"Prissy"

My foray into the infantile last night smacked of prissy. And, normally, when you think of prissy, you think of women. But when you stop and think about it, there's a lot of guys who are prissy, regardless of their gender leanings.

No, prissy can be an equal opportunity offender. And, last night, the catfish was indeed prissy. Don't overuse the word "I" in writing, which was my argument, but it was me being prissy. And acting as if my ship didn't sink.

We've all heard the phrase "his ship don't sink." Or something to that effect. "I put my pants on one leg at a time just like he does."

Today is Veteran's Day as we change gears here on the Pond. So a shout out to all those men and women who have served in the armed forces. Today most service people are revered and are thanked for their efforts, but that wasn't always the case, especially for those returning from duty in Vietnam.

My dad served in the navy during World War II. And met my mom while he was stationed in Charleston, South Carolina. Or so the story goes. And as a result of that union, Olga and yours truly were born. And life as we know it will never be the same.

So I was being prissy last night. Whatever, eh? And a hearty thanks to all on Veteran's Day!

P.S. Tonight's video which coincidentally goes with tonight's foray is ent5itled "Prissy Miss Lizzy," er, "Dizzy Miss Prissy," er, "Prissy Miss Prissy," er, whatever!

"I, Me, Mine"

Believe it or not, the proprietor of this blog fancies himself as somewhat of a writer, who can get on a roll and churn 'em out faster than a fruit fly laying eggs on a banana or plantain. So when perusing other people's stuff the aforementioned wants to offer some advice ( constructive criticism ) to those who write in the blogosphere: too many I's spoil the broth or too many cooks in the kitchen....ditto. So please refrain from using "I."

An example:

I woke up this morning, and I had a cup of coffee, heavy on the caffeine. I looked out the window, and I noticed the world was still there. I realized that the bacon was a'sizzlin' in the frying pan, and I smelled the distinct odor that was being exuded.

After I exhaled the exuded odor and I munched on said breakfast item, I quickly buttered my toast. I use unsalted butter these days cos I have high blood pressure, and I read somewhere where unsalted butter is better than regular butter, and I'm not sure if margarine is quite up to par.

Because I'm a single mom and/or dad, I had to get l'il Suzy ready for school. I don't know why but I believe all school buses are yellow. So I got her ready-l'il Suzy, that is-and I reminded her to bring her homework with her. "Don't use that 'my dog ate my homework' excuse, cos I will not tolerate it."

Exhibit B: I love myself. I love fried green tomatoes. I like morning runs. I like snow covered mountains. I like Dove soap. I like all types of music-well, maybe I don't like rap. I like to snuggle cos I'm a woman. I like to be by myself cos I'm a man. I like Schlitz and Old Milwaukee. I love champagne and strawberries dipped in chocolate. I love to take pictures, and did I ever tell you, I love myself. Oh, yeah, first sentence in this paragraph.

So when writing if you don't want to turn me off from the git-go, please refrain from the I's. And remember to cross all your t's. And i before e except after c.

So the ayes have it?

"Blue Monday" ( A rehash from yesteryear )

The pinto was in full stride zooming down the countryside ( on my way to work ) when the news blurb mentioned that January 21 is the most depressing day of the year. I swilled a sip of my Folgers coffee, heavy on the caffeine, and attempted to digest this bit of news.

Why Monday, January 21? The 'experts" or whoever it was who had too much time on his hands, decided to wit: 1) number of days since Christmas; 2) credit card bills are pouring in from overspending via the holidays; 3) it's cold as hell unless you live in or subscribe to a land of global warming; 4) failed New Year's resolutions; 5) and just plain old low motivation.

I had another sip of the mountain-grown stuff as visions of Mrs. Olson quickly and thankfully subsided. Because a malaise pervades my inner spirit, the days are all the same to me anyway. But as I sit here peckin' away, I now realize that this was a particularly shitty day. ( pardon my french, s'il vous plait ) Later on towards midnite it got better, but there was no pep in my step for the most part.

