"Another 'Dear Cat'"

 

"The World According to v.c."
Dear Cat: I have read your column for years and have noticed your affinity for believing "the world has gone mad." What evidence purports your claim? And do you believe the only sane people are those housed in asylums?

Signed: Purporting to be one who flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Dear Cuckoo: First let me applaud your choice of words: purport. Not many denizens of this world ( or any other, for that matter ) would use purport in everyday conversation. Especially using it in a query to a lovelorn column, such as this one.
But for evidence that you deem necessary, just click on the link: grills by Paul Wall. I report; you purport. Thanks for the query!

Dear Cat: Will you consider voting for Hillary Clinton as our next President of these United States? If not, would you ever vote for a woman?

Signed: China Girl

Dear China Girl: Just you shut your mouth! Apologies to David Bowie. I would NEVER vote for Hillary. And I would NEVER vote for a woman. Why? Women are either too hot or too cold. They all suffer from inferiority complexes, i.e. does this dress make my butt look too big? ( the only answer is "no, darling." ) Women whine incessantly. And they become mean-spirited and highly opinionated as they get older. My thesis is purportedly politically incorrect. But I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Dear Cat: I see where Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are going to court. To dissolve their marriage. Some say she will receive at least 50 million to untie the knot. Poor Heather has been villified by the press, and not since John began dating Yoko Ono has there been so much hate directed towards one woman, Hillary notwithstanding. Because you are a big fan of the Fab 4, what's your take on this delicate situation?

Signed: Love is a battlefield-apology to Pat Benatar.

Dear Love is all you need. See my answer to China Girl's query. Nuff said.

Dear Cat: What's tonite's video from youtube? I will go out on a limb and predict it to be a tune mentioned in tonite's lovelorn column? Am I right?

Signed: You will have no female readers after your latest foray concerning the opposite sex.

Dear Opposite Sex: Tell 'em what she won, Johnny. And if the prize happens to be a dress, mention nada about what it does for her posterior region. Here's Johnny, er, tonite's youtube video.

"From Russia With Love"

 

One of the best of the Bonds. Seems the Russians have a Lektor cryptographic device( thanks to Wikipedia for that one ) and Spectre wants to steal it and sell it back to the Russians. Spectre knows 007 will undoubtedly become involved, and they can exact revenge by killing Bond, who killed Dr. No.

Robert Shaw plays one of the bad guys, and, of course, there's Rosa Klebb

Mystery and intrigue on the Orient Express.

Pure larger than life stuff, and I loved it.

 

"It's Summer-Time for a Rerun!"

"Dear Cat:"
Dear Cat, I once read where you have been writing these infantile forays since 2001. Because, Shirley, you get a new reader every now and then, could you share a blast from your past. I am like you, in that I have a disdain for the new slang. I have never used the word, closue, and like you never will. "Bedtime Story" is one of my favorites. Could we see it again?

Signed: You Are What You Eat

Dear Reader: Here's the story per your request. Reprinted November, 2004. Time flies when yer havin' fun. Thanks for the query.


You've got to be in the mood to do this stuff. Sometimes it's like magic. You can rattle it off faster than a bevy of bullets from a machine gun. And sometimes ye old writer's block gets in the way.

Well, the latter applies tonite. The G.P. intro disappeared again, and I can't find the file-don't know where it is-which killed the creative spirit. Kaput, fini.'

So we'll have to go to the archives. We'll be write back when we find one of substance. Please, hold on.

Sorry it took so long but here's one from back in the day. It was/is entitled "Bedtime Story." Written 5-28-03. It is submitted for your approval and perusal:

Ten years from now I'm sure I'll have some grandkids. And as we all know, you have to read/tell them a bed time story. Since ten years can go quickly, it's time to get into practice. So here goes. Bed time story 2013, sometime in the not too distant future....

"Granddad, tell us a story, please?"

"Sure, kids. Huddle around."

"Tell us about Piccadilly, again, granddad. Can it include ronnie? Those are our favorite stories."

"Sure, kids. Well, we had just bought Morrison's and we had a mission. One team, one mission. And we had an astronaut at our big gala event. He told us about Apollo 13. And how three men and a team of engineers overcame big obstacles in space, and averted a catastrophe by working together. One team, one mission. Get it."

"We get it, granddad."

"The big meeting was all glitz and glamour. And we heard testimonials from some of the managers. And PIC had gone big time. We were the largest cafeteria chain in the universe. And we were gonna kick some serious butt.

But, soon, it turned sour. Like javelin, I went to a conversion. And when we left, like javelin, they went back to doing things the Morrison's way. And we spent a lot of money. And we changed the name to Piccadilly. And the customers balked, cos they liked getting hoki on a child's plate, and turkey and dressing, and a quarter of a chicken. And jello. And bread. And a drink. And we couldn't understand why the customers < that's what we called them, back then > didn't like our child's plate. Half a piece of cod and two veggies. But they did."

"Granddad, what about ronnie? What happened next? Did he have a plan?"

"Well, kids. Ronnie fired all the district engineers. And then he fired guys who had helped build Piccadilly. Men with many years of service. And he fired our general manager and replaced him with azam."

