"New Bedtime Story"

"Tell us a bed-time story, gramps."

"Now, wait a minute. I have told you rowdy grandkids never to call me gramps. You know I prefer to be called grandfather vee."

"Sorry, gram..., er, grandfathger vee. Tell us a story, puhleeze. Yeh, one about the food biz."

"Now don't get me started. If there's any thing your grandfather vee hates is any mention of that term."

"Why is that?"

"It exploits the working class and serves crappy food."

"What does exploit mean?"

"It means you pay people a low salary, and they can never pull themselves up by the boot straps."

"But ain't, er, it's not their fault, is it? Don't people have choices in their lives, and don't they screw up and make some really bad decisions?"

"Ok. Who switched my 6 year old grand kids? Who are you kids? Aliens?"

"We're not aliens from another planet-not even extraterrestial carrots-; we've just been watching the Democratic debates between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton."

"That reminds your grandfather vee. Where in the hell is my check?

"What check, granm..., er, grandfather vee?"

"My economic stimulant recovery check. I wonder if I'll get $600 or the minimum, $300."

"What kind of check is that?"

"With fuel costs spiraling out of control and the economy heading for a recession, the powers-that-be decided to give everyone in the good old U.S. of A. a bit of chump change, er, cash to go out and spend. In hopes of revving up the economy."

"What are you gonna do with the money? Will you take us to 6 Flags or Disney World?"

"With gas heading to $4.00 a gallon, we better stay home. And play games like Monopoly, Spades, or Charades."

"We wanta go to Disney World. We've never heard of those games, anyhoo. Subversive they sound. Yes, they do."

"Look, when I was your age, we didn't have computers and theme parks and video games. And, believe it or not, gas was only 25 cents a gallon. Even cigarettes. Even a quart of oil."

"Huh? What happened to our grandfather? An alien has abducted his body allah invasion of the body snatchers. He's talking nonsense, this alien abductor is."

"Now, kids, it's still your grandfather vee. It's hard to believe, but it's true. Yep. And cokes were a nickel. And candy bars. too. Except, of course, a 'Chunky' was 10 cents. Must have been the nuts and raisins that made it cost so much. And it wasn't even that big."

"Are you pulling our leg? Yes, that's it. Petrol was never less than $2 per gallon."

"Kids, I have warned you for the last time. No more Hillary-Barama debates for you. You will listen to your fairy tales from me only."

"We're getting sleepy, grandfather vee."

"Close those little eyes, you rowdy kids. Tomorrow I'll take you to Mickey D's and get you all a happy meal."

"Imagine gas for only a quarter. What a jokester, our grandfather vee! Yawn. And candy for a nickel? Who'd a thunk it? Yawn...."