New Year's Resolutions? Sorry, I didn't make any and never have. But if I were to dabble in shaping my inevitable future, perhaps my goals and resolutions would/should be:

1) To save the world....from itself.

2) Develop a new fuel source. Luckily, most of youse don't buy petrol known as diesel. Just saw it at the pump for $3.57 purr, er, per gallon. Ouch!

3) Produce a new sequel of "Jaws" the movie. One which would rival the original. "Jaws 2" is curently on the boob tube directed by Jeannot Szwarc. ( sp ) Don't know how that useless fact got lodged in the brain cells, but it's there. For better or for worse. Just like in marriage, eh?

4) Write a novel which sets the N.Y. Times Best Seller list on FIRE. "Great piece of work from this 50ish new author, who had been relegating his dubious talents in the wonderful world of food bizdom. You can give this book to any and all of your friends/family any day of the year ( January 21, notwithstanding ) ," says Bennett Cerf of Random House.

"I am impressed with this erstwhile food bizdom guy. I picked up his new book, 'Forays into the Infantile' and couldn't put it down. I am eagerly a'waiting to ketchup ( food pun....ha ha ) on all his earlier G.P. tales via blogspot," says Rex Reed of the L.A. Times.

5) Eradicate the landscape of all fast food restaurants. Nuff said.

6) Develop a strategy in which customers who stand in line to buy something-anything-must not take precious time away from the poor slobs behind them. Women: no looting in your vast wasteland of a pocketbook to find your last penny. Men: keep your hands outta your pants, unless you need to maneuver a discreet shift. Take the damn change and GO. "I gotta penny....somewhere-hold on"-should be outlawed. And that person should immediately proceed to jail, allah Monopoly. And fine 'em $200.00 for starters.

7) While we're on the subject, never order your food at any fast food joint by saying, "I needa burger, I needa fries; and I needa ketchup." Let's pretend Anita [ INeeda ] quit the job so order by saying, "I would like" or "gimme." Or any facsimile, thereof.

8) Write Slippery, Rockhead, bbq, pictruandtru, to see if they've fallen off the map.

9) Design a game plan for the N.Y. Giants in their quest to win the Super Bowl Thus, ending New England's dream of a perfect season: 19 and 0!

10) And maybe....start working-out; quit smoking; and limit the amount of times my hands are discreetly in me pockets.

Yeah, January 21 was a dreary kind of day. Yes, I was a victim. The good part? It's now January 22nd here on G.P. and I'm feeling much better.

Farewell and adieu time, v.c.

"Go Braves"

The Braves are in the playoffs-the first time since 2005. We are limping in, but perhaps the 3 day rest will do us some good.

My prediction: Braves will win this playoff series. And move on to the next round.

I would love to go to Game 3 on Sunday. Perhaps I'll see you there.

Other predictions: Texas over Tampa Bay.

Minnesota over New York Yankees-to hell with Mariano Rivera.

And Philadelphia over Cincinnati.

"Same Time Next Year"

It may not be "Casablanca," "Citizen Kane," or"Gone With the Wind" but it's one of my favorite movies. Maybe because there is a Casablanca type sequence and perhaps because they show a clip of Perry Mason, my favorite tv show of all time.

P.S. Methinks I saw it at the drive-in circa 1979 on a double bill as the second feature. What a treat because for the most part the second feature was always a bomb.

"John Lennon"

It's hard to believe that John Lennon would be 70 years old in October. Where did the time go?

Recently I saw where Mark David Chapman,the maniacal madman who killed John, had also targeted Johnny Carson and Elizabeth Taylor. But John was more accessible.

In observance of his birthday a new 11 box cd is out. Here are the details:

The John Lennon Signature Box

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The John Lennon Signature Box is a deluxe 11CD and digital collection of John's eight remastered albums, a disc of rare and previously unreleased recordings, and an EP of Lennon's non-album singles.

The CDs will be housed in digisleeves within a deluxe box including a collectible limited edition John Lennon 70th birthday art print, personal essays from Yoko Ono, Sean Lennon and Julian Lennon written especially for the collection, plus a 60 page hardbound book featuring rare photos, artwork, collages, poetry, and new liner notes by respected American music journalist and author Anthony DeCurtis.

