"Gigi"

 

There appears to be a scourge of some sort inhabiting the planet as we speak, as humans every where are encountering runny noses and congestion. Yes, it's the dreaded afflictions known as hayfever or allergies. Most of the world will complain and whine incessantly for the next 6 months with suckulent tidbits like the following:

"I have allergies."

"You, too?"

"I feel like shit!"

"You, too."

"I'm taking allergy shots."

"Me, too!"

"Don't you hate the pollen. Wish it would rain!"

"I have the worst allergies ever recorded in human history."

"I'm taking monocyclate 69, which Dr. Dru prescribed."

"Is that good? I've heard of it but never tried it."

My response to all this jibber jabber is "Shut the fuck up, will you! Me and the rest of the human race could give a flying fuck if your nose falls off after repeated blowings. And you're the same ones who say, "It's not the heat; it's the humidity!" You know you do!

The Einstein who coined that phrase should be pistol whipped and made to suffer an intimate and interminable encounter with chinese water torture for the next 10 years.

And to those morons who tell me their kids are graduating from Duke, or going to Harvard Law School, or are receiving a football scholarship to Truck U. Puhleeze shut the fuck up.

I would rather you tell me the truth. That your Johnny is a nimwit and has no career plans. Or that your Daphne is a High School Republican who has been ostracized by the rest of the student body and faculty. And that your Billy is considering joining the Hare Krishna movement. Or that your Peggy wants to ride the back of a garbage truck so she can empathize with the poor. This would be more honest and appreciated.

Somewhere along the line I lost my place. Tonite's foray was supposed to be about the best picture of 1958, "Gigi." A movie I have never seen, and yet I think of myself as being well-versed in the celluloid arena.

If anyone in the viewing public has ever seen this flick, please let me know if it's worth two hours of my time. It appears that Leslie Caron is the star. Magnifique, eh? I saw her once in "Father Goose" with Cary Grant. A great movie! And as one wise sage once put it: "They don't make 'em like they used to."

In closing, please remember to shut the fuck up when it comes to your allergies this spring. And don't showboat about your kids. Because...nobody gives a shit. Your irreverent host feels like this is a good stopping place, so he will sign off with:

Gimme shelter, v.c.

P.S. Gigi has a ring to it, eh. I wonder if anyone with that moniker is viewing "The Pond."

P.S.S. Tonite's foray [ and maybe I'm tooting my horn ] was written with a quickness sans writer's block. It's a good feeling when you can get on a roll. Where's the beef, er, butter?

P.S.S.S. And your bird can sing! Shut the fuck up!