freelance writer.*
Rejected: Too depressing.
7) Last Mango in Paris < Texas > Another food service theme. To star Marlon Brando in a reprisal role from the movie. Pilot Episode. Marlon buys too much oleomargarine. Doesn't know what to do with it. But then he has a brilliant idea.
8) Eight Is Enough: To gain a niche in the food service industry, a restaurant offers eight salads, eight meats, eight veggies, eight breads, eight desserts, eight types of butter, 8 types of crackers, etc. Motto: Eight Is Enough!
9) Saturday Night Wive: G.M. sees wife only on Saturday. She works days; he works days and nights.* Rejected. Once again, too depressing.
10) Catfish: Stars Abe Vigoda in the title role, provided he's still alive.
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