Fans buying the Signature Box will also have access to premium interactive content in the immersive John Lennon 'Universe'. Further details to follow.

"VH-1's Top 100 Artists of all Time"

I watched some of the 4 hour show which featured the top 100 artists of all time. They were voted on by 200 artists which included Ozzy Osbourne ( no relation ); Alicia Keyes; and others I can't remember as of this writing.

I was more interested in seeing who would be number 1. Of course, I knew it would be between Michael Jackson, whose recent death would give him a big boost, and the Fab 4 from Liverpool. If you have ever read my column, then you know who I was pulling for.

The Beatles burst onto the scene in the USA in 1964. Life as we knew it-and particularly mine-would never be the same.

Who won the contest? The winner is shown below in a video from youtube.

"For the Love of the Game"

I have always loved baseball. Loved playing and loved watching.

In high school we played home run derby on the tennis court at Fulton High School, my old alma mater. You only needed 4 players-2 on each side. A pitcher and a fielder.

What games we had, some memorable. A ball that hit the fence on the ground was a single; a ball that was misplayed by the fielder was an error; and a ball that hit the fence was a home run; but a ball hit over the fence was an out. And slowed up the game because we had to look for the ball. If there was water on the court, our rubber ball could be a potentially deadly missile when it was stroked.

And I played home run derby with my friend Steve W. whose front yard yielded many enjoyable games, some marked with tension and drama. Our game was played with plastic balls and bats, both full of tape to add weight. A ball hit halfway across the street was a single, and a ball hit into the neighbor's yard across the street was a home run. Me and Steve, even well into our teens, loved playing our little game.

And I have enjoyed watching professional baseball on tv and in person. Once in L.A. when my sister, mother and me were on a 3 day vacation, circa 1962, we went to Knotts Berry Farm and Disneyland among other places, but a quick glance at the local newspaper heralded the arrival of the N.Y. Yankees for a weekend series with the L.A. Angels. Roger Maris, Whitey Ford, Yogi Berra, and the Mick were gonna be in town. How I would have loved to see the men in pinstripes, but, alas, it wasn't meant to be. And whatever happened to Elston Howard, Gil McDougal and Bill Skowron?

And I will never forget seeing Willie Mays patrolling center field in 1966 in Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium; and Sandy Koufax and the Dodgers being beaten in that same year on a home run by Eddie Mathews in the bottom of the ninth. 50,000 delirious fans, of which some left because of the one hour rain delay, went bananas. Sandy didn't lose many games that year, but he lost 2-1 on this night. Sadly, 1966 was his last year.

I've watched the Braves since '66. When they resided in the outhouse, and when they ascended to the penthouse ( 1991 ). From Rico Carty to Hank Aaron to Biff Poccaroba to John Smoltz, Tom Glavine and Chipper Jones to Troy Glaus, Rick Ankiel, and Omar Infante I've been there.

Yep, I'm a baseball fan. Have always loved to play the game and to watch.

"Woman Goes into a Rage over McNuggets"

This is good stuff. Another great story from the food biz.

"Ten Creepy Ads from Yesterday"

This site is cool. Many things to choose from.

 

 

"You Can't Beat the Axis If You Get V.D."

 

"Limbaugh on Steinbrenner"

"That cracker made a lot of African-American millionaires," the radio commentator said Tuesday on his show after the New York Yankees owner died at age 80. "He fired a bunch of white guys as managers left and right."



Needless to say a lot of people are upset. Duh, what was he thinking?

"Mr. Trivia"

Just call me Mr. trivia. I know J.C. Flippen, Andrew Duggan, Ward Bond, and that Vitto Scotti was in a Rock Hudson movie entitled "Blindfold."

With that being said I went to "Big Daddy's," a local suds and brew here on golden pond, for adult trivia night.

I knew the first three answers:

17 is the age that most girls lose their virginity. ( simply a guess on my part-I think I was 25-or was it 30-for me ).