"What's an azam, granddad?"

"Well, azam became the new coo. It was well chronicled how he had rescued Chi Chi's, a well known mexican restaurant, from the grim reaper. He cut and snipped at Chi Chi's and was hailed as the new messiah of restaurant revitilization. And ronnie hired him. And they sent out an inspirational tape, and they talked about the team, the piccadilly team. And his plan worked for awhile. The stock went from $1.00 and topped out at a little over $3.00.

And we had a big meeting. And the marketing boys were giddy about their suckcess, and they were referring to azam using Superman cliches. 'Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, he's changing clothes in a phone booth, here's our own Clark Kent, azam.'

And he was going to teach us how to celebrate. And increase communication. And how he, er, we were turning things around. And he kept all the pit bull guys, but things turned sour again."

"What happened, grandpa? Did PIC raise the price on a dilly? On drinks? What happened?"

"The marketing boys came up with smokeyard bbq. And we had to have it on our counters for 3 months."

"What's a smokeyard bbq, granddad?"

"BBQ chicken, sliced pork, and corn fritters. And it helped drive the guests away. Then they followed that up with italian cuisine. Chicken thighs, skirt steak, terrormisu cakes, and rice pilaf in a box."

"Granddad, do you miss Piccadilly?"

"Well, I miss the nice people I used to work with. And the guests who weren't rowdy. And the people from the message bored. Clif, bbq, hoots, bongo, a2fay, ditchus, javelin, leftbehindbabs, the card, johnnyc, poopshooter, didacticdaddy, rawchopbeef, pictruandtru, and rockhead-hope I'm not leaving anybody off."

"Granddad, wasn't bbq4u2 the man who wrote the investigative piece that won him a pulitzer? And landed him a job with the Washington Post?"

"Yes, his expose on the horrible conditions of that chinese restaurant won him world reknown. And he quickly became a legend in his own mind. He stays in touch, but you know the press."

"And what happened to ronnie, granddad? Tell us again, please."

"You kids know that ronnie resigned. And that his last statement on the record was 'embrace change.'"

"And, granddad. Tell us again what you said."

"You kids. I said he could embrace my 12 inch pianist."

"What's a 12 inch pianist, granddad?"

"You'll understand when you get older. Now it's time to go to sleep. Good night you rowdy grandkids."

"Arnold's T Shirt"

 

Even Arnold's wardrobe choices are causing a media frenzy these days.

Schwarzenegger was spotted out bike riding with friends in Santa Monica wearing a T-shirt that seemingly takes a nasty swipe at his ex.

The purple and white shirt reads "It's Time. I Survived Maria."

"Mothra vs. Godzilla"

 

Not sure if I saw this one, but did see Mothra. For a young kid of 11 or so, it was a special treat!

"King Kong vs. Godzilla"

 

Another movie treat for me as a youngster. Of course, King Kong swam away at the end. Nobody in their right mind would kill off the main character. Kong had top billing: it wasn't Godzilla vs. King Kong. I loved this movie as a young pre teen.

"The Thing"

An extraterrestrial carrot wreaks havoc in the Antarctic in this thriller produced by Howard Hawks. Even tho some folks say he directed as well. Who cares! It's great and one of my all time favorite movies.

James Arness-before Gunsmoke and Kitty-plays the carrot.

Flames can't kill it; bullets too. I don't want to spoil the ending, but the Army cooks the Thing via electricity in the exciting climax!

"Zorro-the Fox"

Loved this show when I was a youngster. Thanks to Walt Disney for helping a little boy find some happiness in this crazy world. Apologies to Rick in Casablanca. I loved the song.

This bold renegade makes a "Z" with his blade.
A "Z" that stands for Zorro.

I liked the fox who dressed in black. Long before Johnny Cash. And his horse Tornado. Not pronounced like the weather disaster. Tor nah do, if you will.

My sister, the ultra liberal who hails from San Fran-where else, eh?-now calls herself Raven. She has a friend named Deer. "You need a new name, Cat," she said. So we bandied about a few options.

Raven: What about "Rolling Thunder?"

Me: Sounds like I have acid reflux. Nah!

Raven: "Hare Bear?"

Me: I have lost enough of my hair, and it has gone to my ears. And I don't want to have anything to do with double entendres. Nah!

Raven: Wolf?

Me: I like the sound of that one. But I think of Wolf Blitzer, and I don't want to be compared with him. And it might be too campy to ride the coattails of the "Twilight" genre. Nah!

Raven: Majestic Manatee

Me: It conjures up images of Steve the crocodile hunter, and I haven't gotten over his demise.

Raven: Smoker of Cigarettes?

Me: Is that a joke or what? And I'm trying to quit. Nah!

Raven: Bad Cholesterol?

Me: Catchy, but nah!

Raven: Don't Sweat Much For Overly Big Guy?

Me: Thanks for the compliment but too many words. A person might get tongue-tied saying all that, and I may have to hold his tongue down with a spoon while we're in the back of the ambulance. Nah.

