"Lavender-Ooh La La"

As mentioned in an earlier foray, going to the store for someone else is always a challenge. Especially when it's your mother, and especially if she's "old and decrepit" ( her words not mine ) and 85 years young.

Thanksgiving is this week, so another trip to the grocery store was in order. Mom wanted to make some cranberry sauce and had found the recipe via the Food Network and the Barefoot Contessa. The main ingredients called for fresh cranberries, walnuts, and an orange.

"I want a navel orange, but whatever you do, it can't be from Florida. It must be from California," she said to me as I perused her list, which was laced with very specific instructions according to brand names, sizes, and aisle placements.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because Florida navel oranges aren't as juicy and have less zest."

"Sounds reasonable," I said.

The next item on her list was carrots with green bunches emanating from the ends. As opposed to carrots, wilted, with brown stems attached. There was no mention of their geographic location-just that they could be found somewhere in the produce section- which was a good sign.

Next on the list was "Secret" the deodorant; which had to be a clear gel and the "ooh la-la lavender fragrance."

"It has to be ooh la la," I asked?

"Yes, do not get:

'au revoir to you too, chrysanthemum fragrance!';

'it is what it is, chartreuse scented!';

'eww de Toilette, with a hint of aquamarine!'

'you are what you smell, with a dash of boudoir aroma!'

None of those will do! It has to be lavender ooh la la!"

"Gotcha," I said making a mental note.

Continuing along with the list. Walnuts: must be in a can and not in a package. A discerning palate no doubt, buoyed from many years of savoir faire.

7 fresh sweet potatoes. Go to Kroger and not to Publix or Piggly Wiggly, because Kroger has the best and freshest. "There will be rows and rows of them as you walk into the store. Those are the ones I want!" Nothing like crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's.

Continuing: Hellmann's mayonnaise. Hellmann's is the best. Kraft, sorry-no can do. "Please don't get the squeeze bottle ( like you did last time ) because I'm old and decrepit."

6 yogurt. 2 blueberry mountaintop; 2 apricot rainforest; and 2 Caribbean banana plantation. Highlighted and in exclamation were these instructions: "Whatever you do, don't get cherry yogurt. You may like cherry-I don't like cherry." Nuff said-no more cherry.

Then there were the raisins: Sunmaid, of course, but golden and not the black ones.

And, last but not least a 2.6 lb. whole fryer with a + or - factor of 2 ozs.

That was the list. I was prepared. More than prepared. I felt like I could part the Allatoona; bend steel with my bare hands; and catch a fly with chopsticks. Nothing like going to the store for someone else. But it's my pleasure when it's your mom, even if she thinks she's old and decrepit.