Opium was the reason for a war between China and some other country in the 1800's.

Can't remember the 3rd question but I aced it.

You also got bonus points if you knew the song ( actually the artist ) that was being played with each question.

That was the rub....for me. No Beatles, Stones, Lloyd Price, Spooky Tooth, Vanilla Fudge, Cream-not even Mott the Hoople.

I did know two of the songs. Kiss and Guns N Roses. 2 outta twenty is pathetic for Mr. Trivia.

Maybe next time Vitto Scotti will be the answer, or perhaps I should try being blindfolded!

P.S. No Byrds either!

Hall and Oates

 

"Al Gore Invented the Internet....and Groped A Massage Therapist....Allegedly"

A close friend of a Portland massage therapist who accused former Vice President Al Gore of groping her says the therapist told her soon after the 2006 encounter that she'd been violated and assaulted by "someone in the higher ups."

Poor Al seems to be joining the list of men who have cheated on their wives. Welcome to the club: Jesse James; Tiger Woods; Bill Clinton; et al.

P.S. Did anyone notice the long introductions to Hall and Oates' songs.

Florida If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.

I’m Under Arrest for What? Fifty Bizarre U.S. Laws

llinois
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago).

Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.

Indiana
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415.

Iowa
One-armed piano players must perform for free.

The list goes on and on....

"Ketchup"

The Atlanta Braves are in first place. Shades of yesteryear. From 91 to 2005 the Bravos won 14 straight division titles. Only one World Championship, so Bobby Cox, our manager, catches all kinds of flack from the fan base. Bobby is retiring at the end of the year, so it would be great to see him go out a winner via the World Series.

John Wooden passed away yesterday at the ripe old age of 99. And whatever happened to Bill Walton?

Tipper and Al Gore have decided to separate after 40 years of wedded bliss. No affairs have been chronicled ( as of yet ) but Tipper has been depressed. The official decree is they just drifted apart.

The oil spill in the gulf can't be stopped. And "drill, baby. drill" has probably been tabled for a long time. The ecosystem has taken a hit as well as the cities on the coast and its citizens.

Daniel Craig, the latest James Bond, was seen allegedly making out with his male friend outside a gay club in California. Shades of Rock Hudson, a heartthrob of the 50's, 60's, and 70's. The Craig rumor was reported by the National Enquirer so....

President Obama is catching hell. Especially from the citizens of Louisiana. And from the right wing factions of our country. But he still finds time to entertain Paul McCartney ( my boyhood idol ); and to encourage Lebron James to come to Chicago [ Bulls ].

Armando Galarraga pitched a perfect no hitter, but Jim Joyce, the 1st base umpire blew the last out of the game by calling the batter/runner safe at 1st base, and all hell broke loose. Calls for more instant replay became blogger fodder, along with every sports commentator in the world. Not sure if President Obama weighed in on this one or not.

I wrote "Going to my Grandma's" and somehow erased it. At the last second before posting. The writer has not been inspired to recreate it at the present time.

The Beach Boys ( or what's left of the original band ) played at the Ted after the Braves game on Memorial Day. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to go with me. The appeal of the "all you can eat" tickets were especially appealing. Even tho you have only until the 7th inning to gorge yourself on hot dogs, nachos, hamburgers, sodas, and the like.

I'm still unemployed but have been enjoying staying at home with no deadlines and no passive aggressive types to deal with. "You can't take it with you" is my motto.

Ketchup. And buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks; I don't care if I never go back.

"Going to my Grandma's"

"No More Happy Meals"

I personally think this is a joke. 1 out of 4 kids in this sleepy hamlet are overweight, so the government steps in and outlaws toys at restaurants aka fast food emporiums.

I also think that fast food is crappola. But for the government to step in is ridiculous.

Vatican finally over Beatles' 'Bigger than Jesus' claim

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Vatican has finally made peace with the Beatles, saying their drug use, "dissolute" lives and even the claim that the band was bigger than Jesus are all in the past — while their music lives on.