Raven: Ship Don't Sink

Me: That's a possibility, but folks spouting my name might use the more familiar expression. Nah!

So in the end, I settled on the Fox, aka El Zorro.

Thanks to Walt Disney. And thanks to my sister, Raven, whose help was greatly appreciated.

P.S. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine." You tell 'em, Rick.

P.S.S. I forgot I made a suggestion to Raven: If she ever wants to cease the name "Raven, a good one for her might be: "9 year old bicycle rider who must return to the grocery store in Lakewood Heights, because she bought the wrong brand of tomatoes. And the store is 5 miles away!" Who's got the spoon?

"Klaatu and Gort" or "Take Me To Your Leader"

 

"Paul McCartney"

 

This picture was taken yesterday at the Great American Ballpark. Damn, wish I had been there.

"Paul McCartney Wows Cincinnati"

It would be something special if Cincinnati just witnessed the last-ever Paul McCartney concert in the U.S. And it would also be a shame.

McCartney, a legitimate legend who generally ranks among the public’s top-two-favorite Beatles, cruised through three hours of Fab Four and Wings tunes at Great American Ball Park. His energetic manner that suggested he could have done three more.

It was an inspiring performance by the 69-year-old, who is still singing great, playing great, and looking very happy to be out there. By the time he and his heavenly four-piece road band wrapped up “Paperback Writer,” the evening’s ninth song, McCartney’s long-sleeve dress shirt was soaked with sweat. But he just smiled his way through the night instead of chugging water or complaining about heat. (It’s interesting to compare McCartney’s disposition to that a rock singer half of McCartney’s age who’s canceling his band’s tour due to exhaustion.)

"My Main Man"

 

August 20, 2009

I remember it well. Piedmont Park, Atlanta, Ga. It rained; I drank too many beers; I got there too early and waited 5 hours in the heat; I was amazed at all of the young people-who outnumbered, it seemed, people my age; I sang and reveled in the songs of my generation; and it was great period.

"Paul McCartney Concert"
Yeah, it was great. Lots of music-of course-and lots of pizazz.

Yeah, it rained for about 15 minutes water-logging my left shoe and soaking my shirt and pants.

Yeah, it was good to see my boyhood idol and listen to all the old songs. Even if he didn't sing "Maybe I'm Amazed." I guess that's what happens when love turns sour. And the ex-wife wants a ton of alimony.

Yeah, the concert was great. And the crowd was interesting, especially the women who were territorial when it came to their outstretched blankets. Don't step on them, cos you know-and I know-how anal women are.

I met two young couples, one who both worked for TCM.

"My favorite channel," I told them.

The husband was an accountant and his wife a publicist. I was impressed when she told me she worked with Robert Osborne, famed host of TCM. And being Mr. Trivia, I mentioned to them how Robert got his start on the "Lucy Show," not to be confused with "I Love Lucy."

They were more impressed with yours truly, when I just happened to let it out of the bag that I had seen the Fab 4 in person in 1965.

"Hey, he's seen the Beatles," the hubby said to everyone in ear shot of his voice. Because of this distinction, I became an instant crowd celebrity.

The crowd was young, too. Which impressed me. And they knew the words to most of the songs. Which really impressed me.

"Helter Skelter," which helped inspire Charles Manson to his dastardly deeds; "Yesterday;" "Drive My Car;" "I Saw Her Standing There;" and "Hey Jude" were just a few of the songs. "H.J." has to be the best sing-along song evah.

Yeah, it was great. Kinda like being at Woodstock, circa '69. Except for no sex-none that I saw-no Jimi Hendrix or Janis Joplin, and we all paid to get in. There was plenty of beer at 7 bucks a pop, and the smell of cannabis wafted through the old mucous membranes a time or two.

A splendid time was guaranteed for all, and my main man came through as usual. Can't wait til the next one.

"PAul McCartney Set List at Great American Ballpark"

Wish I could be there. Would love to hear him sing 1985, my favorite Wings song. Two encores. Wow!

Thursday 4th August 2011 - The Great American Ball Park, Cincinnati, USA

1.Hello Goodbye
2.Juniors Farm
3.All My Loving
4.Jet
5.Drive My Car
6.Sing The Changes
7.Night Before
8.Let Me Roll It
9.Paperback Writer
10.Long And Winding Road
11.1985
12.Let 'Em In
13.Maybe I'm Amazed
14.I've Just Seen A Face
15.I Will
16.Blackbird
17.Here Today
18.Dance Tonight
19.Mrs Vanderbilt
20.Eleanor Rigby
21.Something
22.Band On The Run
23.Obla Di Obla Da
24.Back In The USSR
25.I've Gotta Feeling
26.A Day In The Life
27.Let It Be
28.Live And Let Die
29.Hey Jude

Encore
30.Lady Madonna
31.Day Tripper
32.Get Back

Second Encore
33.Yesterday
34.Helter Skelter
35.Golden Slumbers

"Dr. No"

 

Infamous scene in which 007 says: "Bond, James Bond." I was 14 or so and went to the movies to see a double feature of Bond, James Bond. The two movies were "Dr. No" and "From Russia With Love." I had seen "Goldfinger" a year earlier, and had got swept up, along with the rest of the world, in the 007 mania. I have been a big fan ever since. But Sean Connery was Bond. Forget George Lazenby, Roger Moore, and the others who followed.

