Wednesday, April 02, 2008

"April Fools Day" or "Omnipotent, Omniscious, and Omnipresent"



The catfish, aka yours truly, went the whole day without anyone playing an "A.F.J." on me. Damn, I must be loved.

It was a hellacious day, per usual, in the exciting world of food bizdom. God, in his infinite wisdom, must have a weird sense of humor. Because he deemed me-and other poor Joes-a life of servitude in well, uh, foodbizdom.

As Ethel Merman once bellowed: "There's no bizdom like food bizdom. And, alas, there will be no youtube video to substantiate the claim.

There are other shitty jobs, I know. Driving a rig through hazardous terrain such as the interstates; selling insurance to friends, relatives, and even strangers; teaching rowdy kids in grades 1-12; and fighting in wars via the military. All jobs have their downside. And if you have a boss, it's much worse.

And if you are the boss, you have all these hysterical minions wanting and demanding this and that.

Per example:

I need a raise!

I told you I can't work on Sundays.

I told you I can't work on Saturdays.

I don't want to wear a patch-what do you mean I can't smoke on these hallowed grounds known as my job site.

I told you I can't work at night.

My grandmother died, thus, I invoke the "family rights act" privilege, er, right.

I will sic the ACLU on your sorry ass.

I will sic the NAACP on your sorry demented ass.

What do you mean I have to work on Yom Kippur?

Where's the Holy Water? We don't have none?

Nobody told me it was "Daylite Savings Time?"

I sprung backward-not forward-sorry.

What do you mean I can't ogle her ass?

I must leave early in order to retrieve my Viagra prescription.

Why can't they pump Ethel Merman through the muzak?

You're fired.

Another April Fools Day" has come and gone. Fall backward and spring forward, v.c.

P.S. Not a single "A.F.D." joke played on yours truly today. Where's the love? Wassup?

P.S.S. Come as you are? Eh?
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