Forgive me for a short post, as I have a vodka martini awaiting me. Shaken and not stirred.

"Round Up the Usual Suspects!"

 

FlashMob with Howie Mandell"

Howie's new show!

 

"Hapy Mother's Day-In August?"

I have perused the old posts and would like to keep them for prosperity's sake. What better place to store them: On Golden Pond. From August 9, 2004. It was posted from an Alan Smithee. For the uninformed Alan Smitheeis a director who's embarrassed by his movie and doesn't want his real name associated with it.

editor's note: The following post was found in Alan Smithee's archives yesterday. Seems the post was scheduled for this past Mother's Day. For what ever reason, it never saw the lite of day. Because most of you may not be around next M.D., the following "Lost in the Vault" post is submitted for your approval/perusal:

We will suspend, albeit temporarily, the scheduled post that was to make its debut tonite. It was a tossup between "Another Bedtime Story" or "Offline with Hoots 2." But because its Mother's Day, we will pay homage to all you mothers.

When we first arrive in this crazy world, most moms are there to nurture us. To scold us when we do bad and to praise us when we do good. My mom was no different. The following is an IM conversation we had earlier today. Because she lives many nautical miles from the pond, me and kitty and the family weren't able to make the voyage to visit. And here's hoping she won't mind me sharing this with the world, er, PIC world.

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom."

"Alan. Is that you? So good to hear from you! How are things in N'awlins?"

"Everybody's fine, mom. We've got a big pot of jambalaya simmering on the stove. Kitty's making crawfish pie and filet gumbo as we speak."

"How is Briggs? And how are things at H.W.?"

"Briggs sends his regards and H.W. is H.W. How are you?"

"I'm fine, son. How are the little whiskersnappers, Katlin and Charlie Jr.?"

"Katlin is at the mall spending money, as usual. Charlie is perusing the streets on his Harley. He just got a new tattoo.

"Fritz, your brother, called a few minutes ago. And sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers. He couldn't talk long-he was on his way to hear Michael Moore speak at the Haight. And then he was off to order Dennis Kucinich's audio tapes at Barnes/Noble."

"Still the ultra left winger, eh, Mom."

"I'm afraid so, Alan. Poor, Fritz. He hasn't been the same since he fell out of the window onto his head in our old garage apartment back in the day. Yes, those were simpler times. I see you're still trying to engage the identity of pictruandtru. Any luck?"

"Well, I've narrowed it down to Dale Brown or Clyde the Glide Malmberg."

"I always thought he was Stromile Swift. You have become a bit redundant. Didn't you use that one once before?"

"Mom, I can't keep up with all the challenges. Since Hoots has vacated the title of Mr. Archive, it makes my job a lot harder."

"I've noticed a lot of spelling and grammatical errors in your posts, lately. And, son, it's eminent domain, not imminent domain."

"Mom, you know I'm just a cafeteria manager who worked his way up from prep cook to manager at the enigmatic H.H and H.W."

"But me and your dad had such hi-hopes for you.
Communal living wasn't a fit for you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Mom. Even tho apologies are the "in" thing these days. Everything's fine cos we're jammin' at the Potpurri. But here's wishing you the happiest of Mother's Days. I love you!"

"I love you, son. And would you please reconsider a wardrobe change. I, er, the world can see your private, er, family jewels."

"It's all show biz, Mom. Happy Mother's Day. Farewell and adieu, your son, v.c.

 

"Concert for Bangladesh"

I remember it well. 40 years ago. Ravi Shankar had asked George Harrison for help.

My friend came to me
With sadness in his eyes.
Told me that he wanted help
Before his country dies.

They have the streaming video on the link. Bob Dylan performed; Billy Preston; Leon Russell; Eric Clapton; and Ravi Shankar. And Ringo was on drums.

P.S. The streaming video is over after today. So here's the song! I listened to "Bangladesh" tonite while I was editing my foray. The sound quality is superb. I had goosebumps listening to this song, which took me back a long long time ago. The Fab 4 were amazing. Also, this is the first concert for charity, way before Farm Aid and Kool Aid.

P.S. I don't need no wah wah!

 

 

"Seafood Diet"

I have always been on a seafood diet. Love me some seafood. My body is a testament of my loving seafood.

When I quit smoking in 1981-yes, the dark ages-my body was so enamored of seafood that it ballooned to 50 more lbs. in a matter of months. Ever since, I have experienced the yo-yo syndrome. Lose, gain, lose, gain, lose, gain but mainly gain. All due to seafood.

When I resumed smoking-cough, cough-in 1990-I had lost the 50 lbs. What a 360, eh? And it was back to smoking and seafood.

Love me some seafood. Hamburgers; pizza; chips and dip; barbecue; french fries; chicken fingers, toes, breasts, and wings; guacamole; fried pickles ( thanks to any restaurants serving this new fare ); ham; meatballs and spaghetti; fried fish with gobs of tartar sauce; and various pies and cakes.

I should write a book and name it "V.C.'s Seafood Diet." or "How I've Gained and Lost More Weight than Haystacks Calhoun."

Yep. Love me some seafood.

"Follow-Up"

At my first posting this afternoon, the bid on Ebay for the Casey Anthony mask was $24,200. With less than 30 minutes to go, it is selling for slightly less than one million dollars. Wow! It is now 8:38 est.

Here's the description:

Halloween is only a few months away. Forget Freddy, Jason, Meyers, here's your chance to scare the *#&% out of everyone and win every costume contest with this amazing Tot Mom latex rubber mask, possibly the most frightening mask on the planet. And I can almost guarantee it's the 'only' Casey mask on the planet. Sculpted to precision for a parody video by enigmatic pop artist / sculptor Torro, only 9 of these film props were made for production and I got my hands on a few after the video wrapped. One of the best Halloween masks I've ever seen. This one is in excellent condition and it is numbered 6 of 9. I kept one for myself because I know these will be priceless. A significant piece of crime history. No matter what your opinion of the trial is, this is still one heck of a conversation piece. I bet Nancy Grace would love one of these. Fits most heads sizes comfortably. Let's never forget poor Caylee. Production used prop, item sold as is. Free shipping in the Cont. U.S. Feel free to ask any questions. International shipping, ask me for a price quote. Good luck.

"Casey Anthony Mask"

 

The bidding in the picture is $60.00. At 1:38 pm it is now up to $22,400. Wow!

"Need Some Privacy"

 

Thanks to Donna for sending me this. A little redneck ingenuity.

"Get Yer Ya Ya's Out"

 

Thanks to my old high school chum who dominates my Facebook page, I found out that Mick Jagger is 68 years old today. Who would have ever thunk that? Not me.

I remember Mick singing on the Ed Sullivan show with "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." And the Stones copied the Beatles by adding a sitar to their later 60's songs, most notably "Paint It Black."

And I remmeber Mick saying "I just busted a button on me trousers; hope they don't fall down. You wouldn't want me trousers to fall down now, would you?" at one of his early 70's concerts.

Good thing I knew what trousers were, cos we called 'em pants here in the states.

Happy Birthday, Mick. Rock on and steady.

P.S. My favorite Stones song appears down below. I used to sign off my posts with the title song.

 

"Angst Less" or "Another Post From Yesteryear"

I'm sorry if my brief absence caused any angst, but kudos to Smitty for attempting to engage the bored, altho he failed miserably.

Just got through downloading that immortal classic from back in the day, "journey to the center of the mind, the mind, the mind" by the amboy dukes via Ted Nugent. Ah, they don't make 'em....

There are a lot of important things happening out there in the cosmos that have engaged my attention. < and the reason for your angst in my absence >

1) John Scary, er, Kerry might not win the democratic nomination after all.

2) Elton John claims there is racism afoot in the american idol debacle.

3) Parris Hilton just came out with her new rap record and video.

4) Bronco Billy is engaging my services for the recipe: fish dust casserole. Thought he had it in the dark recesses of his mind, his mind, his mind, but he can't remember if it calls for one or two cans of salmon.

5) Which brings up the debate. Is salmon pronounced sal-mon or sa-mon. < see the southern history test >

6) Briggs is becoming a more kinder/gentler regional manager. Apollo g's to George Bush Sr.

7) Heather Locklear is on the west wing, a rerun, of course, and is looking good with her hot legs. Da ya think she's sexy?

8) The steroids issue is heating up in baseball. They want to pump you up! Apollo g's to Hans and Franz and Heather Heliyum.

9) Hoots returned leaving me angstless and giving me closure, which was engaging.

10) And since I can't think of any more and it's past my bedtime, you may now disembark the nite train. All laborde!

farewell and adieu, v.c.

 

 

Hiram woman cleans up with $10,000 win

ATLANTA – A Hiram woman is having loads of fun with her second Georgia Lottery prize in two months. Diana Singh won $10,000 from being selected as one of 10 winners from the latest monthly Maximum Green Extra Chance drawing.

In May Singh won a seven-night vacation package for two playing the instant game Royal Caribbean Cruise for Cash.

“I just got back from the cruise,” she exclaimed. “I won that on Mother’s Day.”....

P.S. The last thing I won was a hard time. Selah!

From the Archives

May 30, 2004

"Hang on to your hopes my friend
That's an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again."

Well. it's fess-up time. The jig is up. Fini'. Time to pay the piper. Hasta la vista, baby. It's time to reveal the identity of vietnamcatfish.

Yes, we've had fun with the character. Yes, we've muddled our way through the infantile to express pent-up anger < angst, if you will >
in order to preserve what's left of our sanity.
Yes, it was fun but all things must end or pass, if you will. As Willie once so eloquently waxed onto vinyl, "Turn Out The Lights, The Party's Over." < apollo g's to Dandy Don Meredith >

Even Kitty < not her real name > has given me the green light. "Go for it." she said.

And gopher it, I shall.

I started writing the posts in June of 2001. Cajunballsauvin had turned me on to the yahoo and told me to check it out. Buried in the not so distant past, this closet writer was intrigued at the possibilities. It was luv at first sight.

I had just retired from the PIC at the ripe old age of 64. The company was in the midst of its undoing, and it was time to get out. And on my terms. Me and Adelaide, my wife's real name, had saved a small sum, a nest egg, if you will, and we eventually decided the time was ripe to leave. And leave, we did.

I had been a general manager for PIC and worked in the La. area. I worked with some of the legends. Sandy Fajitas < not his real name > was my mentor, after whom Bronco Billy was patterned. Sandy has always been flattered with the comparison.

Yes, he taught me a lot. How to turn the poke salad garnish into a delightful delicacy to be consumed by the guests; how to continually render the various meat offerings; how to weigh 2.5 ozs. of roast beef while discreetly holding one's thumb on the corner of the scale; the list is endless. And with heartfelt wishes, thank you Sandy Fajitas!

But me and Addie bid the rat race adieu. And are now enjoying the rest of our lives. Fortunately, Addie's hip replacement surgery was successful-poor thing fell the day after we retired. You've got to love the irony.

Portia, aka Catlin, has been helping her mom through the recovery process. Her sibling, Bud, aka Charlie jr., is an accountant with Price-Waterhouse. And the source of my inspiration for the academy awards spoofs. Charlie, er, Bud, is also the pictruandtru character. It is no coincidence that pictru and v.c. disappeared, er, went awol, if you will, at the same time. Bud has quite the imagination. And now we know the true identity of pictru. Sorry pictru, er, Bud.

Ah, memories. voting for Adlai Stevenson in the 50's. Enjoying the brief Camelot of the early 60's. LBJ. McGovern. Nader.The goober economics of the late 70's. Life was grand!

Yes, me and Addie have been blessed-too blessed to be stressed. And we had a fun ride with the PIC. But it's way past my bedtime. So, goodnight, dear PIC friends.

Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. Me and Addie would love to rekindle old relationships. Does anyone know of any retirement groups that would be interested in adding me and Addie. She gets around pretty good in her motorized wheel chair. And isn't a bother or nuisance.

"Highest and Lowest Paying Restaurant Jobs"

My buddy, Hoots, used to say that servers were the highest paid workers in a restaurant.

In my 30 plus years I would agree. Servers at a cafeteria chain would make a couple hundred dollars per day, and all they did was get drink refills, condiments, napkins, etc., and to go containers. Not a bad gig considering anything over $5.15 per hour was not reported to the IRS. Oh yeah, they had to bus the table. Some thought they had to bust the table, but that's another story.

Here's the article:

More than a decade ago, I took a job as a server at a branch of a steakhouse conglomerate in rural North Carolina, where, for $2.13 an hour plus tips (including some insightful hand-scrawled notes in lieu of dollars), I waited tables and swept up piles of broken peanuts. The steakhouse has seen some changes over the years (eventually, busted peanuts make for busted floors). The pay, it turns out, has not.

The rate of $2.13 an hour — also known as federal subminimum wage, or the standard base pay for waitstaff in many states — hasn’t budged a penny in 20 years. Even if you work full-time, that amount obviously won’t pay the bills. So how much are servers actually able to bring in these days? How do their wages stack up against those of other restaurant employees?....

"Fear Not, Doctors Have Penis Mutilation Well Figured Out"

Due to folks tuning in to Golden Pond after doing a google search, I am here with the follow up to this bizarre case. Unfortunately, the people dropping by are not looking at anything else.

Let's get to the subject at hand. Oops. Pun unintended. There is a funny pun in the article to follow that I'm sure was unintentional.

Not to be outdone by truTV, whose exhaustive guide to criminal castration we linked to yesterday, the LA Times has put together its own comprehensive guide to penis mutilation–in the wake of the story of Garden Grove’s Catherine Kieu Becker, who recently sliced her husband’s penis off and ran it through the garbage disposal. It’s a surprisingly long piece, filled with useful information. For instance, though it was reported that Becker’s victim will likely lose his original penis, doctors can construct a new one from parts of his arm.

If the nerves are connected properly the patient may get erogenous sensations, particularly in the head of the penis. But because the arm does not contain the soft, spongy tissue typical of the penis, the patient cannot get an erection. That problem is overcome by implanting, well after the initial repairs have healed, a prosthetic implant, such as a hydraulic pump. Overall, “it’s a long, complicated, expensive procedure,” Alter said. But when it is finished, the patient can get an erection, have intercourse and climax.

If you missed the pun, here it is: Catherine Kieu Becker, who recently sliced her husband’s penis off and ran it through the garbage disposal. It’s a surprisingly long piece,

P.S. I saw where Ms. Becker has just signed a contract with the Ginsu Steak Knives company. ( not mine-saw it in another article ).

"Ouch-Catherine Kieu Becker Accused Of Cutting Off Her Estranged Husband's Penis"

A Southern Californian woman is accused of cutting off the penis of her estranged husband. She was arrested late last night after investigators responded to a 911 call and is now in custody at the Orange County Jail.

Catherine Kieu Becker of Garden Grove reportedly prepared dinner for her husband and put a poisonous substance or drug in his food to make him drowsy, reports KTLA. While the man was sleeping, Becker allegedly tied him to the bed. When he awakened, Becker cut his penis off with a knife and threw it into the garbage disposal, turning it on as she did so.

To read more....

P.S. This story came from the Huffington Post. To the right of the story it shows me that my sister and old high school chum ( Facebook ) read this column. Wow!

"Diana Nyad"

61-year-old Diana Nyad continues her quest to swim 103 miles from Havana, Cuba to the Florida Keys.

"When I blinked, I was 60."

"Slow on the Pond"

 

Another picture from my favorite movie.

1) Jaws

2) A Few Good Men

3) Casablanca

4) 7th Voyage of Sinbad

5) Goldfinger

6) From Russia with Love

7) Dr. No

8) The Verdict

9) Family Man

10) Pulp Fiction

11) Godfathers I/II

12) Groundhog Day

13) The Empire Strikes Back\

14) The Thing ( 50's version )

15) North by Northwest

16) Vertigo

17) It's a Wonderful Life

18) You Only Live Twice

19) Thunderball

20) Invasion of the Body Snatchers ( 50's version )

Not necessarily in any order, tho Jaws is number 1.

"Hair's Looking at you, Kid"

 

 

Not much more to say about the Casey Anthony case that hasn't already been said.

Roy Kronk, the meter man, who discovered the body is pictured above. He must have borrowed his hair style from my friend, Steve, who wore this look in the 70's, and who is pictured in the second photo. It has always been documented that styles come and go and then return.

When I mentioned to Steve via Facebook that he and Roy had the same hair style, Steve took umbrage. He thought he was better looking than Roy.

I thought they had the same hair-that's all.

P.S. Or Hair today gone tomorrow.

 

"It's 100 Degrees in the Shade" or "Time Flies When Yer Having Fun"

From January 17, 2008

"v.c.'s Musings"
It's the day after the storm, and the denizenry reveled in the chaos and the sight of white snow falling from the skies. We in the South have seen snow falls, blizzards, and black ice. Not lately, tho'. Why? Global warming! You dolts!

Yesterday was an event and got everybody excited. People who have lived elsewhere, like on the frozen tundras of Green Bay, the mountainous slopes of Colorado, or Alaskan igloos dwellers pooh-poohed our pathetic reactions of awe.

I heard a lot of:

"Where I come from [ Indiana ] this t'warnt nothing. You ain't seen snow til you seen snow in Indiana."

"I couldn't believe it when I saw snow plows going down the road. In Minneapolis, now that's some snow....for you."

Each comment was followed by a snicker. A mischievous smile. A "I can't believe they ate the whole thing."

I defended the region's honor. Yeah, we've had snow. And I tell 'em about the blizzards of '81 and '93 or was it '94. These events occurred before global warming, so most of the denizenry think you're telling tall tales or just plain hallucinating.

Back then you never knew it was coming. Until it was toooooooooo late. In '81 the blizzard shut down the city. Unfortunately, the work force was dutifully on the job. It took 'em hours to get home. I tried to be a good Samaritan by taking some of my charges, who were stranded, home when the snows started a'fallin'. It took me all night to get home. If I had escaped at first, I could have been home roasting in front of an open fire, allah chestnuts.

I would have no regrets doing a good deed, but the people I helped didn't seem to appreciate my sacrifice. Like they were entitled. Or something. Be it as it may, I did it. Risking life and limb. But it was an adventure, and I'll leave it at that.

But now the technology has improved to the point where there's little or no surprise.

I do remember waking up one April morning in 1985 and seeing a winter wonderland before my eyes. I was scheduled for surgery-ahem, in the groin area, and it's too much information, I know. Was this a sign to cease and desist the upcoming surgery?
The snow was beautiful; the roads weren't bad-remember it was April. I had the surgery, and the foot of snow had melted by noon. Along with yours truly. Ouch!

Sometimes, I think it would be better if we didn't know the bad weather was right around the bend. Takes all the mystery out of it. And then there's the precautions we can now take, and all of the raids on the supermarkets.

Musing 2: My foray from last night had a definite theme. "Revolver" in the picture. Songs from the Fab 4-my favs-included "Happiness is a Warm Gun"; and watching the classic sequel "Death Wish 3."

Btw, there is a "Death Wish 4" with the enigmatic Charles Bronson. How do I know. Was there a google search involved? Nah. I'm watching it now via AMC, the home of bleeped curse words and multi-layered commercials. I remember when it was commercial free. Not any more. See TCM for an alternative. Which is showing "From Here to Eternity." A dark, brooding tale of life in the South Pacific, pre-Pearl Harbor, December 7. 19 and 41. Too dark and brooding for me tonight. I'd rather watch Death Wish.

It is now time to end tonite's slugfest, as the revelry of the snow has subsided. The denizenry has bid adieu to the foul weather. The upside? Supposed to be an Arctic blast this weekend. And we shall replay it all over again.

Snow....snow....snow. v.c.

P.S. The weather outside ( yesterday ) was frightful.
But inside, it was so delightful

P.S.S. Musings concludes.
Posted by vietnamcatfish at 11:01 PM

"Fan Falls to his Death"

Tragic story. I have never come close to catching a baseball at a game. They never come my way. These days baseball players are very gracious and throw the foul balls and end-of-inning balls to the fans. I'm sure this will cease because of this tragedy. I often wondered when someone might get hurt by a thrown ball; the distances the balls are heaved can be of a great distance.

From the article: In the second inning, Oakland A’s outfielder Conor Jackson(notes) hit a screaming foul ball down the left-field line. It caromed toward Josh Hamilton(notes), the Rangers’ left fielder. Hamilton picked it up and threw the ball toward the stands. Players do this hundreds of times in a season. It’s part of baseball’s charm. Show up to a stadium, take home a piece of the game.

Hamilton’s toss came in short. It didn’t stop Shannon Stone from stretching to grab it. I’m almost certain, in fact, that the moment before Shannon Stone fell 20 feet and suffered injuries that would kill him, he was indescribably happy. He was going to grab a baseball from Josh Hamilton, a man who hauled himself from the depths of drug addiction to not only return to baseball but win the American League MVP award last season. Once Stone had that baseball, he was going to hand it to his son. And for the rest of his life, his son would have a story to tell about the time his daddy reached over a railing and snagged a bad throw from Josh Hamilton, one of the most talented players ever to wear a baseball uniform.

 

"!00 People Who Are Screwing Up America"

Never one to be topical, I recently read this book. It lists Jimmy Swaggart, Michael Jackson, Dan Rather, And Al Franken to name a few. Bernard Goldberg, the writer, is definitely a conservative.

There are 100 names-of course-and number one is Michael Moore. The others, while receiving many paragraphs, Mike doesn't get nary a one. His selection comes with his quote: "They are possibly the dumbest people on the planet...." Speaking of his fellow Americans, according to Goldberg.

I recommend the book, especially while visiting the powder room and/or reading room.

On a similar vein, I recently used the word bain marie in my last foray into the infantile. While heading to Piggly Wiggly today, the thought popped in my head about some stuff I heard while manning the counter at a cafeteria chain, which will go unnamed.

1) Swimps: Crustacean. Lives in the sea. Favorite food of Bubba. You may know them as shrimps, er, shrimp. Po boy, etouffee, fried, sauteed, cocktail, fried rice, scampi, creole-well, you get my drift.

2) Cabbages: If not mistaken cabbages does not appear in plural form.

3) Brussel sprouts: little cabbages.

4) Barbecue Beef Briscus: Sounds like something you would throw at the Olympics. Brisket, if you will.

5) Hurshpuppies: No explanation is needed or given.

6) Manaze: Try mayonnaise and who can forget Mayonnaise in an "Officer and A Gentleman."

7) Sweet Potato Shooflay: Not to be confused with Shoofly, don't bother me.

8) Fish Fill It: This is a fish sans bones.

a) I was often asked if the fish we served had bones. "No, it's Fill It." To which they would reply: "But does it have bones?"

9) Devil's Food Cake: Some guests never liked to hear the word "devil," so we would go with chocolate cake instead. However, that caused problems when the yellow layer cake with chocolate icing was similarly referred.

10) Seafood Bungo: I swear I heard this once from one of the team members. You may know it as Seafood Gumbo.

Shirley, I'll think of others, but these readily come to mind.

P.S. R Jus: The natural juice from the roast beef.

"Dear Cat"

This dear cat is a dramatization of an actual event:

Dear Cat: I once worked in the cafeteria biz. Long hours too if you will. Don't ask me how it was during the holidays with catering and customers/guests who commanded instant gratification. I moved on after listening to the song "the cat in the cradle" by Harry Chapin ( pun unintended ). From there I became a counselor. It wasn't quite my niche; so I went to work for George Zimmer, because he looked like a sharp dressed man on the boob tube. He had a radiant smile and a catchy ad line: "I guarantee it." But, alas, I'm not happy and want to move on again. DO you have any suggestions. Signed: ex supervisor of the bain maries and other assorted duties.

Dear bain marie: Because I receive no remuneration for writing this column, and because I have no gainful employment, you and I share the same boat. But there's hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Cos I have just the job(s) for you. And thanks to Yahoo's article:

Start a New Career at Any Age/Check out these hot options for career switchers of all ages:

I like this one, in particular:

#3 - Paralegal

Reliability is likely more top-of-mind than age in this profession, since lawyers depend upon paralegals to assist them in just about every part of the legal process. Strong written and verbal communication skills are important, so any prior work history that demonstrates this may come in handy. In addition to researching and interviewing witnesses, paralegals often help proofread documents and prepare contracts.

There are 4 more fields, bain marie. Check 'em out and good luck in your search.

P.S. You're gonna look good in one of these fields;I guarantee it.

P.S.S. Apologies to George Zimmer

P.S. III: What in the world is a bain marie, anyway? Thanks for the query!